Alex woke up with a headache quite unlike any other he had ever experienced. There was a loud, angry buzzing in his skull. Everything in his face, from his eyeballs to his nose, felt too swollen to move. There was a disgusting film of felt lining his tongue, and his stomach churned angrily. And no matter how much strength he mustered, he couldn't get his eyes to open.

He had felt similar pains before. Predominantly after being cracked over the head or knocked unconscious by a maniac hell-bent on destroying the earth. Was that what had happened? Had he been knocked out? He tried to lift up the side of his face by rolling over, but it felt stuck to the pillow. Blood? Was he bleeding to death alone somewhere, on the verge of death? What had happened?

Finally, he managed to prise his eyes open, and the white hot pain that lanced through his head made him shut them immediately and groan long and loud.

"Oh, so it lives," Kai chuckled somewhere above his head.

"Hm," Alex grumbled. Ok, so maybe he wasn't dying from a serious head injury. Maybe it was just the mother of all hangovers. Either way, he was in a lot of pain.

He managed to roll onto his back, and felt the rip of the day-glo paint on his cheeks peeling off the pillow.

He felt a cool hand across his forehead and let out a small breath at the little relief it gave him.

"How do you feel?"

He felt like he was dying. He felt like someone was slowly injecting cement into his skull. He felt like if he didn't find some way to elevate the pain and the nausea he may throw up.

"Hnnnn," he groaned, instead. Saying exactly how he felt seemed way too much effort.

"I've got the finest painkillers money can buy here. Do you want some?"

He tried to nod but gave up quickly, and instead attempted once again to crack open his eyes.

Thankfully the light wasn't quite so bright, in fact the shadow of Kai hanging over him was cast wonderfully over his face. His eyes were so narrowed he could barely see, but at least it was an improvement. Kai had a small smile on his face and he was holding a glass of water that fizzed with soluble painkillers.

"Come on then, sit up."

He felt Kai's cool hand wrap around his wrist and pull him up. He sat up with relative ease, but when his brain and stomach caught up with the rest of him he felt the colour drain from his face and the nausea rise to his throat.

"Ok, if you're going to be sick do it now before you take the painkillers," Kai warned, leaning back from Alex as though he were in danger of being hit.

"No....no....'m Ok," Alex grumbled, swallowing heavily, "I'm Ok."

Kai held the glass for him as he sipped down the aspirin. A few moments later, when his stomach had become accustomed to the new intrusion and had settled a little, Alex dared talk again.

"Why do you look so perky?"

"You should have seen me at ten this morning. Woke up needing to be sick, only just made it to the bathroom. After I threw up my last week's worth of meals, I couldn't move so I went to sleep on the bathroom floor. I woke up with when Tyson came in for a shower. That's a sight to wake up to."

Alex squinted back at the other spy, finally figuring out what was wrong with Kai's face, "You're wearing sunglasses."

Kai produced another pair from beside him, and carefully pushed them onto Alex's face.

"Thank you," Alex sighed, gratefully. The world suddenly seemed a little less painful.

"I bought them at the pharmacists along with the aspirin. The pills are really strong, you'll feel Ok soon."

"What time is it?"

"Two in the afternoon."

"What?"

"We got in at five this morning, Alex."

Alex groaned. The previous night was probably going to be the biggest night out he would experience, and he couldn't remember any of it. Did people do this for fun? He vowed never to touch that much alcohol again if it resulted in this kind of pain.

"So, how was your first big night out?"

Alex wanted to know how the Russian could read his mind, but gave up and simply said, "Painful."

"Yeah, they can be. Do you remember anything?"

"I remember....I remember the vodka," his tongue was slowly starting to loosen, life coming back into the stiff muscle, "That's about it."

"Do you remember how we got home?"

"No."

"Oh. I was hoping you would. I have no idea."

"Do you remember the vodka?"

"Yep. Evil stuff."

"Evil," Alex concurred, putting a hand to his head, "How is everyone else?"

"Luke is still comatose in his room in the recovery position. Leila is keeping an eye on him. I wouldn't be surprised if he has alcohol poisoning; the idiot downed two dirty pitchers. The others are Ok. But Alexei hasn't shown up yet."

Alex let out a long sigh and eased himself back down to the pillow, curling himself into the mattress.

"You feel Ok?"

Kai's cool hand was at the small of his back now, rubbing gently under his shirt. It made him feel better, made his body settle into a comforting rhythm.

