I am SO sorry. I know it's been ages since I last updated, and I'm not even going to bother giving an excuse because I really don't have a good enough reason. I honestly didn't mean to procrastinate so much! I'm so, so, SO sorry guys. I promise I'll work harder at updating. To make up for it, this chapter's a bit longer than usual... although I'm really unhappy with it. It seems sloppy and rushed. I'm sorry :(

She lights a candle, but she doesn't know why.
She wants to save me, but I'm barely alive.
My soul is thirsty. I just wanna get high.
Make her go away.

I have a new, unhealthy habit.

Lately, I've had the tendency to drink an entire bottle of water before I shoot up, and afterward I wind up in my bathroom, throwing up my entire stomach's contents into my bathtub as I feel my head exploding. I've done it almost every day this past week. Something is wrong with me... I desperately need help. What kind of help, I wasn't sure. I just knew rehab wouldn't do a thing, that I knew for a fact.

I've tried rehab once before. Ishida had placed me into it last summer. It was a complete nightmare; I hated it. The counselors kept talking about God and making better choices and I wasn't buying any of it. I figured, who needed God? If he's here to help, he wouldn't have let me get into such a shitty situation in the first place.

One of the nurses would go on and on about God and his plans for us all and I had gotten so fed up that I threw a vase at her and told her to go fuck herself. She acted calm about it, telling me to sit down but I spat in her face and jumped out of the window of the rehab center and ran down the street towards my house, which was pretty far away. They told Ishida about what I had done and he had found me and followed me around in his car, trying to get me to go back. I told him I wasn't going back, and we finally agreed that I could go home.

Ishida promised he wouldn't send me back to rehab as long as we went back to my house and got rid of all of my junk. He drove me home and I let him in, showing him my ritual room – my bedroom closet. Ishida looked nauseated by the burn marks in the carpet, the bent spoons, the empty liquor bottles, and the dirty needles. We spent hours cleaning that closet. We found and removed all of the bindles and plastic baggies of coke, pills, alcohol, syringes, and anything else Ishida considered harmful in any way. It took me at least an hour to convince Ishida to keep my guns. I promised him I would be fine – I could do this without rehab.

As soon as Ishida left, I called James. He came by half an hour later with the cocaine and heroin.

After I got my fix, Ishida came back. He was knocking on the front door and I wouldn't let him in. I was laying on the hallway floor, talking to him through the crack in the front door and pointing my loaded .357 at it. He was trying to get me to go back to rehab and I told him I would die before going back. I threatened to shoot myself if he came in.

Once I came down from my high, I found that Ishida had never came back. It was just my imagination, yet again...

So clearly, rehab didn't work. I don't think it ever will, so I refuse to ever give it a second chance.

Rukia called today; she asked if I wanted to see a movie tonight. Although I did want to see her (we hadn't spoken much since we met a month ago... I've been a bit, well, sidetracked), I said no, making the excuse that I was sick and couldn't leave my house. Thankfully, she understood and hung up without a fight. That usually happened with Ishida; he figured if I wasn't with him, I was shooting up (which is usually the case, but that's not the point). He tried spending as much time with me as possible. That stressed me out, oddly enough, whereas with Rukia I was content because she didn't expect me to do everything she asked of me. Just what I wanted or felt like, really.

I glanced over at the clock built into my microwave. Five in the afternoon. I still had half the day to do something... and I could only think of one thing I wanted to do. I quickly left my kitchen and rushed into my bedroom, throwing open the closet and kneeling down, rummaging through the piles of clothes to find my special box. I had just bought some junk yesterday...

As soon as I found the box, I quickly opened it and pulled out the necessary items. I smiled widely as I held the bag of china white lovingly. Soon everything would be better...

Just as I was about to mix the china, my phone rang. I looked back over my shoulder and glared at the small device vibrating and ringing on my desk. My intention was to simply ignore it, but I realized the tone was slightly different than my usual one. I perked up slightly; it was Rukia calling me. I had set it so that whenever she called, the ringer would be different. This way I knew if it was her calling, and not someone calling to annoy me. Rukia and James were the only ones that had customized ring tones... even Ishida didn't.

