This is my first story....sooo it might suck.....

I dont know if i should continue so.......please tell me what you think.

Oh! and its rated M for possible later chapters.

Enjoy!!!!! ^-^

The rain was pouring down , soaking my already blood drenched body. Making the blood wash off my body. Even though it wasnt my blood, the pain was more intense then any pain possible. I layed on top of the body of the most important man in the world to me. Praying to hear a heart beat. Looking for any proof that he could be alive. I knew it was pointless. He was gone. Empty. I pulled my body up looking into the open eyes of my dead love. Itachi Uchiha.
I stood over his body now. Knowing I could do nothing. I was just as useless as a child. The most important man in the world to me was destroyed in front of me by the hands of his brother. Sasuke Uchiha. Even though I was there, during the fight, the whole time I couldn't bring my self to help him. I thought I knew... I thought I knew the out come. Itachi would live. Like always. But I was wrong. I had too much faith in him. I was to blinded by what I wanted, to see the truth. I looked at him one last time before I got up to walk back to the Akatsuki Base.

I placed my hands on both sides of Itachi's head, and my knees on both sides of his waist. I slowly lifted myself up. I lifted my head and looked to his face. I looked into his blank, dead eyes. I tried to find some kind of life any sign that he could be brought back. But it was hopeless, he couldn't come back. There was nothing that could be done, not anymore. I brought my hand to his face, and layed my hand on his cheek. I brought my lips to his and kissed his cold lips. I pulled away, i couldn't feel anything. I knew he was gone, but for some reason............ I just couldn't let him go. But there was one thing that i could do, one thing me and Itachi had in common, I know how to make myself numb.

So I lifted myself up to my feet and started draging my numb, lifeless legs away. I didn't even look back, and disappeared into the dark forest. I was always good at ignoring my emotions. I could kill countless people and not feel anything, no sorrow, no remorse, not even the satisfaction of the kill that most people get. But I couldn't stop the feeling I was having now. The feeling that i had been split in two, and half of me was lost, gone,....... dead. Just like Itachi. I felt my legs give out, as I clawed into a tree. My body was aching and it wouldn't stop. I felt tears form behind my eyes, but i couldn't even cry. All I could think about, hear, and see was Itachi. I could see his god like face and body. I could hear his deadly, but peaceful to only me, voice. I could even feel his strong and well toned body against my back, and his arms around my waist. His warm breath against my neck, hearing the last words he said to me before the fight. "I will never leave you". "Shut up" I said in a soft pleading voice. Don't toy with my mind, please.

"Seitsuki?" I looked up to see Zetsu staring down at me. I tried to make my face emotionless. I didn't want anyone to see me as weak. But I don't think it worked. Because Zetsu looked at me worried. "Are you okay?" he asked hesitantly walking toward me. I just looked down.

"Zetsu! Where are you?!" I could hear Tobi, or i should say Madara yelling to Zetsu. "I found Seitsuki!" Zetsu replied back, giving me a nervous look. Just then Madara appeared next to Zetsu "What happened to her?" he asked Zetsu looking at me out of the corner of his eye. "I don't know. But she keeps whispering 'its not true' for some reason" "Probably because Itachi is dead." He answered himself, looking at Madara uneasily.

"Well what happened, happened. Itachi is dead." Madara said to both of us. He said it so plainly, like Itachi didn't even matter. Like he knew this was going to happen. I clenched my teeth and fist. My teeth grinding together, while my hand started to bleed. Madara started to walk towards me and I just couldn't hold in my anger. "Dont come near me! You knew this was going to happen! You knew Itachi would die! Didnt you?! I hate you so much! I hate this stupid organization! You dont care about anyone! Your a selfish, old man who should have died a long time ago!" Suddenly i felt a sharp pain on my cheek, and my back cracked as my back hit a tree, and the tree shattered. I couldn't tell if I screamed or not, but from the look of satisfaction on Madara's unmasked face, i did.

He grabbed me by my neck and threw me into another tree, which also shattered. I started to cough up blood, and i could see blood soaking into the grass from my bleeding back. Madara knelt down in front of me and roughly grabbed my chin. "If you ever talk to me like that, you will die!" he said glaring into my eyes, the sharingan making it even more deadly. "I don't care what Itachi was to you. He's gone now." He let go of my chin and put his mask back on. He turned to Zetsu and said "We're taking Itachi's corpse too." he looked to me, but still spoke to Zetsu. "We should go now. I'll get Seitsuki". Madara lifted me up holding me bridal style and waited as Zetsu got Sasuke's unconscious body, and Itachi's corpse. After he had he shifted us back to the Akatsuki Base.

