(March 30, 6:26 pm)

So, I'm watching Scrubs (it's become a bit of an addiction, really), and this thought randomly pops into my head. Because, let's face it, Kenpachi is the Janitor to Ichigo's JD. (Heh. Analogies are fun!) Oh, also, I decided to stick with the Japanese terms in this one (like "-taichou" rather than "captain"). I don't know why, I guess I just felt like it. So... yeah. Enjoy!

My Kimono

"How do you do it?"

Ichigo turned around to face Kenpachi. Or rather, to face Kenpachi's chest, as the 11th Division captain was something of a giant. "What are you talking about?" he replied, looking up and growing slightly pale.

A head of pink hair emerged from behind Kenpachi's shoulder. "Ken-chan wants to know why everyone respects you so much even though you're a total outsider!" Yachiru grinned.

A drop of sweat rolled down the side of the substitute shinigami's head as he shrugged, "I-I don't know."

"C'mon," Kenpachi sneered, "there's gotta be some explanation. You got everybody hypnotized or something?"

"Yeah, like Nerdy-taichou?"

Ichigo blinked. "She talking about Aizen?"

"I guess. So is that it? You trying to hypnotize me, too? 'Cause that's not gonna work. I'm already hypnotized. Fifty years ago, there was--"

"Ken-chan fought a huge psychotic hollow!"

It took Ichigo a moment to realize what she was trying to say. "Do you mean psychic?"

She shook her head.

"...Anyway," the massive captain went on, "this guy blasts me with some hypnotic beam, and before the thing snaps me out, it goes and gets itself killed. So now there's just some word, floatin' around out there, that if I ever hear it, I'll just go completely unconscious."

A small part of Ichigo's mind wondered, "Did I ask?" But instead, he snickered, "You seriously expect me to believe that?" There were about two seconds of silence between this question and, "Is it ramen?"

Kenpachi's face expressed a look of mock amazement. "Unbelieveable, that's it, of all the words out there--"

A vein throbbed in Ichigo's forehead. "Kotatsu." Kenpachi's head dropped as if he'd suddenly passed out. "...Nice!"

He lifted his head and smirked wickedly. "You're such an idiot." With that said, he walked away, leaving Ichigo guessing... literally.

"Onigiri!"

"Nope!"

"Manga?"

"Keep trying, Ichi!"

Ichigo growled under his breath.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Can you believe him? I mean, what kinda moron does he take me for?"

Rukia sighed as Ichigo vented to her later that day. "At least you finally caught on, I guess."

"Yeah," he smirked. "He doesn't think I can figure out what that word is, he's got another thing comin' to him..."

Rukia put a hand to her head. "Ichigo, I have to be honest."

"...What?"

"You really are an idiot."

His eye twitched angrily. "Why the hell would you say that?!"

She shook her head dismissively as she picked up a kimono. "Forget it. My kimono got ripped. Can you see if Uryuu can fix it?"

A look of confusion crossed his face. "Why don't you just ask him yourself?"

She shrugged. "I have no other reason to go to the real world. Besides, it seems kind of, I don't know... trivial."

As he twitched in anger again, Ichigo huffed and grabbed the kimono from her. "Fine. But you owe me for this!"

She sighed again, obviously not taking him seriously. "If you say so."

Ichigo walked away from the Kuchiki estate mumbling to himself, when all of a sudden...

"You gotta be kidding, Kuchiki's got you doin' her chores?"

With a tired groan, Ichigo looked up to face Kenpachi once more. "It's not like I--"

"That is pretty funny, Ichi!" laughed Yachiru.

Her friend then reached for his zanpaku-to with a maniacal grin. "This definitely calls for a fight."

Aware that there was no point trying to get out of this, Ichigo sighed. "Fine, just lemme put down the kimono." As he gently dropped Rukia's dress to the ground, he heard about a dozen little bells chime in unison. He looked back at Kenpachi, and saw his head had fallen once again. Curious, he waved a hand in front of his face, then Yachiru did the same.

"Ken-chan?... Wow, Ichi, he's really out."

Ichigo blinked. "Are you serious? It's been fifty freakin' years and nobody said kimono around this guy?!"

Kenpachi's head rose and he continued as if nothing had happened. "Alright, let's do this."

"Kimono."

His head dropped again.

"Kimono."

"Okay, where were we?"

"Kimono."

Jingle bells, jingle bells...

Without so much as another glance at him, Ichigo ran away.

Yachiru waved and called after him, "See ya later, Ichi!" Then she looked at Kenpachi. "Alright, Ken-chan, he's gone."

As he lifted his head once again, Kenpachi smirked. "I can't believe he's fallin' for this."

"Yeah," his lieutenant giggled, "Ichi's so silly!"

"Yep. This is gonna be a fun day..."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hah! I knew you were too scared!" laughed a young shinigami. The other one standing next to him groaned hopelessly.

"What's goin' on?" Ichigo asked as he approached the two.

The depressed soul reaper looked over at him. "He says I'm not brave enough to hit Zaraki-taichou with a rock."

"'Cause you're not!" commented the other. "I bet you could do it, Kurosaki-san."

"Yeah, no problem."

"See, even he can!"

"What does that mean?"

"Really? You're not afraid of him?"

Ichigo chuckled. "You kidding? He scares the hell outta me. Doesn't mean I'm afraid to stand up to him. Check this out." He then grabbed a rock and chucked it at Kenpachi, who stood absentmindedly a few miles away. The moment the rock collided with his head, he looked in Ichigo's direction, and within seconds, he was standing in front of him. Feeling particularly cocky, the teen snickered. "Kimono."

Nothing.

"...Kimono."

Kenpachi reached for his sword.

"K-Kimono! KIMONO! ...Ah, crap!" He then ran away, and Kenpachi quickly gave chase. The younger shinigami looked at each other and shrugged.

XXXXXXXXXX

Later, Rukia sat watching as Hanataro bandaged up Ichigo's various wounds. "So... how did this happen?"

He glared at her and simply growled, "Kenpachi lies."

She nodded. "...So did you bring Uryuu my kimono?"

"...DAMMIT!"

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I'm thinking about making this another series of oneshots. Opinions? Suggestions? Raccoons? What? (...It's been a long day.)

Aaaaaaaaaanyway, leave a review please! ;)