Title: How I Got To Where I Am

Characters: Mark/Lexie

Rating: T

Spoilers: Up through 5.17 "I'll Follow You into the Dark"

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

A/N: This is a multi-chapter fic set in an AU Future.

A/N 2: This came from the idea that Derek might do something he would later regret because of the pain he is feeling. I in no way think this will happen, but I thought it was a fun idea to explore. And if you don't like it, don't read it!

* * *

The sight and sound of pouring rain greeted Mark Sloan on the night he returned to Seattle.

Not that it surprised him, really. In the year and a half that he had lived there before, he could hardly remember the handful of sunny days. It seemed as if the city had conspired to give him endless rain, despite assurances from locals that the sun did shine in the Emerald City.

Now, standing in front of the hospital he had sworn to never set foot in again, Mark braced himself, bundling up his coat against the cold. The buttoned-down wool was a far cry from the leather he had once worn. In the last few years, his favorite leather jacket had slowly made its way out of rotation. At first it was for the weather in his home city. New York winters were not kind to mere leather jackets. But then, Spring came and the jacket did not make an appearance. Soon he realized that it had become a choice. Leather just didn't fit into the man he was anymore.

As the cold air seeped through the pockets of his coat, his fingers began to tingle. Removing his hands, he clapped them together a few times, wishing he hadn't left his gloves in the suitcase at the Archfield. It had been odd to be back there, back in a place which had seen so much of his life.

But it was nothing like returning to Seattle Grace.

Mark stood on the walkway in front of the hospital, looking up at the large glass exterior of his former workplace. If he thought about it, he could see it all again. All his time at Seattle Grace.

He could see the beginning, coming to see Addison and to repair his relationship with Derek.

He could see the work, the surgeries, the trips to the bar, and the anonymous women.

He could see Derek as they tentatively tried to put the shards of their friendship back together, back before they both knew that was impossible.

But mostly, he could see Lexie.

Mark sighed, and thought back to the last day he had worked at Seattle Grace.

* * *

Four Years Earlier…

Mark smiled to himself as he strode down the corridor towards the office of the Chief. That familiar path, the one he had stridden down many times before, passed away without incident, which was fortunate because his mind was elsewhere. Instead of wondering what his upcoming meeting was about, Mark allowed his mind to drift backwards to the previous night.

He and Lexie had been on their first official date.

It was rather laughable to him that he had been practically living with Lexie for the last three months, but they had never been on a date. Instead, they had had sex, and movie nights, and takeout dinners, and breakfast in bed. They had been to the gym together, grocery shopping together, and even to visit her mother's grave. But they had never been on a date.

That finally changed that the previous night.

Lexie had primped in front of the mirror, Mark had put on a suit, and he "picked her up" from the bathroom in his hotel room. Mark wondered if Lexie expected something different of him, but she seemed content to just spend time with him. After dinner at a steakhouse, they had gone for a walk down by the water, and then taken a ride on one of the ferry boats. They may have been Derek's thing, but for the first time Mark had understood why. Lexie had led the way to the upper level where they sat on a bench and huddled for warmth as the boat moved steadily across the Sound.

He had given her his jacket, and been rewarded with the best smile he had ever received. There was something about the way that she looked at him which made his breath catch in his chest. Perhaps it was the way her eyes lit up when he spoke to her; he didn't know, but he loved the way it made him feel.

Mark smiled to himself as he thought about it now.

When he reached the door to the Chief's office, Mark knocked steadily.

"Come in," the Chief said from inside.

Mark turned the handle, and pushed the door open.

"Aw, Dr. Sloan," Richard said, putting down the file he was reading. "Please take a seat."

Mark closed the door and then sat in the chair in front of the Chief's desk. "You'll be happy to know," Mark began, "That I was able to successfully transfer those skin grafts to Alex McDonald."

"Good, good," The Chief murmured distractedly. "Sloan, there is a reason I wanted to see you today."

"Oh?" Mark asked, raising his right eyebrow.

"Yes, it is about Dr. Shepherd."

Mark felt annoyance fill him. He should have known that this meeting was not about his career. "What about him?"

"I have spoken with him and he has agreed to return to the hospital."

"Fancy that," Mark muttered. "Agreeing to come back and do the job he is paid for."

Richard sighed, and then said, "Yes, well…"

Mark growled, upset at Webber's delay tactics. "What does this have to do with me?"

The Chief looked at him steadily. "He has some conditions."

"He has been absent for four weeks, leaving you in the lurch, and he has some conditions?"

"Yes."

Mark began to feel his stomach clench. He decided to cut to the chase. "How does this concern me, Richard?"

"You are one of the conditions, Mark." The Chief's eyes seemed apologetic. "Dr. Shepherd has informed me that he can no longer work with you."

"Work with me? We haven't had a case together in over three months!" Mark spat.

"Yes, well, it is a concern to Dr. Shepherd."

"So what, then?" Mark asked, barely containing his anger. "Are we just supposed to stay in our separate corners of the surgical floor, hoping we never have a case together?"

The Chief suddenly looked uncomfortable. "There might be a more permanent solution to be had, Dr. Sloan."

Mark suddenly felt as though he was back in the third grade, when their teacher, Mrs. Davidson, had picked Derek to be the student of the month despite Mark having better grades, behavior, and wanting it more. He cleared his throat. "What are you saying, Richard? Spell it out for me."

"Look, Sloan, we all know that you only work at this hospital because Shepherd is here. I know you have been receiving monthly offers from Cedars Sinai, New York Presbyterian, Johns Hopkins, and Massachusetts General. You could write your own ticket at any of those. It might be a good idea if you exercised one your options."

