AN: This is my first icarly fanfic. And well I haven't really been writing in a while like story wise so it might be really suckish. I just hope it's funny. Oh and I'm just super excited to be writing again. Just to warn you there might be a lot of just inside sam's heading like a setting up to the story. I've decided Sam's Pov would be fun to write in.

Disclaimer: if you recognize it from the show I don't own it.

Chapter 1 iApprove

It's so crazy how when it comes to that dork I can't help going above and beyond. The bad girl in me really out does herself with the betting, teasing, and pranking. I'm really on the top of my game. He's such an easy target, he reacts so well and sometimes he'll try and give back at me. It's funny, maybe even cute. Except that one time; handcuffing me to Gibby is not cute. That is a request to be murdered.

It's just he needs someone to toughen him up. I mean, if I don't who will. At least I pay attention to the line. Well I do now, I repeat he requested murder (weapon of choice -social suicide, provided by yours truly) you see I may have spilled Freddie's most embarrassing and private secret on our web show. Don't worry I paid for crossing the line and surprisingly Carly had nothing to do with that part; it was all on me.

It wasn't much, I just admitted my most embarrassing and private secret on our web show, coincidentally the same secret as Freddie's. What's even more surprising is that wasn't the end of my self punishment. I then proceeded to suggest me and the Dork kiss. No kissing him wasn't the punishment. The consequence of it was, accidentally fell for him. Smart Sam, really smart, absolutely brilliant, I know. I now have a crush on Freddie Benson who has the world's biggest, most pathetic, hopeless, and idiotic crush on my best friend, Carly Shay. Yay me!

I'm just glad I don't get all mushy and pathetic around him, I stay the same old Sam. I don't think it would work if I changed; we have such great dynamics. Besides, as I stated before, he really brings out the best of the bad in me. It's a skill that needs to stay sharp if I'm going to hold the schools record for most detentions. (Which I currently am in the lead for!) You'd be surprised how difficult it is to keep it at just detention and not cross the line to suspension or expulsion.

You see, I hate people. There is nothing more fun in the world than to express my hate in violent and rude ways. The only thing I make an effort with really is pranking and tormenting my fellow creatures on earth. It's kinda funny how the guy that gets the worst of it, is sometimes the only guy I can stand. What's also funny is how even though I love food, I often find myself pelting Freddie with it. I guess it's a great combination. Pelting Freddie, and food, my two greatest loves!

Sorry went of on a tangent. I'm just glad we've worked out this whole friend thing. When we said I hate you out on that fire escape. We both knew that we didn't really hate each other. We just were reaffirming our commitment to tormenting each other. Well let's be honest, me torturing him and Freddie attempting to torture back. I think we should do this annually. It would be fun. I'd apologize for tormenting him, he'd forgive me then ask me to pull back, I'd be all no and he'd all sigh okay, and then we would restate our terms of friendship by closing with an I hate you. It would work well; Freddie would feel better and I'd still be toughening him up.

As much as he denies it, he really needs me to do that. His mom is just so crazy and over protective. She just doesn't get it. I can't count all the times she has embarrassed him in front of me, and not just because I'm to lazy, but because it's got to be more than 3 times a day. He loves her though and they're a lot alike. He just doesn't have her crazy gene (Thank god for that.) Freddie would not have lived as long as he has if he had that crazy gene.

So I guess I can say that our story starts about 5 maybe 6 years ago. Freddie takes one look at Carly and is just gaga for her; I take one look at him and find myself with an urge to push him. It was the start of many fun afternoons for me and horrible ones for him. Then cut to the auditions Ms. Briggs made us do that provided Carly with the idea to start iCarly, our webshow. (The webshow made Freddie and I real friends.) Then cut to Gibby and me handcuffed. Next thing I know I'm kissing a dork on a fire escape with my eyes wide open at the shock of liking it. From that moment on I was a goner, I had the biggest possible crush one that boy. (The only crush bigger would be Freddie's on Carly)

So I'll pick up a year after our kiss. (Sorry it took so long to get to the point. You just had to know the background. You'd be suprised at how important background information is to a story) Carly and I were sitting in her living room watching Girly Cow on TV when suddenly I had this crazy thought. "Hey Carls, I mean its so obvious you only like the dork as a friend but what makes you two so wrong for each other." I tried to say totally casually and uncaring. I really hoped she wouldn't see through me.

