Author Note: This is muh brand-new chapter fic, I hope you enjoy it! I'm really, really nervous about posting it for a few reasons. It's a romance story and I don't usually do romance. And aside from one short story, I've never written slash, so this is something of a departure from the norm for me. There's humour, angst, drama, action and H/C, so I'm not even sure what the genre should be! It'd be nice to know if you liked it or what I'm doing wrong, so feel free to let me know – the review button's at the bottom of the page and authors do so love to get them. I've done research on the stuff I didn't know, mostly about the American educational system, but there's every possibility I got things wrong. It's just background stuff and not really important to the story, but feel free to point out any stupid-ass errors I've made and I'll rectify them.

The warnings: This story contains slash, boy lurve, whatever you want to call it. If it squicks you, what are you doing here? It was in the summary. The main pairings are Creek (Craig and Tweek) and Ksquared (Kenny and Kyle), with some hints of Gregory/ Mole. There are many, many moments involving guns, explosions, creative cursing, fires, car chases and all manner of things that rightfully belong in an action movie. There's also some sexually suggestive stuff, but I've no plans to get explicit. You will not see the weiner. Not unless I get really drunk while I'm writing.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't own the town, I don't even own the second half of season twelve (fucking TV).

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Kyle Broflovski paused outside the office for a moment, taking a deep breath and sternly reminding himself that the reason he had been asked to meet the lecturer might be for something perfectly mundane. It didn't mean that he was failing his degree, which was one of the scenarios his mind was trying to conjure up – and since the marks he had received on his work to date were among the highest on the course, it was unlikely. Nor did it mean he was being hailed as the new face of historical archaeology, which his more exuberant imaginings were suggesting.

He knocked at the door, waiting for the summons from within before entering, plastering a pleasant look on his face.

Professor Chalmers glanced up from the paper he had been studying and rose from his chair. "Ah, Kyle, thanks for coming. Take a seat."

Kyle sat in the vacant seat and the Professor returned to his chair behind the desk, putting the papers aside and studying Kyle intently. Chalmers was one of the most respected lecturers in the field of historical archaeology, the study of past civilisations and Kyle felt lucky to have the man as his mentor. That he also seemed to take a personal interest in the young man's work was a source of pride.

"This is your last year with us, isn't it Kyle?"

"Yes sir," said Kyle, trying not to let his nervousness at the thought show. After graduation, he would have to find a place outside of school, based on his own merits and although he knew he was well qualified in his field, he couldn't help the small flare of panic when he considered how many other graduates might be vying for those same positions.

"And you've yet to find a place on a research team, which as you're aware is mandatory for this degree."

"I've had a few offers," said Kyle, trying not to look too eager. Had the Professor heard of someone looking for an assistant and was willing to recommend him? Because that seemed to be where the conversation was heading and if it was true, then it would make Kyle's whole life.

"I'm taking a sabbatical to do some field study with a team of four other people," said Chalmers. "Three of them I've already assigned. I was hoping you'd consent to being the fourth."

Kyle tried to stop the grin that spread across his face, with very little success. "A research project? What would it entail?"

"There are two reasons I thought you'd be suited to it," said the Professor. "It seems to be in one of your areas of interest – the impact of ancient cultures on modern society. Your work is outstanding and this is exactly the kind of thing I think would arouse your interest. And the project would count toward your final degree. This is just what potential employers would be looking for."

Nodding eagerly, Kyle waited to hear the rest, although he was pretty much sold already. Not only was it a great opportunity, it would be far better than some dry paper on a subject that had been covered by others before him. He tried to caution himself – he had no idea just what the project would entail yet and for all he knew, it might be a field of study he hated – but it was hard to temper his enthusiasm.

"There was another reason I thought of you when I was debating team members, although to be honest, it's likely you would have been my first choice anyway. This just clinched the deal. I understand you lived most of your life in Park County, Colorado?"

Kyle's enthusiasm suddenly plummeted. "Yeah, I did."

Professor Chalmers nodded. "A recent excavation of an ancient burial ground turned up some inscriptions that seem to indicate the Park County area of Colorado, most specifically..."

