"Apologies"

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the laptop I wrote this on.

Inspired by the song: Apologies by Grace Potter.

Pairing: Dasey.

Authors note: This is my first story so feedback would be greatly appreciated. Even a simple, nice job will make me smile. :)
Constructive criticism is also awesome.

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August.

He knocked on her door at 8:44pm. Nearly 2 hours late. She considered not even answering it, but she thought she should at least hear out what lame excuse he came up with this time. She slowly she rose from her spot on the couch and went to answer the door. When the door swung open and he strode into her apartment as if nothing was wrong. He shrugged out of his jacket and flung it on the nearest chair. Typical. Then he turned around and appraised her with his eyes. She wore a red flowing knee-length dress and black heels. She looked gorgeous. But that wasn't anything knew, she always did. He walked over and put a hand on each side of her waist and pulled her forward.

"Hey Babe, what's for food?" Derek said putting on that infamous smirk of his. She shot him an incredulous look and shrugged out of his grip. Usually that smirk made her weak in the knee's, but at the moment all she wanted to do was slap it right off.

He began to look worried. "What's wrong? You didn't cause a fire again did you?" he teased. He had long since learned that Casey had a tendency to over-react to things.

"Derek, What time is it?" Casey asked him. It was obvious that she was trying to keep calm. She had her arms crossed at her chest and her face was set in the same expression as that she had the time when she had found out that he had taped over one of her old dance recitals with a hockey game.

Knowing he was in for it, he shifted his upper body to see behind her head and to the clock on the wall. Taking note of the time, he looked back at her and with a slight sigh replied, "Okay so I'm a little late…"

"Try an hour and 45 minutes late! God Derek, What is the matter with you?"

"I have a feeling your about to tell me." He couldn't help but be a little amused. He always found it funny how she would try to look so angry and tough when really she was just about the least threatening person he'd met. It was cute really.

Casey however didn't find the situation amusing at all. "Do you even know what today is?" she questioned.

"Sure, It's Saturday." Simple question, simple answer.

"Really? Saturday? That's your final answer?" Casey asked in disbelief.

"Consider my answer locked in." he with an overly enthusiastic smirk while making the motion of pressing a non-existent buzzer in front of himself. The effort was probably futile, but he was hoping to lighten up the mood before this turned into a fight.

"Wrong answer, Derek." She glared at him, clearly in no mood for jokes. "You wanna know the correct answer? It's our 6 month anniversary!" she said shouting the last part.

"6 months? Really? It doesn't seem like that long." He started doing the math in his head.

"How could you not know that it's been 6 months?" Casey yelled.

"Because I'm the guy and you're the chick. Your the one who's supposed to remember this kind of stuff." Derek said, starting raising his voice a little.

"Ok, I'm going to ignore that you just referred to me as 'the chick', and skip right on to WHAT!?"

"Did I miss something? I thought that Feminist Casey died with the Ugg boots trend"

Casey closed her eyes took and took a deep calming breath "Could you be serious for 5 minutes, please?"

"5 might be pushing it, but I'll give it a shot." He was getting irritated with her shouting.

Her eyes opened "I've been reminding you for a week about the dinner I was going to cook for you tonight and you promised you would be here. What did you think I was planning all this for? Did you even give it any thought at all? What am I supposed to take from that?"

"I'm probably going to get slapped for this but what's the big deal?"

Casey lifted her hand as if to slap, but angrily forced it back down. "What's the big deal?" she repeated as if it was the most obvious thing on earth.

"Yea, what's the big deal? I mean don't most of you chicks-" she gave him a pointed look "…Women… get all hung up around like the one year mark. I mean, what's so special about 6 months anyway?"

"Oh I don't know maybe because It's the longest relationship you've had and silly me wanted to celebrate that!"

Silence.

"I mean do you even care at all?" Casey asked quietly.

"Case-"

"Don't 'Case' me, Derek." She was getting angry again. "Do you know how much effort I put into this?" she paused to motion around the room. Everything was tidy and there was a table loaded with plates of fried chicken, pizza, chocolate chip pancakes; all Derek's favorite foods. "I cooked, I cleaned, I put on the worlds most un-orthopedic shoes ever and for what!?"

