A/N: Warning: This fanfic might make your head explode. Seriously, it's really random and makes absolutely NO sense! In other words, it's a crackfic. I'm on spring break right now, and I have nothing to do.
This takes place before The Angel Experiment. It's very OOC. So if you're not into that, go away.
Enjoy the crack—I mean, fanfic!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything EXCEPT Gertrude, Joyous Candy Land, Pierre Jonas, and Prince Jacques Martin Paul Franklin Sunshine the Second. They're my own original, messed up characters.
Fang woke up one morning to find that the house was quiet. Too quiet.
He walked downstairs and noticed that there was a note taped to the fridge.
Fang, it read. We're out for the day. No clue where we're going. See you later!
So Fang had the house to himself. What a fun day this would be!
He opened the fridge and took out two bottles of root beer and a tub of chocolate ice cream. He then went to the couch, sat down, and turned on the TV to iCarly. He adored that show, but never could watch it because everyone would make fun of him.
Halfway through the episode, an ugly neon yellow worm fell from the ceiling and landed in Fang's ice cream. Fang screamed and threw the tub across the room.
"Ouch! What's your problem, buddy?" said a voice.
The worm crawled out of the ice cream, jumped into mid-air, and landed on Fang's shoulder.
"Did you just talk?" Fang asked, bewildered.
The worm nodded. "My name's Gertrude! Let's be best friends forever!"
As much as Fang wanted to pick up Gertrude and chuck her outside, he couldn't. He was strangely attracted to her (not in that way). Gertrude make Fang feel…..happy.
"Do you like the Jonas Brothers?" Fang asked while placing Gertrude in his palm. He got up and started walking to the bathroom.
"I love the Jonas Brothers!" Gertrude exclaimed. "And where are we going?"
"I honestly have no idea…" Fang began. "I just know that we have to walk this way and everything will be fine."
Fang walked over to the bathroom sink and put Gertrude in it.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?"
Fang shrugged. "The pelicans are telling me to!'
He turned on the water and Gertrude went down the drain. A few minutes later, a magical portal appeared out of no where. Fang stepped in, and closed his eyes. The next thing he knew, he was dropped on a giant gumdrop. Gertrude was sitting next to him, wearing a Santa hat.
"Gertrude!" Fang yelled. "We're in Joyous Candy Land! Let's go frolic and dance!"
So the two friends skipped around in fields of flowers, fed unicorns, and did the Soulja Boy dance with bunnies.
Just when they thought their day couldn't get any better, Iggy came skipping out of the forest wearing a tiara and a Cinderella dress.
"IGGY!!!" Fang cried while running toward him in slow motion.
"FFFFFFAAAAANGGG!" Iggy called back while running toward Fang in slow motion.
"IGGY!"
"FANG!"
"IGGY!"
"FANG!"
"HANNAH MONTANA!" screamed Gertrude.
Fang and Iggy both looked at Gertrude in confusion.
"What?" she asked. "Hannah's over there."
Gertrude was right! Hannah Montana was in the cookie dough pond, having a seizure while singing.
Just then, Iggy exploded and another portal appeared. Fang and Gertrude both walked in, and got dropped off on the side of a highway. They sat there for a few minutes, playing "Would you Rather."
After a little while, a big pink tour bus came speeding down the road. It stopped in front of Gertrude and Fang. The door opened, and Ronnie Radke was sitting at the driver's seat, holding the door open.
Fang and Gertrude walked in, and saw the most amazing thing ever! The Jonas Brothers were on the floor of the bus, playing Twister. And guess who was with them? Max! She was spinning the Twister spinner.
"Okay, Joe," said Max. "Right foot on red."
A huge smile formed on Fang's face. "MAX!" he yelled while tackle hugging her.
"Max?" she asked. "Who's Max?"
Fang continued to hug her. "You! Silly goose!"
"But my name's Pierre Jonas. I'm the fourth Jonas Brother."
Fang just started at her. "Oh…" was all he could say.
So the tour bus continued to travel, until they ended up at a Chuck E Cheese in the middle of no where. The Jonas Brothers piled out, followed by Fang and Gertrude. They all walked in and the Jonas Brothers took the stage.
Kevin and Nick picked up two kazoos. Joe picked up a triangle, and Max walked over to the microphone.
"ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?" she yelled into the mic.
The audience (which was a group of 3 year olds) just started at Pierre.
"ALRIGHT!!! LET'S DO THIS!"
The band started playing, and Pierre started singing a screamo song. The kazoos, triangle, and screaming all sounded nice together.
After the song was over, Fang walked onto the stage.
"You!" he said to a dark haired child in the audience. "I challenge you to a dance-off!"
The kid stood up and walked on stage.
Nick began playing the kazoo version of Circus by Britney Spears, and Fang began break dancing. The dark haired kid did the same. He was pretty good.
"You are no match for the Fang-dawg!" Gertrude yelled.
Turns out he really wasn't. The kid ran away crying after Fang used his secret weapon on him....the triple headspin back flip!
A random leprechaun came out of Kevin's ear and jumped on Fang's head.
"All hail the King of Break Dancing!" the leprechaun said.
Everyone in Chuck E Cheese's bowed down to Fang. Then a narwhal fell onto the stage and squished everyone but Fang and Gertrude. The narwhal opened its mouth and in it was yet another magical portal. Gertrude and Fang walked in it, and were back home in a few minutes.
"Did you have fun today, Fang?"
Fang looked around. "Who said that?"
A cucumber fell out of the sky. "It is I, Prince Jacques Martin Paul Franklin Sunshine the Second!"
"Hi, friend!" said Fang. He leaned over to lick the cucumber. "And yes, I did have fun today."
The cucumber smiled. "Good. Now everything will go back to normal, and it'll be like nothing ever happened today"
With one enormous poof, Gertrude and Prince Jacques were gone. It was just Fang, sitting on the couch with his ice cream and root beer.
I'm leaving this as a oneshot. Your brain doesn't need any more damage.
And for those of you who don't know who Ronnie Radke is, he was the lead singer of Escape the Fate. Search "Situations" on youtube, and the whole bus thing will make sense.
Please don't flame, either. I did this for fun and is in no way serious.
-Nallie