It Started with a Kiss

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Believe it! –is rasengan'd-

A/N: I picture Sai being the cutest little thing when he says nubbin, which is why he says it so damn much.

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Actually, it started with the cat ears.

The bunny ears were simply an accomplice to the cat ears' brand of cutesy evil.

Although I suppose one can't quite acquit the white cotton sheets of blame…and it wasn't like the kohl was totally innocent either. In fact, all of these little things ganged up on Naruto that day and bullied him into doing something he'd normally never have really wanted to do.

Well, something he hoped he normally never would have wanted to do.

The pervert triggered it all.

Naruto cleared his throat uncomfortably in front of his three best friends. Sasuke, Sakura, and Sai blinked comfortably back at him from the sofa in his living room. The blond paced his carpet a bit, and stopped in front of them again.

"I got a problem," he admitted.

Sai's eyes brightened. "You're gay for me!"

"…No."

Sasuke quirked a smile. "You're gay for Kakashi-sensei?"

"No."

Sakura twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "You're gay for me?"

"What—I—you realize you just implied that you're a man?"

Sai snickered. "Ugly bitch sure is ballsy enough to be one."

"I'm going to do your health a favor, Sai, and take that as a compliment."

Sasuke waved at them to shush. "Naruto, you said you had a problem. You wanna tell us before these two start up the next shinobi war?"

"I'd get all the hot gay men on my side," Sai said smugly.

"You take 'em," Sakura rolled her eyes; "I'll keep the warriors who can kick your ass."

"Screw the warriors; I'll be having sex with—"

"HEY!" Naruto burst out, "I thought you were here to help me with my problem, not discuss sex and war strategy!"

"Now there's a fine name for a sitcom."

"I have a stalker."

"Now that is interesting."

Sai sneered. "Who'd want to stalk you?"

Sasuke shot him a look. "Most of the female population in the shinobi world, and, uh, you."

"I hate you, Uchiha."

"Does anyone care that some creepy guy is following me places and wants to do age-inappropriate things to my underage body?"

"Sakura!" a feminine voice called into the apartment from the street. The rosette ran to the window. "Karin? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Juugo and the kappa and I came into town for a bit to see Sasuke. He there? His boyfriend is pining for him."

Sasuke, blushing lightly, made for the window too. "He's not my boyfriend!"

"It's only a matter of time."

Naruto heaved a grunt and threw it across the room, where it collided with Sasuke's head and resulted in the Uchiha toppling out the window into Suigetsu's waiting arms.

"What the hell," Sakura said.

"That about sums up my feelings," Naruto snapped, "There's this weirdo pervert stalker stalking me! Sakura-chan, don't you care at all?"

"I should think I made that abundantly clear in our early adolescence. Was the ass kicking not a clear enough message?"

Karin shouted up to the rosette again.

"Yo, girlie girl, what's-your-name, Sakura, we gonna spar this time or what?"

The Hokage's apprentice beamed out the window, jasper eyes gleaming darkly with excitement. "Hell yeah," she yelled, "Bring it on, skank!"

"Let's go, bitch!"

Sai glanced at Naruto. "Their trash talk is worse than yours. And that, my dear nubbin, is saying something."

The blond frowned and flopped onto the sofa. "Fuck you, Sai," he grumbled, "No one wants to help me with my problems. Leave me alone and go hump a paintbrush so I can angst in peace."

"Why would I hump a paintbrush? That's against the artists' code."

"Shut up!"

You knew you had someone beaten when all they had to say was shut up.

Sai snuggled up to his distraught teammate. "Don't be that way, nubbin-chan. Tell me more about the pervert. Who is he?"
Naruto pushed him away. "Don't call me nubbin-chan, asshole!"

"It's what you are!"

"Shut up!"

"Why, so you can listen for the voice of God and learn the art of lightning quick comebacks?"

"Sai!" Naruto leapt to his feet, "That is it! Get out! Get out of my house right now!"

Sai held up his palms peaceably and stood up. "Alright," he said, "But only because I love you so much."

"Aaargh!"

0000000000

There was a knock at Naruto's door a few hours later, and he nearly tore it off its hinges opening.

"Sai?" he said in disbelief, "What—are those kitty ears on your head?"

"Yes," Sai said, coming in with a box of stuff (oh yes, very descriptive, I know, but don't all go weak kneed in awe at once), "I saw your pervert on the way here, by the way. He's not half bad looking."

"Fuck him, I'm not gay."

"Then why do you want to fuck him?"