Its been a month since Itachi's death. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to do anything. But i did. I knew that acting like he never existed wasn't going to work. I knew that lying to myself and acting like all the love I once had for him was all a dream, would just hurt me more when I got back to reality. But I tried. I tried to act like I was ok like nothing had happened. I even showed a few fake smiles. But it hurt me more to think that it wasn't real. I thought the pain would come from reality........ but for it to be fake.......was a lot worse. I needed to know that my heart really did feel that sort of pure feeling of happiness, of love, and that I was loved. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.

The Akatsuki were like family. Always there for me. But it wasn't enough. I didn't want them I wanted Itachi. Even though Itachi didn't show his emotion to anyone, I always found a way to get him to open up to me. He could go to me for problems and I to him. I missed his warm embrace. Knowing that with him I was safe. Not only safe, but I felt... complete... whole. When I was with him there was nothing else. Right and wrong. Good and evil. Light and dark. Nothing else was important, just us. But now I realised for the first time........I would never feel that again. Not ever. All the pain that I had been holding back, burst out. I wrapped my arms around my body feeling the pain go through me, more painful then ever. I felt like something was trying to rip apart every part of my body from the inside. I wrapped my arms around my body and fell to my knees. I put my head down crying silently. Panting breathlessly. After what felt like hours of that pain, it started to fade. I was at first relived........ but as the pain faded, so did everything else. It left a numbing effect taking away all feeling.

I couldn't fight because of it. Pein and Madara were not happy about that. But they thought I would get over it very soon. But then I stopped everything else. I stopped talking, eating, and sometimes I didn't move...... I just couldn't. It was probably pathetic to the Akatsuki. But they don't understand. Itachi was important to me, the only thing important to me. They could never understand why.
I was sitting in my room on my bed. My head was down, my hair covering my eyes. "Seitsuki?" i heard Zetsu, but didnt move. "Seitsuki, listen to us." Kisame said and I still didnt move. I didnt understand why they were even wasting their breath. I didn't care what they had to say. " Seitsuki get the up and-" Pein started but Madara stopped him. Then Madara spoke " Seitsuki, we know your hurt but it doesn't matter. Itachi is dead. We cant do anything about it. So stop acting so pathetic and get up.". I couldn't take it all the emotion i had been ignoring came out all at once." Shut up you don't know anything about this! So just leave me alone and mind your own business!" I left before anyone could move. I didn't want to get hurt again. Even though I probably wouldn't feel it, I was to numb.

I know it would be hell when I got back. I was surprised they didn't do anything in the first place. It was probably because they didn't expect me to talk. I keep running, not knowing where I was going. I closed my eyes and let my tears fall. I keep seeing his face, Itachi's face. I let the memories flow through my mind. When he was mad. Some people may think of it as a bad thing but to me it was great. It was an emotion. When he was worried. A tiny smile. My favorite smile. And his true smile. When he was completely happy. It was very rare and I was lucky to see it. I'm so glad that I did. And...and when.....when he told me he loved me. But..... if I had never seen that smile.... if i never had been so close to Itachi........ never had heard those words......... wouldn't I be fine. I wouldn't feel so empty, I would be........alive.

For some reason my body just stopped. I opened my eyes and regretted coming here. It was where Itachi died. It started to rain just like that day, that horrible day, that Itachi died. I couldn't deal with this pain. I feel on my knees and tried to hold myself up with my hands. I was crying more then ever now. I didn't understand why this had to happen. To him, to Itachi. Why.....why.. why?! I loved him! I loved Itachi! Then...right then I felt the truth go through me. It wasnt that i lovedItachi. I still do love him. That's why it still hurts. That's why I couldn't bring myself to get over him. The Akatsuki were trying to get me to forget. And I hate it! They try to make all my thoughts and feelings into memories and i don't want that! I hated all of them! Why did they have to try and get between me and Itachi!

I grabbed my kunai. I couldn't take it anymore I wanted it to end. I couldn't take the pure numbness, but I didn't want the pain either. I tried to stab the kunai into my heart but something stopped me. It felt like someone caught my wrist, but no one was there. I didn't know what it was. More than anything................. I felt like it was Itachi. There was no way to tell but I believed it. My head told me it was impossible. But I believed with all my heart that it was Itachi. I knew he didn't want me to die. There was no way he would just sit back and watch me die. Not like me. I watched the whole fight from beginning to end. I watched him die. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Itachi." I didn't know if he was really there or if he could hear me. But I had to say it, I had to let him know that I was truly and really sorry." I'm... I'm sorry i couldn't protect you". Even though there was no sound. I knew he heard me. I knew it was okay. For the first time in along time I felt truly....... okay...... like I would be able to live, even though Itachi couldn't . But even so I knew it would still hurt. It wouldn't be as bad. But still it would hurt. And I would accept the pain. Because in all truth it was the only bond that I had left with Itachi. Even if it did kill me......... I'll never forget.