AN: Oh, man, I am teeming with all these fic ideas, I just really don't have the drive to do anything at all these days. Fricken senioritis. But today, I had a sudden burst of inspiration while surfing a very...interesting website. Why so interesting, you ask? Let's just say it's borderlining obscenity...

Bon Appétit!

"Oh!"

"Ohhh!"

Carly suddenly stopped dead in her course down the stairs, her eyes widening and her ears not daring to believe. In an attempt to confirm - or, rather, disprove - what she had just heard, Carly quietly placed an ear against the wall and waited with bated breath. She needn't have done that, for the next exclamation was so loud, Carly's head snapped back in alarm.

"Oh my God!" Sam and Freddie ejaculated simultaneously.

Rubbing her neck, Carly resumed her position against the wall and listened intently, determined to find a logical explanation for what was going on downstairs. Carly knew that Sam and Freddie had recently started dating and although she was incredibly happy for her two best friends, it was still a fact she had yet to digest. This, on the other hand, was simply not happening. They couldn't be this serious already, could they? Nor this...unreserved about it?

"Man, I am done," Freddie said resignedly. "I can't keep doing this."

"I can," Sam sighed, fully content. "I can do this all day. Look at that wiener; that wiener is a gift from God, I tell you. It is ginormous and beautiful and perfect."

"I know," said Freddie fondly. "Would you like to eat it?"

There was a moment of silence, whilst Carly stood paralyzed from the neck down, a horrible grimace contorting her features. This is not happening, this cannot be happening, Carly mantra'd fiercely. I take a few minutes to use the bathroom...and they're having...on my furniture?! This is seriously not happening.

"Benson, do you not know me at all?" Sam asked. "I wouldn't just eat it. I'd deep throat it. Ten seconds, that's all it'll take."

"Reeaally?" Freddie drew the word out disbelievingly. Seductively. "I would love to see you try."

"I'm sure you would," Sam said, her tone revealing the huge grin on her face.

Carly wanted to vomit. She wanted to cry. Half her brain was willing her to march downstairs to stop the insanity while the other half was urging her to run to her room and try to rid herself of this trauma. But her body, unfortunately, refused to do either and stayed rooted to the spot.

"Hey guys, what are you up - OH MY GOD! THAT IS DISGUSTING!"

It was Spencer's return from the junkyard and his subsequent outcry that finally triggered Carly into action. Closing her eyes, she barreled madly down the stairs and stomped into the room, glaring. Her expression would have been more intimidating had it not looked like she was suffering from a severe case of myopia.

"What the hell you guys?" she whined. "I don't believe you two! The room is empty for like five minutes and you find that you absolutely cannot keep it in your pants? Didn't you even think about the possibility of people walking in and being scarred for life? And why did you have to do it here? Freddie's apartment is just across the hall and his mom won't be back until later, so why couldn't you just do it there and come back? I know you guys practically live here and everything and me and Spencer are okay with that, but you are not turning our loft into a love nest!"

A long and awkward silence followed Carly's tirade. Sam was the first one to break it. "Um...what?"

Carly hesitantly opened one eye, and then the other, and found herself facing an unoccupied sofa. Utterly confused, she wildly looked around and saw Sam, Freddie and Spencer near the computer, staring at her as if she was the one standing exposed and shameless. Carly looked at the computer screen behind them and cursed silently. They were just on the website reasonsyoureobese dot com, drooling over a picture of a 15-inch, heavily decorated hotdog entitled "The Homewrecker."

AN: So, how was my first innunedo fic? This was actually meant to just be a drabble but I had too much fun with it, so it's a bit longer than anticipated. Hopefully you all had fun as well (but not too much). For those of you who don't know, the website is actually called "This is why you're fat," but in the spirit of iCarly, I just had to parody it, am I right? However, "The Homewrecker" actually does exist and I didn't change the title because I thought it was kinda sorta fitting. Lol.

Okay, so that's basically it. Reviews are nice. I eat them right up ;)

Thank ya.