Broken Strings

He could play the guitar knowing he loved her... but how that fact became unreal. Now he plays on broken strings, but he can't force himself to let go.

There was a clear indigo sky above, its colour reflecting upon the illuminating purple moon. Below there was a calm ocean, the tide coming in ever so slowly against the soft rich sand of the beach. There was a dock where the floorboards were bound to break in their fragility, but he didn't care. Kisshu sat on the edge, his gaze locked onto the moon which had replaced the cheerful orange of a sun. His eyes were like Chinese lanterns in the dark, a golden light flickering within. His pigtails were slightly shorter than eight years ago, where the great war had taken place.

Kisshu bowed his head as he fidgeted with his thumbs. The ocean gave him a sense of tranquility and relaxation as he managed to let out a mouthful of clear oxygen. He could see the smoke which was produced from it, a white smoke which could only be seen in winter. He was beginning to feel he belonged until the very image of his nightmares appeared in the ocean's reflection. His eyes widened, but he did not dare flinch.

"Kisshu... what are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep, but I'm fine now."

Kisshu pulled himself up from the dock as he found himself standing far too close to the girl that used to be his dreams and fantasies. If he had a moment like this eight years ago, his eyes would of lit up like golden bars and his pearly white fangs would be evident on his lips. He would be smirking in the most irresistible fashion that would be followed by a romantic kiss. But he refused to let it happen. He only smiled to ensure his girlfriend that he was happy, when inside he was literally tearing his hair out.

Ichigo Momomiya returned the smile, grinning in a goofy fashion that Kisshu knew only too well. He resisted the urge to groan, letting a small chuckle escape his lips instead.

Let me hold you

For the last time

It's the last chance to feel again

But you broke me

Now I can't feel anything

A huge gust of wind entered their presence, as Kisshu noticed that Ichigo was shivering. She clutched tightly onto her dressing gown, but the cold was too intense for her. She instantly wrapped her arms around Kisshu, who wanted to flinch but tried to relax. He managed to return her embrace, but a million thoughts were running through his mind, one in particular that stood out among the crowd.

He didn't love her anymore.

She shouldn't of broken my heart in the first place.Kisshu thought, spiralling further into the black pool of depression he secretly suffered from. He couldn't tell anyone because nobody would be able to understand why he could refuse such a lovely woman, when she had her bad patches like everyone else. She became furious over the smallest of matters, money, for example and as the days went by she grew increasingly paranoid.

When I love you

It's so untrue

I can't even convince myself

When I'm speaking

It's the voice of someone else

Kisshu tried to maintain an average heartbeat, seeing as Ichigo was leaning right against it. She smiled as her grip around Kisshu's waist tightened, which caused him to wince.

"I love you, Kisshu."

Kisshu removed his arms from Ichigo's neck as he stared into the distance. He would of been blamed for staring at the wall of their home, when he was trying to look beyond it.

"I... I love you too, Ichigo."

Oh it tears me up

I tried to hold on but it hurts too much

I tried to forgive but it's not enough

To make it all okay

Eight years ago, it didn't matter how psychotic Kisshu became when his heart would beat for her. It became that serious that he put her life before his own, knowing that holding onto her would come with a painful package of its own. Kisshu has tried to forgive her for all the tears she had made him shed, for all the blood he had lost, for all the people he had betrayed in loving her, but it still didn't seem like enough.

You can't play our broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

"You coming back to bed?"

The time it took for a response only moulded Ichigo's smile into a frown of disappointment. She was beginning to feel out of place, as if she didn't belong in his arms in the first place.

"Kisshu...?"

Kisshu shook his head violently, trying to force himself out of his plans of escaping as he flashed her a cheeky grin and tried his best to make his fang seem attractive. Ichigo couldn't help but giggle at how childish the man she's loved for almost eight years still refused to grow up.

"Of course!"

But it was all too fake.

Oh the truth hurts

And lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before?

Kisshu rested on his pillow, a throbbing headache occurring throughout the night. Those terrible thoughts had condemned him for life and now he was struggling to sleep in the same bed as her. He took a quick glance at his sleeping kitten before continuing to stare at his ceiling again. His lips were dry and he hardly blinked at all. He never believed how hard it would be living with his fantasy, his dream girl.

Oh what are we doing?

We are turning into dust

Playing house in the ruins of us

Kisshu tugged at his shirt as he observed himself in the mirror. His reflection reminded him of a Kisshu eight years ago, how he hated who he was. He spotted Ichigo's reflection as he instantly pulled on his trademark smile, its only flaw being that it was fake.