"I'm alright," he mumbled, not opening his eyes even behind his sunglasses, "I've never drunk that much in my life."

"You handled it very well. I was proud. You were only sick once."

"I was sick?"

So that was why he tasted sick in his mouth. He had sort of hoped he had been imagining it.

"Just as we left the club. I remember that bit. You leant over and chucked up on the pavement."

"Oh," Alex groaned, wrapping his arms around himself. He didn't want to drink again. Ever. He had seen people throw up on the pavement when he had come back from Tom's house late at night. It had looked horrible, and he had wondered why they got so drunk it made them ill. Now he knew.

It was because they were stupid.

He was stupid.

"Do you remember anything from last night? When we went to bed? I don't even remember getting undressed."

Alex thought about it, but at the moment nothing came to him.

"No, nothing."

He continued to muse about it as Kai turned away and said, "I'm going to go and get us some food. You'll feel better with something in your stomach."

As Kai was leaving, a sudden spark ignited at the back of Alex's head. A memory started to gain momentum until it was fully formed, a clear flashback. Kai had asked him a question, he had proposed something. He had proposed something Alex had been thinking about for a while

But Alex had said 'no'. Why the hell had he said 'no'? He growled with frustration and curled tighter around himself, wishing to be pitched back into sleep.

It seemed that Alex Rider was not destined to make advantageous decisions when on alcohol.

Kai returned with a sour look, and a slice of bread and cheese for them each.

"I went to go and ring Agent Rhodes on the pay phone and got a barrage. He's furious at us because we didn't check in for a debrief about those photos."

"When were we supposed to?"

"He figured sometime this morning. He was angry we took so long to ring him; he was worried we had been caught."

Alex sat up gingerly. He still had the sunglasses pinned to his face. Whilst Kai had been gone he had scrubbed his mouth clean and had a cold shower ; he now felt a little more human but still rough.

They sat and ate their cheese and bread. It was a comfortable silence on Kai's behalf, but Alex was anxious inside. There was a white elephant in the room with him, and it wasn't letting him lie.

"Still got a headache?"

Kai's concerned voice cut through his thoughts.

"Um...no, it's getting better."

"You look thoughtful."

"Well, I'm thinking."

"What about?"

"About last night. Do you remember anything after we got home? When we went to bed?"

"Well..." suddenly Kai wasn't looking at him, and when he finally did it was with a sly, yet slightly fearful look, "That depends on what you remember."

"So you do!" Alex cried. The sudden change in volume made his head pound and he clutched it with both hands, "Ow."

"Maybe you shouldn't yell when you have a hangover."

"Shut up."

"Ok, fine. I'm sorry. Yes I do, I remember. But only when I went out to ring Rhodes. The cold air woke me up."

"So..."

"So what?"

"Well-"

"You mean, 'so how do you feel about being rejected'?"

"No!" Alex was about to protest, when he realised that Kai was grinning widely.

"Alex, I'm kidding. We were drunk. It wouldn't have been the best idea anyway."

"No. Exactly. But-"

Kai crawled over the mattress towards him and silenced him with a kiss, the blonde melting into the sensation. His mind drifted lazily and the tense, pained muscles relaxed.

"We'll just have to wait for a time when we're not drunk or crippled from a hangover," Kai whispered when they pulled apart.

"I'm feeling a little better now," Alex replied, a smile playing at his lips.

"Really?"

"Well that was a pretty good painkiller."

"How much better do you feel?"

"I'm feeling good," Alex chuckled.

"I see."

Kai leapt off the mattress and went to jam their rickety door closed. He kicked at a rat that had scuttled out of its hidey hole, then joined Alex again on the bed.

"Maybe we should lose the sunglasses."

They ripped off the offending glasses, and groaned simultaneously as the light took its harsh revenge.

"Oh, god, ow," Kai moaned, putting his hands to his head.

Alex had his eyes clamped shut and his face buried in his knees. And suddenly he didn't feel quite so good, in fact he felt a little sick.

"Ugh," he groaned, and bolted out of the room to the bathroom.

Agent Rhodes certainly wasn't happy when the pair eventually got a payphone and assured him that they were both indeed alive. After a lecture in the importance of communication in the field, he informed them that the pictures had been helpful, but they had only been able to get three positive IDs.

