The night air surrounded me with chilling arms. Frantically I scanned the seemingly impenetrable darkness for any sight of my friend. Mentally I berated myself for my audacious foolishness. I should never have agreed. We hate each other. The kisses, for now it was more than once, were born of that deep-seated animosity. I had to tell Wakaba this. She had to believe me. I would never try to steal Saiyonji away from her.
Ankles threatening to turn, I ran in my heels down the walkway. The clatter of a similarly shod individual guided me past the open front gates of the house. There! A flash of auburn and pale limbs hurrying down the sidewalk. Doing an ungraceful hop dance, I removed my shoes while still trying to give chase. I cared not for the state of my nylons as I tore after her. She was far more important.
Her cry of surprised pain pierced the night. I watched helplessly as her ankle turned—I had warned her about those damn shoes! Now that she was down for the count, I had no trouble catching up. I found her sitting on the sidewalk, holding her sprained ankle, and sobbing wretchedly. Large tears dripped steadily from her large eyes. Her skin was a splotchy and red.
"Wakaba?" I queried gently as I placed a hand on her shoulder. She jerked away with a little choked wail.
"D-Don't you touch me, you traitor," she hissed, hunching over, away from me.
"Please, Wakaba—"
"No! Just…No. You…you kissed him. You knew I liked him, and you still kissed him. Why?"
"I…" How could I explain this? How could I explain to her, so naïve in her own way, that this wasn't about desire or love? What Saiyonji and I have was conceived in a womb of hatred and anger. These kisses were its vile progeny, our accursed children.
"I never meant to. Please, Wakaba, you have to believe me!" Her abrasive laugh shocked me into silence. I have never heard a sound so…jaded before. I never knew such cynicism could be contained in something that normally is so light.
"What about your prince, Utena?" She turned and glared at me even as she smiled. "What about your prince? Did you forget about him? Or is Saiyonji him? Did I ever even have a chance with him?"
I reeled back, away from the unadulterated rage burning in her brown eyes. Accusations poured forth more hurtfully from those blazing orbs than could ever be conveyed by lips.
My prince, the man who was responsible for my being here. Saiyonji him? No, my prince could never, ever be Saiyonji. Nobility and high ideals filled my prince. He was so gentle, so compassionate; he could never be Saiyonji…
So what the hell was I doing?
Kissing some green-haired maniac, betraying the trust of my truest friend, forgetting about my prince…the list of my transgressions grew longer until it stretched off into a dark eternity.
I would never be a prince. I would never be able to protect Anthy. I would never meet my own prince.
"Pathetic. Just pathetic." With a small groan of pain Wakaba stumbled to her feet. I didn't that realize tears were coursing down my cheeks till she reached out and caught one with the tip of her finger. "You are pathetic, Utena. I guess your prince really meant nothing to you." She brought the moistened digit to her mouth and delicately licked it. "Mine did. He meant everything to me."
With that she turned and hobbled off. I couldn't move to follow her. I couldn't move. Scalding tears tracked down my cheeks and raspy sobs began to issue from my throat. I wanted to run after Wakaba, god knew I did, but just stood and cried.
"Miss Utena?" A gentle hand touched my arm.
"Let's go home, Anthy."
"Yes, Miss Utena."
* * *
The reason for the long, long wait for an update is quite simple: I lost interest. However, due to the continuous prodding of Teno Hikari (we loves ya, girl!), I have written a short little thing. I write when inspiration strikes. I hope this chapter, however short, meets with your approval.
I have undergone several writing phases, so it was a challenge to go back. This is from an earlier, more primitive era of my writing career, and as such, I find myself ill at ease with continuing.
I have continued to use my spelling of Saionji's name, because it is too much work to change it in every preceding chapter. Please accept my apologizing for the romanticization of his name.