Of Cujo and Kisses
"Sonny, why are you in my lap?"
"There was a spider. A big spider. And, oh damn, kill it!"
"Oh-"
"Kill it!"
"I'm trying!"
"KILL IT!"
"What the heck is this thing, the Cujo of all spiders?"
"Nah, more like a possessed Chad Dylan Cooper."
"Yeah. Wait. Shut up. That's me."
"And you're not killing it!"
"I-I can't find it."
"Chad!"
"Well, what is this Sonny? Huh? One little spider and you're over in my territory. It should be illegal."
"Well, my mom used to tell me that being a jerk was illegal; so your years in prison would be like, a billion above mine, so-"
"Oh, shut up."
"You shut up."
"Mature."
"Hey Chad, is that Cujo the spider on your shoulder?"
"…"
"…"
"Stop. Laughing."
"You screamed like a little girl."
"Well maybe that's because I am a-"
"Are you honestly going to finish that sentence, Cooper? Hold up and let me get my recorder out. OceanUp is just going to love this."
"You're evil."
"And damn hysterical. Suck it, sucker."
"Like a lollipop."
"Why did you just add on to my sarcastic comment?"
"Because I'm awesome."
"Dude, did you honestly just-"
"You betcha, pipsqueak."
"What did you just call me, Chad?"
"I forget."
"Alzheimer's? At such an early age? That's a shame, Chad. I really had high hopes for-"
"Sonny-"
"But now, do to your illness, I won't-"
"Sonny-"
"And that just really breaks my heart."
"Sonny!"
"…"
"…"
"Stop looking at me like that. It's proven to be the only successful way of getting you to shut-the-hell up."
"Proven? You've only kissed me like on-"
"…"
"…"
"Twi-"
"…"
"Three times?"
"It's a magic number."
"That's seven."
"I was indicating a plural."
"Your grammar sucks, Cooper."
"You kissed me back, Monroe."
"You forced me to, Dylan."
"Did you just middle name me, seriously?"
"I thought you loved your middle name. I mean, most people never use their middle name, but you-"
"…"
"…"
"Again? Really?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Don't care. And if we're asking questions, why do your lips taste like coffee?"
"I just had Starbucks with Nico."
"Mmmm, what kind?"
"White chocolate mocha, grande. And why the hell are you changing the subject?"
"Because, I'm interested in your lips-"
"Chad!"
"That came off wrong."
"Ya think?"
"Well, the white chocolate mocha taste tastes really good."
"Then march your butt out to Starbucks and get your own."
"To be honest, Sonny, I'd really rather lick the residue off of your lips."
"Do you know how disgusting that just sounded, Cooper?"
"Nope, but judging by the look on your face, I'm beginning to understand."
"Good."
"So can I lick your lips again?"
"Chad!"
"Well, by all means, I thought we'd save the whole 'screaming-my-name' part for our pleasurable moments in marriage, but-"
"Chad!"
"By all means, have at-"
"Chad, Cujo the spider is on your shoulder."
"…"
"…"
"You saved me."
"'Cause I'm Rhett, and you're Scar-"
"So help me, if you go through with that sentence-"
"Can I kiss you again?"
"Wipe Cujo's blood off of your hands first, Cooper."
"…"
"…"
"Done."
"Slow down, Chad. Seriously, I'll pay for your-"
"No."
"No. Why? And your face is really-"
"I like kissing you, Sonny. And though you usually irritate the hell out of me, I kind of like you –like you- for you."
"Chad-"
"No. I like you just the way you are. And that includes all of your little irritating quirks."
"Chad-"
"So let me kiss you, okay?"
"Okay."
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: I am so unpleased to announce that I save my most pointless drabbles for this particular category. And I'm really sorry for all of the mistakes =/
It was one of those times where you watch something (in this case: Bridget Jones's Diary) – and then write a whole thing inspired from a little dab in it. Yep, it took me 500+ words to get Chad to say "I like you just the way you are." Anyway, excuse my pointlessness =P
Thank you for reading!