What if Merlin left Arthur with three letters after he finished speaking with him in Episode thirteen and left straight away? Not giving Gaius time to go in his place. Really random. Merlin/Gwen

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Apart from the few episodes that I have on my ipod. Everything you recognise belongs to the person who writes the script.

A/N I am still writing my other story. But this idea refused to leave me. The story picks up from the conversation between Merlin and Arthur in Morte D'Arthur. After Merlin had told Arthur he needs to listen. Episode spoilers.

"Just… don't be a prat."

"Thank You Merlin. Anything else" Arthur replied sarcastically. Half expecting Merlin to say no and walk away.

"Yes, actually…" he paused not sure if he could do this or not, then he looked at Arthur's expectant face and Merln sighed, "can you hand these letters out for me please as I am not going to be able to." He saw Arthur's face at the thought of being asked to do servants work and asked again

"Please Arthur. I'm not going to be able to do it myself. Don't do anything else, just give them their letters. But don't do anything foolish. Please"

Arthur was never sure if it was Merlin's face that made him give in or if it was he way he was speaking as though he would never see them again and that this was his last wish. It could have simply been that he wanted to get out of his room, but for whatever reason he nodded.

"Thank you. And… and can you not open yours straight away; give me five minutes."

Again Arthur nodded and Merlin placed three letters in his outstretched hand. One said Prince Arthur, one The Lady Morgana and one, very simply, said Gwen. And yet the last letter seemed to be the most important for its lack of titles and if he squinted and held the envelope close to his eyes he could see a small heart in the corner. Arthur looked up to tease Merlin but Merlin was gone, leaving nothing behind apart from these letters.

He sat at the window seat and saw Merlin's horse gallop out of Camelot as fast as it could, Merlin riding with not even the pack that would be needed if he was going to go out at this time of the day.

'Odd' Arthur thought 'I'd heard that Hunith was gravely ill. So why is he leaving Camelot? Has it been five minutes yet? I want to know what all this is about.' He looked up at the sun 'Close enough I reckon if he had time to go to the stables and get his horse then surely that is close enough to five minutes' Arthur was not known for his patience so he ripped the envelope that was labelled Prince Arthur.

"Dear Arthur" He read aloud, as was his habit - something that he had started to do simply because it annoyed Morgana.

"Please believe me when I say everything I write is true. And do not throw this letter and the others away in disgust. Even if you don't finish yours, can you pass the others on anyway. PLEASE." What are you worried about Merlin. I said I would didn't I? What could you say that would make me change my mind?

I think the best way for me to say this is. Simply put it wasn't Will that day." Merlin please don't tell me this means what I think it does. "I was the one who used magic" By the Gods Merlin what are you doing in Camelot we're one of the only places that REALLY hate magic and you HAD to come here didn't you.

It didn't occur to him that for someone who had been brought up hating magic he should tell the king and feel betrayed. The only thing that annoyed him was the fact Merlin hadn't told him to his face and that Merlin was in grave danger everyday yet he never seemed to care.

"But Arthur there is more to it than that. Everyone else who uses magic CHOOSE to study it. I had no choice in the matter I was born with this power. Unlike you who, if you wanted to – and I know you wont - could choose to abdicate. I couldn't choose anything else. I was using magic before I could talk. You had to be trained in the ways of a Prince and, eventually, a King but I need no training for magic. I just am." Bloody hell Merlin. Born like this I've not heard anything like this ever before.

"I ask that you forgive me for not telling you to your face. I almost did in Eledor, but Morgana walked in on us and the moment was lost. I was so afraid that you were going to send me away from Camelot. I would not have minded if you had me killed you would prefer to be dead then sent away Merlin. Why? because then I would not have had to live in the knowledge that I failed in my destiny. I really am sorry Arthur.

I have been told that it is my destiny to protect you and I think that is the reason I did it the first time – remember when I became your manservant. But every time how many times have you saved me life. Every time? That implies more than once after that I did it because I felt that Arthur could not die. Not the crown Prince of Camelot but Arthur was not allowed to die. Arthur you are going to lead Camelot and lead it well. You will be a great king and I was supposed to be there by your side. But to save you this time, I must die. I don't care because I know that you are safe. I protect you now, not because of duty but because I could not bear to see you die.

Arthur, I think of you as a brother and I you so I ask you again to, as my brother, trust me when I say that I am happy to sacrifice my life for yours. It is an honour.

As you read this I am travelling to the Isle of the Blessed. I will not allow Nimueh to take my mothers life for yours. It was mine I bargained with and mine she WILL take.