I sighed deeply and placed the drugs back into the box, closing it and standing straight. I wasn't going to answer the call, but the moment had been ruined. Thinking about Rukia made me lose interest in shooting up at that moment. "Oh well..." I muttered, shutting the closet doors. "I'll do it later." I decided. I needed a shower anyway, considering I had work tomorrow.

Ignoring the phone that was still ringing, I quickly grabbed a towel and a change of clothes and headed for my bathroom. I took a quick, warm shower. Who knows how long I've needed one for... My hair was getting pretty disgusting. Enjoying the feel of the warm water against my skin, I closed my eyes and ran shampoo through my hair. I really only took showers now because of work. I couldn't show up smelling like shit; Ishida would definitely fire me, best friend or not. If it wasn't necessary, I would probably never shower. Why clean yourself when you'll get dirty again? I think the same thing about cleaning; why clean when it'll get messy again? Why make your bed when you'll sleep in it again? There was no point.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off immediately. I slipped on a pair of boxers, sweat pants and a loose t-shirt. As soon as I threw my dirty clothes into the laundry hamper, my doorbell rang.

"Damn it." I cursed. Who the hell was at my door now? I grumbled to myself and walked down the hall, towards the front door. I unlocked it and viciously wrenched it open. "What do you wa--" I cut myself off when I looked down and noticed Rukia looking up at me, smiling brightly. "...Rukia?"

"Hey!" She said cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I asked, ignoring her question. Shit, she thought I was sick...

"I tried calling you," Rukia shrugged. "I left a voice mail, guess you didn't hear it. I figured since you were sick and couldn't go out, I'd bring the movie to you!" She grinned, holding up a plastic bag filled with rented DVDs, cans of Pepsi, and bags of chips.

"Oh...yeah, I didn't get it." I said, mentally stabbing her with a sharp knife. I didn't want anyone around me right now, damn it. "Well uh, come on in." I moved to the side so she could step in. She quickly followed me in and slipped off her shoes, glancing around the apartment. I was thankful all of my junk was in my bedroom; I just had to keep her out of there, and everything would be fine.

"It's so gloomy in here..." She commented, raising an eyebrow and glancing around the entrance. "Have you cleaned this place recently?"

"Not really," I shrugged sheepishly. "I've ah... been busy."

"I see." She smiled. "Maybe I'll help you clean and maybe brighten this place up a bit sometime."

"That'd be nice." I forced a grin.

"Oh my God!" Rukia gasped, turning around to face me. She rushed over and stared up into my face, grabbing my chin and turning it left and right. "You look horrible!"

"Thanks?" I winced under her harsh grip as she continued to examine every inch of my face.

"You're practically see-through!" Rukia exclaimed. "You must really be sick!"

"Yeah... I have a crappy immune system, I get sick really easily... I always look pretty shitty." I shrugged. I was so glad I had told her I was sick; otherwise, thinking up an excuse would have been a bit more difficult. I knew my appearance was due to the drugs.

"That's horrible." Rukia said sympathetically. "I could make you some soup!" She said, heading for my kitchen. I sighed heavily. If she wanted to try and find something that was even edible in that kitchen, it was very likely that it was expired. I never went grocery shopping; I never had a liking for food... The only thing I'm ever hungry for is dope. If I ever do need to eat, though, so that I don't collapse, I just order out.

"I've been sick all week," I said quickly, grabbing Rukia's elbow lightly and tugging her away from the kitchen. "So I haven't gone grocery shopping. I don't have anything you could possibly make soup with. I'm sure I'll be fine, so let's just watch the movies." The sooner we watched them, the sooner she'd leave.

"Alright," Rukia shrugged hesitantly. "I just feel bad."

