"One"

By, Lady Guinevere

A star clad sky surrounded me like a comforting blanket with bright, embroidered lights on it. Never ending, soothing greatness hugged me and made me feel so small and insignificant, yet it fulfilled me with its endless grandeur.

Smells of a dormant summer night protruded my nostrils and made me inhale its sweetness, freshness and eagerness. A symphony of summer night sounds soothed my ears, rocking me into a dreamy state of mind. Humming crickets, buzzing mosquitoes and scratching owls sang their songs, letting the world know of their presence and vigilance.

I wanted to take off the clothes that had been confining me all day. Scarce as they were maybe, they had hindered my movements and kept my body from breathing in nature to its full extent. I wanted to feel one with nature, and let the deep, dark waters of the lake touch my skin and finally cool it off to its natural temperature.

I pulled my dress over my head and felt the soft, brushing wind caress my skin, giving it goose bumps. I took off the last bit of clothing that separated me from becoming one with the lake and stretched out my arms as if to touch the sky and embrace like it the dear, old friend I had known and loved all my life, even though it never seemed to be close enough to indulge it with passionate, physical contacts.

My feet had already been touching mother earth, and were firmly rooted into her, like I was her child, unable to live or breathe without her presence or touch. Her grasses were ticklish under my feet, and so damp that I felt I was glued to the spot, never able to release myself from her soft, yet demanding feel.

One by one I lifted my feet and made contact with Mother Earth, over and over again, letting her unusual tenderness and strength bring me back to life and full awareness with every step that I took. As I got closer to the lake, which was drawing me and luring me to loose myself in it, the ground tugged at my feet more demanding. Feet were sucked into her demanding clutch, unwilling to let go of her child, almost as if she needed her child to exist, equally as much as I needed her.

Finally my feet were surrounded by the pure, lukewarm water, still drawn into the unfathomable depths of her womb, like she demanded her child back deep inside her core, where it had once grown and been in need of her for the sole purpose of surviving and growing, so it could be on its own some glorious day.

The water forced itself on my body inch by inch, fulfilling desires I was never even aware of having. My body slowly became one with it, and it felt like coming home. Like I had never even left Mother Earth's womb.

I closed my eyes to let all of my senses drink in this unknown, yet unwarily yearned and ever dormant desire. It cursed through my veins where it found its way, bringing me into a state of mind that felt like pure perfection.

The water reached up to my chin and I felt it thrust itself between the lips it had once before tasted. Mother Earth was surrounding me with all her strength, holding me tight in her clutch and not willing to let me go. She played games with my hair, made it float around me like sea weeds, looking ever so soft and beautiful as it had never done before.

The star clad sky seemed to reflect itself in my hair; I couldn't stop gazing at how beautiful she made it look. Like I had never ever seen it before, I wondered about its beauty.

I ran my hands through my hair, brushing it away from my face, feeling the wetness soaked deep into its essence.

As I led my hands through my newborn hair, beads of water escaped from it, trickling down from under my hands. Playfully running down over my forehead, challenging each other to come close enough to merge into one; they trailed down over my face and my lips, until they finally found their original source again.

Reunited with their spring at last, they blended into its oblivion, only now having brought with them some of the essence that belonged to one who was also once one with this source, nourishing off its womb.

My feet felt less heavy with each step, the Earth seemed to have stopped her demanding tugging at them. My whole body felt lighter than ever, like I had dissolved into her dampness and was nothing more than a tiny drop in her greatness and deepness.

I gazed at my body in awe. The silvery light of the moon reflected on it; rippling through the water, intermittent only by shadows it cast itself. An almost transparent body stared back at me, fragile like the foetus it once was, in her womb. Hardly able to exist without her womb enclosing me, still needing to nourish on her amniotic fluid to make me a whole person, I bathed in her goodness.

Carefully I stepped ahead; the deep, dark, wetness hugging me like a tight skin. I became closer to her with every gentle step, feeling her succulence surrounding me, invading my nostrils, and gently bashing waves at my eyes, so I had to stop breathing with my body.

It was fine, because I knew her closeness would make my humane breathing abundant.

I could breathe through my pores; and breathe in her rich humidity as I finally merged with her.

I stood fully covered under the heavy, weighty touch of the lake, oblivion was washing over me. My whole existence seemed meaningless at this moment. Total perfection, happiness and reassurance were the words that best described my state of mind.

Cloudiness was taking over my futile thoughts, making me let go of daily details which seemed not to matter anymore. Bubbles originating from my nostrils emerged to the dense surface of the dampness surrounding me; I was amazed at how beautiful even those tiny things appeared to be.

Enjoying this wondrous underwater world with all its perfection, I was unaware of the breaking of the surface, which was forcefully being opened up to let in an intruder. Like a trembling, faithful virgin, not expecting the severe and blinding pain it would cause her.

Great, peaceful blackness inhabited me and fulfilled my brain with the promise of never ending blissfulness. My body seemed to exist solely for the completion of the womb surrounding me, finally making her whole again.