"You know what I meant! And what's with the stuff?" Naruto asked queasily as Sai marched straight to the blond's bedroom, and began unpacking, "I know I said he was creepy, but I don't want you to move in to protect me, I mean, you're a bigger creep—"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Sai said, "Now get in here…nubbin."

Naruto narrowed his eyes shook his fist at Sai. "Call me that one more time and I'll—"

"You'll what? Nubbin."

"Aaargh!" the demon vessel said, and jumped on the brunet. They toppled onto the bed, where Sai grabbed his chance and handcuffed Naruto the headboard with chakra links.

"What the hell, Sai, you fag, I swear to God if you're going to rape me—"

"Relax," the artist said in a decidedly untrustworthy tone, "I had a talk with your pervert."

"He's not my pervert!"

"Whatever, nubbin. Damn, don't struggle! Fine, not nubbin. I had a talk with him, and I found out what he's after."

"My underwear? My virginity?"

"Nope," Sai said cheerfully, crawling over the box and taking out a few candles and a lighter. Naruto's heartbeat aimed to break the two hundred beats per minute mark, and succeeded. The brunet lit the candles and placed them on the nightstand, and drew out some white sheets from the box.

"Sai," Naruto said tentatively, "What are those for?"

"You'll see. We don't want to mess up your bed, do we?"

Oh, the wonders that did for Naruto's fast fraying peace of mind.

"Damn it, Sai! You cannot be serious. Let me—go—now!" he roared, struggling wildly against his restraints. Sai tutted and painted chakra links over his ankles too, drawing them tight until he was stretched like a man on the rack. Albeit, a man on the rack that's about to be molested, but hey, at least I got his position through to you.

"Stay still, not-nubbin-chan, and be a good boy."

Naruto stayed still and watched as Sai brought out a pair of pink bunny ears as well. It was when he began to put them on the blond's head that the resolution to stay calm was shot to hell.

"What in the name of god do you think you're doing you asshole!"

"I can put chakra around your head too, you know. And when I release the jutsu, your face will go loose and numb for a day. I don't think we need to go through all that, so just have some faith in me, okay?"

"Faith in the moron who reads books to learn how to form relationships?"

"At least I have a valid reason, what with the traumatized childhood. What's your excuse?"

"Hey! I'll have you know that I have many great, healthy bonds!"

"Doesn't stop you from being an oblivious nub—numbskull."

Naruto fell quiet again, fuming in silence, and then Sai started to undress him.

"THAT IS IT! EVERYTHING HAS ITS LIMITS AND WHAT KIND OF FAITH DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HAVE WHEN YOU STARTING TAKING MY FREAKING CLOTHES OFF YOU FUCKIN' PERVERT, GET THE HELL DAMN OFFA ME!!!"

Sai rolled his eyes, and pointed at the window.

Naruto looked, and started again. "WHY THE HELL IS THAT FUCKIN' STALKER OUTSIDE MY WINDOW, SAI?! YOU BROUGHT HIM HERE, DIDN'T YOU. DIDN'T YOU!? I KNEW IT, YOU SLIMEBALL, YOU ASSHOLE, YOU TURD, I KNEW YOU WEREN'T TRUSTWORTHY FROM THE MOMENT I LAID EYES ON YOU AND YOUR STUPID PAINTBRUSH—WHAT NOW!?" he screamed when Sai brought out a long pencil of soft lead.

"Kohl," Sai said, "Great for outlining the eyes. Rumored to be used by Gaara-kun to keep the dark circles he lost when the one-tail was extracted from him from Akatsuki. Useful for certain types of sketches. And, in this scenario, extremely—oh, what's the word? Kinky."

He clapped a hand over Naruto's mouth to quell the forthcoming outrage and leaned in to whisper. "I know what he wants, okay? He wants to see you topless. That's all. Give the man some fanservice, he'll go away."

Naruto's eyes indicated that it was okay for Sai to take his hand away.

"If he just wants to see me topless," he began, "Why am I tied to my bed with piggy ears on my head and clean sheets under my back? And why kohl, dammit."

"Well, his fantasy didn't stop with just toplessness."

"…It included the piggy ears and the sheets and the kohl?"

"And the tying up."

"Any why am I satisfying this man's depraved desires?"

"Because you're going to be nice about this," Sai said, "Think about it. Would you rather have me do it and him watch, or have him be the one sitting on you? He's not ugly, but he is a stranger."

"Why do I have to do this at all!?"

"Because you said it yourself," Sai pointed out, "He's depraved. How can you be sure that this won't go far enough that he rapes you one day—some day soon? Rape isn't the funny, sexy thing cheap porn makes it out to be, Naruto. It sucks. I think you'd feel more violated if he fucked you through some alley wall after doping you halfway to oblivion, as opposed to what I'm going to do right now."

