Colonization 101
author: Juli17

Epilogue:

Janeway stepped into Holodeck one, and a momentary sensation of disorientation hit her. Instead of the fledgling settlement that had evolved here for six days, she was in a bar, though not an unfamiliar one. She saw immediately that it was the doctor's version tonight, evidenced by the piano in the middle of the room instead of a pool table. Despite their tendency to needle each other constantly in Sickbay, Tom and the doctor willingly shared the Sandrine's program with no friction at all. In fact she spotted Tom and B'Elanna seated at a table with Harry, and Chakotay.

As if he'd sensed her regard, Chakotay looked up and smiled as she raised a hand in greeting. Then he returned his attention to whatever Harry was saying. They'd missed another chance at a working dinner tonight but she'd expected he might be here.

The place was crowded, she noted, with perhaps three dozen crewmembers gathered among the tables. Since the doctor's drill had ended yesterday, the crew had returned to their regular shifts today with a lighter step, more relaxed than they'd been in weeks. She'd heard a dozen rave reviews of the colonization program, though no requests to make it a reality.

Janeway walked toward the piano as the doctor swept his fingers over the bars, finishing a piece with a crescendo. A smattering of applause followed before everyone returned to their conversations. Though his opera performances were received with a general lack of enthusiasm-a fact that seemed to fly over the doctor's head-his rendering of ballads and love songs, many from the same twentieth- century Tom found so fascinating, generally drew approval and sometimes a crowd in Sandrine's.

"Doctor, may I?"

The doctor looked up. "Of course. I didn't think you played, Captain."

Janeway waved a hand as the doctor started to rise. "Stay where you are." She sat on the bench next to him. "I don't play, though I've always admired those who could."

"I could teach you," the doctor offered. "Surprisingly only Lieutenant Nicoletti, Crewman Lessing, and Lieutenant Paris know how to play, though Mister Paris's playing is rudimentary, from lessons as a child I believe."

"I appreciate the offer, Doctor, but music really isn't a talent I possess. I actually wanted to congratulate you on the success of your drill."

The doctor looked surprised, though pleased. "Thank you, Captain. I appreciate you allowing me the opportunity."

She certainly hadn't shown any early enthusiasm for the drill, but the doctor's humble tone surprised her. "You're welcome, Doctor. It was your turn, after all."

"I thought you might be hesitant to include me after...well..."

The doctor's voice trailed off, and Janeway suspected that he was recalling the events with the rogue holograms several months ago. She'd let him off easily-far too easily-and it was only later that she'd realized the implication of not holding him responsible in the same way she had held Tom responsible for his actions with the Moneans. She had fallen again into the trap of viewing the doctor differently-as less of a person than her flesh and blood crewmembers. Some lessons you just kept relearning.

"That wasn't my objection," she assured the doctor. "You are a senior officer, and fully a member of this crew. Your drill was a success, and you should be proud. The crew learned some valuable skills, and enjoyed themselves in the process. In fact, you probably upstaged Tom's evacuation drill in their memory."

"Really?" The doctor smiled, preening a bit at the thought, though a moment later his expression sobered as his attention focused on the door into Sandrine's.

Janeway turned, not surprised to see Seven, accompanied by Naomi and Icheb. They walked to an empty table, PADDs in hand. She looked at the doctor again and saw the wistfulness in his gaze. She knew Seven had talked to Axum several times recently. She also knew very well how old feelings could resurface again-if they ever left at all. "You have another success story there, Doctor."

When the doctor gave her a puzzled look, Janeway clarified, "Seven."

The doctor looked at Seven again, his feelings nakedly visible in his eyes. "She has become quite an amazing young woman, hasn't she?"

"Yes, she has, partly because of your friendship to her. I'm sorry. I know you wanted more."

The doctor's brow furrowed. "What are you-did Lieutenant Paris talk to you?"

Tom? Janeway shook her head. "No, he didn't say anything. I...guessed."

"Have I been that obvious?" the doctor asked, dismayed.

"No, of course not," Janeway said hastily, though the doctor was hardly a closed book. If she had noticed the signs, she was sure others besides Tom had too... "I don't think anyone else suspects."

