A/N: Bonjour dear readers. I've recently decided that I am in love with idea of Emily, Sam and Leah's little triangle. I decided to write my version of what happened when Sam broke Leah's heart, in her point of view. Maybe everyone should see why Leah's so bitter all the time and hopefully understand. If people suggest this, I may turn it into a full story.
Disclaimer: If I was Stephenie Meyer, which I'm not, I would be out writing Midnight Sun instead of fan fictions. So that clears things up.
LPOV:
I sat on the edge of my porch as the rain fell down hard around me. My hair was drenched with rain, sticking to my face, as my clothes were almost permanently attached to my body from the wetness. My head rested between my knees, hands secured tightly around them. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around this, what I knew was coming.
Because I didn't want to believe it. I wanted it to be me.
But I knew it never was, no matter how hard I wished. The way he looked at her, but more importantly, the way he never looked at me. Not anymore.
No matter how much I loved him, it wasn't enough. It could never be enough.
I know it's coming, no matter how hard I try to avoid it, avoid him. It was ending and it was going to end me.
I closed my eyes, my fists clenched tightly. I love him, damn it. I gave up everything for him. I let him reach into my soul with a pair of extra sharp pliers and pull my heart out, begging him to be careful. No matter how many times I would plead, it never really mattered did it? It wasn't my decision to make, my heart didn't even belong to me anymore.
It was always his, it will always be his.
Heavy footsteps sloshed against the murky grass of my lawn, alerting me of his presence. I opened my eyes slowly, not looking up. I stared down at his abnormally large feet, cringing.
I remember when he disappeared, left out of nowhere. There was no trace of him, nothing to assure me that he was okay. I remember crying by my open window every night, praying that he was safe, praying he would miraculously climb through my window like a normal night together. Then they did found him, and he was so different. His warm eyes were hostile, his gentle touch was hesitant, shying away.
But he was still my Sam, and I was still his Leah. We made it work, that's what we always did. We loved each other so much, I would have done anything for him as would he for me.
Even now, I would give my own life to keep him safe. But I can't really say the same thing for him now, can I?
He tried, I know he tried so hard to stay away from her. My own cousin, Emily Young, the girl who captured my Sam's fascination less than two weeks ago. The girl who had been my best friend for so many years, the one who just had to move to the reservation.
No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't be mad. Not at her, not at him. She is my family and I would go to the ends of Earth to make Sam happy, I could never be angry with him. Though, I could be angry with myself. If only I had tried so much harder, hung on to him with all my might. I'd like to believe that if I tried harder, I wouldn't be at this point. The breaking point.
Yes, I like to believe it. But I know it's not true. Things were hard, but we were trying. I could see that he loved me, he didn't want to give me up. But as soon as he saw her, that all changed. I'd love to blame this on myself, but it's not my fault. I guess I knew it was his fault all along. But love makes you blind, which I'm currently suffering from.
"Leah?" Sam's deep but gentle voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I hadn't realised he had approached me, his feet were almost touching mine. I wanted to look up but I didn't, the salt water of my tears mixing in with the moisture of the pouring rain.
I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to see his eyes. Eyes that had once held admiration, love and compassion, drowned out by the placement of pity. For me, of course. Why would he need pity? I'm the one on the wrong end of the stick, the stupid one.
I shouldn't have forced it. I could see how much he pained him to be with me, after he met Emily. The hurt in his eyes as he looked at me, acting like everything was okay. Of course, I knew him probably more then he knew himself which means I can tell when he's lying.
Just like when I asked him if he loved Emily. He said no.
The porch creaked as he took a seat beside me, the chilly air of the evening suddenly replaced with a blast of heat. I cringed away from him, his knee almost brushing the tip of mine. My arms got tighter without me noticing, I was gasping for breath at that point. My heart was beating erratically, I could hear it in my ears.
"I'm sorry." Was all he said before silence overtook us. That got my blood boiling, my tendrils sticking out on my over tight clenched fists. The rain was irritating on my face, pounding like the pulse of an artery about to burst.
I could feel his gaze boring into my cheek, so I turned to him. His eyes widened almost unnoticeably to the normal human eye. But I was far from normal, I was mistakenly in love. "If you came here to talk and all you can say is sorry, just leave." I snapped. "I don't need you wasting my time."
