Issues

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. Tag to Frame Up. I think the scene where Tony is in jail reveals more about Tony than we think We all know Tony's father wasn't the nicest guy, but what about Mom?. Hints of child abuse. Spoilers from Chained, Missing Love to know your thoughts.

Tony woke up drenched in sweat. He could feel his breathing quicken as his heart raced in response to the images and memories flooding back to him. He ran his hand over his face trying to tug the sleepiness out of his features. It wasn't like he wanted to sleep anytime soon after that. He could still feel the cool bars of the cell and the stiff fabric of the sheets. He looked down and saw with much relief that he was not in a cell, but in his own bed and not in the stuffy cot from the urine smelling jail cell. He dropped his head back to the satin sheets and sighed for small favors. Still even though Chip had been caught, Tony knew the nightmare was far from over. This damn case brought back too many memories…forgotten…buried…but when he was alone…completely alone with his arms wrapped around his legs, he began to imagine what would happen if he didn't get out. What would happen if Gibbs failed him? His past would happen…a nightmare brought back to life.

He shut his eyes tightly and pushed the palms of his hands deep into the sockets. As he struggled to free his mind of the sensations and flashes that plagued him since he had left the police station. . If Gibbs could see him now. What would he think?

Tony could only imagine:

Damn it DiNozzo! What the hell is wrong with you? What kind of man has nightmares about Mommy? What kind of man did your father teach you to be? A pussy? Nah, I'm sure he taught you to be tough….not weak. I hate weakness, DiNozzo….

Weak…Tony felt his stomach rumbling in rebellion. He was weak…a pussy as his father would say. What kind of man was he? He could almost hear the words spewing out of his father's mouth as if he were in the same room with him. His ears burned. Tony barely made it to the bathroom when his stomach gave out. He heaved over the toilet one hand clutching his bare chest as his head pounded against the cool porcelain. Images…Mommy….sailor suits….hands… He began to throw up again. Intimacy my ass….

***********************************************

Gibbs took a sip of bourbon and sighed as his course hands made their way over the skeleton of his boat. He brushed away the sawdust that had settled on the edges and tried to keep his mind off his senior agent but found that it was difficult. The week they had been through. Today alone would be enough to drive anyone mad. Thank God Abby stopped Chip. Gibbs would hate to have Tony spend another night in jail because of that piece of crap. Even though the case of who done it? was solved, Gibbs felt something incomplete. His gut was churning as he waited for the reason why to enter his home.

What the hell am I doing here? Tony took a deep breath and opened the door to Gibb's house. He was grateful that Gibbs left the door unlocked because knocking right now just didn't feel like an option. He didn't even know what he was doing here but for some reason seeing Gibbs he thought would make it all seem better. He found himself nearly tiptoeing as he made his way to the basement stairs his heart pounding in his chest.

Gibbs looked up as he heard the stairs creaking. He reached over and quietly pulled out his gun just in case…

"S'okay , Boss. It's just me." Gibbs grinned as he placed the gun beside him and looked up at his guest.

Tony looked like shit. There were dark shadows under his eyes and his hands appeared to be shaking a bit. Gibbs offered Tony a beer to which Tony merely grinned in response.

"Expecting me?"

Gibbs shrugged as he got back to work. "Expecting something." Tony cracked open the bottle and took a large gulp "Yeah, "he agreed, "me too."

********************************************************

The two mean sat in silence for awhile until at last Gibbs spoke.

"What's on your mind, DiNozzo?"

Tony took another swig of the beer. "Too much." He could barely look Gibbs in the eyes.

"This whole ….thing….brought back some bad memories for me."

Gibbs nodded. "Been in jail a lot DiNozzo?"

Tony gave a weak smirk. "Something likes that."

Gibbs looked squarely at his senior agent. Tony was hunched over the chair trying to make himself as small as possible. Gibbs took another sip of bourbon. taking in the sight of his shaken agent.

"This about what you said in the cell earlier?"

Tony nodded avoiding Gibbs' stare.

"It's true, you know. I never would have gotten out of there if I had to go to trial."

Gibbs continued to sand as Tony spoke.

"I mean….I'm pretty screwed up, Boss."

Gibbs tried to lighten the mood. "Ya think, DiNozzo?" Tony couldn't find it in him to even make a comeback. Gibbs was reminded of Jeffrey White and Tony's pain after that fiasco. Opening up to others did that to Tony.

"We're all screwed up DiNozzo. Trust me."

Tony gave a slight shrug. "Maybe." He took another long drink from the bottle and stood up.

"Thanks, Boss." Gibbs eyed the agent as he stood about to leave.

"Sit down, Tony." Tony kept his back to his Boss.

"I better go."

"You came here to talk and damn it that's what you're going to do."

Tony spun around with a meek, "Yes, Sir." Gibbs nodded curtly happy that his agent still had the sense to listen to him.

"So… did your mother really dress you like a sailor until you were 10?"

After the words flowed from his lips Gibbs knew he had struck a nerve. Tony's face went paler and a look ….almost as if he had gone numb came over his features.

"Yep. Mother could never resist a guy in uniform." After admitting his nightmare aloud in so many words he polished the beer and slammed the bottle nearly shattering it. Gibbs stopped sanding and let the words sink in. He felt his stomach churn at what DiNozzo had just admitted.

"Aw hell, Tony." The kid was running his hands together lost in his own memories leaving Gibbs wondering what his next move should be.

"When did…"

Tony swallowed not allowing Gibbs to finish. "Till she died. I was a little over 10 when she passed. My father decided to ship me to boarding school for next few semesters and then military school. Figured it would make me into a man. Guessing mother didn't quite get it right…."

Gibbs' eyes grew fierce, full of protection and concern. It all made sense. Tony viewed women as sexual objects because…he was viewed as one. Why wouldn't he see women that way? He couldn't get close to them. He couldn't; get close to anyone. If he did, it all fell apart.

"This was not your fault."

Tony said nothing just continued to stare at the floor. Gibbs lowered his eyes hoping to find whatever Tony found so interesting on the floor before him.

"Did your father know?"

Tony let out a low, hollow chuckle. "Oh he knew. Found out right before she died. Always wondered why he had to get her to notice him." Tony flailed his arms with a maddening laugh. "I was obviously in the way!" Gibbs felt his heart constrict and while seeing Tony this animated wondered how far off "Tony" in the jail being prosecuted really was.

"Bastard disowned me. Not a dime. 12 years old…. Guess that's what you get for being a whore…end up in the gutter."

*Whump*

Tony glared at Gibbs.

"Why the hell did you head slap me?"

"You are not in a gutter." He looked around him." You're in my basement."

Tony realized that Gibbs was trying to crack a joke. He found himself laughing. He breathed a sigh.

"Feel better?"

Tony shrugged. "Don't know yet. I still have issues."

Gibbs turned back to his boat, warm feelings of love for the ones he lost as his hands ran over the Kelly.

"Don't we all."

.

Hope you like! Should I continue? I just got to thinking about what Tony said and the way he worded things that maybe Mom wasn't so great either. Please review!