Please bear in mind that I follow the manga. So if you've seen only the anime, feel free to skip the character Satoshi or anything else you might not know. Or, better yet, go read the manga, it's awesome!

And if you wonder where the "hentai anime" piece comes from - on the cover of Chapter 30 of the manga, Satoshi wears a necklace that, to me, looks like a womanly shape...

Sorry for the hiatus! Kyoya needed to recover, and now he's all right! :)

"Kyoyaaaaaaaa!" shouted Aki from the Ohtori mansion's yard "why did you throw me out? I've got more! And we're mature women, and…"

"Then why is the fanfic featuring you titled Immature?" Kyoya slammed the window shut and ordered a couple of butlers to lead Miss Kamimae away.

He didn't want to see her for a few days at least, even if she payed.

Sighing, he opened the folder labeled Non-hosts, where he found more canon clichés, exaggerations and opposites.

Canon cliché: Dark!Nekozawa

"Let me cast this wonderful spell with Bereznoff… muhahaha!"

(Stay away from the club, please.)

Exaggeration: Suicidal!Nekozawa

"Oh, due to insert tragedy here (choose from the following: Kirimi doesn't like him/he accidentally ripped Bereznoff/his spell didn't work/he got raped (wtf?))… my life has no purpose… oh, Bereznoff, let's join the Death God…"

(…please…)

Opposite: Cool!Nekozawa

"Hahaha! I feel so much better now!" Nekozawa, standing in the bright sunlight, tossed away his cigarette, scratched his hair dyed with bright colors and…"

(STOP! )

Side note: Some of the OOC Nekozawa badfics show an uncanny resemblance to some vampire novels, hm, what was the title? "Dusk"? Maybe "Nightfall"?

Canon cliché: Angry!Chika

"Grr! Prepare yourself, Mitsukuni!"

(Not in the club room, please.)

Exaggeration: Destructive!Chika

"YEAAARGH!" thus Chika, armed with a huge hammer, began destroying all the furniture in the Third Music Room.

(Well, if he wants his father to pay for the damage…)

Opposite: Sissy!Chika

"Here, a box of chocolates for you!" Chika handed the sweets to insert: Satoshi/Hunny/Haruhi/Sue/Kyoya.

(Well, as long as he doesn't eat them himself… but wait, no. That is not okay!)

(A very disturbing subspecies is Horny!Chika, generally showing up with Sex starved!Hunny or OMGIMSOGAY!Satoshi)

Canon cliché: Happy!Satoshi

"Yay! Yasuchika! Let's play!"

(That's fine. And no, not that kind of "play", you perverts!)

Exaggeration: Insane!Satoshi

"Hahahaha! Yasuchika, it's only light!" thus Satoshi kept on hitting Chika's already dead body with the shinai.

(Now, let me ask you, WHAT?)

Opposite: Emo!Satoshi

"Oh, oh, oh… I'm so worried because insert sad stuff here (choose: Yasuchika got raped/his brother hates him/he has no taste buds/his favourite hentai anime stopped airing), I… oh! Where's the blade? I need to cut myself and see my blood spill to…"

(Who the heck is this emo?)

Canon cliché: Conflicted!Kasanoda

"I'm a yakuza… but… hm… Fujioka is cute, and I like gardening… ahem…"

(The twins are gonna kill you, but fine…)

Exaggeration: Suffering from personality disorder!Kasanoda

Kasanoda had to leave the Gardening Club early in order to insert quite improbable stuff here (choose: see his psychologist/go to anger management courses/get antidepressants/kill himself)

(Choose the Ohtori company, please! Wait… this OOCness makes no sense!)

Opposite: Peaceful!Kasanoda

Kasanoda peacefully walked past Tamaki and Haruhi snogging in the hallway, then, once home, he baked heart-shaped cookies to his underlings and signed the box with his own name.

(Not likely…)

Canon cliché: Loves his daughter!Ranka

"Haruhiii! You're so cute when you're angryyy!"

(Reminds me disturbingly of someone… hmm…)

Exaggeration: Abusive!Ranka

"Silence!" shouted Ranka as he strapped Haruhi down "I love you so much…"

(Oh, dear, no… this will make Angsty!Haruhi appear, and, really, just how OOC is that?)

Opposite: Random!Ranka

Ranka decided that he should definitely insert totally random stuff here (choose: marry someone/see a medium to get in contact with Kotoko/shoot the Host Club boys/imprison someone in their flat to help Haruhi socialize).

(All this makes no sense. Ranka-san ALWAYS tries to make some, at least…)

Canon cliché: Otaku!Renge

"Your characters are all wrong! We should make Uki-Doki Memorial come alive here!"

(No. Though, well, it might be interesting…)

Exaggeration: Mad!Renge

"Your characters are all wrong! Now let's insert totally crazy otaku-ness here (choose: shave Hunny's head to make him look like Character X/Scar Tamaki's face to make him look like Character Y/Operate Mori into a transgender to make him like Character Z/Kill Hikaru for some twin drama)!"

(Now THIS might NOT be interesting.)

Opposite: Normal!Renge

"Your characters aren't like those in Uki-Doki Memorial, but who cares, this is real life, let's love it this way!"

(Oh, it would have been just SO easy this way!)