I am not doing a word count for this one. No way.
OH DEAR SWEET GOD IT IS FINALLY. FINISHED. YES.
A few things about this story: One, I do, in fact, realize that the e-mail format is off. I e-mail a lot too, so I do know. However, I didn't realize that I messed up while I was writing, and this happened. Live with it. It's not detrimental to your health or anything (but if it is, I am sorry for that). Two, I know that the characters are a bit out of character. That's the thing about AU's. The characters will never be exactly the same (though hopefully, they're somewhat similar). And three, if you don't like the pairings or the way I wrote them, then get out or advise me. Nicely.
ANY FLAMES ABOUT PAIRINGS/CHARACTERS/SERIES/WRITING WILL NOT BE TOLERATED HERE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, LEAVE THE BUILDING.
Try to enjoy!
And, um, yes I did edit this because I realized I was an idiot and forgot to fix the stupid usernames that were all '.com' and stuff. Sorry if they're still there!
From: salafire111
To: ironwill
Subject: Get your ass over here
We need to talk.
From: ironwill
To: salafire111
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
I don't think so. Go get Gray instead to be all buddy-buddy with.
From: salafire111
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
This isn't 'buddy-buddy' business. And Gray's a stripper. He isn't any fun.
From: ironwill
To: salafire111
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
True. So go hang out with your freaky blue cat.
From: salafire111
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
Happy is not freaky! How many times do I have to say that?
From: ironwill
To: salafire111
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
Please. A cat that can 'meow' the school song, mimic five dances and is BLUE is definitely freaky.
From: salafire111
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
It's not freaky! It's cool!
Now get your ass over here!
From: ironwill
To: salafire111
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
Oh now you remember.
We're in class and I don't know your schedule, moron. How am I supposed to meet you anywhere for the next three hours?
From: ironwill
To: salafire111
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
Never mind, that was a stupid question.
From: salafire111
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
You just realized?
We'll meet by the oak tree at the back of the school. Be sure not to use the bathroom excuse—they'll think you're smoking pot after a while. Best not lower their trust levels further than they already are, right?
From: ironwill
To: salafire111
Subject: Re: Get your ass over here
I do smoke pot, you idiot. Or at least I used to.
By the way, your username looks like you left off the 'd' in salad. It should have been 'saladfire111'.
-----
From: decibook
To: keyholder
Subject: Did you know
That the weird new transfer kid has a crush on you?
From: keyholder
To: decibook
Subject: Re: Did you know
No, but I've seen him before. I don't know his name. What was it again?
From: decibook
To: keyholder
Subject: Re: Did you know
Lucy, how out of it have you been? Everyone knows his name by now.
It's Gazille Reitfox. Remember? That scary looking dude who transferred from the rival academy Phantom with Gray's stalker girl (who is now your almost-best-friend, therefore replacing me in your heart)?
From: keyholder
To: decibook
Subject: Re: Did you know
Levi, that's ridiculous. Why would the school delinquent have a crush on me? He called me 'Bunny Girl' the first time we met. We haven't talked since.
And Jubia can never replace you. Never. Don't even think about that.
From: decibook
To: keyholder
Subject: Re: Did you know
I don't know. Maybe he just thinks that you're cute.
And I'm happy to be reassured that my status is still high in your heart.
-----
From: keyholder
To: courageleo
Subject: I need to ask you a question
You've seen Gazille, right? Gazille Reitfox? Does he seem to have a crush on a certain girl or anything? Just curious.
From: courageleo
To: keyholder
Subject: Why
Are you curious about him? You aren't thinking of dating him or anything, right?
From: keyholder
To: courageleo
Subject: No
Of course not, Loki. I'm not really interested in him. There's just a rumor around that's saying he has a crush on me. And as a friend to a friend who is in the center of the gossiping industry, I wanted to ask you this.
From: courageleo
To: keyholder
Subject: Oh
Okay. No, I haven't seen any evidence of him liking you.
-----
From: courageleo
To: ironwill
Subject: Crush or no crush?
Do you happen to like Lucy Heartphilia, by any chance?
From: ironwill
To: courageleo
Subject: That's an embarrassing subject line.
You mean Bunny Girl?
From: courageleo
To: ironwill
Subject: It was to the point.
Yeah. Her.
From: ironwill
To: courageleo
Subject: So? Still embarrassing.
No. She's annoying. Now go back to work, Loki, or you'll get fired again.
-----
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: /None/
Hey, Jubia. Why does everyone keep thinking that I like Bunny Girl? Salamander attacked me about it this morning, and Loki just e-mailed me about it.
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
How should I know? I'm busy right now. Don't bug me.
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: /None/
Busy stalking Gray again, huh?
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
Shut up. No.
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: /None/
I can see you from my window, Jubia. I can see you staring at Gray.
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
Well, I'm not STALKING! I'm just watching over him very protectively.
And about the whole Lucy issue—I can always ask her about it myself, you know. We're good friends.
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: /None/
DO NOT DO THAT. Now get off that branch, you're going to—
Oh, forget it. Too late.