The doctor looked relieved. Then he sighed. "I know that Seven and I aren't meant to be. In fact she doesn't really need me anymore."

Janeway had noticed recently that Seven was drawing away from her dependence on the doctor for social assistance. She was drawing away from all of them in that sense. "Seven has become her own person, Doctor. She's grown into her humanity, as we hoped she would. You should be proud, because you've helped make that happen for her. And she does still need you as a friend. That will never change."

"I hope not," the doctor said. He looked at Seven pensively again. "Still, I wonder..."

"What?"

"If I had told her that I had...feelings for her, if I had said something before-well, I wonder if it would have made a difference."

Janeway understood his meaning. Before Seven had met Axum again and remembered her life with him in Unimatrix Zero. "I honestly don't know, Doctor," she said gently. "I'm not sure Seven would have been ready then, in any case."

The doctor smiled ruefully. "Probably not. But at least I would know that I hadn't squandered my opportunity because I was too afraid to admit my feelings."

Janeway tried to think of something comforting to say, but before she could speak the doctor turned and looked at her gravely. "Captain, I owe you an apology. I once gave you some advice, and I've come to realize that it was the wrong advice."

Janeway wasn't sure what the doctor was talking about, but she raised her eyebrows at his unusual admission. "You were wrong?"

"It only happened that one time," the doctor assured her.

Janeway smiled. "Of course. You'll have to clue me in, Doctor. What advice?"

"I told you once that you couldn't possibly have a relationship with one of your crew, and that you had little choice but to settle for what you could have instead-in that case a relationship with a recreational hologram."

Janeway winced a little at that phrasing. "Doctor, you were citing Starfleet protocol when you gave me that advice, and you were right to remind me-"

"It is *suggested* protocol, Captain, not a set rule. There is no Starfleet statute expressly forbidding a relationship between a captain and his or her subordinate, only a strong admonition against such relationships. While I would agree that most are mistakes-and there have been a surprising number of such relationships, according to Starfleet annals-our situation here is very unique. We've sometimes found it necessary to reinterpret Starfleet protocol to fit our situation-"

"You're right, Doctor," Janeway agreed. "Our situation is unique. On Voyager there is no option for one of the parties to transfer to another post, which is the usual result if an affair doesn't work out."

"But we're not talking about simple affair, are we, Captain?"

Janeway wanted to look away from the doctor's penetrating gaze. They weren't talking in generalities anymore; they were talking about Chakotay. After all this time, and after all they'd gone through together, if she got involved with Chakotay it wouldn't be a flash in the pan romance. That made it unlikely there would be the kind of messy break up that could undermine her authority. But it also meant there would be nothing simple about it-as the doctor surmised. That thought brought both yearning and trepidation. She fell instinctively back on her sense of duty. "My first responsibility is to the crew-"

"Captain, with all due respect, I think you're using the crew as a shield, and you're treating them with disrespect in the process."

Janeway stiffened. "I beg your pardon?"

The doctor was undeterred by her icy tone. "This crew's loyalty to you is not based on mere duty. Perhaps it was seven years ago, when our journey started, but we're all part of a community now-a family. If you resolved to live your life fully, in every aspect, they wouldn't suddenly lose their respect for you or withdraw their loyalty. On the contrary, they'd be happy for you. Not one of them has ever expected you to remain in self-imposed isolation for the duration of our journey."

"Doctor, I appreciate your opinion on my crew's state of mind-"

"I know their state of mind, Captain. I'm their doctor. And I'm rescinding my original advice. What you do is your choice, but..." he paused and glanced at Seven once more before returning his gaze to Janeway. "I probably never had a chance, but you do. You let the opportunity pass once, with justifiable reasons. But if you keep waiting for the circumstances to be just right, one day you may find that the opportunity is gone, forever."

Janeway looked at Chakotay. He was laughing at something Tom was saying. Was she really expecting him to wait forever? She'd once assumed she had given up her opportunity, for the better good, when she'd closed the door hard between them several years ago, quoting those Starfleet protocols. For some reason she couldn't quite fathom Chakotay had never completely given up on her, but if she kept on the way she was going, one day he would find someone else who could give him what he needed-

"Captain?"

