AN: First 'true' chapter of LISP! Thanks for the reviews so far, it's nice to see someone is at least reading my stuff.

As for the pairing, Naruto x Seras is definitely in. Integra, though…well, both Alucard and Naruto will be doing their absolute best to drive her completely insane (teasing, flirting, general mischief making and chaos). So, it's too soon to tell who she'll end up with.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Hellsing.

Lady Integral's Second 'Pet'

Chapter 1: Reminiscence and a Bloodbath

1994, French Countryside

A dark figure walked quietly down the dirt path in a small town, a few miles south of Paris. The night seemed gloomy and almost eerily quiet, due in most part to the tales of a horrific serial killer roaming the streets at night. Suddenly, the silence was broken by a low crackling, static-like sound.

"…to…re yo…there?"

The figure stopped beneath one of the sparse street lamps, allowing his features to come into view. He was tall, had spiky, golden blonde hair, tied in a low ponytail that reached his mid-back, and was currently fiddling with a device in his ear.

"Yeah, I'm here. What's up?" he replied, straightening his clothing with his free hand. He was dressed in a pair of black pants, a long sleeved, black dress shirt, covered with a dark blue vest, and a large coat, dark blue on the outside and black on the inside. Black, fingerless gloves adorned his hands, and his feet were covered by a pair of black combat boots. A large handgun rested in its holster on his left side, and a sword was tucked into the dark blue sash wrapped around his waist. He reached up to adjust his blue tinted sunglasses when the reply came over his communicator.

"It's about time! What took you so long?"

"Jeez, lighten up, Walter! I was just taking the scenic route."

"Naruto, you need to finish this job quickly and efficiently if you want Lady Integra to let you out of the mansion anytime in the near future. If you screw up…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll be deemed 'too dangerous' and locked up again." Naruto said, voice practically dripping sarcasm.

"For someone who so heavily values freedom, you sure don't seem bothered by that prospect." Walter replied dryly.

"'Cause it ain't gonna happen. I'll finish this and be home for tea time."

"Of course," Walter snorted. "In that case, you should get a move on. Walter, out."

"Sheesh, old man seriously needs to get laid." A growl in his ear told him Walter had heard that comment. Naruto merely smiled, before making his way towards his destination, a decrepit, abandoned mansion on the outskirts of town. 'Can't these guys be a little more original? I mean, come on! The creepy, old mansion cliché?'

On the way, Naruto let his mind drift, considering how different his life had become over just two short years, and all the people he had met. 'Walter's okay, if a little uptight. Alucard's alright when he's not being an arrogant bastard. I mean, seriously, I was practically knockin' on Death's Door when he found me! Of course he was able to kick the shit outta me!' he thought bitterly, remembering their brief tussle in the ruins where he had been sealed. 'If it hadn't a been for those stupid draining shackles…*sigh* whatever.'

Naruto's thoughts then turned to his new…master. 'Lady Integra…now that's one hell of a woman!' he chuckled, remembering their first meeting.

Flashback

Naruto stood in front of a pair of large, ornate wooden doors. He had been cleaned up, dressed in new clothes, and given the order to 'be respectful'. He snorted, 'Respect is earned, not given. And I doubt any human will ever earn it.' His betrayal and subsequent sealing had left him…somewhat bitter.

Alucard was standing behind him, still smiling that damnable smile. They were waiting, while Walter, the old man he had met outside the ruins, was informing the 'Master' of his presence. Naruto rubbed his wrists; Alucard had helped remove his shackles earlier. He could already feel his powers returning.

He was knocked out of his thoughts when Walter opened the door, and Alucard placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing him inside. He took the time to take a closer look at the 'old man' as he called him. Walter C. Dornez, as he had introduced himself, was dressed like a common butler, a white dress shirt, dark blue dress slacks, a black vest, and a red tie. His dark hair was held back in a short ponytail, a monocle adorned his left eye, and he wore white gloves and black shoes. He looked completely non-threatening, but Naruto knew better than to judge by appearances.

He entered into a well furnished office, lavishly decorated with rugs, vases, and paintings. The place just screamed 'I'm A Noble!' Behind a large mahogany desk was a very comfy looking armchair. And in that chair sat…a girl, no more than 17 or 18.

Cold blue eyes met his blood red orbs without even flinching. Her long, pale blonde hair framed her pretty face, and a pair of round, wire-framed glasses sat upon the bridge of her nose. She was dressed in a grey-green business suit, her blue necktie pinned with a golden cross. She sat with her fingers steepled, staring intently at him. He met her gaze defiantly for a few moments, before smirking…

"So, you're the head honcho, eh? Well, it looks like I won't be bored, at least."

