WARNING: ANGST, FORCED SEX, MALEXMALE. Chad/Ryan. RATED M.

A/N:This is a sort of psychological story; people sometimes allow themselves to be in an abusive relationship when they really like the person, they convince themselves it's ok. And it is unfortunate, but it's real.

Ryan stood at Chad's doorway, wondering what had persuaded him to do this. Maybe he was tired of getting so turned on just by standing near Chad, or by having his heart melt every single time the other boy spoke. And what was worse, over the course of Senior year they had gotten really close, especially since Chad and Taylor broke up and Troy spent more time with Gabriella.

Every time that Chad touched him he went wild and he just couldn't take it any more. He was ready to confess.

He clenched his hands, self consciously patting the legs of his jeans, the ones that showed off his dancers legs. He made sure his light blue hat, the one that went just perfectly with his eyes,was cocked just right. He took a deep breath.

Then he knocked.

There was a pounding of jocks feet as Chad trampled down the stairs, the same sort of pounding as the one in Ryan's chest and the door swung in, revealing a grinning Chad. "Hey man!" Chad said, all pumped up and…

'Hot…' Ryan thought guiltily to himself. 'So damn hot…'

He realized that he was just standing there, so he cleared his throat and smiled back at Chad. "H-hey." He said. "Umm…I h-have to tell you something." His voice was cracking and he felt ashamed about it, but it couldn't be helped. The worst that could happen would be Chad rejecting him. And then…well, at least he'd know where he stood.

"Well, don't stand out there in that horrible weather, come in." Chad beamed, taking his hand. Ryan looked behind him and noticed that the sky indeed had a backdrop of gray. He hadn't even noticed. Ryan flushed, feeling the warmth of Chad's hand spread into his. Chad had incredibly soft hands for a jock, and gentle too. He wished Chad would hold him, maybe, soon, it could be reality.

Maybe.

Chad got to his room, and closed the door behind him. "It's kind of lonely with my parents gone for the week." He said. "I'm glad that you came."

Ryan smiled, loving the feeling of making Chad happy.

"So…what did you want to tell me?" Chad prodded, sitting on the edge of his bed.

Ryan leaned against the door frame, suddenly twice, if not three times as nervous as before. He thought he might faint, but Chad didn't seem to notice, he just kept smiling.

He sighed, stepping closer to Chad, wondering if he should just leave this alone. But, no, it would be better this way.

"Chad," He whispered. "We've been gradually getting closer and closer and I've realized…I've realized…" His voice sounded very faint, even to himself, and he wrung his gloved hands anxiously. "I'm in love with you." He whispered, looking at Chad's feet, refusing to meet the other boy's eyes.

Chad continued to stare at him, blankly, as if he hadn't heard, but Ryan knew he had, because his hands had tightened their hold on his quilted bedspread, and Chad seemed to have stopped breathing. It was silent for a while, and Ryan felt weak with nerves.

Chad continued to look up at him, and his grip loosed. "Are you serious?" He murmured.

Ryan blushed, hopeful. Chad didn't sound upset, he even sounded a little curious, like maybe he could be…sharing the feeling?

Ryan nodded, his blond hair floating round his adorable face.

Chad stood, his jaw set. His eyes seemed darker than before, and it scared Ryan a little bit. But he didn't have to be scared, because Chad would never hurt him.

"Fine then." Chad whispered. "Let's do it."

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing. They'd, just a few days ago had a heated discussion on how sex related to love, and both of them had come to the conclusion that love just didn't equal sex.

So why was Chad asking to do 'it'?

Ryan's eyebrows drew together. Maybe that wasn't what Chad meant. Maybe he meant, let's do it as in, let's be boyfriends or something. But Chad's next phrase threw Ryan completely. "You've gotta take off your clothes." He snapped. "I can't fuck you through your clothes you know."
"I know." Ryan said weakly. "I said…I said that I loved you Chad. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It means something. I wouldn't be about to have sex with you if it didn't mean something." Chad sounded impatient, something Ryan had never heard in his voice before.

"But…I don't want to have sex." Ryan mumbled. What was Chad talking about? Chad had never talked this way before and it was beginning to scare him.

"Well, you should've kept your mouth shut then." Chad knocked off Ryan's hat, and it fell to the ground. Ryan looked into Chad's eyes, hoping to catch a glimmer of a laugh, to show this was a joke.

Chad grabbed unto one of his hands, and it hurt. "Stop!" Ryan yelled, wondering how he'd gotten to this point. Was Chad for real? Chad stared at him, as if contemplating his actions, and Ryan swore he saw regret glinting in Chad's eyes. But the next second it was gone and Chad had shoved him unto the bed, the same bed that they'd spend hours laughing together on, playing together, talking together.