"Fuck me through the mattress?" Naruto guessed.

The artist laughed, ivory head tilting back. The blond closed his eyes at that. The laugh was so genuine, so different from the fake one he'd heard when he'd first met the ex ANBU Root agent. Sai had grown in to the person he'd always been under the emotionless exterior: crude in a suave way, fun in a will-drive-you-nuts way.

"Don't be stupid, Naruto. I'm not taking your first time until you're on your knees begging me for it."

"Never gonna happen."

"You never know."

"I do. It'll never happen."

Sai sighed, as though seeing that an argument with a five year old who's convinced he saw the tooth fairy is one you can't win. "Alright," he said, "But that's not what I'm gonna do now. I'm just asking for a little more faith. All I'll take off is your jacket and that sad little wife-beater you wear underneath. Every. Single. Day." The brunet gave a little shudder, as though the fashion faux pas wounded him in an unmentionable place.

Naruto looked at the perverts, the one in the window and the one on his stomach. "…Fine," he said.

Sai undid his zipper and pulled the jacket away. He tugged the black wife beater over Naruto's head, and leaned down with the kohl stick. The blond sucked in a sharp breath and stopped himself from flinching away, and the artist placed the tip of the pencil to the edge of a bright blue eye, and drew its outline gently.

"You know," Sai said, "You've got beautiful eyes. I mean, if I wasn't already gay for you, I would be after this."

"Shut up," Naruto whispered. But his eyes told the true story. For a supposedly straight boy, having Sai on top of him was indecently pleasurable. Those warm black eyes were close enough to see into his mind, and the blond was terrified of them. When someone got that close to you, it's no longer an option. Naruto pursed his lips and arched upwards, into the kiss of his life.

Sai gripped the kohl pencil tightly, and dug his fingers into Naruto's hair, the other hand pushing into the blond's back, pushing him deeper into the kiss. It was sloppy and wet and when they stopped, Naruto licked his lips and tried not to enjoy the fact that most of the saliva he was swallowing was not, in fact, his.

Because, um, ew.

(Although, I say that now and yet when it comes to someone kissing me…alright, alright, it's them you want to read about, I know.)

"Were you ever going to do something with that kohl stick?" Naruto whispered. Sai nodded, looked confused, nodded again, and kissed the jinchuuriki. Naruto gave a weak moan and pulled away.

"Stop it," he said, "The pervert's watching."

"Right," Sai said breathlessly, "Let's pick up on that when he's gone." He twirled the pencil of kohl in his fingers and stuck it in Naruto's belly button, moving it slowly up from there to the base of his neck, a bare black line against bare brown skin. Naruto shivered and the kohl began to work more rapidly, Sai drawing swirls and salamanders and soaring eagles on his chest. The eye of a dragon fell on the blond's nipple, and a hand twitched and curled up in its handcuffed misery. Sai paused to look at the blond, who blushed deeply.

"You're enjoying this," Sai said, half surprised, half smirking.

"Hurry up and finish, asshole, so we can get rid of the pervert."

"Uh-huh. By the way, this is why I put the sheets down. Because of the kohl, not because of...you know."

Naruto blushed even harder. "Whaaaat. I wasn't thinking that, pervert!"

"Well, you are now."

Sai drew more furiously, working like he'd never worked before. Beads of sweat formed on his fore head and he swung his hair to plaster them to his face before they could drip down onto Naruto's skin and ruin his handiwork.

Eventually, the blond's tan torso was a mass of writhing figures in some oily tangle of sex.

"Of course," Naruto said, examining the sketches, "Of course its porn. Why was I expecting anything else? And animal porn too, wow, I think that's your new low, Sai."

"Hey, its his depraved-ness," Sai protested, pointing the kohl stick at the window. But, strangely enough, the man had disappeared.

"Probably off somewhere touching himself," Naruto muttered in disgust, "Alright, can I be untied now?"

Sai nodded and then stopped. "Actually," he said.

"Sai…"

"Well, I think it's clear to both of us that we will be building on that kiss. I mean, I touched your nipple with a kohl stick! There's no breaking that kind of bond, you know. Why can't we cement that bond with you bound?"

"Sai!"

"Yeah?"

"…Keep me tied."

Sai grinned and moved in on his blond beauty.

"Any way you want it…nubbin-chan."

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Ooh, I know, right? What am I doing with a sketch sex fic? But, you know what, you can never have enough of Sai drawing on Naruto. :3

I didn't finish the sex scene because I got bored; I've been writing porn all day but you don't get to see it because its for an IRL shipping and they would KILL me if they found out.