One: Bret Anchor, a blind, American made a billionaire by the new-media boom.

Two: Branislaw Klejnow, Polish mob leader.

Three: Al-Shareef, distant cousin to Al-Meera.

"We want to get as much information on these three as possible. Why they are associating with the Beckett Circle, whether they are giving them money. On top of that, we need some positive IDs on any of those in charge."

The two boys assured Rhodes that they were on the case, and that things were moving as quickly as could be expected.

Alex hung up the phone and let out a frustrated sigh, "I don't feel like we've really got anywhere."

Kai shrugged, "It's a slow process."

Alex couldn't help but agree. But as his thoughts drifted from the job to his current situation, he realised how close he and his partner were.

"Shall we go?"

"Well, I have a few ideas," Kai murmured slyly, putting a hand to Alex's waist, "I'm hoping you won't turn me down this time

"No way are we doing that in here!" Alex cried.

"We could."

"No, we couldn't."

"Why not?"

"It's too small."

"Confined spaces have never been a problem for me before."

"We're in public!"

"Again, I've never really found that a problem in the past."

"Fine, then I just don't want to do it in here. I have a problem with confined and public spaces."

Alex felt his face and neck flush with heat, "And it smells like a tramp died in here."

"Alex, that's us. We stink."

Alex sighed and pressed his back against the wall, gesturing with a hand that Kai should get out of the door first.

"Really?" Kai mock-pouted.

"Really."

It took them a few minutes of wriggling, but eventually the two boys broke free from the phone box and into the cool light of the afternoon sun.

"What do we do now?" Alex asked, smoothing out of his clothes hopelessly.

"We should probably start with that Bret guy, I think his office is somewhere here in Moscow."

Nikolai's voice was cold and clear over the chilly air, "I wouldn't, Kai. How is a blind man going to appreciate what you have to offer?"

The words were accompanied by a cold blast of air funnelling down the street, hitting Kai and Alex on the back of their necks.

Not him again, Alex groaned inwardly. He dared to turn before Kai, clocking Nikolai. He was without his car, but his two guards lingered nearby, eyes cast out onto the street and up to the rooftops.

Kai turned a few seconds later, his look as cold as the brittle wind. His left hand moved out consciously, warning Alex to keep close and behind him; as far away from Nikolai as possible.

Kai said something in Russian, a warning tone.

"No. I think, considering your friend here, that I'll speak in English. You always told me I needed to practise my English, Kai, I've always had such an accent. But I sound better now, no?"

Kai didn't reply. His eyes were dark and the muscles in his jaw flickered angrily.

"There's so many questions to ask you as well, Kai," Nikolai laughed. He was laid back, hands dug into the pockets of dark denim jeans. Alex could see the tip of a snake tattoo poke out from Nikolai's right jacket sleeve, and felt a twist in his stomach at the thought of the tattoo this man had given Kai.

"Where did you run away to? Did you go back to St Petersburg? You always said you preferred it there, you always complained about Moscow. I couldn't understand that. It's so backward there. And I wonder what you ran back to. Weren't you homeless?"

His voice was smooth, but Alex could almost hear the buttons he was pushing as Kai tensed up next to him.

"It's none of your business what happened to me, now leave us alone."

"And yet," Nikolai continued, as though he hadn't heard Kai, "Here I find you, in Moscow again. And with a sidekick, who you seem to spend all your time with."

The cold eyes turned to Alex. Alex's skin prickled coldly.

"You're not good at holding your drink, are you Alex? Vomiting on the streets; I wonder what your family would think. By the looks of things, Kai here has been a bad influence. He drank at a young age. And I can't help but wonder what a boy like you is doing here on the streets of a city like Moscow?"

"He's got nothing to do with you," Kai snapped. "Don't talk to him."

Nikolai smirked, "You're very protective, Kai."

"Shut up, and fuck off," Kai snarled.

"Of course. Why not? You're not mine anymore, are you?"

"We're leaving," Kai snapped, turning on his heel. Alex followed suit awkwardly, not feeling comfortable turning his back on a man so heavily guarded by armed men.

"I heard about what happened to Tom!" Nikolai called after them, the flutter of amusement in his voice clear, "I'm sorry, Kai, how unfortunate. I suppose you're on your own again, am I right?!"

Kai was running now. Alex picked up the pace to follow him, realising how far he lagged behind. But when he turned the corner after the Russian the street was clear.

