Snips And Snails And Platypus Tails

It was a normal day in the Flynn-Fletcher household… currently anyway. Linda was just heading out to meet her gal pals; Lawrence had already headed off to work; Candace was talking to Stacy on her cell phone about Jeremy; and Phineas and Ferb were relaxing against the large oak tree in the back yard. With a platypus. Named Perry.

Currently, the platypus was patiently waiting for the youngest in his host family to direct their attention away from him for about… ten seconds, or a minute. Either would be fine, really. As long as they were looking at each other and facing away from him.

"Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!" Phineas exclaimed. Ah, his chance! The blank faced Platypus glanced to the boys, making sure they weren't looking, before he waddled off, turning the corner of the house. As he waddled to his destination, Perry mentally chuckled as the sound of the shorter of the boys asked,

"Hey, where's Perry?" as he usually did. He suddenly stopped, seeming frozen, before he suddenly stood up on his hind legs and whipped out a detective hat from no where, placing it on his head, the blank stare turning into one of intensity. Reaching out, he stomped on the ground two times, and was gone, zipping down the underground tubes.

Now, you might have thought, 'Hey! That's not a normal platypus!'. And if you did, you'd be right. Perry the platypus isn't an average platypus, but an agent called, Agent P. that works for a secret agency that only has animals for agents. Why this is, we'll never know.

As Perry went down, he yawned, patting his bill in a bored manner. He had gone through this, and many other means of transportation to the main communication chambers. And it was getting old. After all, he had been doing this since… Since Phineas and Ferb were toddlers. They were in Elementary School now.

He blinked as he was suddenly covering by something, glancing down at the clothes, ones reminiscent of what a secret agent would wear.

'Well… This is new' he thought, before he landed in the large chair that was facing away from a large monitor. The momentum caused him to spin around to face it, his paws having accidentally come together in an acute arch.

"Nice entrance, Agent P!" the man on the screen, Dr. Monogram exclaimed, giving the platypus a thumbs up and winking. "Hey! Give me one of those sounds you always make around your host family!" Perry raised an eye ridge in question. "Oh come on! It'll be wicked cool!" the human insisted, making Perry sigh, before he obliged, making a short, growly sound. His eyes widened in surprise as Dr. Monogram squealed girlishly, before he fell back, his unshaved legs up in the air, apparently wearing yellow boxers today.

"Sir!" Carl exclaimed, rushing up to the screen and looking confused as well as worried.

'….What goes on in that human's head?' Perry wondered, feeling a little freaked out. "Um… Well, it seems he's kind of…" Carl glanced as the man. "Incapacitated, so I'll just… I don't actually KNOW what the assignment was, but I'm sure Sir would say, 'You've got to stop Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Agent P! Good luck!" Carl called after the platypus as he rushed off, having torn off the suit and now very much against clothes forever.

DxP~DxP~DxP~DxP

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorperateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!

Perry mentally groaned.

'Must they play that every time?' he questioned in his head, landing his hover car on the edge of the tall building, and disembarking the vessel and straightening his hat. Carefully, he opened the window and peeked in, making sure no one was there, before he slipped in and hopped down the boxes conveniently there until he landed on the floor, one paw on said surface and the other on his knee.

As he was about to walk forward, he sighed as he was suddenly whipped up into a net.

"Haha! You fell right into my trap, Perry the Platypus!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz snickered, walking right up to him and poking his nose against the other's bill, earning a glare.

'Why does he always do that?' he growled inwardly, baring his harmless teeth.

"Scowl all you want, but that's not going to get you free mister!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz scolded, waving a finger in the other's face. "Anyway, my eeeeevil plan!" he cackled, turning away from the other. "When I was younger, my mother always gave all the sweets to my goody-two-shoes brother, remember that song?" he questioned, smiling, before he continued to rant. "And never to ME. Which was terrible because, I really liked sweets back then! So, I made-" he cut himself off as he pulled a large sheet from what it was covering, to reveal- "The Getting-Back-At-Goody-Two-Shoes-Brotheranator!!!" he exclaimed, making Perry sigh. It always had to end with 'ator', didn't it?

"What it will do," the Dr. began, as Perry started to bite his way out of the net. "is make all the mothers think that the good kids are too good, and therefore give whatever they were going to give to them to the bad kids!" he continued, cackling, only to blink as Perry pushed the machine off the balcony. "What?! How did you-" his eyes widened as Perry jumped onto the railing, saluting the Dr. easily.

'Love'd to stay and beat you up, but I'd like to go back home soon and just relax' he thought, turning his back to the other and about to jump, when his tail was yanked, and he ended up dangling in front of the other's face.

'OW!' he thought, struggling to get away. 'That hurts you-'

"Ha-ha!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, smirking. "Now I've got you… by the tail!" he finished, earning a harsh glare. "What? Come on! It's funny!" he insisted, his fingers absently moving in the wrong direction on the tail, making Perry's spine snap straight, his eyes widening.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz blinked, letting his other hand come up to stroke the tail lightly, causing the same, distasteful effect.