"It's fine." I said, forcing a light smile. I led her to the living room and she settled herself comfortably on the small couch while I set up the first movie. Once it began to play, I shut off the lights and sat down next to her, irritated by how small my couch was. There wasn't any room between us; my thigh was pressed against hers. I hated bodily contact – unless it was sex, of course. Even then, I'm usually drunk or high. I'm not a touchy-feely person at all.

The movie started with scenery and the film credits, and Rukia grabbed a bag of chips and opened it, placing it between us. She then grabbed two cans of Coke and handed one of them to me. I thanked her and took it, glancing down at it. I hated Coke...

In that moment, an idea came to me. "Rukia," I said quickly, glancing over at her. She paused mid-sip from her can and glanced at me curiously. "I need to use the washroom, okay? I'll be right back – you don't have to pause the movie."

"O-okay..." she said, furrowing her brows as I shot up, placing my can on the carpet. I rushed out of the room and headed for my bedroom. I quickly went into my closet and grabbed everything I needed before rushing into the bathroom.

I shut the door and locked it. Grinning widely to myself, I pulled out the baggie of coke and my razor blade from behind my back. I put a bit of coke onto the heavy marble counter of my bathroom and made quick work of chopping it into a fine white powder with the blade. I'm not sure why, but it seemed as though it was taking ages. Finally, it looked fine enough to me so I glanced around, looking for something I could use to snort it. I didn't find anything. I sighed heavily and dug through my pockets, finding two crumpled dollar bills. I grinned and hastily folded one of them into the proper shape. I folded and rolled until it was to my satisfaction and lined it up with the coke, plugging my left nostril and holding the rolled-up bill to my right nostril.

As soon as I snorted the coke into my nose, a wave of content washed over me. I knew soon enough, I'd feel the release I'd been craving. I finished snorting the remaining coke on the counter and turned on my faucet very slightly, allowing two drops of water to fall into my palm. I quickly held it up to my nose and snorted it to clear my nose. I checked in the mirror for any coke that might've been visible, and once I was satisfied I cleaned everything up, flushed the toilet and ran the sink faucet for Rukia to hear, and immediately headed for my bathroom.

I threw the remainder of the baggie and the blade into my Jack Daniel's box. I also put the rolled up dollar bill in there, just in case. After carefully hiding the box, I left my room and headed back into the living room where Rukia was waiting for me. She was still sitting there comfortably, sipping her drink as she watched the beginning of the movie. She glanced over at me and smiled.

"Fall in the toilet?" She teased as I resumed my place next to her. I chuckled lightly and shook my head.

"Sorry about that." I said. Rukia shrugged it off.

"It's not a problem." She said, turning to smile at me. I returned the smile and she then turned her attention back to the movie. I suddenly began to feel the effects of the cocaine wash over me and I grinned to myself. Finally.

I hardly paid any attention to the movie. In that moment all I wanted to do was bask in the amazing feeling the coke was giving me. I leaned back in the couch, resting my head on the top and shutting my eyes. I smiled widely and enjoyed the surge I felt through my whole body. I slowly opened my eyes and looked ahead, staring at the glowing television.

I had no idea what was on, what was being said, or anything else but I blankly stared at the T.V, so absorbed by the flashing lights and moving bodies of the actors. Everything seemed so clear... I didn't know what part of it to focus on. It was all so defined and loud and bright...

I then felt the backdrip beginning, and sighed. Damn it, this was the worst part. I quickly snatched up my Coke, opened it, and proceeded to chug it. I hated the taste and the strong carbonation, but hey, if it gets rid of the backdrip, I'll take it. Rukia noticed me chugging and giggled slightly. I ignored it.

Suddenly, I noticed something crawling in the corner of my eye. I quickly snapped my head to the right, searching the corner of the wall for the intruder. No one. Weird. Wait, there it was! I jolted and turned to the left, glaring at the other wall. Sneaky bastard... kept getting away from me. I knew it was here somewhere...

"Erm, Ichigo... are you alright?" I cringed. Rukia's voice seemed way too loud. I glanced down at her and nodded.