-----
From: haterain
To: keyholder
Subject: Gazille
So, Lucy. From our short period of time as friends, I now ask you as a friend on a hospital bed with a broken leg for a favor.
Will you answer this question?
Do you or do you not like Gazille Reitfox? Answer honestly.
From: keyholder
To: haterain
Subject: Re: Gazille
Jubia, I'm genuinely sorry that you are on a hospital bed with a broken leg from stalking Gray, but I don't think that I can really answer your question. I barely even know the guy, for crying out loud. How can I even get to know him? And why?
From: haterain
To: keyholder
Subject: Re: Gazille
I WAS NOT STALKING!
I can arrange for a date between you two.
Why? Because there have been rumors going around about you two, and I figured I'd be a nice gal and help save your reputation.
From: keyholder
To: haterain
Subject: Re: Gazille
You totally were.
No. Thank you though.
How will that 'save my reputation'? I'd be going with a delinquent—not something most other guys really like to see in a girl.
From: haterain
To: keyholder
Subject: Re: Gazille
No way.
You sure? He's pretty hot (though not as hot as Gray). And I can make it a double date.
Well, if you don't like him or he doesn't like you, you can just dump each other and stop all of the rumors. That usually does the trick.
From: keyholder
To: haterain
Subject: Re: Gazille
Yes way.
The hot part sounds nice. So does the double date thing.
Why not? I'll give it a try.
From: keyholder
To: haterain
Subject: Re: Gazille
By the way, who else is going to be on the double date? And when?
From: haterain
To: keyholder
Subject: Re: Gazille
Gray and me! And as soon as I can get out of the hospital.
(I am not a stalker! Period!)
-----
From: haterain
To: slickasice
Subject: Double date
Hey Gray! It's Jubia! Remember me? The girl you had to call 911 for a few days ago when I fell out of a tree and broke my leg?
Anyways, I was just wondering—how would you like to go on a double date with me after I get out of the hospital in a few weeks? And with Lucy and Gazille? I know Gazille's, like, your buddy and all, so I thought that it would make you feel more comfortable, see?
What do you think?
From: slickasice
To: haterain
Subject: Re: Double Date
Yeah, I remember you. You looked into my eyes for a really long time before you passed out on the sidewalk from shock.
And, uh, yeah, I don't mind. Sure.
By the way, Gazille's not really my buddy. He's just more of a guy I hang around with. Just wanted to make that clear.
From: haterain
To: slickasice
Subject: Re: Double Date
Great! See you there!
And okay, that's cool.
-----
From: slickasice
To: ironwill
Subject: Date
So. Has Jubia e-mailed you yet about the 'double date' issue?
From: ironwill
To: slickasice
Subject: Re: Date
No. Why?
From: slickasice
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Date
Really? Because she e-mailed me about it a few hours ago. Says that I'm going with her and you're going with Lucy as soon as Jubia herself gets out of the hospital.
From: ironwill
To: slickasice
Subject: Re: Date
WHAT
From: slickasice
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Date
Don't do the caps-lock thing, dude. It hurts my eyes.
Yeah, we're going out on a date. You have a problem with it or something? I thought you liked Lucy.
From: ironwill
To: slickasice
Subject: Re: Date
Yes, I have a problem with it. Hell, I'm going out with Bunny Girl. That's the thing that's really wrong here, besides the fact that I'm going on a DOUBLE DATE with YOU AND JUBIA.
AND I DON'T LIKE HER. AND I DON'T CARE IF CAPS-LOCK HURTS YOUR EYES. SUCK IT UP.
From: slickasice
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Date
Dude, chill, all right? Jeez.
See you in three weeks.
-----
From: ironwill
To: armoredheart
Subject: Clothes
Erza, it's Gazille. Do you have any idea about what guys are supposed to wear on dates?
From: armoredheart
To: ironwill
Subject: You care?
You're supposed to wear a suit or something casually polite. Why?
From: ironwill
To: armoredheart
Subject: Right now, I do
Yeah, I don't have that stuff. Do you know a place that sells it?
It's because Jubia's making me go on a double date in a few weeks. Happy?
From: armoredheart
To: ironwill
Subject: Right
Jeral's having a yard sale right now, and he has some pretty cool clothes you can check out.
I don't believe you. Or her.
From: ironwill
To: armoredheart
Subject: Damn it, I'm being honest
Thanks. Jeral's your weird ex-boyfriend, right?
Better believe it, because it's true.
From: armoredheart
To: ironwill
Subject: Right
Yes. And he's not weird, just psychotic!
Fine. I'll believe you for now, Gazille. With who?
From: ironwill
To: armoredheart
Subject: /None/
Uh-huh. Sure. Like that makes him any better.
Lucy Heartphilia.
From: armoredheart
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
…I don't believe you anymore. I'm going to go ask Lucy.
-----
From: armoredheart
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
Lucy, is it true that you and Gazille are going on a double date?
