This chapter contains some not-so-graphic rape. Just so you are warned.

His hands are rough.

I feel bloated and flat out disgusting as his fingertips roam over my bare skin. He leans over and whispers in my ear; "You are so beautiful." I can smell the whiskey reeking on his breath.

I have never felt less beautiful in my life. I feel ashamed. Violated. Home. I just want to go home...I want to strum my guitar, I want to eat a semi-edible dinner with my family, I want to share a soda and an adventure with Josh, I just want to be safe, I want to go home-

His tongue trails from my ear down to my collarbone, leaving chills in its wake.

Oh, God- why hadn't I just stayed home?

"Hey, Drake! Want to go see that movie tonight?"

"Nah. I'm good. Party over at Amber's tonight."

"Oh. Sounds like fun."

"Damn straight."

Fun? Is this fun? What the hell had I been thinking?

His lips begin to caress my neck, sending chills down my spine. No. This can't happen, it won't- I won't just lay here, defenseless, let him have his way with me-

"Stop," I whisper, and for a moment he does.

He smiles at me, but there's no warmth in his eyes. "You want me to stop, sweetheart?" He licks my trembling lips slowly, an icy mirth echoing in his empty eyes. "Make me," he breathes into my ear as he returns to my neck.

"Help- HELP!"

His calloused fingers strangle the cries in my throat, leaving me gasping for breath. "Shh...don't want to make me do something we'll both regret, do you? You just take it, darlin'...just take it."

He lowers his lips to mine, and I gag as his tongue forces its way into my mouth. He tastes disgusting, even worse than Mom's meat loaf. I kind of want to bite his tongue right the hell off, see how he likes that- but the thought of having his bleeding flesh in my mouth makes me even sicker.

So I lay there, and I take what I don't want. What I never wanted.

A whimper escapes my lips as he pulls away, and he smiles at me. God, I hate his smile. It reminds me of that stupid cat from Alice in Wonderland. Megan had forced me to watch that so many times when she was a kid, but that cat had always freaked me out.

He reaches for my belt buckle, and something inside me breaks into a thousand pieces. I start struggling again, writhing beneath his legs. He grabs my wrists and pins them over my head, leaning his face close. His breath blows hot and moist against my cheek. "Don't fight it, sweetheart. You're just so beautiful. So beautiful...I want you."

I cry. I don't know what else I can do, so I screw my face up a little and the tears come. "Nononononononononono...no."

His fist falls on my face, and the force of its impact brings stars to my eyes. "Say you love me."

"No...oh, please, no..."

"Say it, baby. Just say it. Say you love me, sweetheart..."

"I-I love you."

It's barely a whisper, and he taps his ear. "Sorry, baby. I didn't catch that?"

"I love you." My voice is dead and only a few decibals louder.

"What was that?"

"I love you," I sob, shaking beneath him.

He is satisfied now. He plants a lingering kiss on my cheek. "Now, baby...you love me. You know what you have to do when you love someone?" I shake my head, and his smile widens. "Why, you have to prove it. When you really love someone, you have to give them all of you. You let them take all of you. Do you understand that?"

I nod, tears still slipping down my cheeks.

"This is love, baby. Real love."

He releases my wrists and goes for my belt buckle again. This time, I don't struggle. Because this time, I understand that I can fight all I want, but this isn't a battle I'll win. He unbuttons my pants and unzips the zipper with care. He slips my boxers off of me next, and he throws my clothing in a heap on the floor, next to my shirt and jacket.

His fingers roam, and I feel all bloated and gross again. I can feel the roughness of his fingertips against the bare skin of my thigh, and I hate it. Oh, my God, I hate it.

He lowers his lips to me, but this time, his mouth isn't muffling the whimpers that escape. I can feel his tongue, and I feel so huge, like a beached whale.

I think it lasts for several eternities before he pulls away, and it is over. Or at least, I hope it is. I am trembling, and he looks happy, and he leans close and murmurs, "This is love, baby."

I feel him turning me over, and I know it's not over. Not at all.

"Remember what I said about giving all of yourself to the one you love?" He kisses the back of my neck. "Do you love me?"

"Yes," I whisper. I'm too scared to find out what would happen if I said no. I don't care what he does anymore- not really. I just want it over. I just want to go home.

And then he's inside of me.

It's cold, I'm shivering, and I can't fight. It hurts too much to fight, and no, no more pain, please just let me go home, sir, I have a brother who can fix this if you just let me go- I feel like my insides are being torn apart, and I wonder if maybe this is what dying feels like. Your body being ripped apart...

His groans fall on my ears, and please, just let it be over, oh my God, please...

He flips me back over, and kisses me full on the mouth. I can taste myself on his lips, and I gag. "Thanks for loving me, baby. It's been real fun."

I just lay there, limp and still in shock over the pain. God, it hurts...it hurts so bad, I just want to scream till my throat bleeds.

He's buckling his pants, and he leans over and runs sticky fingers through my hair. "Bye, baby."

And then it's over.