"Casey, will you just let me get a word-"

She cut him off. "I love you Derek, but do you even love me?"

His eyes grew wide and his mouth opened as if to say something, but all that came out was "…I…I…I"

Nodding and looking away she spoke in a low voice "I think you should go."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday he said my eyes

Were fading fast away

I said well what do you expect

You asked me not to stay

and if it had all been for the best

I wouldn't feel this way

October.

It was 3:37am and Casey couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts were going through her mind. It had been this way for the last two months. Each night she'd slip into bed at around 10:00pm and lay awake for hours, not allowing herself to close her eyes. She was afraid. Afraid that if she closed her eyes that it would all come rushing back to her. So there, in her small Downtown Toronto apartment, she would lay until eventually her eyes couldn't stay open any longer. It wasn't exactly logical, since her mind always ended up back on night anyway, but if she could save herself from feeling even the tiniest bit of hurt that night had caused, she would do it.

Tonight was particularly restless. Seeing him yesterday had resulted in a whole new round of tossing and turning, and ultimately a whole new pain. Of course he moved on. Of course he did. He was Derek, 'The King of Babes.' It's what was to be expected. His heart didn't need time to heal after a break-up because he didn't have a heart to break. But boy did he break hearts. Casey wasn't the first to be hurt by Derek, and she wouldn't be the last. The little tart he was with now probably only had another week to go. Two tops. Yet Casey couldn't help but feel a little pang of jealousy towards her because she had what Casey wanted, what Casey once had to herself.

She couldn't keep her eyes open much longer. Slowly they started to close. She didn't have the will to stop them. Less then a minute later her mind drifted off on it's way to a land of dreams. She smiled slightly, happy to have a distraction, and then she was gone.

It was 4:18am when she shot up in bed gasping for air. What was he doing there? In her dreams? Was nothing sacred anymore? It seems seeing him yesterday had done more then she anticipated. Her dreams couldn't even be her own anymore. It was official, he had taken everything from her. With an exasperated sigh she let her mind go there, to the place she avoided thinking about ever since the previous day…

Casey was walking down the sidewalk talking to her mother on her cell.

"Well, I actually called to ask you a favor" Nora spoke through the phone.

"Sure mom, what is it?"

"Do you think that you could try to get a hold of Derek sometime today, Maybe stop by his place?…" Casey stopped in her tracks. "…I've been trying to reach him all day but his home phone isn't set up yet and his cell phone keeps saying something about him not being available at the moment…"

Casey wasn't comprehending anything Nora said by this point. She was about 30 seconds away from a panic attack.

"…Casey? Casey!?"

"Yea, I'm here. Sorry mom, what was that?" Casey said coming out of it.

"I asked if you would ask Derek to bring his camera equipment home for Marti when you guys come up for thanksgiving next weekend. She needs it for some assignment for English class or something"

"Well…"

"Oh Casey, you guys really need to settle whatever it is going on between you too. Your family for heavens sake!" Casey grimaced at the word. If only her mother knew.

Not being able to think of any way good reason to say no, Casey reluctantly agreed, "Fine, I'll stop by and tell him."

"Oh thank you! His address is-"

"I know where Derek lives, mom"

"Oh, you have the new address? Perfect." Nora sounded delighted.

"New address?" Casey was confused. Derek had moved? When did this happen? He loved his apartment. "You mean Derek moved?"

"You didn't know? Oh well, I guess that makes sense since you guys aren't speaking anymore. See Casey, It's important to keep in touch with your family."

Casey was one more mention of the word 'family' away from hanging up.

"I'm can't talk long mom, can you just give me the address?"

"Right, Sorry. Just give me a moment." A drawer opening and papers shuffling could slightly be heard. "Here it is! His new address is 194 Morningside Street."

"Ok, I'll drop by later today." Casey told her mom sounding less than enthusiastic.

"Great! Thanks again sweetheart, we'll see you next weekend!"

"Yup, see you next weekend mom."

She hung up.

'Better get this over with' Casey thought to herself. She couldn't seem to move legs in that direction, however. 'Later's good too.' She decided turning around and walking the other way.