Roughly my thoughts were disturbed, when I was taken away from my new, yet ancient world, my head soaring into the open air again. My senses registered the music and scents of this lazy summer night again, creating a cacophony in my head which was overwhelming and piercing after the serene silence I had just experienced. My lungs seemed to fill up with fresh air so sudden, it made me gasp beyond believe.

The soothing nothingness had gone and a fearful state took over my brain. Why were my dreams so roughly disturbed?

Why did all this air force itself down me so hard I couldn't cope with it? I didn't want it, nor did I need it, I was doing fine!

My lungs felt overly sensitive and wanted to burst out of my body, to go back into the luring depths of the water again.

Vaguely I heard someone call out my name, making my ear tremble and my heart skip a beat. Was she calling me back to go under into her womb to fulfil her once again?

She was still tugging at my legs, still surrounding me, making me aware of two worlds at once.

Blissfulness, forgetfulness, tranquillity and serenity beckoned me at one side; while pain, indifference, poisonous skin and yearning for that which would never become mine tried to lure me to their side. I was through with their side, I wanted to wallow in my roots and live in serene eternity forever and always, being completed by her and completing her in return.

My name was being called out again by a dark, vibrating voice that made my insides shiver because it touched my soul. I knew who it was from instinctively; it hunted my dreams and my existence ever since my ears registered its sound for the first time. It belonged to the man I loved more than life itself, the man I would never belong to, because we just couldn't be.

Slowly I came to my senses, forgetting about her beckoning and about how complete I had felt a moment ago. A moment that seemed a lifetime ago by now; causing my heart to break and to weep for the loss of her fulfilment. .

The love and acceptance I had felt then and there slowly yet abruptly let go of my being like they had never been real, insisting to chew on my mind though. Like something you knew that resided inside you and waited for the right moment to come out and seize you; to take you over completely and shame you for not being with her and fulfilling both your needs.

Still hearing my name being cried out by this dark, familiar voice with desperation that seemed to grow by the moment, I shivered all over my body. The soothing water had seemingly repudiated me from her tender embrace, leaving me nothing but coldness and wetness, numbing my mind in another way than it had done just before.

I panicked and my feet wildly moved around to seek the muddy ground, which had lost all of its magic and apparel out of the blue. My feet found nothing but wetness surrounding me and suffocating me slowly, until I finally felt two strong arms wrapped around me. Familiar arms which seemed to dominate me into their closeness, however thankful I felt right now about their strength. They were preventing me from sinking down into the dark depths of this treacherous lake and slowly helped me to calm down, to steady my senses and nerves a bit.

What was I doing????

I was drowning myself!

As if things weren't damp enough, the salty water that filled my eyes up added more to the humidity. Up to the point my eyes couldn't hold it anymore; spilling their contents so tears ran down my cheeks.

Once again, moist beads were trickling down over my lips and merging into the source I had cherished so much. As if to show her how much she had hurt me; or on the other hand, they could be responding to her beckon call and melt into one with her just the same.

The strong arms surrounding my soaked body lifted me up further and comforted me by being there; soothing sounds found its way to my ear, telling me everything was going to be fine.

I dared to trust myself to these arms and the body they belonged to; too numb to wonder how it was possible his thoughts weren't washing over my mind by now and forcing themselves upon my brain in equal return for my skin forcing it self upon his.

Complete surrender, tiredness and grief took over my being, leaving me weak and shuddering. Coldness penetrating my bones added to my discomfort, making me wonder even more what the hell I had been doing.

The powerful muscular form surrounding me dragged me away through the demanding untrustworthy lake bit by bit; until I was finally scooped up by his arms and pressed against the wet curls that covered up the firmness of his chest.

His face looked grim and I knew the look that was displayed in his eyes all too well; I had seen it twice before when he thought he had lost me. Touching as his concern was, the fear of him being angry at me and judging me for my stupidity, made me turn my eyes away in shame.

Carefully wrapping my arms around him, I was lifted from the ambiguity of the lake and carried away from it. A few steps away he came to a halt and lay me down in the grass, covering me up with a piece of clothing that smelled familiar, though it wasn't my own.

Trembling as my lips were, they still tried to form those two universal words understood for their meaning throughout her whole world, "Thank you…"

Not knowing whether the words had been formed by my lips, I stretched out my arms as best as I could in my weakened condition; gazing at my saviour to find the answer in his eyes.

"Ssshhhhhhhhhhh…" was the answer I got instead; its soothing sound rocked me further into a dreamy state, unable to respond in any way whatsoever.

His powerful form was embraced by my arms and I felt barely aware of his presence as he lay down next to me. The experience that stuck by me just before darkness swallowed me whole was the warmth radiating from his body. The tender, cosy warmth which I needed desperately to stay alive at this point; having been numbed with cold; right down to my core. Retaliation for not being with her anymore, or so it seemed.

More time left to ponder there was not left. The will to stay awake was gone, along with the power to direct energy to anything else but the heating up of my frozen body. Total blackness finally kicked in and left my conscience to dream its wearily dreams of her treacherous, damp deepness and her luring beckon call while my saviour watched over me.