"Y-yeah... I just... thought I saw something." I muttered. She frowned slightly.

"Your eyes..." She muttered. Ah shit. I thought. I couldn't let her get a good look at how dilated I knew they were... she'd get suspicious.

"I took some medicine for my cold." I told her. "It's probably just a weird side effect."

"Oh, alright." She nodded, turning back to watch the movie. I exhaled lightly in relief.

I turned my focus back to the colorful, glowing TV. I blankly watched it for a few moments before I felt something crawling up my right arm. I began to scratch it rapidly. Why was it so itchy?!

"Ichigo?" Rukia turned to face me again. "Another reaction?"

I winced, forcing myself to stop scratching at the burning arm. Why the hell was it itching?! "Yeah, sorry. It's fine now."

After that, I forced myself to calm down. It was near impossible, considering how pumped up I was. I just wanted to jump up and throw everything and break something. I managed to force myself to stay in my seat so that I wouldn't make Rukia any more suspicious. I didn't want her to know what was really going on. For the next half hour I continuously clenched my fist open and closed. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from jumping around.

About halfway through the movie, I could feel the effects of the cocaine slowly wearing off. Damn it... I thought. Maybe I should go take some more... It seemed like a good idea, but Rukia was cuddling against my side now and I didn't want to disturb her by getting up. I did hate contact with people, but she was unbelievably warm...

Wait, maybe she was too warm. Now that the cocaine was no longer having an effect on my body, everything felt wrong and irritable. She was so warm it practically burned. The TV was too bright, too loud, too overwhelming...

"Stop!" I cried, jumping up out of my seat. Rukia gasped and scrambled to sit straight.

"I-Ichigo?!" She exclaimed, standing up slowly and watching me as I knelt down in front of the TV and began to furiously press the buttons.

"Make it stop!" I growled. "Make it stop! I don't want this...goddamn...piece of shit... on my TV! Get it off! I don't want to see it!"

"Woah, woah," Rukia said. "Y-You're talking to fast. What's going on? Are you feeling alright?"

"Shut up!" I snapped. She was taken aback, her eyes widening.

"Ichigo..." She said quietly. "What's wrong with you?"

"Just get out of my house!" I growled. She frowned deeply.

"What?" She was confused. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Everything you're doing is wrong! Just get out!" I stood up, heading for Rukia and pushing her in the direction of the front hall.

"H-hey!" She exclaimed. "Let go of me!"

"Go home!" I growled, continuing to shove her. She whirled around and slapped my hand away. It stung way more than it should have.

"Fine, I'm going home, you bastard!" She screamed. "Sorry I tried to help you have a little bit of fun!" She shoved her feet into her shoes and threw open the front door. She gave me one last glare before stepping outside and slamming the door shut behind her. I winced at how loud it was.

Once Rukia was out of my house, a surge of panic rushed through me. Shit! I just pissed her off!

"Oh no... oh no..." I muttered, pacing back and forth through my kitchen. What was I going to do? She'd never forgive me...

"I need to sleep." I groaned, rubbing my forehead. I decided that I'd take a nap, instead of snorting more cocaine, and let this shitty feeling go away. Once I felt normal again, I'd go to Rukia's house and apologize to her.

I sighed deeply, cursing myself for being a dumbass, and headed for my bedroom.

After two hours of sleep, I woke up with a slight headache.

I felt like complete shit, but forced myself to get up anyway. I was an ass to Rukia, and I needed to fix it now. I shouldn't have done that to her – all she wanted to do was hang out with me. It wasn't like she annoyed me so much that I could only stand her if I was high... quite the opposite, actually, so why the hell did I snort the coke?!

I can't remember why. All I know is that I wish I didn't. I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth and slipped on my shoes. I grabbed the movies and snacks and put them back in the bag and carried it with me out the door. As I stood in the elevator, I realized something... I didn't even know where Rukia lived.