…and effectively killing the dramatic tension.

Integra scowled at him, and Walter sighed, while Alucard smiled even wider. Waving the other two away, Integra stood, and walked around the desk to stand before Naruto. As she opened her mouth to speak, however, Naruto cut her off with the last words Walter and Alucard heard before the office door closed.

"You know, if you're trying to intimidate me, you'd have better luck if you were taller."

Alucard's laughter echoed throughout the hallways.

"Well, what do you think of him, Walter?" Alucard inquired as they walked.

Walter sniffed as he cleaned his monocle lens. "He's rude, impertinent, unrefined, and has no respect for authority."

"So, he's just like me, then?" Alucard grinned.

"That is what I'm afraid of."

Back in the office, we find Naruto laid out flat on his back, while Integra is nursing the knuckles of her right hand. "It looks like I'll have to teach you some manners," she commented.

Naruto sat up, nursing his cheek, and chuckled. "You kinda remind me of my last superior, except you're not as stacked as she was." He stood up and adopted a decidedly Alucard-like smile. "Maybe I should call you Baa-chan, too?"

Integra groaned mentally as she decked him once more. Somehow, she had a feeling that this one was going to be just as much a handful as Alucard.

Flashback End

Naruto chuckled, rubbing his cheek. Sometimes it seemed like he could still feel her punches. Though, that might be because she decked him at least once a day.

Naruto looked up as he reached the gate of the mansion. 'Time to have some fun!' With that thought, he disappeared into the shadows of the night.

Jean Bertrand was your average vampire. He enjoyed feasting on helpless humans with his beautiful partner and wife, Annette, and was currently relaxing with said wife in his mansion while his servant ghouls milled about. Suddenly, his relaxation was disrupted by a large crashing sound coming from the foyer.

"Ghouls, go find out what happened!" he ordered.

"What do you think it is, darling?" Annette asked.

"It's probably nothing, dear. Just relax and let the ghouls handle it."

His good mood was shattered, however, when the sound of gunfire erupted in the hallway outside. He barely had time to utter a 'what the hell' before one of his ghoul's severed heads came crashing through the door.

"So sorry, hope I'm not interrupting anything to important." Naruto said as he walked through the shattered doorframe. He held a long, silver O-katana in his right hand, and a black and red handgun in his left.

The sword was beautiful, the guard and cap were golden, and the hilt was wrapped in crimson cloth. The blade, made of completely of holy, blessed silver, was long and slightly curved, with the kanji for 'Red Death' engraved near the base. The gun, on the other hand, looked deadly. A copy of Alucard's Casull, made completely of black gunmetal, the grip was crimson, and it was engraved with the name 'Hell Fox' in red on the barrel.

"Why you…! Who the hell do you think you are?!" Jean shouted.

"Me…? I'm what goes bump in the night." Naruto smirked. "I'm your boogeyman!"

"Grrr…damn you! Die!" Jean shouted as he pulled to pistols from within his jacket, and opened fire. Naruto did nothing to dodge and was soon riddled with bullet holes. Jean smirked as the blonde slumped to the ground, before turning to his wife. "He wasn't so tough after all! Right, Annette?"

Annette, however, didn't answer. When Jean stepped closer to see what was wrong, he was distracted by a *poof*, and turned in time to see 'Naruto' go up in smoke. Turning back to his wife he gasped in horror as he watched bloody lines begin to appear all over her face and body.

"Bingo!" Naruto's voice rang out, as he clicked his blade back into its sheath. At that exact moment, Annette collapsed to the floor in a pile of meaty chunks and a spray of blood.

Jean whirled to face the source of the voice, only to have the barrel of Naruto's gun shoved into his open mouth. He had just enough time to note the blood red eyes peeking over the shades, before the blonde spoke once more.

"Game Over!"

And the vampires head literally exploded in a shower of gore as he pulled the trigger. Cleaning off the end of the Fox's barrel, he took one last look around and shrugged.

"Mission Clear."

Post Note:

About Naruto's feelings concerning humans, he doesn't hate them, but isn't particularly fond of them either. He's mostly indifferent, but isn't as quick to trust as he used to be. A few people, like Walter and Integra, have earned his respect, but he is somewhat cold to everyone else. He trusts Alucard most, because they are similar, both in terms of being non-humans and in personality.

Next time on Lady Integral's Second 'Pet': The Hellsing crew go to Cheddar, and Alucard's a father?!

Review and whatnot.