"South Park," finished Kyle.

"That's right." The Professor raised an eyebrow. "Have you heard about the find?"

"No," said Kyle. "It just – makes perfect sense."

Chalmers mused on this for a moment, then let it go. "There were a series of wall carvings found in Peru..." He noticed Kyle shudder. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, I'm fine."

"It was some time ago, but the excavation has turned up new finds and it seems unbelievable that the Peruvians would have been familiar with the Americas at that time and certainly not Colorado. There is some, uh, circumstantial evidence that carvings discovered earlier depicted a future event, although most scholars think it was just a warning that wasn't heeded."

"The guinea pigs."

"You're well versed on this stuff, that's good. I'm surprised actually, most people aren't aware that the carvings even exist."

"I took a special interest," replied Kyle, trying hard to repress some memories.

"Anyway, the newly found carvings also seem to point to some event, some catastrophe. It's aroused interest mostly because there are symbols which indicate circumstances leading up to the event and all but two have happened in the last few years. My research team would be examining the likelihood of the other carvings being currently accurate and proving or disproving once and for all the theory that the Peruvians were able to tell the future."

"I see."

"I'm sure it'll be proven nonsense, but in either case, it will be a real coup for your studies. The final grade rests on some kind of field work and this is a great opportunity."

Kyle was a good deal less happy about the proposed trip than he had been before he had found out the reasons for it. But the Professor was right; he needed the accreditation and it would look damn good on his resume to be associated with Chalmers.

"Does the research mean we have to go to Peru?"

Chalmers laughed. "Not on our budget. There's no need, we have pictures and footage of the carvings and their accuracy won't be proven there. No, we'll be heading out to South Park to check just how well the carvings align with current events there, see if we can find what the carvings we haven't identified yet are referring to. A wild goose chase, but in the interests of academic research, one that someone has to do. It might as well be us."

"And there'll be no guinea pigs?"

"Only the little ones."

"Or Canadian comedians?"

Chalmers gave him a funny look. "There aren't any on the itinerary."

"In that case, I'd be happy to join the research team."

It probably wasn't the best idea to go on the trip, but Kyle knew that passing up the opportunity would look bad and might give him a reputation in the department, meaning it would be harder for him to find a suitable excursion to attend instead. Besides, he'd always wanted this kind of chance; something that hadn't been done before and working with one of the most respected authorities in the field.

Although he hadn't had much luck when it came to South Park and prophecies.

But this time things might be different, he consoled himself. There was every chance that the 'new' carvings were also referring to the guinea pig invasion, since they were found in the same place and then the whole thing would just blow over, with him still able to put together a killer research paper. And he'd get a chance to hang out with some of the old crowd again. Most of them were off at their respective schools, including Stan, which would put a bit of a damper on things. But not everyone had gone the educational route and there'd still be plenty of his old friends in town. He just hoped that Kenny wasn't away on one of his 'business trips'.

And there was the chance to spend some family time with his mom and dad, not to mention his little brother, who was doing most of his work via some He wasn't homesick or anything like that, but it was always nice to be back with the family again.

Professor Chalmers handed Kyle a lever arch file that was crammed to bursting. "Our schedule's in there, you should have no problem clearing the time away. I've also added some pictures of the carvings, photocopies for the most part I'm afraid, but there are some close ups of the things I'm really interested in. I also gave you a suggested reading list for writing your paper."

"Thanks," said Kyle, ridiculously pleased that the man had actually taken the time to think of his studies as well as the excursion.

"I've got some copies of the pictures here though," said the Professor. "I'd like you to take a look at them now and see if there's any immediate thoughts you can offer."

The smartboard was programmed into the computer; Chalmers clicked a few buttons on his laptop and projected a larger picture onto the wall. Kyle frowned at the carving. He recognised the style from the ill-fated, totally accidental and not-even-slightly-his-fault trip to Peru and the shape of the land was clearly that of the Park County area. Strange, but it didn't take much imagination to discount it as coincidence, even when the next picture came up and showed the outline of what was clearly America surrounding the first carving.