"Wow! Your tail is furry?!" he exclaimed in astonished excitement. "I always thought with how hard it slapped my face it was rubbery!" he laughed, before he caught Perry by surprise again as he was suddenly laid down in the other's arms. He tried to get out of the grasp, about to try and growl at the other, when a tingle rushed up his spine as slender fingers stroked his tail in the right direction.

His eyes widened, his muscles trembling, before he came back to himself and shook his head.

'What was that?' he questioned himself, before it happened again, the tingle increasing as the aristocrat fingers buried into the fur on his tail, making his nerve endings shiver, his face pinkening slightly.

"You know, it kind of reminds me of a squirrel's tail!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz reflected. "I only know, because one attacked me once and I accidentally touched it's tail… which led to more biting and scratching, which led to rabies shots…" he ranted. Meanwhile, Perry's breathing as slowed, his eyes half lidded as he gave into the gentle touch of the Dr. He knew he was going to kill himself for this later, but, right now…

'It feels so good…' he thought, finally closing his eyes and sighing.

"…And then there was that incident with that dog, Only Son, and-" Dr. Doofensmirtz paused at the small rubbing/vibration against his chest. "Hm?" he glanced down, his brows furrowing at the sight of Perry the Platypus rubbing his head up against his chest, hearts floating above his head, and almost emitting a kind of… was that a purr? "Uhm… Perry the Platypus… What are you doing?" he questioned, stopping the petting and pulling the animal away from him, confused.

His confusion rose when the other whined and swished his tail. The man stared at the semi-aquatic mammal, before he stared at the hearts above his head.

"…Are those blood knats?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow, only for his hair to stand up on end at the loud purr Perry the Platypus emitted, his eyes almost pleading to him for something…

"…Do you… want me to pet you?" he questioned, after staring at him for a full minute, maybe more, at the quick nod, he smirked evilly. "Well, well, well… So, Perry the Platypus, I have finally found your weakness…" he snickered.

'Yeah, yeah, just pet me already!' Perry thought, his tails swishing under him. "Petting would not have been my first guess but…" he then smirked, pressing his nose to the other's bill. "It'll do."

Perry blinked, a little confused as his brain tried to clear the fog from his mind, before it settled back into place and fingers delicately carded through the fur on his tail, making him purr in pleasure.

'Yes…' he thought, closing his eyes and slumping in the other's arms. He then tensed as the hand was lifted, only an inch or so away from his tail, making him whine again.

"Awww, did you want me to keep petting your tail, Perry the Platypus?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz cooed, making Perry whimper again. "Well… You'll have to do something for me." He smirked, letting a figner trail down the animal's tail, making him shiver and nod.

'Right! Yes! Of course!' he thought.

"And you can't go back on it- ever." He insisted, and smiled when the agent nodded wildly. "Alright! I want you to leave me alone for a week! And let me do at least ONE evil plot! If you do… You'll get even more petting! Every week! How does that sound?" he questioned, letting his hand run over the silken soft fur of the animal's tail, making Perry purr loudly, hearts popping and bobbing lazily above his head. "I'll take that as a yes… And you should really get those blood knats checked out, Perry the Platypus." He insisted as he walked over to a chair and sat down, setting the semi-aquatic mammal into his lap, before he began to pet the other's tail once more, making the platypus rub up against his abdomen and purr, the hearts bobbing gently.

'I love having a nemesis…' Perry thought, arching into the gentle caress.

DxP~DxP~DxP~DxP~DxP~DxP~DxP~DxP

When Phineas looked over his shoulder, he blinked at the sight of the usually blank face Perry approaching, his eyes darting two and fro, his face completely pink.

"Hey! There's Perry, and something's wrong." He told Ferb, his brows furrowed, turning away from their latest project, and not seeing as a machine fell onto the device, crushing both of the machines into dust… for some reason. They both walked up to the platypus, and kneeled in front of him.

"What d'you thinks wrong with him?" Phineas asked, gently rubbing the platypus's head. Silence rang between them, before Ferb answered,

"Perhaps he's fallen in love?" their answer was received as Perry's face darkened and his eyes widened.

'Wh-what?!' he thought, disbelief ringing true.

"Woow! How serendipitous!" Phineas rejoiced, picking up the animal and swinging him around. "Good for you, Perry! I bet he/she is perfect for you!"

"He or she?" Ferb questioned silently, making Phineas glance over his shoulder.

"Yeah! I mean, it's possible right?" Phineas questioned, making Perry's face darken as they continued to talk.

'No way am I in love with that moron!' he chattered, before he stared at the ground, his tail swishing slightly. 'What kind of agent bends to their nemesis's will just from petting… well, except Agent D, but he's an idiot'