Hey everyone - thanks for all the reviews last chapter. They were very kind :D Here's the next one. I really enjoyed writing this, so hopefully that'll be translated over to you guys reading it. Let the silliness ensue!

Disclaimer: Own nada

The Unpredictability of Magnum Power These Days

Munch, munch, munch.

Hmm.

Yes, Jill was certain now that those strange noises were coming from her left. She listened to her right for any weird, bizarre or potentially dangerous sounds, but it seemed clear.

Naturally then, she walked left.

The hall ahead forked directly right and seemed to open up to a much bigger area, but whatever or whoever was making all the ruckus had annoyingly positioned themselves out of sight.

Jill paused just before the turning.

Munch, munch, munch. Brains. Brains! Munch, munch.

Unfortunately, the noises gave nothing away.

Jill took a second to let out a steady, calming breath - one had to ready themselves for the unknown after all (only coming second to Splitting Up Whenever Possible and always finding the most convoluted way to solve every problem, that was the first thing the team had been taught in S.T.A.R.S school.) Having decided that breathing in and out was becoming a bit of a dull affair, the brunette walked around the corner - before crying out in absolute shock and disgust.

There, before her, was someone eating Kenneth - former S.T.A.R.S Bravo.

"Oh my God!…That's just so gross!" Jill spat, as the person stood and began stumbling towards her, groaning, "I mean, raw meat! Raw Kenneth! You can get salmonella from that you know."

The man, who was strangely missing quite a few chunks of flesh himself - and who's skin seemed to be peeling off really rather badly, rudely ignored Jill's concern and continued to scuttle forwards.

"I mean I know the Japanese eat raw fish, but I'm thinking that that's pretty different from completely raw human flesh," mused the woman, hand on chin, thinking, "Hmm…but then cannibals eat raw, and they always seem fine, well except for the obvious crazy -"

As the decomposing thing grew ever closer, Jill's eyes widened in recognition.

"Oh my God - wait!….Are you? Are you part of the cannibal race?"

He groaned.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to offend your people or way of life like that! And I'm sure you're not crazy…maybe a little decomposey and disfigured but damn if I were to judge on appearances alone…well, I probably wouldn't have done that Turkish transsexual that one time, which would have probably been a good thing in hindsight - but I'm sure there's been many occasions where judging a book by it's cover has been wrong of me."

Jill was happy with her sincere apology, but there was just something she couldn't let slide.

"But you know, I can't help but notice that you've eaten my team-mate there, which I've got to say hinders any chance of a friendship forming between us just a little. …But ah, you know what Pedro…that is your name right? Pedro? You look like a Pedro anyways…if you can see past our differences, then so can I." And with that, Jill thrust out her hand in a shake of friendship.

And Pedro bit it.

Jill screamed, yanking her poor, injured hand out from the zombie person's mouth and kicking at the thing until it backed off.

If that's how the cannibal race rolled, she would have no part in it. "Jesus, were you born in a barn? Civilised people don't bite other civilised people you know. It's just not kosher. God, my freaking hand!"

Holding her arm up, Jill found that she now had half a hand.

"Yep, that's just great. Half a hand - three fingers! Thank you very much Pedro, you dumb ass! - You know what?" Jill continued, wagging her half hand at Pedro, "Barry's gonna hear about this - and he has a big gun. You're gonna be in so much trouble!"

The S.T.A.R.S Alpha darted back through the door she'd come from, slamming it shut behind her.

"Jill!" Barry called, standing and turning to face the fast approaching woman. "After much examining and many other forensicy type thingy-ma-bobs, and despite having no kinds of forensic equipment on me at all, I've decided that this blood is actually…red!"

"Sssh Barry, we don't have time for your scientific discoveries right now! In no less than two seconds a zombie type looking person's going to burst through that door despite the fact that no other zombie seems to posses the powerful intellect to open a door from here on out!"

"What?"

