AN- Well, Repo! fiction can't all be angst and horror as much as I'd like it to be, so I present (insert drumroll) an attempt at humour...

TAKES ONE

"Carmen's a girl's name."

"Is-a not." Pavi retorted.

"Fine." The elder Largo snorted. "It's a fag name."

"So is-a Luigi!"

Luigi lunged at his sibling, a decorative stiletto appearing in his hand. Decorative, but sharp. He pressed it against Pavi's jaw, holding him in place by grabbing his shirt.

"Take that back, you little shit."

Pavi glanced at the blade and smiled a little. Luigi snarled.

"I take it-a back."

The slim blade disappeared up Luigi's sleeve, and he patted Pavi's shoulder, smiling. "Good boy."

Pavi brushed past Luigi, who immediately tried to shove him away. "Paws off, fag!" he barked. The younger Largo smiled, stopping only briefly as he reached the door. "Takes-a one to know-a one!"

The blade clattered against the solid door, and Luigi could hear the rapidly retreating cackle as Pavi fled down the hallway.

& & &

Rotti winced as he heard the stiletto hit the door, and moved away from his eavesdropping, returning to the cradle. The creature inside let out a small gurgle, and Rotti flinched. Luigi and Pavi had been arguing over names—he still hadn't told them it wasn't a boy. Oh no, it was much worse.

Fate was a cruel mistress, and she'd really screwed him over with this. He needed an heir who wasn't a narcissistic sociopath. And if this little maggot grew up to be like any of the Largo women—he was really beginning to think he should just adopt some promising young businessman.

The child, perhaps sensing his discontentment, began to mewl. Rotti scowled. "Shut up," he ordered. It—she didn't. Rotti had never liked children, and this one was doing nothing to change his perception. Pulling his lips back in a grimace, the man gingerly patted the baby's head. It grabbed at his massive hands with tiny, delicate paws, and proceeded to bite a finger. It didn't hurt, but Rotti snapped his hand back. The baby smiled at him briefly, pure malice shining from its pale blue eyes, and he glared back at it.

A sudden shriek from the hallway interrupted the staring competition. Rotti immediately turned, stopping only for a moment as he reached for the door handle. Looking back at his daughter, he offered her a smug smirk.

"We're not done here."

& & &

"OFF!"

The eldest Largo's bellow ricocheted around the stone corridor. His sons were both startled, and Luigi started to hide his knife. Rotti grabbed it roughly and tossed it aside. Pavi slunk away from his brother, gingerly pawing at the thin scratch along his neck. Luigi was breathing heavily, shooting scalding glances at his sibling.

Their father looked between them. He wasn't fishing for an explanation, and they weren't offering one. After a long moment, he drew in a deep breath.

"I leave for one minute," he began, letting each word sink in before continuing. "And you try to kill each other." The pair shared a glance, denying nothing. Pavi raising a penciled eyebrow. Luigi half-jumped at him, sneering as Pavi flinched. Rotti, his bottom lip hanging limp, pulled in a sharp breath between his teeth. They both looked back at him.

"You will stay in that room. You will not touch each other. You will not say a single word. You will not disturb the child." Rotti exhaled slowly. "And the baby," he added in a resigned tone, "is a girl."

Pavi and Luigi both looked at each other, and then back at their father.

"A what?"