She hurled the phone across the room and watched it shatter and fall to the ground. She had just gotten the call that she had never wanted to receive, he was gone. He promised her he would be home safe and that he would be home in time for dinner. Damn it he promised her. She felt her knees give out and she fell to the ground and started crying.

She woke up in her bed and had no idea how long she had been asleep or when she had moved to the bed. It was their bed, she felt the tears well up in her eyes. His pillow still smelled like him she thought as she wrapped her arms around it and buried her face into and let the tears fall again.

Their friends came by to check on her, but she didn't move. She was determined to stay in the last place they were together. She didn't eat unless the food was set in front of her and only a few bites then, she had no right to be happy when he wasn't with her. People came by to give their condolences but she didn't listen, their words meant nothing to her. They couldn't give her the only thing she wanted.

Two days later she dressed in her only black dress and set in the front row of the church. She was sure that the preacher had said some lovely things, but she wasn't paying attention. She could only see the coffin in front of her and her eyes stayed focused on it. He was in there and she would never see him again. After the funeral she couldn't bring herself to leave the cemetery, she couldn't bare the thought of putting him in the ground and making it final.

Their friends and family came back to their apartment and she tried to stay focused on the things they were saying but she felt like she was suffocating the whole time. How was she supposed to do anything without him? She pulls the clips from her hair and let it fall around her face. He loved her hair like this. She still feels like she is suffocating and tries to unzip her dress.

"Damn it! Someone unzip me!" her voice startles everyone and his best friend quickly unzips her. She lets the dress pool at her feet and walks off to their room. She grabs his favorite shirt and puts it on and she grabs his badge from the dresser. His blood was still on it so she went into the bathroom and turned on the water, and scrubbed the badge until her fingers were red and raw. After she was satisfied with it she walked into his closet and set down in the middle of his closet and was surrounded by his things and for a moment she felt comforted.

The days pass slowly, but she finally feels up to returning to work and it makes her feel a little bit more human. She doesn't want to be happy, she doesn't think it is right to feel that way without him next to her. She doesn't want to forget him. The first time her friends see her smile without him around they know that she will be all right, and the first time she smiles she realizes that she will be okay. It might take some time, but she would eventually get back to normal, and she knows that is what he would of wanted.

This is really different for me to write, but the muse wouldn't let it go. I hope you guys like it.