Jill snarled in frustration. "Oh forget it! Just get your freaking gun ready alright?!"

As if on cue, Pedro did indeed break through the door at that very moment. Moaning, the reanimated corpse slowly slide towards the pair.

"Watch out! It's a monster!" cried Jill dramatically. Several seconds of silence followed, before she turned to Barry accusingly, "Well come on, it's a bloody monster!…You gonna shoot it or what?"

"You want me to shoot an unarmed civilian? How do you know this guy's even zombie?"

"Well I thought he just looked a bit strange at first, but come on, he ate a big chunk of my hand alright? That's obvious zombie behaviour! - If nothing else I demand retribution!"

"What's the problem? Oh, so you lost some fingers?" Barry jeered, waving his hand around dismissively, "That's just a tiny flesh wound - it's barely noticeable. You can just use a green herb and -"

"That's not the point! I liked those fingers alright? They were my special fingers. And we all know that if I use that herb then new, strange fingers will grow back - amazingly - and what if they're like those fingers of ninety-one huh? You remember, when I had that accident with the vegetable knife and I re-grew my fingers? Those were bad fingers! Those fingers tried to kill me!"

Barry sighed, growing bored with Jill's ranting. Who knew, maybe shooting something might liven up his mood. "Oh alright, I'll just shoot the damn thing. Now, let's see here, one shot from my super powerful Colt Python should put this puppy down."

He drew his Magnum - well this was rather exciting - aimed the weapon and -

FIRED!

…Nothing happened.

The zombie had a fresh hole in its stomach, but it continued to sidle forward unabated.

How very anticlimactic.

"What the hell?!" cried Barry, blinking down the barrel of his gun. "That could have put an un-dead giant squid to sleep! The really big ones that eat ships and stuff!"

"Well don't you know?" queered Pedro casually, "I'm the First Encounter Zombie! Which makes me awesome. You see, I have to set a premise here - my job is to make you scared, so it's only natural that I'd be much harder to kill than any zombie after me."

"But, but - I have a Magnum! One of the most powerful weapons ever!"

"Yeah well, no one cares…anyways I'm continuing to shuffle towards you really slowly and in quite an unthreatening manner, are you going to do anything about it or what?"

Barry fired again, this time at the head. Surely a head shot?…

But no, the zombie kept on walking.

"But I've just destroyed your brain!"

"No one cares."

"Barry! Bloody hell you're rubbish at rescuing me - and my half hand is bleeding all over my fine attire, would you hurry up and kill it already?" fumed Jill.

"No! Because I am the invincible zombie! No one can defeat me! I -" Pedro paused mid-boast, staring at the third gun shot wound in his leg - a certainly 'un-fatal in any other time or place' shooting option of the body - and keeled over, crumbling to the floor.

Barry stared at the fallen mess. A perfect circle of blood had formed around it - marking Pedro's end.

"Ok, that made NO sense! I shot the thing in the stomach and the head, and only when I shoot it in the leg does it go down? That's just stupid!"

"Look Barry, everyone knows that the three shots from a Magnum to kill one zombie thing is illogical, but listen…I'm bleeding all over the freaking place and will realistically die soon. …Also, Kenneth was killed too, maybe by this creature…well actually more than likely by it…ok I'm going to go with a ninety-nine point nine percent chance that this thing killed Kenneth, as I did find it chowing down on him, with nothing else in sight, so I'm going to change my original 'maybe' and go with 'more than likely'…"

Barry was staring at her, and not in a good way.

"Anyway, let's report this to Wesker," continued Jill hurriedly, "I'm sure he's finished securing that obviously empty room by now. …Also do you happen to have a potted green herb in your pocket by any chance?"

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…or are you just happy to see me? Ha ha ha! Comedy gold that ;)

And that's the chapter. I really do enjoy writing Jill and Barry, bless em ;) Anyways, feel free to review and see ya'll next time.