Ki11 me, Ki55 me

L was sitting on his bed, his toes playing with the still rumpled and unmade sheets below him, his laptop settled in the center of a mattress completely surrounded by papers. He held the Death Note loosely in his hands, taking care to check each name against the list of those who had died. When a rough voice sounded from behind him, he managed to almost entirely suppress his shiver.

"There's no need to check, Lawliet. They're all dead."

After a moment of complete silence, the detective sighed, closing his laptop and setting the notebook down on top. "There is a two percent chance of you getting the Hell out of my room, Mr. Shinigami. I do not like that."

Ryuk laughed, peering over his shoulder at the pieces of paper scattered around. "A whole two percent? Wow. You know, I assumed that little quirk of giving everything percentages was just to annoy Light."

"Do you mind?" The man shifted, piling his notes together and pushing them out of view. "This is still very sensitive evidence, Mr. Shinigami. Why did you come here, anyway? Shouldn't you be harassing Light like you usually do?"

"Ha! Even if it is sensitive evidence, who will I tell? Only you and Light can see me. And a handful of dead humans. As for why I'm not hanging around Light," the spindly thing shrugged its shoulders awkwardly. "He's being all boring and melancholy."

"Hm, and I expected him to be having a grand old time in his cell. Are you done?"

"You kidding? I'm not done making you feel immeasurably worse. He looked numb when I left, I think he was starting to cry." The death god just laughed, twisting in the air. "Never thought I'd see the day, you know?"

L was silent for a moment before he glanced up. ".... I have a hard time imagining Light-k... Light cry. Forgive my skepticism."

Ryuk shrugged, watching the man below him. "Didn't say he was crying. Just that it looked like he would. Odd, isn't it? I should have hung around and got pictures, no one will believe me even if I could tell them."

The detective scoffed softly. "And I thought you death gods had a television to see the human world. Couldn't you look at him anytime you wished?"

"Of course I can. I thought I'd be nice for a change and give him a chance to compose himself. Build his mental and emotional walls back up."

"... I suppose those are the same walls that supposedly stopped him from telling me..."

Ryuk's smile widened.

L reopened his laptop. "If those words were ever there anyway. There's no reason to even be saying this now, let alone to a Shinigami."

The death god burst out in raucous laughter, wandering around the room in his boredom. "What do you mean, 'let alone to a Shinigami!' You have to tell these things to someone and it might as well be someone who can't put them in jail for them! Ha, you really are quite the head case, almost as bad as Light!"

"Why do you say that? Because I'm talking to something that shouldn't technically be here?"

"Because you're in love with a murderer. Because you're agonizing over whether or not he loves you back. Because you want him so much that in the back of your mind, you're using your genius to try to figure out how to get Light out alive. Because you're still hoping secretly that you'll end up together. Any of those problems you could talk over with a normal shrink?"

L stayed perfectly still, his eyes still glued on the weapon lying innocently in his hands. "The Shinigami has made several good points. But do they merit a conversation that could potentially destroy my resolve to carry out my duty to justice by keeping a mass murderer to his execution date?"

Ryuk grinned. "Maybe they do. But I bet your brain would enjoy the challenge of figuring out how you could do it though."

....

A small smirk curved pale lips. "The Shinigami has an even better point."

---

Light walked slowly to the center of a large arena-like area, his face blank and his eyes calm. He had tuned everything out, the quiet muttering of the scientists waiting for him, the screams of his supporters as they strained against the doors in almost hysterical grief, even L's stare on him...

He sighed softly, glancing around the large area lazily. "Lethal injection... doesn't seem very fitting... going out with a whimper instead of a bang." His eyes locked with the detective's.

He was settled a ways away from the gleaming metal gurney and heart monitor, his hand gripping his knee tightly. The moment they saw each other, however, L looked away, sucking a dark purple lollipop.

Light let out a soft breath somewhere between a scoff and a laugh and he looked away, up to the sky. "I do wonder where I'll go..." He shrugged, closing his eyes. "Oh well."

He didn't care. Really. He didn't.