{Later that day}

Casey had spent 20 minutes standing outside the apartment complex wondering how this was going to turn out. Would he be home? Would he be happy to see her? Would he shut the door in her face? A million scenarios ran through her head. She was standing outside his door now, taking heavy breaths to calm herself down.

'Just get it over with' she told herself.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

A loud clatter came from inside the apartment. It sounded like a pile of pots and pans had toppled over. Then there was the sound of footsteps across the floor and then the door swung open.

"Hey, Right on ti-" Derek looked as if his eyes were going to bug right out of they're sockets. "Casey?"

"Hello Derek" Casey formally said appearing completely calm, a contradiction to what was going on inside. Her heart had instantly started beating a 100 times faster. She was determined however, not to let that show.

"Wh- What are you doing here?" Derek stammered before recovering and becoming Derek again. "And how did you know where I lived?"

"My mom told me, she asked me to come by since you no longer care to keep in touch with the outside world, and tell you to bring your video equipment to thanksgiving next weekend. Apparently Marti needs it for something." Casey shrugged.

"Oh" pause. "Well I'm actually not going to be able to make it next weekend."

Awkward.

"Oh" Casey wasn't sure what to say "Okay, well I'll let them know. I guess I'll leave now then." She turned to leave.

"But" Her heart stopped until he went on. "I can't let Smarti down so why don't I give you the stuff and you can take it up with you." Apparently it wasn't a question because he was turning back into the apartment before he was even finished the sentence.

Not knowing whether to wait in the hall or follow him, Casey reluctantly decided to follow. After all, he had left the door open. She walked in slowly, taking in the apartment. Obviously this move was very recent because the place was nearly empty. It was spacious, but in desperate need of a facelift. Boxes were everywhere and a pile of pots and pans laid sprawled out across the floor.

'So it was pots and pans I heard earlier' Casey thought while stifling a laugh. She walked around the corner and saw Derek in the back of the hallway storage closet going through several boxes.

The silence was maddening. Almost as maddening as the pile of boxes at her side that were completely off balanced.

"Nice place you have here. Still as organized as ever I see." Casey called out as she proceeded to straighten the pile. Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"And your still as obsessive compulsive as ever, I see." Derek shot back from his place in the closet.

"So why did you move? Sam and Eric finally get sick of your bad hygiene?"

Derek avoided the question by replying "I don't recall my 'bad' hygiene being a problem to you before."

"Oh please, I was just sparing your feelings."

Derek Scoffed. "Like that would have hurt them. Speaking of health, what's with the bowling balls under your eyes?"

Casey glared at him. It was a useless effort however, since his eyes and hands were occupied with the box in front of him.

"You look like you haven't slept in weeks." He looked back at her and adopted a false parental tone. "Now Casey, you know that's not good for you."

"My sleeping habits are none of your concern." She quickly quipped back.

"Oh trust me, I'm far from concerned."

"Oh trust me, I believe that."

They were both silent as Derek continued rooting through the closet.

Finally, Derek turned around with an armful of video gear.

"Here take this." he demanded.

"Um, I don't think so. That stuff must weigh a ton, I'll just end up dropping it all."

He rolled his eyes. "Princess" Derek muttered under his breath as he put the stuff down on the kitchen table. The table wobbled. It seemed that two of the legs weren't even with the other two. He strode of to a box on the other side of the room. He started removing stuff and placing it in other surrounding boxes. When the box was empty he went back to the kitchen table and grabbed the gear and placed it into the empty box object by object.

"Can you manage this?" he asked bring it over to her.

She took hold of it. It was definitely manageable. "Yes, Thank you."

"Remember, be careful with it, all that stuff is worth about a full years worth of work."

"I'll pass the message along."

"Oh, I trust Marti. I was referring to you, Klutzilla."

Casey gave him a harsh glare. After all that has evolved between them, how could he still make comments like that? Was he just going to pretend like nothing had ever happened between them?

"Look, I'm expecting company, so if that's all…" his voice trailed off.

Casey's glare had turned to sadness and as if on cue, a female voice called out from the door "Derek, are you in there?" then footsteps started heading towards them. A leggy blonde stepped around the corner and smiled at him and then she noticed Casey, "Oh, hi there! I'm Danielle" she held out her hand to shake.