I say this bit to make sure that Gwen is completely off the hook because I know that in the future if anything happens and your father needs to blame someone for the use of magic. It was I who saved Gwen's father. She didn't know. She didn't, and can't use magic. MAKE SURE YOUR FATHER KNOWS THIS.

You must listen to Morgana, I will not tell you why – it is not my place. But please trust me when I say that if she is scared for you it is for a good reason.

Look after my mother. Please Arthur for me, just make sure she recovers properly. Try and think of a reason for not to go back to Eledor, if she does you will not see her ever again, even when something is seriously wrong. Let her know that I love her and I will be watching over her and she is not to worry – this goes for you too – please.

Remember me – Your brother

Merlin

Arthur was in shock. Merlin. Merlin was a sorcerer, he could not believe it but he knew that Merlin wouldn't lie about matters that important. Bloody hell this was a lot to take in.

He stood up, not feeling any pain in his shoulder and not really caring about it. He walked out of his chamber, shocking the guard who were standing outside the doors. He wasn't supposed to be up yet he knew. Yet he didn't care as Merlin was more important and he felt fine.

He had to get to Gaius' chamber and find out where this Isle of the Blessed was. And he could give Morgana and Gwen there letters on his way there. Or maybe he could get them to come to him while he talked to their Physician.

He was shocked to find Gwen already there tending to Hunith, who; if truth be told, looked dead already although if you looked closely you could see the slight rise and fall of her chest. Gwen was equally shocked to see him there.

"Sire, what are you doing up? And in here of all places?"

"I have letter for you from Merlin. And I must speak to Gaius and Morgana." He spoke while pacing the small chambers.

"You there" he turned and faced the guard who had followed him. "Go and get the Lady Morgana and, if your see him, Gaius. Let them know that it is extremely important"

The guard nodded and turned away to follow his orders.

Arthur waited for the guard to leave before he passed Gwen her letter.

"Sit down" he told her "Whatever he wrote is going to be a shock"

Gwen looked at him confusion on her face and she started to read out loud

"Dear Gwen" Before she continued Arthur told her that if she was going to talk out loud then he would be in Merlin's room as whatever was in that letter was for her alone. She nodded and waited for him to move before she continued

"Dear Gwen.

I start this with an apology I could never make to your face. I am truly sorry but I really did think I was doing the right thing and that I was doing good.

It was I that cured your father and caused you to almost be killed. I really am sorry but I couldn't bear to see you so upset I had to do something. However I went about it the wrong way. I crave your forgiveness and I hope that in time you will pardon me.

What I am saying may sound odd but I am a sorcerer. Of a fashion, I tend not to use words. I was born with it and had worked it out before I could talk. I never said I was ordinary – quite the opposite.

By the Gods this is hard. What I am trying to do is apologise for sending the one I love to Camelot dungeons" What? The one I love? "What I am trying to say is that I, Merlin, love you. I really do and I really am sorry.

While you're reading this I am travelling to the Isle of the Blessed. Nimueh wants a life for Arthur's, and I will not allow that life to be the one she chose – my mother – so I go to force Nimueh to take mine instead.

Don't mourn for me. Just remember me when you have time please. Look after my mother for me. Be happy and don't forget who you are. The girl who has the stolen the heart of the 'Greatest Warlock in the World' (not my words by the way. But who am I to say no to something like that.)

You have my love for the rest of eternity

Merlin

No, no, no, no this couldn't be true. She didn't notice Morgana walk in nor Arthur coming in from Merlin's room holding another envelope. She didn't notice that she had started to shake and that breathing was suddenly hard. All she could think of was Merlin.

How he looked when he smiled, how his hair was always messy, how she would feel when he walked into a room, the way his eyes seemed to sparkle in the sun, how he would complain about all of his chores, how you could see that the relationship between him and Arthur was more than that of master and servant it was that of family, how he could always cheer her up, how the first time she met him he was in the stocks for standing up for a servant against Arthur while he was being a prat, how later even though he knew who Arthur was he still insulted him, how he bowed down for nobody, how silly he looked with that feather hat that Arthur had told him he had to wear, how he had drunk the poison knowing he was going to die, how he had saluted the poison to Arthur – to Arthur's health, how he refused to let Arthur order him about, how he could make her laugh and how he always stood up for what he believed was right.

She had always known, somehow, that when he died he would die for Arthur but she hadn't even considered the thought of that happening for years, how he would go to his grave not knowing if she had forgiven him or not when – truthfully there was nothing to forgive.

