Null and Void, a smallville fanfic

Null and Void

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Zip. Nada.

Rating: T

Note: Uhm… the internet went down, so I wrote this in my spare time. Starts out mildly depressing, ends fluffy.

Dedication: For Angela.

Genres: Romance/Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Pairings: Clark/Lois

The last time he sees her – really sees her – it's a Thursday, and she smells like lilacs, and she's wearing a green blouse with tan pants. She has her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and when she walks in, she gives him a small smile and grabs his coffee off his desk.

It's just like any other morning, but so much time later, he replays the memory over and over in his head.

It's the last time he'll ever see her (really, truly see her – sort of), but he doesn't know it then, so he greets her with a tired:

"Hey Lois."

And returns to his work.

She sits down across from him, and returns his greeting.

"Morning, Smallville."

He thinks so many days (and weeks and months) later that maybe some tiny little part of her knew.

She taps her pen (irritatingly, at the time) back and forth on her desk, watching him with a funny look on her face.

"What?" he asks after a moment.

Lois shakes her head.

"Nothing."

Clark grabs his bag off his desk, and flashes her a quick crooked smile.

"Well alright then. I gotta head out, but maybe I'll catch you later before you head home."

Lois nods, returning his smile. He heads for the elevator, but before he can leave, she says softly,

"Hey, Smallville?"

"Yeah?" he asks curiously.

"Just… be careful, alright?"

He thinks, such a long, depressing time later, that she should have heeded her own advice.

But just then, he's got other things on his mind, so just nods.

"Yeah, sure, Lo. See you later."

She returns to her work, lips pursed.

Three months. It's been three months, and he still can't think, can't breathe, without thinking of her, and food has lost its taste, and he's sworn off coffee. Three months and he's still filled with this horrible anguish, and it hurts not seeing her, and life is Hell.

And the thought of being able to see her again, the thought of being able to touch her and hold her and tell her everything he needs to tell her is too great. So he ignores the warnings ("it's too dangerous" and "it's not tested" and "it's only a prototype") and pokes his head inside the lab at quarter to one in the morning.

The machine is tall and elliptical, and he stares numbly at it, not quite daring to hope.

He could key in the number on the keypad, turn the key, press the button, and maybe…

Clark turns away before he can, and forces his feet down the hall.

He's busying himself with dinner, re-heating leftovers, when the doorbell rings.

He sighs, and goes to answer the door.

And there she is. She's been the solution to his depression all these years, why not again?

Lana smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

"Hey Clark," she says softly.

And he could kiss her, could try to pretend he still loves her, try to bury his guilt and shame and hurt and pain, but he couldn't, not really.

"Can I come in?" she asks.

He's not going to be rude, so he stands to the side, and lets her enter. She's still smiling, so proud, and says:

"I can be around you again. We can be together! I found a doctor, and the suit can't hurt you now, and…"

She notices the look on Clark's face.

"What is it? Aren't you happy?" Lana demands.

Clark can't quite meet her stare.

"I… am so glad I can be around you again but we aren't getting back together, Lana. We can still be friends though."

The smile is still stuck on her face, but it's a little forced now.

"Is this because of her? Clark, I hate to break it to you but… you're going to have to move on someday."

Which shouldn't make him angry, but it does.

"I think you should leave."

"Clark," (the smile's gone now) "what the Hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem. I'm not in love with you anymore, Lana. I still care about you, but it's just not… just not happening, alright?"

"Clark, this is ridiculous. You can't still love her!"

"I'll always love her, Lana. I always have."

Her face twists, and before he can say anything else, she turns and storms out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

The microwave beeps, and he returns to the kitchen.

A year after that damned Thursday, he's sitting on his living room sofa, watching reruns of Star Trek and eating Chinese noodles, when there's a timid knock on the door.

By the time he opens it, whoever was there is gone.

He glances around, but there's no one there, so he just shakes his head and goes back inside.

Thirteen months have gone by, and she's still stuck in his head. He misses her. So much.

Misses the way she used to steal his coffee, misses her nicknames, misses her smile, and her eyes, and her touch, and oh God he just can't take it anymore.

He puts his elbows up on the table, and holds his head in his hands, and tries to keep the tears from escaping down his cheeks.

He fails, of course.

Jimmy wanders by, and whispers,

"C.K.? You alright?"

Clark rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands, and looks up.

"Yeah, I'm fine Jimmy."

Jimmy just gives him a small, sad smile.

"I miss her too."

The first time he sees her (again), really sees her, it's a Thursday (not that he realizes it at the time), and she's standing in his kitchen when he comes home from work.