"I'm serious Chad. I don't want to have sex with you!" Ryan screamed, trying to drag his hand away. 'Not like this, so suddenly, so emotionless...' Chad dragged his pants down and pulled Ryan's hands behind him, making Ryan wince in pain. He wanted to cry. Why was Chad doing this? Chad had become his best friend in the last few months, his first true best friend. He'd told everything to Chad, including the fact that he was gay. So why was Chad doing this now?

His face was pressed firmly against Chad's pillow, and he could hear the sounds of a zipper being ripped down and Chad's heavy breathing. "Chad…"He pleaded. "Don't."

There was a pause.

Then there was pain.

Ryan saw stars, and his body was violently shoved forward. He gripped the bedspread, wanting to scream, but smothering it with the pillow. If he screamed, people would hear.

But that's what he wanted, right? He should scream, so people would come and see that he was being raped. But in the back of his mind Ryan knew that he wouldn't, because then, Chad would be in trouble, and Ryan loved him too much to let that happen.

Trying to twist his hands out of the painful hold Chad had on them, Ryan yelped when Chad drove deeper, his hand running aggressively under Ryan's shirt, over his back.

Ryan felt every movement inside him, every painful movement, and lay there wishing that he'd never said anything, feeling his knees being drove further into the mattress.

For some minutes it was just the sound of grunting, whimpers of pain and heavy breathing, and then it was over. Ryan felt the rough intrusion leave him, and Chad get off the bed. He lay there, panting. He couldn't move, it hurt too much. His everything hurt too damn much.

Chad hovered over Ryan, watching as he tried to reach for his boxers, to pull them back up. "Had enough?" He sneered. "That was just round one."

Ryan stared at Chad, his best friend. The boy that had stood up to Sharpay for him when no one else would, who had brought him lunch while he was sick while everyone else avoided him like the plague.

Chad stared back at him, his eyes still dark and devastatingly frightening. "Still love me now?" He snapped. Chad's jaw tightened as he saw Ryan's face crumple. Tears began streaming down Ryan's cheek, vertically, since he was lying down.

Chad wanted to look away, but then it would be too obvious what he was trying to do. He bit his lip, wondering how long he could hold out. Ryan's hair was all over the place and his gorgeous eyes looked ten times so with the water reflecting them.

He looked away from Chad, not wanting him to see him cry. Then he felt Chad's hands on his waist. He winced, but the hands were soft and gentle, as they'd been before he'd confessed, and they pulled up Ryan's boxers, letting his jeans fall to the ground.

Ryan looked into Chad's concerned face, rightfully confused. He couldn't stop himself from crying, but through his tears he managed to ask, "Why?"

Chad sighed, holding Ryan by his shoulders and pulling him close. Ryan trembled, but it was almost like the experiences of the last five minutes were wiped from his mind, just from Chad's touch.

"I'm a coward." Chad whispered, shaking his head. He rested it atop Ryan's. "You should hate me forever. I'm such an asshole."

Ryan looked up at Chad, who was shocked to see that those eyes were still filled with trust. "Tell me." He said in that gentle way of his.

"I…I didn't want to face the music." Chad said softly. "I didn't want you to be in love with me, so I was trying to get you to hate me, ya know?"

"That's why you…did that? You wanted me to hate you?" Ryan looked up at Chad with confusion. Chad looked back at him, and then buried his face into Ryan's shoulder, ashamed.

"Yeah." He mumbled. "I figured you'd hate me, but eventually you'd forgive me and we could be friends again."

"But why didn't you want me to love you?" Ryan asked, wiping his face.

Chad didn't look up. "I love you too." He murmured. "I didn't want to admit that to myself. Coming out, telling my parents, I didn't want to go through that. And what's worse, if we were together, you'd get hurt by the stupid jocks that think you've made me gay already."

Ryan smiled tearily, loving Chad all the more. "You idiot." He whispered, cupping Chad's face and making him look up. "You think something as little as forcing me will get me to stop loving you? You're not getting rid of me that easily."

Chad stared at Ryan in wonder. "I love you." He whispered. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

Ryan watched Chad's eyes say things that his lips couldn't place.

"If you love me," He whispered back. "Go get some ointment or something, cause now, my butt hurts like hell."

Chad winced. "I'll make it up to you." He whispered.

Ryan knew Chad meant it, but he wasn't sure if this wouldn't happen again. But he pushed that thought aside. He loved Chad; he wanted this to work. His eyes shone. "Deal." He murmured.

Chad inched closer, his hand coming up being Ryan's neck. He stared at his flushed pink cheeks and smiled. "I really am sorry." He murmured.

Ryan grinned, obviously having long forgiven Chad. "Just kiss me." He begged.

"And next time you want me to hate you, just tell me. Cause I'd do anything for you."

Check out Chapter 2 to see what happens.