"Sam, I'm not going to tell you," Crap she saw through me, "You're just going to use what I say on a later date to torture Freddie." Well okay, she half saw through me. (AN: anything in italics are the thoughts she has at that moment she here's what Carly is saying, not her describing it later.)

"Hey, eventually my cruel words will sink in and I won't be able to take the pleasure I now do in saying 'Carly will never love you.' Maybe if I had some thing to support the statement it would sink in faster and you wouldn't be stuck with a love sick puppy all the time and get to have a fun Friend Freddie." It scares me how easily I can twist the truth to get what I want.

"I hate it when you do this. You manipulate the situation so that it's actually beneficial to everyone while you get to be a malicious, horrible person!" She knows me so well.

"Carly, we've discussed this before, when using vocabulary you have to explain what it means." We really have, Carly has a slightly crazy love of vocabulary. She really enjoys sharing her knowledge with me too.

"Manipulate- get people to do stuff. Beneficial- something that brings good to a situation. Malicious- something with spite- meanness." Her way with words is really a talent.

"Oh see why couldn't you just say that from the start?"

"Next time I say any of those words you'll know what they mean, and they're all on the upcoming vocabulary test. There is no way I'm letting you fail again" Just so you know I got a 70 on that test! I was very proud.

"That's a manipulative and malicious thing to do. Why must you make it so beneficial." I said joked. Carly just laughed and gave me a pointed look. She was right I still haven't forgotten those words. "Now back to the subject being discussed, Freddie and you, never going to work. Why?" Carly just rolls her eyes. Her attempt to distract me was thwarted once again!

"He's like my brother to start. We work really well the way we are now, and if we were to go out the dynamics would change. We'd both act different and the show would suffer, our friendships, the 3 of us, would suffer." I'm not the only one who thinks about dynamics in a relationship I see. "His mom drives me crazy but I agree with her to a lesser degree on things. I think being clean and safe is very important. You should eat healthy too and preventing accidents is always a good thing.I fear I could turn into his mom if you weren't my friend."

Carly paused and shuddered, she is so lucky she has me "He needs someone that will help him push away from his mom and be his own person." Carly stopped talking for a second and just looked at me. She had a look on her face. It was so hopeful. "Now that I think about it someone a bit more like you. Maybe I could-"

"No. You are not allowed to set me and the Dork up. You know how I feel about him." I said quickly. (It's easy to say I like Freddie Benson to myself. I just couldn't admit it out loud.) I watched Carly's face fall. "What was my worst nightmare?"

"Your worst nightmare was when you had a fever and dreamed Freddie had kissed you. You woke up ran to the bathroom and threw up for a solid 2 hours." Carly said in a dejected tone. "But you're just so assertive! You already encourage him to stand up for himself! I really think-"

"Carly, that's a no! Wait, what does dynamic mean?" With that I distracted her from her purpose. The second I start asking about vocabulary Carly gets a really excited look on her face and forgets all about the topic we were discussing. That's why I make it a point to never say 'What does that mean?' during the show. We would lose viewers in a very steady, large progression.

As Carly went above and beyond telling me everything she could about dynamic and sticking a few more new words in there; I thought about the information she had given me. This would bode (thank god I only talk like this in my head) well for me. I could plant the seed of us as a couple in his head and watch it blossom from there. I knew for a fact that Carly hadn't forgotten about setting me and Freddie up. She was still going to do it. She just knows better than to do it with me knowing about it. So I also had that working for me. I know I couldn't admit my crush aloud but, I really wanted him to like me back. I hadn't been kissed for a year. I really wanted another and with Carly's blessing so to speak I now had an all access pass to Fredweird Benson.

AN: so how bad... be critical. If you tell me where I messed up I improve if you tell me I should give up, I'll cry and just write more without posting. I'd really prefer if you didn't flame. Like I said be critical. Flaming is for the cruel and bitchy if you don't like something stop reading it. That's what I do. Now if you have any suggestions for a plot twist or anything I'd love that.