There were two IV lines on either side of his deathbed, each bag filled with a simple saline solution. He knew this procedure, knew it by heart, though he could not remember when or why he had memorized it.

First, Sodium thiopental, to render him unconscious, this would take only a few seconds.

Second, Pancuronium, to paralyze his muscles and ensure there was no possible way for him to jar the needle.

And then... lastly. Potassium chloride. It would stop his heart within seven minutes.

Honestly, how wonderfully ironic was it that he was to be killed by a drug that induced cardiac arrest?

"Neither Heaven or Hell, Light." Ryuk grinned. "And I'll be pulling the trigger, as it were."

... The cause of death was handy, really, as no one would notice the difference.

He rolled his eyes, saying softly, "I remember, Ryuk, you don't need to say it so cheerfully." He looked away.

He shouldn't have. If he had kept watching, he would have seen the death god's eyes dart to his life span. And he might have even guessed why he started laughing again as the last things were being put in place.

And then L stood and walked to him. He was holding a microphone in his hand, but he didn't offer it. "Do you have a final statement, Light?"

Oh, that's just want he wanted, to make this even more public, as if the mob begging for his release wasn't enough.

The brunette grimaced slightly. "Please don't."

... Oh, come on, just do it.

"... But I suppose I do have something that needs to be said." He took a step forward, thankful that the detective didn't move away. Their chests were almost touching as Light spoke softly, almost directly into L's ear. "Congratulations. I knew if I was going to be stopped by someone, it would be you. You were right."

He turned his head slightly, warm lips brushing against the older man's cold skin. "And I do love you, L..."

Why not. He was going to die within the hour anyway.

And then Ryuk burst out laughing.

And L held up an arm behind his back, a small remote in his hand as he whispered back, "That was the right answer."

He pressed the button.

He gate holding his supporters back exploded.

Light's eyes widened as his body completely tensed.

There was a moment of stunned silence. And then people poured into the room, swallowing every scientist and every guard as they circled around them, making a protective ring and filling the room with a deafening roar of sound.

The younger man turned on the spot, his mouth falling half open. "N- No, what the Hell-??" He caught occasional glimpses of the task force members trying to fight their way through the crowd, but they were repeatedly pushed back.

L's arms wrapped around him. "Light, I told you I love you, and I do. But I lied when I said I would turn you in if you were Kira. It seems I am as imperfect as you." Then he felt his legs swept out from under him as he was lifted off his feet.

L... was.... carrying him. Through the crowd and towards the doors, completely ignoring the Shinigami who was rolling around in midair, laughing so hard he cried.

Light thrashed in the strong grip, his eyes wide and panicky. "PUT ME DOWN, PUT ME DOWN, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!"

The death god followed them, hardly able to speak through his laughter. "I officially love humans!!"

The detective ignored him, almost running to the parking lot and shoving him into the backseat of a shiny black car, calling to the elderly man in the driver's seat, "Watari-san, if you would kindly drive!"

"Right away, sir." A second later, they were weaving wildly and expertly through traffic.

Light finally managed to face L again, struggling desperately against the shackles biting into his wrists. "What the fuck is going on here, what the fuck are you doing, how the fuck did you get me out of there, where the fuck are we going, why the fuck did you pick me up!!"

"I am kidnapping you so that you will not be killed, Watari is driving because I had to blow up the gate so that your fans would protect us, I set the bomb earlier because no one would suspect that L would try to break Kira out, we are going to the Whammy House because it is the only place the police won't be able to find or search for us, and I picked you up because you would never move otherwise until I explained what was going on and we needed the seconds it would take to do that in order to escape."

Oh. Well that made perfect sense- WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS IDIOT GENIUS THINKING!!

Watari spoke in a kind tone from the front seat, still dodging around cars. "Yagami-kun, you will find Whammy's House's accommodations most fitting, I believe. L has been watching you for a while, you know, and thus is aware of your particular tastes."

His bronze eyes widened as his mind desperately tried to process what had happened to him in the last five minutes. "Whammy's House?! Wait a second, you've been waiting for this?! How the hell- RYUK!" He glanced around for the demon, intending to ask him exactly what in God's name was going on.

