Author's Note: I love Edvy...

----

Is it love, or hate?

Hate

It should be hate

It always has been hate

But it goes deeper than that

So much deeper

If you hate some one enough

Do you go out the other end

And start to love them?

…no.

It's not love.

…per se.

yes, it is, dammit

Not love

But you start to

Need them

Need their presence

knowing that-

--he's here

…and to know that?

And be able to hate them

Safe with the knowledge

That he'd always

--be there

…I always watched him.

Baby, crying at that mother's breast

Child, walking on a wall

(Easy to push him,

Easy to fall)

Young man,

alive

awake

and

beautiful

Does he know?

(that I always watched him)

Jealous?

Yeah.

It's such a pretty pain

He bears

Golden child, much beloved

So perfect

And

aren't you a goddam ray of sunshine

Sunshine.

That's him.

Warm, golden

Loved by all

…casting shadows

I am the shadow.

I killed him.

And it isn't love.

It's so much more.

(because now he's gone.)