"Damn it." I muttered to myself, heading outside the apartment building and unlocking my car. I opened the door and threw the food and movies into the passenger seat while I sat in the driver's and pulled out my cell phone. I quickly dialed Ishida's number and held the phone to my ear, waiting for him to pick up.

"Hello?" His phone came over the line moments later and I sighed in relief.

"Ishida, I need a favor." I said. There was a pause, and then Ishida responded.

"What's wrong, Ichigo?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mom." I said quickly, rolling my eyes. Ishida scoffed. "I just need Rukia's address."

"Rukia's address?" Ishida repeated slowly. I nodded, even though Ishida couldn't see me. "Why?"

"Er... I gotta talk to her." I said.

"Well, I've got her phone number?" Ishida offered.

"No," I said quickly. "Her address, please."

"I don't think that's such a good idea..."

"Why not?" I frowned. Ishida sighed.

"Whatever, never mind." He said quickly. "It's 4251 Senbonzakura Drive."

"Why does that sound really familiar?" I raised an eyebrow. Ishida didn't respond. "Whatever, thanks Ishida."

"No problem. By the way, the code's 8, 3, 6, 1, 9."

"Code?" I frowned, but Ishida had already hung up. "Whatever," I sighed, shutting my phone. I grabbed a pen from the floor of my car and wrote the code on my hand, before I forgot it, just in case. I started my bar and began the drive to Rukia's house. I knew that Rukia's street was where the richest people in Karakura lived. Hm. I should have figured, considering she does have a nice car...

It was quite a drive from my apartment, considering I live in a shithole, but once I arrived on her street and found the correct house, I understood why Ishida gave me a code. Rukia's house was at the very end of Senbonzakura drive, up a small hill, and there was a large metal gate blocking the way. "Holy shit..." I muttered to myself. I drove up to the gate and leaned out my car window, noticing the keypad. I quickly read the code off my hand and typed it into the machine. The gate clicked and slid to the right, allowing me entrance.

I continued to drive up the path to Rukia's house, and my eyes widened once I could see it clearly. I understood why there was a gate now... Rukia's house was massive. It looked like one of those celebrity houses I see on TV all the time. In front of it, parked all the way around the circular gravel driveway, were a few cars. They were all in perfect condition – unlike mine – and ridiculously shiny. I quickly parked far away from those cars and stepped outside.

I let out an impressed whistle as I walked towards her house, examining the expensive brick, intricately decorated windows, and perfectly groomed plants surrounding the house. Once I was closer to the cars, I couldn't help but examine them. Once I recognized their brands I was absolutely shell-shocked. There was Rukia's black CTS-V, of course, along with three other cars. I was absolutely blown away. There was a Mercedes SL600 and a Porsche Panamera. ...What? Who the hell was Rukia? Why could she afford these cars? None of them were worth anything less than 70 grand! Hell, the Mercedes itself had to be nearly two hundred grand. I never thought I'd see either of those cars in person. Once I saw the final car in the driveway, though, everything made sense.

I only knew one person who drove that obnoxious, shiny gold convertible BMW to work every damn day – only because it was the cheapest car he owned and he didn't want to ruin his other babies. I also realized out why I recognized the address.

"Byakuya..." I muttered to myself bitterly, shoving my hands into my jean pockets and quickly heading for the front door. So they must live together, then. Wait... what?! Maybe they were related? "They do look a lot alike, I guess..." I muttered. Shit, so I was becoming friends with my worst nightmare's relative. Only I would be so unlucky.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, and stepped onto the large front porch. I took in a deep breath and rang the doorbell. I heard it echo inside the house and after a few moments I heard the light footsteps across the floor. I took in a deep breath and waited. Finally, the door slowly opened and Rukia's head poked out. Her violet eyes looked up to meet mine and she blinked curiously.

"Ichigo?" She said, opening the door and standing straight, frowning slightly. "What do you want?"

I winced. She clearly wasn't very happy with me. "I just wanted to say sorry." At this, Rukia raised an eyebrow. She moved to close the door in my face, but I quickly held it open with my foot just before it could slam shut. I winced when it closed in on my thin shoe, but didn't show a reaction. Her eyes widened and she quickly lifted the door off of my foot, looking up at me.

