Apparently I like hospital scenes…they seem to be where I have left a majority of my stories ! Alas here is a long awaited chapter! I want to thank Callisto-HK for the encouragement today to post things I hadn't posted in a while I was getting nervous! And also Tait for the gentle nudges ! Hope you all enjoy

Chapter 5- Answers

"What do we do, Gibbs?" Abby almost pleaded. "I mean, she's the director of NCIS!"

And that was the problem, what could they do if Tony wouldn't talk to them.

Gibbs was pacing the waiting area of the hospital, he felt guilty that things had come to this, the team was in varying stages of blaming other people, blaming themselves but one thing was clear.

They were all finally concerned about Tony's wellbeing. But where had they been when he was shutting down. Where the hell had they all been before he went missing?

It was with a heavy heart that Gibbs had to say what he did.

"We are supposed to be a team."

It wasn't lost on anyone else that Gibbs wasn't excluding himself from the disappointment he was projecting.

Abby looked about ready to cry, Ziva and McGee looked ashamed of themselves. Everybody knew they should have tried harder, should have asked if he was okay, asked if he needed help, actually been a team.

McGee and Ziva almost spoke up at the same time.

"Boss we're sorry!"

"We did not mean it!"

Gibbs' face fell, they always tried to backtrack when they had been caught out, he had half the nerve to throw them out of the hospital right now but the fact that Abby had bought them here must mean that they were sorry to some degree that all this had happened. It was almost too little too late and he wasn't going to let them just move past it.

"What compelled you both to be so disrespectful to your senior field agent!?"

"Well he wasn't good enough for his own..." McGee looked shocked at himself for even starting that.

"McGee! We have had that conversation before, Tony is one of the best agents I have ever worked with and it is not up to you to decide whether you think he should have his own team or not, his reasons are his own but he could have his own team whenever he wanted!" McGee had paled when Gibbs was reaming him out but he knew that he deserved it.

Ziva looked like she was about disagree with Gibbs but he stepped in before she could get started.

"You were forced upon us by the director at a time where we had just lost a close friend and he took you in and taught you how to do things. While you do have your own skills from the Mossard, you are lucky to work with such a senior field agent as Tony and you would do well to learn from him and his skills as you still have a lot to learn in regards to being an NCIS agent."

With both Ziva and McGee now silent and contemplating their position on the team, Gibbs moved over the Abby to gently hug the Goth but she moved away from him.

Eyes screaming you are not blameless in this either. Though she knew she could have tried harder to get through the Gibbs also.

Gibbs stopped short of Abby.

"I'm sorry Abby, I should have done something, should have seen something was wrong."

And that was the crux of it.

Everybody had seen something, Ducky alluded to that, but nobody had done anything about it because they were still hurt that Tony hadn't told them about his undercover missions even though that was standard operating procedure and they all knew it.

But apparently all their hurt was more important than the fact the mission had gone all to hell for Tony; that he had lost something special and nearly died because of it. No, that hadn't been important, only what they had felt had.

Nobody asked him how he was, just expected him to get over it.

How do you get over losing someone you loved?

Usually with friends and it hurt Gibbs to realise that Tony had no one else but his team and they effectively turned their backs on him. Gibbs knew himself how isolation could play on someone's mind even without Tony's history of people constantly letting him down.

He had felt that isolation once before, when his girls had died, granted most of it was his own making he could only imagine how Tony had to be feeling he hadn't done anything to deserve it. If Gibbs could go back and change things he would but all they had was now, he hoped it wasn't too late for them and that Tony would forgive them. However, he was not going to demand his forgiveness nor his trust like he would have in the past because it was all their own doing and it would be up to Tony if he decided to trust them at all now.

That was when Ducky entered the waiting area, a look of pain on his face.

They had all failed that young man recovering in that room, spectacularly. In a way that nobody should be failed and that was being polite about the whole thing. The young lad had been betrayed if he was honest about it and he had no idea if it could be fixed.