"I apologize for this, Light-kun, but there are few other options because you're not calming down."

A sharp pain blossomed across his temple and he immediately saw his vision blur and darken until everything went black.

As his body went lax, he distantly heard the familiar grating laugh.

Heh, you guys didn't really think I'd kill off Light, did you? But I bet I had you going for a while, huh?

Okay, now for the bad thing. This chapter is short. Intolerably short. Inexcusably short. I am fully aware of this, I promise you, and I am dreadfully sorry. I tried to write more, honest I did, but... come on, the chapter's over there, adding on more would just take away from the effect. But I don't want to leave you guys with just that, so I'm adding on a preview for my next oneshot. It's NearMello, kind of, it has MattMello too. If you like NearMello, I think you... heh, may like it, if you don't... you may like it even more. It should be posted in full within the next week.

I don't own Death Note, uh... I don't own... the blanket industry? I don't own... True Blood? I've only watched one episode of it, and it already seems like a Twilight homage. It's freaking me out.

4 P0551b1l1+y

It was so obvious that they would fall in love; even at so young, everyone could see it. And Near disliked it. He disliked that everyone assumed that Matt and Mello could be for each other alone. Why couldn't they be for other people?

Well, Mello anyway.

Near first noticed his interest one uneventful day in fall. He was inside, naturally. He had always been weak physically, and he didn't care much for playing outside, so he had neither the capabilities nor the desire to run around on the grounds like Mello and the other boys did. But that particular day, he happened to have situated himself by a tall window with a large bucket of white, gray and black legos at his side and a half completed model of the Coliseum before him. It was pure chance that he glanced out the window just in time to see a frenzied Matt chase Mello by. This frenzy likely had to do with the gameboy held tightly in Mello's hand. The blond curved sharply around a tree looked over his shoulder and gave the redhead a soft smile.

In one second, the dark red and orange leaves of the tree above them were tossed aside by a breeze and in that moment, Mello was beautiful. And in that moment, Near wanted him, wanted that look for himself. The sunlight faded as quickly as it had come, but the want remained.

---

The next few months were devoted to watching, an observational study of a being who was nothing like him. Within days, he memorized the way Mello moved, the way he ate chocolate, the way he laughed. Near found he liked it when Mello laughed, it made him softer, more human, the way his normally icy eyes danced and his lips curled to a smirk that could have rivaled the Mona Lisa in its ambiguity. But when he really laughed, it was even better. Like the time Matt fell in the small pond on the grounds. He had been running to catch a ball Mello had tossed him and ended up tripping and falling face-first into the water. When he walked out, his shoulders drooping, water dripping from his hair and his face set in a heartbreaking pout; he looked every bit like the puppy he acted like. Mello had laughed so hard he cried, tears collecting in the corner of his eyes as he almost collapsed to the grass, clutching his sides.

Near had actually felt his mouth curve to a small smile. What he considered a smile, anyway. From then on, he found it got increasingly difficult to not show visible interest around Mello. When the blond walked into the room minutes later, still giggling, with Matt trotting at his heels, he had to keep his head down, his body hunched and his eyes on the Coliseum. The two boys seemed to overlook his presence, so he sat still and listened closely.

"Jesus, that was amazing, I will never let you forget that!" A soft fwump and the shifting of clothe revealed the older had tossed a towel from the closet to his companion.

Matt's voice joined him, shaky as he fought against the cold that permeated more than his clothes. "Yeah. I bet. But you didn't have to laugh quite that hard, you jerk." There were two wet squeaks from the soles of Matt's shoes as he kicked them off.

The blonde's low chuckle filled the room, and Near could picture the older boy's devilish smile and playful cobalt eyes watching the redhead. "Oh, I really did. Come on, let's go so you can change, you look ridiculous just standing there shivering."

"... You're mean." Their footsteps retreated to the door and Near looked up in time to see golden hair whip around the corner.

"You love me for it."

And at this point, everybody knew that. Of course Matt was in love with Mello, that was just the nature of things, wasn't it. All of the problems stemmed from the day Near realized that be might be too.