From: keyholder
To: armoredheart
Subject: /None/
Yeah, we're going with Jubia and Gray. Why?
From: armoredheart
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
You guys have barely even SPOKEN to each other! How are you supposed to go on a date together?
From: keyholder
To: armoredheart
Subject: /None/
Jubia and Gray are coming too! That fills in the gap. Somewhat.
From: armoredheart
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
It doesn't! Lucy, I think you should get to know this guy before you start going out. For all you could know, he could be selling drugs and eating metal behind everyone's back.
From: keyholder
To: armoredheart
Subject: /None/
Fine. I'll e-mail him tonight and try to chat. Happy?
From: armoredheart
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
Not really. A little.
By the way, that assignment that Mr. Makarov gave us—what was it again?
From: keyholder
To: armoredheart
Subject: /None/
It was something about the ancient history of magic. As if we'll ever need that, right?
From: armoredheart
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
So true. Anyways, I'm going to go work on it. Talk to you later.
-----
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: So
Are you still mad at me?
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: The answer
Yes. Yes I am.
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: Oh
Come on, Gazille. You're a complete social recluse. It's about time you got out and do something.
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: I am
Doing something.
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: Oh yeah?
Like what?
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: Like
Going to a yard sale and buying some clothes for your stupid double date.
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: Better
But not good enough. Go out and hang out with Natsu or Gray.
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: I
Don't think so.
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: Oh, well
I suppose this is why none of the girls back at Phantom Academy would never dare ask you out. You were hot, but you were a social retard.
From: ironwill
To: haterain
Subject: /None/
What do you mean, I was a—
Did you just imply that you think I'm hot?
From: haterain
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
Of course I did. Any girl with eyes in her head can see that you're hot…ish.
-----
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
So. Um. Hi. Obviously, I'm Lucy, and I hope I got the right e-mail address. Gazille, right?
Anyways, if this is the right person, I just wanted to say hi since, you know, we have to go on a date together in a few weeks.
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: Hi to you too
Hey. Yeah, you got the right address, Bunny Girl. Good for you.
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: Ugh
Don't call me 'Bunny Girl'! My name is Lucy! L-U-C-Y! Get it?
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: Heh
Sure. Whatever.
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: ARGH!
YOU ARE INFURIATING! I CAN'T BELIEVE JUBIA SET ME UP WITH YOU!
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: Nice caps
Neither can I.
-----
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
Nice fall out at the game today. I heard you broke something?
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
Yeah. My pride.
I sprained my ankle. That's about it.
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
I bet. You flashed every kid in the east bleachers. You sent some kids to the hospital for blood loss.
Put some ice on it. That'll keep the swelling down.
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
Great. I can never show my face at school again.
Oh, like I didn't know that already?
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
Sure you can. You've just got to…I don't know, hide behind a bodyguard or something. That should keep away all the fan boys that you now have.
I just thought that if you were such an airhead, you probably wouldn't remember that little detail.
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
I hate you. So. Much.
I'm looking so forward to our date this Saturday. Really.
REALLY.
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: /None/
Good to know, Bunny Girl.
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: /None/
MY NAME IS LUCY!!! Ugh. Boys.
-----
From: hatesrain
To: ironwill
Subject: Date
So? How'd you like Lucy?
From: ironwill
To: hatesrain
Subject: Re: Date
She was okay, I guess. Better than some of the cheerleaders at Phantom, that's for sure.
From: hatesrain
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Date
See? I knew you would like her!
From: ironwill
To: hatesrain
Subject: Re: Date
I don't like her! I just don't hate her either.
From: hatesrain
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Date
Sure. Whatever you say.
-----
From: hatesrain
To: keyholder
Subject: Date
So? How'd you like Gazille?
From: keyholder
To: hatesrain
Subject: Re: Date
He was okay. I mean, he wasn't as mean or as bad as I expected him to be (he even asked me about my ankle! Can you believe that?), so I guess he's all right. And you were right—he was pretty cute.
From: hatesrain
To: keyholder
Subject: Re: Date
Awesome (and yes, I can believe that. Gazille can be considerate when he wants to—it's just that most of the time, he's acting too much like a jerk to be nice)!
-----
From: hatesrain
To: slickasice
Subject: Date
How'd you like the date, Gray?
From: slickasice
To: hatesrain
Subject: Re: Date
It was nice, Jubia.
Hey, you want me to call you sometime this weekend? You gave me your cell number, so…
From: hatesrain
To: slickasice
Subject: Re: Date
Yes! Go ahead. Call anytime.
From: slickasice
To: hatesrain
Subject: Re: Date
Cool. Talk to you later.
-----
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: Hang out
This isn't about our previous date. And don't get any ideas.
Do you want to go hang out? Maybe now? If it's, I don't know, not too much trouble for you?
From: keyholder
To: ironwill
Subject: Re: Hang out
Don't worry. I haven't gotten any yet.
Sure, not any trouble at all. I'll wait at city-park. See you there?
From: ironwill
To: keyholder
Subject: Re: Hang out
I'll be there.