You by yourself
Heard a sound that you'd been searching for
To change your life
There by your side
I was looking for this world
That you had somehow tried

So I wait for signs to feel
You offered me the chance to see what's real
And I wanted all you had
So I close my eyes and see things from the past
And I wanted all you had
So I'll close my eyes and see things from the past
I just laugh and I know
I'll be

I'll Be by Low vs. Diamond

youtube. com/watch?v=MCyVXPKAivI

ALSO... I'd like you all to check out an author on this very site. Her username is... sandyk199 AMAZING AUTHOR. Check out her stories. one of my favorites is Take the Cake, but she recently started one called Songlines. AND LISTEN TO THE SONG AS WELL!

ALL RIGHTS TO MRS. STEPHENIE MEYER

I'm more confused than I ever had in my life. Should I trust these people? Are they trustworthy? Do I deserve their friendship? Will Charlie ever change?

Once we all got cleaned up, we exited the bathroom into Edward's bedroom, and were greeted by three worried faces.

"Shit." Rosalie mumbled under her breath, as I silently agreed with her; looking down at my feet, refusing to look up. I was scared shitless.

The weight that had just been lifted off my shoulders, slammed down onto me, one hundred times stronger than before. My legs almost gave out. Had Alice not been there, I would have fallen.

"Bella, sweetie; are you all right?" One of the faces asked me. I knew who it was: Esme.

"Ummm, yea. Yea, I'm all right thanks. And you?" I said, hating it. I hated lying to Esme, she was such a sweet woman; she did a fantastic job raising her kids.

"Bella," Esme said, all of the sudden, her feet came into my sight. I felt her hand before it was actually there; I stiffened up and cringed. I tried not to, but it was just habit now. "Bella, sweetie, look at me."

Esme said that with such care, I imagined her using that on her children, caring them, loving them. It brought tears to my eyes. My tired and crying eyes met Esme's love filled and concerned eyes. I almost lost it there, almost leant into her, and cried away everything that had happened. Almost. Instead I just looked at her, a few silent tears rolling down my cheeks. What would have happened had my mother stayed. Would she be anything like Esme? Would she resent me? Probably. She would have probably left anyways, in time. So maybe it was good she left. That way i could imagine her as I wanted to, not as what she would have been.

The other two people in the room were Jasper and Carlisle. Why did they have to be here. Right now? My life sucks. I know that is terrible when there are people without homes, making 2 cents a day making about fifty soccer balls, getting worse beatings. But I am selfish.

I didn't speak for fear of breaking down. Esme saw this.

"Oh, Bella." Esme said, pulling me into a hug. I stiffened, kind of curled into myself. But Esme didn't let up. She just pulled me into her, somehow more tightly, but not hurting me at all. I guess a mother would know these kinds of things, even if she wasn't mine, just mothers intuition… I guess. I wanted to feel something, other than guilt. I didn't want to cry. Again. I was so sick of crying. But Esme, she just held me, caringly, just whispering that it would be all right to me. Like I imagined my mother would have at times, my ideal mother. I tried to back away, but she wouldn't let me. I was still curled into myself. Scared. No one should know my life story. No one else should bear the weight of my secret. And now two people, maybe three, hell maybe the whole damn family knows. How could one sleepover, one fucking sleepover change everything. All my emotions were rushing at me, high speed, full force. It was getting worse now, and I only had one way for a release, I think… I just needed something. But I was so tired of crying. Tired of it all; ready for it all to be over. Though I know it never will. I cannot put the Cullens' in danger.

"It's okay, Bella. You can cry," She whispered to me, her voice wavering. After she said that, I broke down. I leaned into her, wrapped my arms around her, as much as I could without hurting myself, and cried. I knew it was kind of a self centered moment, but I cried for my mother, for Esme being there in that moment, for Rosalie, for what my life could have been, for Charlie, but I would not cry for what I had now, because it was all my fault; regardless of what Alice and Rosalie said. I cried only what I wanted to have. But wanting doesn't change anything, but in that moment I realized. It's okay to want something. Though it may be what you want, and not taking what others want in mind, but it is okay. In that moment Esme, the Cullens; they helped me, without even knowing.

"Esme, you can bring her into my office in a bit." Carlisle said, kissing Esme on the head before exiting the room, giving us space. Jasper brought Alice into a tight embrace, as she had been crying too. They exited giving us space. Rosalie just kind of stood there, not knowing what to do, Emmett wasn't here, so she had no rock to latch onto at that moment; I felt bad.

I couldn't stop crying though, I was still too scared to bring myself to help the one person who had helped me the most through this. I was scared to open up, but yet again, Esme seemed to get what I was trying to convey, or was thinking this as well. She ushered Rosalie into the hug as well. Rosalie was the person my age, at least, I was most comfortable with.

We were all crying. And i felt bad, for being the one to start it all. Rosalie didn't need her demons to be brought back into her life. She needed to move on. I shouldn't have ever gotten close to her. I'm an awful and selfish human. I will do anything to repay the Cullens. If i can open up.

All of the sudden someone cleared their throat in the hallway. We all looked up, with our watery eyes. It was Edward.
Shit.

Ah, sorry it took so long =P no excuse. EXCEPT THAT... i was trying to figure out who the three faces would be. I hope you enjoyed it... Please don't forget to review. Be as honest as you want. you can say you hate it, i wouldn't really care... that much...

THANKS TO:
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Again, thank you all soo much! And if you're just coming onto this story. I TAKE FOREVER TO UPDATE. Thanks, don't forget to review!

Thanks,
You won't see an iguana here