The truth is, I wanted to cry. I wanted to fall on my knees and plead for him to stay, to keep me together. I would give anything to wrap my arms around him at that very moment, crying into his shoulder for him to keep me forever. I would trade anything for him to love me, like I love him.
I had a lot more dignity than that.
I glared at him unmoving, watching the pain and regret flash through his eyes. "What else can I say, Leah? I'm trying."
"You can tell me that you love me. Tell me that you weren't lying when you told me you didn't love Emily. Take my hand and say forever, just like you used to. Remember those promises Sam? The ones you made to me, so long ago. Or did you forget, just like you forgot about me?" I turned away from him, any amount of dignity I had washed away.
"I want to tell you all those things Leah. I wish I could hold you and tell you how much you mean to me. I wish we could walk down the beach holding hands, just staring at each other." His voice cracked a few times. "I also wish I could tell you I was lying, tell you that we could be together forever. I could never forget those promises Leah and I will never forget you, how could you think that?"
I ignored almost everything he said. "You love Emily?"
"More than you could imagine."
"I doubt that."
He went silent. "I'm begging you to understand Leah. I'm not asking you to forgive me, ever."
"Good, because I probably won't."
He flinched. "You don't get how much this is hurting me. I wish it could be you, I wish I didn't have to go through every day seeing your face after I gazed into Emily's eyes." The way he spoke of Emily was nothing but pure admiration. The empty spot where my heart was supposed to be stung a little.
"How does she feel about this?" I hadn't spoken to Emily since that day at the beach, two weeks ago.
"She's coming around to me. I think she's most worried about hurting you though, she's holding back."
I groaned and rolled my head back to look at the sky. Of course, it always comes back to me. The girl who sacrifices everything to give the people she loves what they need. Usually, it doesn't include her.
"It's not my decision." I whispered.
"But it matters to her. It matters to me."
"Do I still matter to you, Sam? Can you look me in the eye and honestly say that you don't love me anymore?" I turned to face him, my eyes pleading with one last chance. His last chance to tell me he wants to stay.
No matter how much I hoped, I knew how it would turn out.
"Lee-lee, I love you." My heart swelled and I almost reached out to him before I realised he wasn't done speaking. "I wish that were enough, but it just isn't."
I was on my knees. "Tell me what I need to do. How can I improve, I'll do it for you Sam! Just don't leave me, I need you!"
His head fell into his hands. "You're perfect as you are Leah."
"THEN WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!" I screamed, letting my hands fall to the ground. "Why can't it be me?"
"I'm so sorry." He said again, this time I responded. Because I realised how this would end, if I didn't give up.
I would let the ones I love down, no matter how many times they had ruined me. Over and over, repeatedly crushing me to different pieces. I knew I had to let this go. I was just trying to figure out how.
"Sorry is just a word Sam. Like love, it has no meaning. Not to me, not anymore." I turned, my back was facing him.
"I wish it could be different."
"I know you do." I admitted. He was standing in front of me, holding out his hand. I took it and let him pull me up.
We gazed at each other for a short second before I flung myself into his chest. I couldn't reach his neck because he was so tall. I clung to him for as long as I could, trying to savour the last moments where I was his Leah.
He would always be my Sam.
"Just promise you won't forget us." I begged, trying to hold on to my sanity.
"Never." But no matter how many promises he had broken, turned away from, I had to believe it. Because that's what love is, it's a trick. It fools you into trust, it makes you naïve and vulnerable. Just like I am.
He kissed my lips briefly, gently. Then he pulled away and sped off, walking quickly without breaking pace and without turning back.
I sat there for ten minutes after he left, hoping he would turn around and coming running back to me. Reality finally sunk in as the night became darker, the stars blocked out by the falling rain. I was drenched, I was shivering. I was lost.
Anger replaced misery for a quick second, my blood curdled. So I did what I had to do, I threw my head up to the sky and screamed at the top of my lungs. Then I collapsed onto the ground and lay there for who knows how long.
The man whom I had loved and still love so dearly was gone. He had so easily turned his back and walked away from me and every promise he ever made. The man who I wished loved me the way he loves her, bid me farewell in one of the most painful ways imaginable.
The boy who I would hold onto forever, crushed my heart with a sudden flick of the pliers.
A/N: Seriously, if you liked this please tell me! I want to make a full story out of it and I want people to read it !