How long has it been???? Forever, it seems like, but I'm pleased to make my official comeback! I'll be updating at least once a week with the hope that it's enough to bring all of my old readers back!
Chapter Eighteen: An Angel's Presence
MAX
As I stand here, speaking with a past I once completely forgot about, I can feel the recent memories slip away. Sometimes I fight to hang on, letting Maxine take over and stay for just a bit longer, but other times I let them go, knowing that it was always meant to be this way. My love for Edward Cullen is coming to an end, and I couldn't be more thankful. It was a tremendous weight to be carrying around, and I'm happy to finally leave it behind, buried in the wreckage of a life that was never mine to live.
I'm quite happy here with the Flock. Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel are all very sweet kids, and I love them already. I can see a bright future with them at my side. Now, though, it seems that something is keeping me from leaving these woods. Iggy keeps asking me when I want to leave, and my reply is always: "just a little more time". I don't know if it's instinct or just the simple fact that, in truth, I can't just leave all of my past connections. I left without a proper goodbye. I just don't know if I can face their broken eyes, filled to the brim with the sorrow of losing a daughter.
Fang watches me all of the time, keeping his eyes locked on me with a vicious desire I only want to watch burn out. In my eyes I can see no time for love or relationships. Maybe that's why I find it so easy to leave any trace of my love for Edward behind me. Maybe I'm becoming a cold-hearted person with nothing to give to any of the people who love me. Maybe I truly am a monster, fit with wings to make me all the scarier. Maybe, just maybe.
As night falls, a black blanket against the swaying tree tops, Fang approaches me. There is no love for me this time, only a concern I want to share so desperately. I want to care again, but I just can't. I can only accept what's happening to me with a sigh and a careless smile.
"Max?" His voice is sweet, drowned in sugar and honey. Part of me loves it. Another part pushes him away. Another part wins.
"Yah?" My voice is casual as I examine his stance. He's not here for a fight. He's here to ask me when we get to go back. From the look in his eye I can tell that he hasn't forgotten; that he still loves his old life as Nick.
"When do we get to go back?" I smile at how right I was.
"I don't want to go back."
His eyes don't hide the shock. I want to feel the same thing, but I just can't. "You're just gonna leave them all behind?" His voice his rising in anger, and I can only smile. I can tell he hates the casual pull of my lips.
"I can't want that life back, Fang."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"A part of me wants to miss everybody, wants me to love all of those people…but I can't. I just can't. Something's holding me back, Fang."
"Yourself."
This time I'm the one who can't hide the shock. My eyes widen as his loose comment. "Excuse me?"
"You're the only one holding yourself back, Max! Don't tell me you don't want to go back and see the family that raised you! Don't tell me that you don't care anymore!"
"Fang…I…"
He lunged forward and grabbed my shoulders in his hands. His hands were large and pulsed with the strength the rest of his body didn't need. I could smell his breath, as sweet as honey and carrying a trace of cinnamon. Carefully, as if I were a doll he had to keep from breaking, he took my face in his hands. I loved the touch of his smooth skin against my own, but I would never admit it. "Don't tell me…that…that you don't want to see Edward one last time. To tell him how much you really love him." His eyes closed as the last sentence fell from his lips. He didn't want to say it, but he had to. Hearing something so true coming from Fang's lips brought Maxine back, scrambling to break free.
"Fang, I don't love him. Maxine does." Only after I said it did I realize how truly insane it sounded. "I mean…I…uh…"
He smiled, the sweetest pull of the lips, and pulled away. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't want to, but that he had to. He knew that for the time being I couldn't love him; that it was just impossible. Two different loves were battling for the chance to breathe, and the one that would soon die wanted its chance for air. Maximum Ride would have to rest, to sleep for just a little while longer.
"Let's go see them." I whispered. Fang's smile only grew at my simple suggestion.
"I'll tell Iggy." His voice was cool as he took the few necessary steps towards our make-shift "camp".
FANG
Watching Max's eyes light up at the mention of Edward Cullen's name was the hardest thing I ever had to witness. It broke my heart into a million pieces, each one as unimportant as the rest. I began to consider my odds with her. She was beautiful, smart, and had a wonderful way with words. She could pick a fight and end up the winner. I was nothing compared to her, and I never would be.
"Hey, Fang." Iggy said, his blind eyes landing directly on me. "What's up?"
The smallest boy, Gazzy, looked up from his place beside Iggy. "He looks upset, Ig." His flashed a full smile at me before he stood up from his place on the ground and left to speak with the two girls, Angel and Nudge.
"Something wrong?" Iggy asked, his voice soft as I took my place beside him. "Max gotcha down?"
It amazed me how much he knew. "Maybe."
"Maybes not an answer."
"Hey, Iggy? Max and I…we need to head back. We can't just leave our families behind without a proper explanation."
"Are you gonna come back?" Nothing could hide the hitch of sadness in his voice as he considered Max and me leaving him once again. "I want you to come back."
"We'll be back before you know it."
"Better be. Otherwise the Erasers'll find us."
I took no time to question the meaning of "erasers" as I stood up. I glanced at Max's form, truly one of beauty. She kept her eyes locked on the kids, her lips pulled back in a brilliant smile. I could see so much in her eyes, but I began to wonder if I was really looking at Maximum or Maxine. There was no doubt in my mind that I knew Maxine, but what about Maximum? Did I know her at all?
"We won't be gone long." I told Iggy, making sure that my voice was high with reassurance. "I promise you that we'll come back."
"Soon?"
"Soon."
Max's eyes were on me as I walked towards her, my own eyes focused on the forest ahead of us. I wasn't about to face my fears, not yet. I knew that the person staring through her eyes right at that moment was Maxine…not Maximum. I had to get used to Maximum, whether I was afraid to or not.
"You ready?" I asked, making sure that I kept my eyes focused on anything from her.
"Of course."
The cool air kissed my wings as I shook them free. I watched Max do the same, unable to avoid seeing such a beautiful performance as it took place before me. I wanted nothing more but to give myself to that wonderful girl. The thought of drowning in everything that made her who she was became a very tempting thought. Because as we flew away, our wings beating in sync, it didn't matter if she was Maximum or Max. At the end of the day she was still Max. And maybe, just maybe, she would one day become my Max.
MAX
I can only feel the wind and the rush of its cool air. It makes everything so real. Up here where nobody can touch me I am invincible, and everything is beautiful. The reality awaiting both Fang and I is far below us, and we can leave it behind if we choose…but we aren't. I can't enjoy the wicked rush of cool air with such thoughts weighing me down. I just give up.
Instead, I focus my attention on Fang. He really is a handsome boy. His wings are large and colored like that of a raven's wing. As always his face is creased in a kind of sorrowful concentration I would one day love to watch disappear. He's not at all focused on me…not at all…
I no longer have the right to long for him, especially not now. Now I'm going to confess my love to a boy only Maxine could love…only Maxine…only Maxine…
I want those words, that name, to disappear from my mind. I'm one person, not two, but that doesn't stop the different thoughts from mocking me, screaming at me. My heart wasn't two different things, two different people. I'm split between a life as a human and a life as a monster, and I just can't seem to choose. Either way I'll have to leave a family, and I just don't think I can come to do it. I desperately want to choose both paths, to live both lives, but I can't…I just can't…
Yah…that's right, I UPDATED! Now, you may have noticed that between Fang and Max I switch from present tense to past tense. I just can't help it, besides, it makes the story DIFFERENT. But in a good way (I hope). So…how about we do me all a REALLY big favor and send a lot of reviews? It would make a certain girl very willing to update…
Didn't understand the reason for the name of the chapter? Don't worry cuz you don't have to!