There's a moment of silence, because he can't breathe, let alone form words. She breaks it by saying:

"Hey. I let myself in. Hope you don't mind. The front door was unlocked, and I umm, didn't really have anywhere else to go, and I thought you wouldn't mind, and so I just umm… did you just get home from work? You probably –"

Clark strides across the floor, grabs her face desperately in his hands, and kisses her with everything in him. He threads his fingers through her hair. Lois responds by throwing her arms around his neck, sending them back a few steps (not that either of them notices), and deepens the kiss, lips working urgently against his.

His hands slip down her sides, and his arms wrap tightly around her waist. She turns her head to the side to capture more of his mouth, and moans softly against his lips. They're going to have to break apart at some point to breathe, but neither of them really cares.

He slows the kiss down after a little while, gently stroking her back with his hands, and tugs carefully on her lower lip. She plays absently with the hairs on the back of his neck, and he pulls back slowly, kissing the corner of her mouth, and leaning his forehead against hers. He's still holding onto her as tight as possible, as if scared to let her go, afraid she'll disappear like so much smoke on a windy day.

Her heartbeat is hammering much too quickly (he can hear it, if he tunes into his powers), and her chest is heaving, and she's trying desperately not to cry.

"Hi," he murmurs.

A few tears escape from the corners of her eyes.

"I missed you," she whispers.

"You have no clue," he responds, his voice breaking slightly, and he leans in kiss her again.

Her arms are still locked tightly around his neck, and when her knees wobble, he scoops her up into his arms, and carries her over to the couch. He lies down, and shifts slightly, pulling her down into his arms. She snuggles in against his side, resting her head on his chest and holding him close. He wraps an arm around her back, thumb gently stroking her shoulder, and holds her hand with his free one.

It occurs to him after a moment that he still hasn't told her.

Well that just won't do. Clark kisses her forehead, and slides a hand up to brush her tears away.

"Lois?" he says softly.

She tilts her head back to look up at him, and smiles a little. There's so much he should ask her (how? why? what?) but he doesn't ask her anything. Instead, he caresses her cheek and says:

"I love you."

"I love you too," she replies, tears slipping down her cheeks again, and leans in to kiss him slowly.

When she pulls back, he realizes he's smiling.

She smiles back tentatively, and he answers with a full blown grin, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her passionately. His fingers stroke her sides, gently tickling, and she giggles when he trails warm kisses down the side of her neck.

And, oh God, does she have any idea how happy he is just then?

They fall asleep like that, cuddled together on the couch, and wake up to the sound of his cell phone ringing. Clark reaches around behind them, and grabs the annoying object off the table. Lois blinks sleepily, and looks up at him. He pecks her on the lips, then flips the phone open, pressing it to his ear.

"Hullo?"

Jimmy is on the other end.

"Hey, C.K."

Lois mouths:

'Jimmy?'

And Clark nods, wrapping an arm tighter around her waist.

"What's on your mind?"

"Just wondering where you are. It is a work day, you know," Jimmy replies.

Clark clears his throat.

"Oh. Yeah. I won't be coming in today."

"…Okay," Jimmy says slowly.

"Yeah… I'm, umm, sick. Yeah. So… see you Monday. Bye."

He hangs up the cell phone and tosses it carelessly onto the coffee table.

Lois smiles a little.

"I thought about you," he murmurs. "Every. Single. Day. I missed you so much."

Lois leans up to nudge his nose with hers.

"I thought about you too. All the time."

Nothing matters just then. The only thing he can think about is how beautiful she looks.

"I should probably fill you in," she says softly after a moment.

Clark shakes his head.

"Later. Tomorrow. Right now, all I care about is you, here, now."

She smiles then, a full blown Lois Lane happy smile, and kisses his cheek.

They spend the day just lying there, talking quietly, and he finally shifts slightly around five o'clock, and says:

"We should probably get up. I can make dinner, if you want."

Lois kisses him.

"Sounds like a plan, Smallville."

He freezes, and he blinks slowly.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

He nods slowly, and starts to grin.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I just… missed you, and your nicknames, and just…"

His voice trails off uselessly, and Lois taps the tip of his nose with her finger.

"Of course you did," she replies, and leans in to press her lips against his.

When she pulls back, he helps her off the couch, and says:

"Do you mind if I invite Jimmy for dinner? He's missed you too. It'll be a nice surprise for him."

Lois shrugs.

"Sure."

Jimmy arrives at six thirty, and when he sees Lois, he hugs her so tight that she can't breathe, and asks so many questions she can barely keep track.

She doesn't mind though.

It's home.

fin