Kai had disappeared.

Kai didn't talk when he returned. Not that Alex had dared try to ask him any questions. He had pretended to be engrossed in conversation with Luke, but he had his ears straining to hear sounds from the bedroom when the door slammed behind him.

"What's up with him?" asked Luke. He had risen from bed when Alexei had arrived with their dinner; a box filled with ten take away bowls of ukha. Alexei and Luke had looked as rough as each other. Both pale and slightly green, the skin around their eyes blackened with exhaustion. Alexei had his head pinned against the table as though lifting it were too much effort. Luke was sipping at the ukha but only at a very tentative, delicate pace.

"Nothing," Alex said, as lightly as possible.

Luke got up and inched his way back to his bedroom. His roommates had cleared out after the number of times he had thrown up the night before, and he had the room to himself.

The dining room was now clear, apart from Alexei and Alex himself. He watched as the Senior Lieutenant slowly raised his head and looked directly at him with narrowed eyes, "I've got a job for you."

"For me?"

"For you and Kai. The Beckett Circle have a job to do and I was told to pick some of my new Privates to help out. The ones I trusted the most, the ones I thought would do the job well. You've got to understand, we're desperate for people and otherwise we would never choose such new recruits. But, well, we're desperate."

"That's nice to know," Alex commented, but Alexei didn't seem to hear him.

"So, will you do it?"

"What does it involve?"

"It's dangerous, that much I know. But I think you guys can handle it. And I trust you too. I trust Luke, but I think he's a bit...well, he's all talk and no show. And it involves some rough travelling."

Alex was brightening. They were being given a job, a proper Beckett Circle job. This way, they could find out where Beckett Circle were to strike next. Maybe even get a few names and faces with evidence that they were in charge of the operation.

"Ok. Where are we going?"

"Chechnya," Alexei sighed, "We need to get over the border. There's a way of doing it, I've done it before. You'll get more of the details when you meet with Safin. So, what do you think?"

"Yes. We'll do it."

"Are you sure Kai will want to?"

"Kai was talking about wanting something else to do," Alex lied, "He'll be up for it."

"Good."

Alexei smiled, and Alex had a funny feeling in his stomach, "Great. I'll mention you to Safin. If it definitely goes ahead, it'll be next week. You'll get debriefed over the next few days. Anyway, I'd better be off. I need to go and crawl back into bed. How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright now."

"Good. Don't ever drink Alex, it's evil stuff."

"Ok. Bye Alexei," Alex chuckled, as the Senior Lieutenant shuffled away in hangover-pain.

When the front door shut behind him, Alex realised what the feeling was.

Guilt.

He was becoming friends with people Beckett Circle, and yet he was here to bring it down. He knew they did things that were way outside the law, and hardly morally sound. But the Beckett Circle was all they had, everything they had put their lives to for so long, and Alex out to destroy it.

On the other hand, he took comfort in the fact that this new job may mean the mission would soon be over. And then, if Kai was keeping his word, he would find out something about his family.

On another, rather more important hand, there was Kai brooding away in their bedroom. Alex was bursting with questions about Nikolai and what the hell had to do with Kai. And what had happened to this Tom?

"Kai?"

Kai was holding a pillow over his head, his face hidden in the mattress. He was stretched out as though he had fallen there, and his back rose steadily with heavy breaths.

"Kai?"

Kai pulled the pillow off his head and rolled over. He was squinting from the sudden change in light, his hair was on end as though it had exploded on his head.

"Sorry Alex. I didn't hear you."

"You had a pillow on your head."

"Yeah, well, I just needed some quiet and it obviously worked."

Alex sat cross legged on the bed next to him and let out a long sigh, "Are you Ok?"

"I'm fine. Sorry."

"Kai, who is Nikolai?"

"I told you. Leader of the Black Coats. And a bastard."

"Yes, I know that. But how do you know him?"

Kai appeared to be thinking for a moment. After a minute or two, he sat up and looked Alex in the eye, "I'll tell you. But promise not to...not to...."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just don't...don't judge me,"

"Just you?"

"Well, it's bad enough that I know the guy, never mind that I used to...associate with the guy."

"Ok," Alex shrugged.

Kai took a moment to stare vaguely up at the ceiling, trying to find the words.