"You better leave now, or he'll kill you."

"Oh, Pai's not as hard as he was eight years ago! He's a family man now!"

Kisshu floated towards the door as Ichigo opened it for him. He forced his fake grin to stay above the surface as Ichigo returned it, except hers was as real as sin. Kisshu heard the small click of the door as it closed behind him, somewhat expecting a bang to signal that she was bored with him.

Running back through the fire

When there's nothing left to say

It's like chasing the very last train

When it's too late, too late

Kisshu remembered what happened eight years ago, but he's tried to push it to the back of his mind. Even Ichigo has probably struggled with forgetting her actions, but maybe she struggled because she's guilty of something.

How true that was.

"I HATE YOU, DAMNIT! I LOVE AOYAMA-KUN!"

Kisshu shuddered at the voice which haunted him eight years ago, feeling his spine shiver and goosebumps surface on his pale skin. To think that her words were deadly weapons used against him are a ludicrous accusation, but she really did try to put him off her scent. But how pathetic he had been to go after what he couldn't get.

But he got it... somehow...

Oh it tears me up

I tried to hold on but it hurts too much

I tried to forgive but it's not enough

To make it all okay

"Kisshu, glad you could make it on time, for once..."

Pai folded his arms across his chest as Kisshu flashed the infamous grin everybody knew about. He saw that his wife was outside, putting clothes along the washing line. He could spot the little toddler Pai had become the father of, and Kisshu had become the godfather to. How proud that moment was.

Um, Kisshu-san... we'd like it very much if you could be his godfather...

"Have a good time!"

Retasu Midorikawa smiled as Kisshu nodded towards her as if to greet her. Pai lead the way across the pavement as Retasu began to slowly approach them.

"Oh, how's Ichigo-san, by the way?"

Kisshu blinked, hoping he could of avoided that question today. He shrugged and smiled.

"Oh, the usual. She's the feisty kitten she was eight years ago!"

Retasu chuckled as Kisshu let out one half as meaningful. Pai demonstrated a gesture to show that they had to go as Kisshu waved goodbye to his wife and child. Pai seemed concerned when Kisshu crossed paths with him again.

"What's wrong?"

"You, Kisshu, why else would I of called you?"

You can't play our broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

"Kisshu... I've known you long enough to acknowledge that you and Ichigo aren't... intimate anymore."

"It's none of your business, Pai! You're not my therapist, you hear?"

"No, Kisshu, but I'm your friend, damnit!"

Pai crashed his fist into the table in front of him as Kisshu flinched, resisting the need to take another bite out of his cheese sandwich.

"Sorry."

Pai sighed.

"No, you're right, it's none of my business..."

"But you're right, Pai... I don't feel anything for her anymore."

Kisshu's eyes were hidden under his bangs, as Pai placed a hand upon his back.

Oh the truth hurts

And lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before?

Kisshu stood in the rain, his hair completed absorbed in water. He didn't feel anything at all except the cold gust of wind which hit him every now and then. He only felt splashes of water fall upon his attire when a car drove past and the only song he was listening to right now was the rhythmic beat of rain on his head.

Tap, tap, tap...

Kisshu watched as a bus came to a halt in front of him. The doors slid open automatically as he crawled in like a spider. Once the doors had shut, he knew there was no going back.

He made his way through a crowd of people, whether they were a group of disgusted teenagers or a couple of elderly women gossiping about their grandsons' unruly attitudes. He collapsed in a seat next to a teenager who possessed a radio and a song he and Ichigo knew very well began to play. It wasn't as cheerful and romantic as it was when he was with Ichigo, but he began to feel that it was poignant and dramatic. It only depressed him further.

'But we're running through the fire

When there's nothing left to say

It's like chasing the very last train

When we both know it's too late, too late'

The verse reminded Kisshu of the incident eight years ago, and as much as he tried to put it on the shelf again, the story began to unravel against his will. He heard the haunting words that Ichigo had used to taunt him and how Masaya Aoyama arrived as if on cue to protect her from himself. He understood why he lost, but it wasn't because he was weak.

It was because he was in love, but that feeling was gone now.

'You can't play our broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real'

Where was this bus taking him? No one knows, not even Kisshu, himself.

'Oh the truth hurts

And lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before?'

All he knew was that wherever this bus was going, he was never coming back.

'Let me hold you for the last time

It's the last chance to feel again'