"Listen Rukia, I really am sorry about earlier." I sighed. "I guess the medicine I took just had a really bad effect on me. It probably just wasn't good for me to be around people or doing much but sleeping after I took it." It was a little sickening how casually I was lying. It didn't even feel like I was lying; it felt like I was telling her the truth. "I know that's not a good enough excuse, though, and I'm really sorry for being a jerk. I really didn't mean it." Rukia watched me sympathetically.

"You freaked me out a bit." She admitted, shrugging lightly. "I wasn't sure what was going on. And you were being all grabby and... it was just out of nowhere, so I was shocked. I guess I'm sorry too... for yelling." She smiled up at me and I couldn't help but smile back.

"If you're willing to give me a second chance..." I said, pulling the bag of movies and snacks out from behind my back, "Maybe we can start over?" I asked hopefully. Rukia grinned widely and nodded.

"My brother's out with a friend, so right now is a perfect time!" She said happily. Ah, so Byakuya must be her brother. "Come in!" She urged, waving me in. I laughed lightly and followed her inside the house, examining the vast, well-decorated entrance. It did make sense; Byakuya never let us forget about his huge inheritance from his billionaire parents.

"You have a really nice house..." I couldn't help but be amazed at how gorgeous everything was. Rukia smiled.

"Thanks. My mom was really into the whole home décor thing..." She shrugged. "Come on, living room is this way."

Thankfully, this time we watched the movies peacefully. I actually paid attention to them, talked with Rukia, and managed to have a lot of fun. I was surprised at how easy it was to enjoy simply sitting down and watching movies with someone. I just wish I hadn't screwed it up in the first place...

I felt bad for doing that to Rukia. I knew she only wanted to be my friend and I was being a dumb shit by getting all doped up around her. She didn't need that. I knew being around Rukia was good for me; she made me forget about the drugs. When I was with her, I didn't need the drugs. I had something else to focus on; her. I just had to try and get used to this and break my habit when I'm around her. I just hoped I wouldn't pull anything like this again... next time I might not be so lucky and be forgiven so easily.

Please, God, or anyone... whoever it is that's up there...

Don't let me fuck this one up.

About cocaine; the process of preparing it is just as described in the story. Around 20 minutes or so after snorting the cocaine, you will get 'backdrip' coming from your nasal cavity down your throat – it's snot mixed with the drug – and it is absolutely revolting, so drinking a strong-tasting drink helps, or just ignoring the taste if you can. Anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or so after snorting the cocaine, the effect wears off and you might become angry and irritable unless you do more lines.

There you have it! Chapter four... I can't believe it's only been 4 chapters – I've made you guys wait so long for only FOUR of them?! Jeez, I suck! I need to step up on my game... I'm seriously so sorry guys. I'm just the biggest procrastinator ever. This wouldn't have even been up tonight but I felt really bad so I forced myself to finish it, hence why it may seem a bit rushed. That's okay though, at least it's up. Maybe I'll edit it later.
Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and start the next chapter 'cause I know I'm a total jerk and take way too long to update... I love you all so freakin much! Thanks for reading!

P.S I had a lot of fun with the cars. Haha I'm a total car freak, but I'm not that into those uber-expensive cars and I knew Byakuya owning crazy cars like the Bugatti and such would be way too crazy so I decided on a biiiit cheaper cars... Haha. I did stick with a Porsche, though...Although I could totally see him owning a Veyron, couldn't you?
If anyone's interested, the cars they own are these:

2010 Cadillac CTS-V in black
2009 Mercedes-Benz Sl600 in black
2009 BMW M3 Convertible in gold
2010 Porsche Panamera in silver

And if anyone was wondering, Ichigo owns a 2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse coupe in black. A nice but affordable car. Although it is pretty beat up... Not the greatest. He doesn't take good care of it. LOL