'Is she serious? I have a box of stuff in my hands and she wants to shake my hand? This girl is as dumb as a box of crayons.' Casey thought to herself.

Deciding to ignore the gesture, Casey just replied with "Hi, I'm Casey."

"Oh! Your Derek's sister! It's so great to meet you!" The flavor of the week exclaimed. The girl was a ball of energy with the IQ a 7 year old. But she had legs up to there and that was enough for Derek.

Casey glanced at Derek but he was suddenly staring downwards at the floor. She looked back at Danielle and smiled sweetly. "Yea, it's nice to meet you too." Casey looked at the clock on the stove "Oh look at the time, I have to go." Casey walked out of the apartment. She heard Danielle call out "See you later Casey!" Fat chance.

Derek was silent.

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My love is like a blanket

That gets a little bit too warm sometimes

I wanna wrap somebody in it

Who can hold me in his arms

Cause when it got a little too hot in there

He was always stepping out for air

and he froze

December – Christmas Eve.

Casey always loved Christmas. She loved the pretty snow, the sweet smells, the colorful decorations and she loved the giving of presents. What she didn't like was the cold. She was sitting on the family room couch curled up in a blanket, reading her favorite book, 'The Princess Bride' for the 5th time. Everyone was already asleep so she had the room to herself. Or so she thought. She heard footsteps come down the stairs.

'Please don't be Derek' she begged in her mind. She heard a belch. 'Oh god, It's Derek.'

The footsteps stopped. Then thankfully they picked back up again and started heading towards the kitchen. Casey let out the breath she didn't know she was holding. She tried to go back to her book, but found it hard to concentrate with him in the next room. They hadn't spoken since that awful day at his apartment. They had managed to avoid speaking the whole time they were here, but she knew it was inevitable that they would have to speak sometime. It's hard to avoid someone when you're in the same house as him or her. She should know, she lived with the guy in this house for 3 years before. Growing uncomfortable of her position, Casey shifted into a more comfortable one and received a paper cut in the process. Her finger started bleeding at once.

"Shoot." she said getting up. She had to get a bandage, and as luck would have it, all the bandages were in the kitchen. Life had a cruel sense of humor that way.

Derek was standing at the fridge drinking Egg Nog from the carton. Mildly repulsed, Casey ignored him and headed the sink where she grabbed at paper towel, held it under the running faucet and then pressed it firmly to her finger. Then she walked over to the drawer where the bandages were stored, took one out and started trying to unwrap it. She couldn't.

"Stupid Bandage." she muttered to herself feeling totally inept.

"You okay?" That was unexpected. Did Derek just express concern? For her?

She turned around to face him. He was closer then she expected, she bumped right into him. "Uh, yea I'm fine. Just a paper cut." She said lifting up her bleeding finger for a moment then started to try to unwrap the bandage again.

"Here, give it to me" She looked up at him dumbfounded. "You'll bleed to death before you get it open." He smirked and her knees went weak. Damn.

Not being able to say anything she let him take the bandage and he opened it without a hitch. Show-off. She watched him as he evaluated her cut. She missed his face. Just being this close to him was making her head fog up. She couldn't think straight. It felt like she was 17 again, long before anything happened between them.

"Okay, Hold out your finger." Casey broke out of her trance and did what she was told. Slowly, he wrapped the bandage around her finger. A moment later he looked up and they're eyes locked. The world stopped.

1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi…

"Thank you" Casey managed to choke out at last.

"Your welcome." He said continuing to stare.

It was silent for a moment before Derek snapped out of it. "I um…I'm gonna get some air" He dropped his hands which were still lingering at her newly bandaged finger and quickly headed into the laundry room and to the backdoor.

In nothing but his pajama bottoms.

In the middle of winter.

By the time Casey woke up Christmas morning, he was gone.

He left a note telling the family he was sorry that he left without telling anyone, He claimed that a friend called him and it was an emergency. He also left a small pile of gifts, one for each member of the family. Including Casey. It was a small rectangular box wrapped in light blue wrapping paper that had little silver snowflakes all over it and topped with a silver bow.

She couldn't bring herself to open it.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Yesterday he looked at me

With a tear in his eye and said

I'll always tell you you're my friend

I hope I don't have to lie

Cause it's clear you love another man

I said you're damn right

April.

