Authors Note: Narnia belongs to CS Lewis and the Cannon Keepers belong to Jealousofthemoon. I am simply borrowing them. I would recomend that you go read JOTM's work cause it is hilarious.

Now here's the thing. I the humble fanfiction writier come home from a hard day and begin to look round the Narnia archieves in search of something to read. Instead what do I find. A whole bundle of Mary Sue fics. They irritate me but I can cope due to the other 'offical' stories. But over the last few months I've been noticing an influx of Suspianstories. Now I'm as tolerant as the next guy and I respect other people's right to write what they want but as an avid fan of the Chronicles of Narnia I find it sad and annoying that the archive is being filled with stories based off one non-canon story at the end of what is in effect a non-cannon movie. I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way and I appeal to other writiers to join with me in countering the Suspian invasion. Let us bring some peace back to our beloved fandom.

Happy Reading and May Aslan be with you.

An Antidote to Suspian

Susan stared at the purpled coloured portal that had suddenly appeared on her bedroom wall.

"Where did this come from" she wondered aloud

Just as suddenly as the portal appeared a familiar Spanish accented voice drifted through it "Susan" it cried piteously.

"Caspian" Susan called back "is that you."

"Yes my love" came the reply "steps through the portal and we shall be reunited."

Susan ran to her bedroom door and opening it yelled down "I'm just going out for a minute mum."

"All right dear" came the vague reply.

Then without a second thought Susan dived headfirst into the glowing maelstrom. A few (relative) seconds later she found herself lying on a hard stone floor dressed in normal Narnian garb.

"Susan" a voice spoke from above and looking up Susan stared into the brilliant blue eyes of her beloved Caspian

"Caspian" she cried jumping up and flinging herself into his arms "I've missed you so much"

"I too" Caspian replied "It has been two years since I last saw you."

"Two years" Susan said "but It's only been a month for me."

"I suspect it is the usually thing with time dearest" Caspian said "but none of that matters now" Then slowly he leaned down to kiss her.

Before he could however there was a deafening boom and turning the pair found a crimson portal behind them. From it leapt four things in khaki uniforms the letters NCK emblazoned across their helmets.

"PUT SUSAN DOWN" one of them boomed "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT KISSING HER."

"Who are you" Caspian asked dumbfounded.

"We are the Narnian Canon Keepers" one (who was obviously the leader according to the silver stars on his lapel) replied "it's our job to make sure the things are kept to canon in the world of Narnian Fanfiction."

"But why are you here?" Susan asked grasping tightly onto Caspian.

"We've been sent to do a total clean up. You see this entire fic paring has come about because of one scene at the end of the movie. For some reason it's become scarily popular."

"It's even got a name" another Canon Keeper muttered "Suspian I ask you."

"Anyone" the leader continued "the Boss's aren't happy so they've sent us in to deal with it."

"But surely" Caspian said slowly.

"No buts" came the harsh reply "now Jones and Carter you take Caspian. Give him a complete hose down wipe his memory and point him in the direction of Ramandu's daughter. Matthews you and I will deal with Miss Pevensie."

"Aye aye Captain" the soldiers replied. Two of them grabbed Caspian and dragged him kicking and screaming into another part of the castle. "And give him a hair cut while your at it" the Captain called "it's supposed to be much shorter than that."

"CASPIAN" Susan screamed watching her 'beloved' being dragged away "I love you"

"I love you too" he called back.

"Not for much longer" Matthews sniggered.

Then the Captain and Matthews took hold of Susan's arms and pushing a button on their belts were enveloped in a crimson mist. A few (relative) seconds later they reappeared in Susan's bedroom.

Matthews moved over to the wall and taking a glowing device from his belt connected it to the wall. Within a few seconds the glowing portal had shimmer and vanished. "That should stop you getting back through."

The Captain meanwhile took a silver tube from his belt and twisting it revealed it to be some sort of spray.

"What's that" Susan asked concerned

"Disinfectant" came the terse answer "will remove all trace of non-canon fic from your system." Before Susan could object the Captain pushed the button and a fine silver mist enveloped Susan.

Within a few seconds it had disaperated and Matthews scanned her quickly. "She's clean Captain."

"Good" another triangular device appeared "Now before we removed your memories of this your majesty" the Captain said "may I just say two things. One forget Caspian. It would never work out. Go look for that boy at the newsstand."

"But" Susan began before she was interrupted

"And two it was an honour to meet you and a shame to have to do this. We Canon Keepers are now and forever more your loyal servants". Then he pressed the triangle to her head. A blank look spread across Susan's face and her legs buckled under her.

The Captain caught her and laid her gentle on the bed. "Goodbye Queen Susan the Gentle" he said softly before nodding to Matthews and disappearing.

Back in Canon Keepers headquarter (a place outside time and Fanfiction) the Canon Keepers sat around the canteen.

"So what happened to Caspian" Matthews asked.

"Oh he cried like a baby for ten minutes" Carter replied "especially after we used the accent modifier on him. Gave him a good canon British accent."

Suddenly the air in the room changed and all the Canon Keepers leapt to their feet as a Lion and a tall scholarly looking man walked into to the room.

"Aslan, Mr Lewis" the Captain stuttered "to what do we owe the honour."

"We just wanted to congratulate you" CS. Lewis said "you did a wonderful job with the Suspian clear up everything is back on track."

"Thank you sir" came the reply from around the room.

"We also have grave news" Aslan intoned solemnly "there is to be a Mary Sue incursion into the Last Battle."

"Right men" the Captain said "set your co-ordinates for the Last Battle and bring plenty of supplies. This could be a long one."

As the Canon Keepers blinked back into fandom Matthews turned to Carter "We never get a break do we"

"No" Carter said "but we wouldn't want it any other way."

"They do you proud Jack" Aslan said looking up at the old Professor.

"I know they do Aslan" the old man replied "I know they do."

Then silently the two stood and watched as the Canon Keepers vanished looks of determination plaster across their faces ready to face what ever Fanfiction had to throw at them.

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