Tilting his head, Kyle looked at the third picture as it came up. "That looks like a lunar eclipse."

"Yes, I thought so. The next one's in ten days time."

"But lunar eclipses aren't unusual."

"No, but with the circumstantial evidence, it'll be interesting to be in South Park when it happens." The Professor chuckled. Kyle couldn't bring himself to join in.

"This one's very interesting," said Chalmers, clicking onto the next picture. "It shows a person with clear identifying features, which is rare in these kinds of markings. Apparently linked to the story being told in the carvings."

Kyle expected to see the same picture he had seen for himself during his time in Peru; Craig Tucker complete with hat and disinterested stare, being menaced by a giant guinea pig. But the person in this picture was someone totally different – yet still someone Kyle recognised. And all of a sudden, his denials that the carvings were anything other than a coincidence seemed hollow.

"Oh shit."

Chalmers turned his gaze to Kyle, eyes bright and expression friendly, but there was an undeniable tone of steely curiosity in his voice when he spoke. "Is that someone you recognise?"

"Yeah... at least, it looks like him. We were in the same class all the way through school. But he left town when we were seventeen and he hasn't been back since, as far as I know."

"And you don't know where he is?" The disappointment was palpable and Kyle felt the urge to make amends.

"I don't know. He wasn't a close friend or anything and I'm pretty sure he never kept in touch with anyone else in town." 'Pretty sure' didn't cover it, he knew no one had seen or heard of him in years, but he didn't want to destroy all hope.

"Dammit." Chalmers stared at the picture. "Since this carving might actually depict a living person, it could be a major coup for the people verifying it. But if we can't trace him, then I guess that goes by the wayside."

Kyle scowled at the carving, the man indicated in it. He recognised the person even if he hadn't seen them for years and if the carving really was a prophecy – and since he had seen the same carvings shortly before Craig shot lasers from his eyes, it didn't seem unlikely – then he could be in big trouble.

But by acting on his suspicions and calling the one person he knew for sure could help find him, he was opening a major can of worms. Kenny McCormick wasn't the only thing in South Park that wouldn't stay buried and this act would constitute dragging up a bad past for one of his friends.

Too bad. There would be serious trouble heading to South Park over the next couple of weeks no matter what he did. Besides, he really wanted a good grade.

"Actually, I might know someone who can track him down."

~:~

As soon as he left the office, Kyle hurried out of the building and walked in the direction of his shared apartment, pulling out his cell phone as he did so. He certainly didn't want to be overheard by his room mates when he made this call.

Scrolling through the names in the directory, he found what he was looking for and called, looking around as he did so in case anyone was in earshot. Not that he intended to say anything that would make sense to most people, but experience had taught him caution.

The ringing stopped and a familiar voice came through the phone. "My horoscope said I'd get a dirty phonecall from a luscious redhead today. If you start heavy breathing at me, I can turn my phone off without worrying I'm missing something."

"Hey Kenny," said Kyle with a grin. "How's it hanging?"

"All the way to the ground. You?"

"Actually, things have taken a turn for the weird. You got any plans over the next couple of weeks?"

"Nope, not unless something comes up. And Barbara Streisand was just on TV. Trust me, nothing is coming up for a while. Except maybe my lunch."

"I'm coming back to South Park for a while."

Kenny's voice immediately radiated concern. "Has something happened at Uni?"

"It's not like that, don't worry. Professor Chalmers offered me a place on his research team and we're gonna be based in South Park."

"Cool!" said Kenny with wild cheer. "That's great news. Getting to work with the great Professor huh? I know you've been wanting that. Hope you'll still have time to come over and sink a few cold ones with us."

"Of course," said Kyle. "But there's something else. I could use your help. In a, uh... professional capacity."

"Go on."

Kyle raised his eyebrows. He'd been expecting some smutty comment, but it seemed that when it came to his work, Kenny was all business.

"I need to find someone."

"Who?"

"You're gonna hate this."

"Oh God. Who is it?"

"I need you to find Tweek Tweak."

There was a long pause at the other end of the line, then Kenny sighed. "Shit."

"I knew you were gonna hate it."