Gibbs landed Ducky with an enquiring look, hoping that they still had a chance to fix it.

"Anthony, will be fine psychically in a few weeks once everything has healed." It hurt Ducky to say the next bit, but he had to do this if he had any hope that things would return to normal. "He has however, asked to be alone at the moment."

There was a stunned silence around the waiting area, some heads bowed and some eyes searching for any bit of information they could grasp on to from the doctor.

Gibbs wanted to ignore Ducky and go and was half way there when Ducky spoke again.

"You go now, before he is ready, and you will never see that boy again."

Gibbs stopped cold in his tracks, he needed to see Tony to apologise for everything. Damn it! Tony needed a protection detail but how were they supposed to do that if he wouldn't let them. Tony didn't know what he needed!

But Gibbs realised all at once just how wrong he was.

The dread he felt earlier crept back in and engulfed his heart.

Everything was so close to breaking and he had no control over it.

Push any further and he would lose everything.

So he remained still standing at the door, adamant that no one would get through him for as long as it took for Tony to talk.

No one would pass this point.

No one would harm Tony, not with the team there waiting.

x-X-x

Tony's mind was a whirl of emotions, his body ached and he had only partial memories on how he had ended up yet again in hospital. He remembered being at Gibbs' house at some point, remembered the firing of a weapon, the fact that he had been searching for help for a long while before he arrived at Gibbs' house.

Everything was such a jumble and his head hurt so much even the lights had been dimmed. He knew that the director was off her rocker and had done for a while and yet he said nothing, he could have put everyone in danger in fact he had every time he had wanted to say something, every time he tried to end this. He couldn't do that anymore.

He had wanted for so long to tell the team what had been happening but they weren't interested in his opinions anymore. They gave him scathing looks and didn't ask about his well-being even when his moods turned sour after meetings with the director.

The pain deep within his chest was irritating but he knew why it was there.

He could try to ignore it but he knew what it was.

There was no question.

Betrayal.

And it burned all the way through his body until he'd had nothing left, no one to go to.

He'd been here before, but even now he thought it his own fault.

For not being good enough.

Not being strong enough to say something

Failing as an agent and a friend.

Even though everything he had done was to protect everyone else.

A small childish voice piped up.

But no one protected you, no one wanted to know, no one cared.

And it sounded so scared and sad and broken. Why was he protecting people who didn't even care about one of their own? And yet he knew the answer to that as well. He sighed he was the liability, they were just tired of putting up with him, he had annoyed them that much they no longer cared and it was completely his own fault. They were all good people that he had pushed too far. They would all be better off if they just forgot about him now.

That was the true reason he hadn't let them in, it was easier that they would just leave. Let them think that he was angry, push them away even more. Maybe if they thought he no longer cared for them that they would leave and just give up on him just like everyone else had. It was easier not to care if he just ignored them, if they didn't have to see him they would be bored and just continue on with their lives. He must have been convincing as well if the look on Ducky's face was anything to go by and the fact no one came.

Why were they here now anyway, why did they care now when it was obviously too late, why did they only care when something happened. He was just so conflicted and tired.

A bone weary tired, broaching on exhausted, he fought so hard for everything he had ever had and yet again he had been the one to turn people against him. He just wasn't worth the effort anymore; that had become blatantly obvious.

But it was so hard to just let go, he had spent 7 years of his life here, far longer than in any other place he had been before and as much as he wanted to go, there was an equal part of him that wanted to try and fix it. Try because hard things were worth it so maybe there was something still here to work on.

He shook his head solemnly though, his need to fix things, his happiness wasn't worth their safety.

He wasn't worth it and he knew what he had to do.

He had to call the director and tell her to get on with it.

If he wasn't here then they would all be safe at last.

And they could forget that he ever existed.

TBC

Ack, I know I am evil but these emotions are hard and they needed saying, I wonder if Gibbs will see through Tony not wanting to see them and will it be in time before Tony does something none of them want to happen.