Janeway returned her attention to the doctor. "I will consider what you've said."

The doctor looked at her intently for a moment, then he nodded, satisfied. "I hope you do, Captain. In the meantime, any requests?"

"What? Oh..." She realized the doctor hadn't played any music during the several minutes they'd been talking. No one seemed to have noticed, since the conversation and laughter had continued unabated around them. "Your choice, Doctor."

The doctor nodded and began to play again, a soft, romantic melody. Janeway rose and squeezed him briefly on the shoulder. She had something to do.

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss," the doctor sang in his strong baritone. "A sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply, as time goes by."

Janeway walked around the small dance floor the doctor had added several months earlier to popular demand. Tom and B'Elanna were already there, swaying gracefully, B'Elanna's pregnancy obvious now even pressed close as she was against her husband. Her chief engineer's eyes were closed and there was a small, contented smile on her face that made Janeway's heart glad. She met Tom's equally satisfied gaze and smiled, then stepped aside as Angelo Tessoni and Tal Celes walked onto the dance floor together. She'd heard some rumors about those two recently. It appeared they just might be true.

At Seven's table, Naomi stood and tugged at Icheb's hand. He shook his head, but a moment later he gave in. Janeway just caught Naomi's words as she pulled him toward the dance floor-"Don't worry. I'll teach you." Seven's eyebrow rose as Janeway's gaze met hers, and they shared an amused look at Naomi's youthful enthusiasm before Seven returned her attention to her PADD.

A moment later Janeway realized that she'd crossed the room, and was now standing in front of his table. She didn't have anywhere else to focus her attention, except on the other person at the table who spoke first.

"Evening, Captain."

"Good evening, Lieutenant Kim," Janeway said. She smiled inwardly at the small and probably unconscious lift of Harry's shoulders at her address. Harry stood before she could add anything else. "If you'll excuse me, Captain."

Janeway nodded, and watched Harry walk to the table where Marla Gilmore and Noah Lessing were sitting with the Delaney sisters. He slid in next to Marla, who looked happy to see him, reminding Janeway of another rumor she'd heard recently. If feelings were developing between those two, she figured Marla might have to do the pursuing since Harry had become a little reticent when it came to romance. If Marla made the effort, she'd certainly find out the young man was worth it.

"Finished with that final departmental review, Captain?"

Janeway finally looked at Chakotay. He was watching her with a small curious smile on his face. "I've finally caught up."

"So you're a free woman for the evening," he said, dimples flashing as he motioned for her to join him. She shook her head, and his grin slipped just a little.

Instead she held out her hand. "Would you care to dance?"

They'd danced before, at official ship functions and holiday celebrations, in the semi-guise of duty, but never in a purely recreational program. And she'd never done the asking. To his credit, Chakotay's blank expression of astonishment only lasted a couple of seconds. Then he stood silently and took her hand. His eyes remained on hers as they moved to the dance floor, and when they stopped she saw the question in them, a question that she couldn't quite answer yet. Instead she put her hands on his shoulders, and felt him slip his arms around her waist. Their bodies brushed close and the doctor's voice drifted around them.

"It's still the same old story, a fight for love and glory, a case of do or die..."

She didn't want to think about duty and responsibilities, or decisions, right and wrong, or guilt, or loss. She didn't want to think about the Borg, or what was likely waiting out there for them next. She didn't even want to think about where this small opening she'd just made might lead, or whether she had used protocol as a shield, giving it more power than it truly had just to protect herself.

Chakotay's arms tightened around her as if he sensed her jumbled thoughts, and she felt his silent support-the support that had always been there no matter what twists and turns their relationship had taken, personally and professionally.

Tomorrow she would have to think about it all, because that was her nature. But for this little while she would let it go, and just be Kathryn-not the captain, and not Janeway, but the woman she sometimes feared she was allowing to slip away. Just Kathryn.

"The world will always welcome lovers, as time goes by," the doctor crooned.

Relaxing completely, Kathryn rested her cheek against Chakotay's shoulder as they began to dance.

Fin.