"Nikolai offered me a job. There was a...let's say 'extended period' in my life when I was homeless. Tom was a spy for the SRV. He was kidnapped when I was thirteen. And I was homeless and living here in Moscow because this was where Tom was kidnapped and I felt like if I hung around long enough they would bring him back well...that's how I know Nikolai. He offered me a job, to help me pay for food and stuff."

Alex would have liked to pretend that the open-mouthed silence was planned to probe Kai into telling him more, but the truth was he was pretty stunned.

"He promised to pay me a lot of money, and I couldn't really say no. Tom had been gone for a six months then, there was no sign of him yet, and living on the streets wasn't pretty. And all I had to do was stand around in a room for a couple of hours whilst he entertained some friends."

"What do you mean 'stand around'?" Alex asked suspiciously, finding his tongue.

"Well, you know...look pretty. I didn't have to do anything, just look pretty for his guests. Stand around in very little clothes and hand out drinks. Stuff like that."

"So how can you know him that well?"

"That wasn't the only job. I had a string of similar ones afterwards, then I was a... I don't know what you'd call it. Rent boy, prostitute? Whatever you want to call it. I wasn't hanging around on the street corner, I had a...pimp, so to speak. He met me at one of Nikolai's parties said I would get a lot of money for my...services. Since being gay in Russia isn't exactly embraced by society with open arms, you can get a lot of money from frustrated men who don't feel they can be gay anywhere but alone in the bedroom. So for about a year, that was what I was."

Alex opened his mouth again but Kai held up a hand, "Wait. Let me finish, Alex. I was getting quite well paid, and the guy I was working for was great, he didn't give me to anyone too weird. He knew I was only fourteen and that I hadn't done this before. Anyway, not long later, Nikolai looked me up again. He said I shouldn't be doing that kind of job and that I should come work with him. He invited me to live with him; free board and food, all the clothes and things I could ever want. In return, I had to be his personal 'boy'. I was his. I wasn't getting paid but I was able to live in his amazing apartment, I was fed, I was warm, I got to have anything I wanted. And at the time, the choice between living and having sex with him seemed to have a much better return than living on the streets and eking out a living having sex with complete strangers."

Kai looked up from the bed sheets which he was worrying through his hands. He fixed his eyes on a point somewhere in the distance, "So...that's how I know Nikolai. I ran away, eventually. They found Tom. I went back to living with him. Tom died. I got caught up with the SRV. And I was back to living on my own. I thought....I thought Nikolai was dead. I had heard he had been shot. So I felt safe. It's kind of difficult to feel safe with him around again.

Just don't judge me, Alex. I was stupid, but at the time I really thought what I was doing was my only option. I'm just glad I got away from Nikolai quickly enough before he really hurt me. I ditched not long after he forced me to have the tattoo."

He rubbed absently at his hip as he said this, "I'm trying to save up to get it removed, but it's bloody expensive. Anyway. I know the last thing you need right now is to hear me go on and on about my sob story. But...that's it. That's how I know Nikolai. I could have told you a much less explicit version of that story, but it would have been a lie and I wanted you to know."

Alex's throat had gone dry, but he managed: "Why?"

Kai shrugged, "You wanted to know."

"Ok," was all Alex could think of saying.

"And...well I haven't really told anyone before and I think that it's probably because I've never met anyone that I wanted to really share that pathetic part of my life with."

He let himself sink back onto the bed a little.

"Thank you," he said, after a short pause, "For telling me."

Kai shrugged again. He hadn't look Alex in the eye for a while, in fact he seemed to be actively avoiding raising his head.

"Kai?"

"Hm?"

Alex pushed himself onto all fours and crawled across the tiny bed space between them, settling himself down flush next to Kai. He dropped his knees over Kai's crossed legs, and kissed him gently on the cheek, "It's fine."

"Good," Kai whispered, smiling a little.

"Want to go and see what everyone else is doing?" Alex proposed.

"No. Not in the mood, really. Can we just stay here?"

"Sure."

Kai dragged the sheet from the mattress and pulled it up over them. Alex wrapped his arms around Kai's torso, the warm blanket reaching his chin. They stayed like that for a while, Alex's head resting in the nape of Kai's neck. It wasn't long before the two of them shuffled under the covers and drifted off, wrapped close together to keep the cold at bay.

Im sorry if this was rubbish. I edited this over and over again, and in the end I just thought ah well, I will put it up and hope it works. I just love this story so much I want to get it right!

Tell me what you think.