Mark felt a quiet rage fill him. "Might I remind you that I have a contract?!"

"I know you do," the Chief replied. "That is why this is a suggestion, nothing more."

Mark could not believe that this was happening to him. "How can you do this? How is the Board letting you do this? You and I both know that I bring more money to this hospital than all the other surgeons combined!"

"But Derek brings the prestige," the Chief said quietly. "You know you are the best, and I know you are the best, but it means little for me to have a top Plastic Surgeon at my hospital when I have no head of Cardio or Neuro. I am sorry, Mark, but this hospital needs Derek."

And it doesn't need you. Those unspoken words hung in the air.

Mark stood then, feeling dizzy and nauseous. The self-worth which he had been slowly building up again over the past year and a half, slipped away from him. He didn't hear the Chief calling his name as he left the room, and he began to walk down the hallway to his office. It all felt surreal, as if it was happening to someone else. Someone outside his body.

How was this possible? He was pulled his weight around here, and despite his behavior in the past, he was a model employee. He brought in all the donors, damn it!

He felt very small.

When he reached his office, Mark started in surprise to see Lexie sitting at his desk, thumbing through a medical journal.

"Hi," She said, her bright eyes looking up at him. "That was quick."

Mark just stared at her, drinking in the sight of the woman he had come to care so much for.

"So," Lexie said, standing. "Was the Chief wowed by your brilliance on the McDonald case? I bet he was."

Mark closed the door, and sat down heavily in one of the chairs facing his desk. Not my desk anymore, he thought bitterly to himself.

Lexie rambled on for a little while, and Mark let her, not yet ready to confront the very cold reality he now found himself faced with. He had to leave Seattle Grace.

"So what did the Chief want?" Lexie finally asked, after a long tangent.

"My resignation," Mark said with a sigh.

"What?" She sputtered. "He can't do that!"

"I assure you, he can," Mark replied.

"But you have a contract!"

"I know."

Lexie's eyes filled with tears. "Is this because of me? Are you in trouble for being with me? Have I ruined your career?"

Mark felt his chest get tight. He grabbed Lexie's hand and tugged her onto his lap. He then wrapped his arms around her. "This has nothing to do with you. I don't ever want you to think that it does. This is about me and Derek."

"You and Derek?" Lexie repeated. Her eyes cleared then, and her breathing calmed as a look of dejection came over her face. "So it is about me."

"No," Mark said. "It is about my best friend being an ass. He can't see beyond his temper tantrum at the moment." As Mark sarcastically defended Derek, he began to get very angry. When did he finally have to stop defending Derek? When did Mark finally get to stop being the bad guy?

After a while, Mark realized that Lexie had gotten very quiet. When he finally looked at her, he saw streams of tears coming down her face. "Hey, Little Grey," He said quietly. "Why are you crying?"

Lexie turned her tear-stained face to him and whispered, "I don't want to lose you. But I am, aren't I? You will go off to one of those other amazing hospitals, ones that aren't ranked twelfth, and you will forget me. I thought," Lexie's voice caught as she tried to explain all that she felt, "I thought a three percent chance was worth fighting for; I thought we shouldn't give up." Her voice trailed off.

Mark felt as though his world was crashing down for a second time that day. He hadn't even thought about what this would mean for him and Lexie. The taste of bile rose in the back of his throat as he thought of what this would do to her.

He hated Derek Shepherd in that moment.

Mark clutched Lexie closer to him and tried to think of a way to make it stop. To make her feel better.

But she didn't want to be comforted. With a bravery that surprised Mark, she raised her eyes to his and asked in a calm voice, "It's over, isn't it?"

It wasn't really a question.

* * *

Present Day...

Not wanting to delay any longer, Mark walked into the hospital through the double doors. His eyes sought out familiar faces, but finding none, he walked over to the elevator. Once it arrived, he stepped on and pressed the number for the surgical floor.

He heard whispering in the back of the elevator, and turned to see one of the nurses he had once known speaking hurriedly to her friend. Mark couldn't remember her name, so he nodded politely to her and turned back around.

It seemed some things at Seattle Grace never changed. Word of his arrival should be all over the hospital in no time.

When the elevator arrived on the floor he wanted, Mark walked down the hall and across the bridge to the Chief's office.

When he arrived, Mark knocked on the door, much in the way he had the last day he had worked at Seattle Grace.

"Enter," a voice called from within.

Mark opened the door.

"Ah, Dr. Sloan. I was wondering if you were going to arrive tonight."

Mark smiled. "I didn't want to sit around the hotel with nothing to do. I thought I would come and see if I could get started on this case. The sooner I get going, the sooner I am on a plane back to New York." Mark closed the door, and moved further into the office.

The Chief laughed. "Oh, come now. It is not so bad. Seattle grows on you after a while."

"That's what they tell me, but it never did," Mark said with a smirk. He looked around the room appreciatively. "I like what you have done with the place. Much more like a working office now."

The Chief nodded. "After Dr. Webber left, I wanted to put my own stamp on it." He paused and rubbed the beard on his face. "I am glad you came, Dr. Sloan. I wondered if you would."

Mark turned and looked at him. "For anyone else, I would have said no. But after the…sensitive situation you took care of for me all those years ago, well, I couldn't say no. I owed you one."

"Well, it is good to see you, Dr. Sloan. Whatever the reason."

"You too, Dr. Hunt," Mark said, smiling at Owen. "You too."

TBC

* * *

A/N: Sorry for any construed Derek bashing. Don't worry, the rest of the fic is Derek friendly!

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