That last thought latched to her brain. He didn't know that or how she felt for him.

"I never told him. Gods I never told him, he'll never ever know. I didn't tell him, I never got round to telling him." Morgana looked confused but Arthur signalled he would let her know later.

"I never told him and know he's going to die. And he doesn't know… he is going to die… I… I… I never said. He'll…………he'll never know." With this she collapsed into the arms of Morgana who immediately held her tight and allowed her just to cry it all out, knowing that it was something to do with Merlin. Gwen sobbed on her lap and seemed to be calming down only to burst into fresh tears.

Arthur silently handed the last addressed letter to Morgana who moved Gwen gently so she could read, whilst still allowing the poor girl to cry over what she could only guess.

'The Lady Morgana' She read in Merlin's messy handwriting. She did not read it aloud as she instinctively knew that she would never allow anyone to read this letter.

'Morgana.

I am writing to you not only to tell you who I am but who you are. I am Merlin but I am also Magic. There is no different way to describe it. Magic flows through my body more than blood. It is me and I am it. I never I had to study it, I just know it. Instinct.

You Morgana are a seer. You see the future through your dreams. You knew of the danger Arthur was in because of the questing beast, and I knew what you are. So do not blame yourself. It's ALL my fault I should have been more careful ESPECIALLY after your warning.

What I ask of you is different from what I ask Arthur and Gwen I asked them to look after my mother. I ask you to look after them. Please I trust you, I asked Arthur to listen to you when you tell him of dangers. I did not tell him why, that is your choice – I just told him to listen.

Don't forget me, look after Gwen and Arthur – do not allow them to mourn me for too long.

I am also writing to say goodbye. As you read this I ride to my death for Arthur's sake and for my mother's. I do not think I could choose between them like I was asked to do. I will make sure Nimueh leaves everyone else and takes the life that was bargained with. Mine.

Be happy and trust your instincts,

Merlin

Morgana was stunned. Merlin – quiet little Merlin could use magic and was magic if she had read what he said properly. She wasn't afraid of him or anything like that, just shocked. This was something to take in. She held Gwen close and looked up at Arthur silently asking him what he thought.

Before Arthur could speak Gaius walked in, and was shocked to see them there. Gwen –crying her eyes out – clinging to Morgana and Arthur standing over them looking tired and worn out as though he had the world on his shoulders and he had been stabbed in the chest.

"Sire. What are you doing out of bed? You should be resting."

Arthur turned to face the physician and said one word "Merlin"

With that Gwen began sobbing again and buried her head in Morgana's dress. This in turn caused Morgana to glare at Arthur, but not with any malice as she could guess how Arthur felt he had lost his only friend, lost a member of his family. He just slumped into the wall as though he couldn't keep going for much longer. Morgana was coping the best out of the three of them and that didn't mean much - she felt terrible. Merlin was going to his death and he didn't seem scared of worried or anything like that. He accepted it and in doing so he told them his secret, told Morgana what she was. It was like Will had said all those months ago. "What are you going to do kill me?"

Gaius sighed. Merlin had evidently seen through his plan of Gaius going to the Isle of the Blessed in Merlin's place.

"How much do you know sire?" He asked the young prince.

"I know what he is, what he is doing and why he is going to this Isle of the Blessed." He glanced at Gwen but she seemed not to have heard what he said. He nodded towards her and quietly asked Gaius.

"Do you have anything for her? I know not what he said but I know that she knows that he goes to his death."

Gaius nodded and passed Morgana a vile, signalling that it was to be given to Gwen.

"Gwen, Gwen listen to me" Morgana spoke, Gwen looked up - her eyes were red and tears were streaming down her face. She only just seemed to realise who it was she was holding onto for dear life and she made a move to get up but Morgana pulled her down.

"I am so sorry my Lady. I shouldn't be spoiling your dress, or crying on you. It's nothing honest, I'm just being foolish."

"Don't be silly you needed it, you still do. But I need you to drink this for me. We can't work out what to do if you can't speak. Come on Gwen, for Merlin." She had said the magic words as at the last statement Gwen took the vile and drank the concoction.

"I found this in his bin, it's a letter for Father. Do you think we should give it to him or not?" Arthur held up the letter, they argued about it but eventually decided to give it to him so solemnly Gwen, Arthur, Morgana and Gaius walked to the throne room were they knew that they would find the king.

While all of this was going on Merlin continued to ride as quickly as he could. Only looking back once.