Casey was sitting at a table in the outdoor section of her favorite café. The weather was perfect in Casey's opinion. Warm enough to not need a winter jacket but still a cool breeze. Perfect. The floral smells of spring didn't hurt either. She was sitting at a table with Rob, her boyfriend 2 of months and having an enjoyable time until...

"Casey?" An all to familiar voice questioned. Yes, it was his voice.

She turned her head around and there he was in his precious leather jacket. It was amazing how it still fit and still looked that good after all these years. She wasn't sure how she felt about seeing him. Should she be mad still? She wasn't, but she wasn't happy either. She decided to be diplomatic.

"Oh, Derek" She said and then added, "Hey."

"Hey" He smiled a genuine smile "How are you?"

"I'm good, how about you?" she asked while returning the smile.

"Not to shabby." Derek responded and then looked at Rob as if he was just noticing him.

The smile wasn't genuine now.

Realizing that the two hadn't met, Casey introduced them. "Oh, right. Derek, this is Rob. My boyfriend."

Casey saw an emotion wash over him but he hid it well keeping the false smile plastered on his face. It was wrong to feel happy that he might be a little upset over it, right? She couldn't help it however and couldn't help smiling internally.

"Oh hey man, Nice to meet yea" he greeted.

"Yea, you too." Rob said.

It was silent for a moment. There was an awkward edge in the air.

"I'm sorry, and you are?" Rob asked.

Derek opened his mouth to say something, probably something sarcastic.- Derek is a charmer like that - but Casey beat him to it.

"This is Derek, my stepbrother." Casey informed him, not wanting to open that particular can of beans. Besides, she wasn't lying, she was omitting. Totally different.

"That's you? Man, I've heard so much about you."

Derek raised his eyebrow with the slightest smirk. "Have you now? Like what?"

"Like about how much of a pain you are and all the pranks you used to pull on Casey. I'll tell ya, that dipping her cell phone in the mustard thing? Classic."

'Oh god. Tell me this isn't happening.' Casey thought.

"Mayonnaise, actually." Derek corrected, boasting just a bit. But there was something off about him. He seemed different. Less Derek than usual.

Rob laughed than looked down at his watch and muttered something under his breath. "Wow, I didn't realize the time. Listen man, it was nice meeting you."

"Likewise." Derek said politely but less then enthusiastically.

"Sorry Casey, I've got to head back to work." Rob said turning to face her.

"But our food hasn't even arrived." Casey pouted.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise." He leaned over and kissed her quickly. "I love you."

"Ok" She smiled. She hugged him and looked at Derek from over Rob's shoulder. He was looking down, clearly upset. The embrace ended and then Rob was out of his seat pulling money out of his wallet, dropping it on the table and then with one last smile, he was gone.

"Nice guy." Derek admitted.

"Yea, He is."

Silence.

The waitress arrived with two plates of food, placed them on the table and walked away.

"I guess I'll let you get to your meal…" Was Casey imagining it, or did he really sound like he didn't want to leave?

Maybe it wouldn't hurt…

"Why don't you join me? Rob's not here to eat his anyway, you can have it." Casey smiled "I know you can't resist a club house sandwich."

Derek looked at her, evaluating if the invitation was real or just out of politeness. His stomach growled, making his mind up for him. "Indeed I can't." He took a seat across from her. He still looked troubled but Casey thought it might be best to seemingly ignore that for the time being.

They talked civilly with one another and caught up with the others lives. Casey talked about her promotion at work and about how much she loves working in publishing. Derek told a few funny stories that made Casey snort. The tension never completely disappeared but they both got more and more comfortable.

"This is nice" Casey stated. "It feels like were just two old friends."

Derek smiled slightly. "I'll always consider you my friend Casey, even after all we've been through." Derek looked away and took a deep breath like he was preparing himself up for a speech. Casey could tell what direction the conversation was going to take and decided to stop it before it could go any further.

"You know what? Let's not talk about it." Casey suggested feeling somewhat awkward, fidgeting with her hands.

"Talk about what?" Derek replied in a slightly annoyed tone that said that he new very well what.

"The past. Our past. Let's just forget it" Casey suggested then shrugging her shoulders. "It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?" Derek was clearly now angry. "How do you figure?"

"I just think it'll be best if we just forget it all. Pretend none of it happened." Derek actually winced a little. She could tell she had hit a nerve after she said that.

"What you think that just because you ignore it just going to go away? This isn't just about you Casey, I was a part of it too. You can't just decide that since you're all happy and in love that what happened between us doesn't linger between us even to this day, right now." Derek pressed his finger to the table for emphasis.

"It's easier that way."

"For you!" he was raising his voice.

"Please Derek" Casey pleaded nearly in tears. "I can't do this."

"What about me, Casey? Do I get a say or is this the Casey show all over again? Who made you the dictator?" That one made Casey flinch. She decided she had had enough. He wasn't going to stop talking about it so she started gathering her things.

He continued talking anyway. "Look Case, I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I sure as heck can't stop thinking about you. Every single day for months I've been thinking about how I can make it up to you, about what I would say to you when I had the chance. Now I have that chance and your seriously telling me to pretend like none of it happened because you've been lucky enough to move on to Rob the accountant?"

"He is not an accountant. He's a financial lawyer."

"Whatever, he wears a tie for gods sake!"

"Well at least it's not a disgusting old leather jacket." Casey shot back, standing up.

"So what are you saying? You traded up and are now happily in love with your tie wearing boyfriend?"

"Your damn right." And with that Casey threw the tip money on the table and stormed off.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He said it's crazy

How love stays with me

You know it hurts me

Cause I don't wanna fight this war

It's amazing to see me reading through this scene

Of love and fear and apologies

He said it's crazy

How love stays with me

You know it hurts me

That i didn't figure it out before

And now it's too late for a soliloquy

It's way too late for dignity

It's time for apologies

August.

It wasn't a good day for Casey. First she spilled coffee on her blouse on her way too the office, then she tripped on the stairs on her way out of the building and now she was getting the mail to find that she had received several bills to pay by next week.

'So much for those new Jimmy Chou's.' She thought

She was about to close the mailbox when she saw something at the back of it. She reached in and pulled out a white rectangular envelope with her name and address written in that all too familiar sloppy writing on the front.

"What does he want?" she wondered out loud.

Too curious to wait until she got into her apartment, she opened it and began to read.

Dear Casey,

You know as well as I do that writing isn't really my thing, but I figured that if I called you probably wouldn't have answered.

'You figured right'

I'm right, aren't I?

Casey rolled her eyes

Just hear me out. That's all I'm asking for. Here it goes...

I miss you. It's crazy how my love for you has stayed with me for the last year and it hurts me because I'm the cause for all this destruction. I wish that I hadn't been so stupid that night. I know it's no use to try to come up with an excuse but It hurts me that I lost you and even more that I hurt you. I can't deny that I don't deserve it after what I said and couldn't say. When I couldn't tell you that night that I loved you, it wasn't because it wasn't true because it is true. It has been since we first met. Too true. I was afraid to let myself feel it. It scared me how much I cared about you. I never thought I'd be the kind of guy to fall in love and when it happened I did all I could to deny it. I pushed you away for years. When I looked at you I couldn't help but feel that I wasn't enough. You deserve so much more then what I am or ever could be. I never felt like I could measure up to the kind of guy you would want, so I never tried. Then that night when you told me, or should I say yelled at me, for being so oblivious to your feelings, I couldn't help but give in. The months following that were the best months of my life. I consider myself lucky to have experienced them. After all I did wait 7 years for you. Basically all I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I love you and I'm sorry.

Love, Derek

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was nearly midnight when Derek heard the knock on the door. He was instantly angry with whoever it was behind it because they had woken him up and he hadn't been sleeping well lately. Reluctantly, he got up to answer it, stumbling in the dark room on the way. He had to adjust his eyes to the bright lights of the hallway. When they fully adjusted began wondering if he had taken too many aspirin earlier.

There she was. Standing at his doorstep with wet, tired eyes.

He didn't even have the chance to greet her before she was pressed up against him with her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. When it fully registered that she was there, in him arms, he did what he had been longing to for the last year. He held her Tightly and pressed his lips into her hair. Then he heard her muffled voice.

"I'm sorry too."

The End