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Fragile Balance- Stargate SG-1
"You wish your clone to live?"
"You can't just let me die ... "
"He's just a kid ... "
"Are you certain, O'Neill?"
"I'm thinkin' ... yeah."
"Very well. I will attempt to repair his DNA. If successful, he should continue to mature at a normal human rate."

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"O'Neill. There is a problem."

Both of Jack's eyebrows raised in concern, he didn't like hearing that from Thor. It just didn't bode well. "What it is?" Jack asked as he stepped over to where his clone was lying unconscious as Thor worked to repair his failing body.

"I am unable to repair his DNA at this stage of his development."

"So he's going to die?"

"No."

"Okay. I haven't had coffee in a while and I'm not following. I thought that if you couldn't fix him he was going to die?"

"That is correct, O'Neill. But you misinterpreted my prognosis. As I stated, I am unable to repair his DNA at his current stage of development. In order to make the necessary repairs to his DNA, I must regress his physical development back approximately one decade."

Jack blinked trying to make sense out of what Thor was saying; he really needed coffee. "You mean you have to turn him back into a little kid?"

"Yes. It is the only way to make his body viable."

The rest of the team had gathered around and it was Daniel that brought up the point first, "So we'll have Jack's consciousness in a five year old's body?"

Jack scrubbed his face with his hands, "This day just keeps getting better and better. This is never going to work. There can't be a... kindergartener running around that knows everything I know. The idea was bad enough with a teenager."

There was a pregnant pause before Thor offered, "I am able to remove blocks of the clone's memories. It is possible to remove all but what would be age appropriate."

Sam rebounded out of her thoughts first, "So he would have only Colonel O'Neill's memories up until he was five years old?"

"Yes."

Sam turned to Jack and said, "That would certainly make things a lot simpler, sir. We wouldn't have any security issues that way and I can't imagine that it would be too difficult to find an adoptive home for a healthy five-year old."

Jack winced but nodded and said, "Do it."

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It took a couple of hours but finally Thor announced, "It is complete."

The team gathered around the bed and looked down at the now little boy that lay swimming in the Air Force t-shirt he had originally been beamed up in. Jack had to catch a breath and steel his emotions, the clone looked like Charlie. As he processed that in his own mind he realized that it was the other way around: Charlie had looked like Jack. Jack's mother had always said Charlie had been the spitting image of Jack as a child but he hadn't seen it. Until now. And he was torn between being creeped out knowing that was his clone and just wanting to scoop up the little guy and hug him like he used to do with Charlie.

Sam's reaction was more upbeat, and she expressed it with a giggle she couldn't contain. "Oh. He's cute."

Jack leveled a flat glare at her that earned him a snorted chuckle from Daniel. When Jack's glare was then turned on him, Daniel just shrugged with a grin. It was Teal'c's, "O'Neill, you were indeed a handsome child," that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jack just dropped his head, closed his eyes, and sighed in surrender.

Once he was completely satisfied with the clone's status Thor beamed them all down to the SGC infirmary. The clone was still sleeping, and Thor had informed them that he would for many hours. It gave Doctor Fraiser time to examine and poke and prod the little clone. After a quick exam himself, Jack was finally able to go grab a shower, some food, and most importantly, coffee. They debriefed quickly with General Hammond, most of the decision making being postponed until after the clone woke up. Not that they doubted Thor, but they wanted to verify for themselves that he in fact was just a normal five-year old.

Jack's mind was whirling over the whole situation. He was trying to sort out his own emotions and figure out which ones were real and which ones were just a knee-jerk reaction to the clone looking so much like Charlie. And to top it all off, he honestly didn't know how he felt about his little clone being shipped off to live with strange parents, it somehow just didn't seem right.

Daniel tracked Jack down in hiding in his office. Well, not so much hiding as just wanting to be alone with his thoughts for a while.

"Hey. I just came to see how you were doing with all this." Daniel offered gently from the doorway.

Jack was staring at a picture in his hand. It was a little worn around the edges and had lived in Jack's wallet for almost ten years. It was a picture of Charlie, his first grade class picture. Jack raised his eyes to meet Daniel's and said in tired voice, "You know, just when I think we've seen it all."

"Yeah. This one threw us all for a loop this time around I think." Daniel stepped around the desk and looked at the picture in Jack's hand and said gently, "Wow, Charlie looks just like him. You. Um, you know what I mean."

Jack snorted and said, "My mom used swear he looked just like me and I could never see it. Now I know what she meant."

Daniel's hand came to rest on his shoulder and gave a little squeeze, "I'm sorry this brought up bad memories."

Jack traced Charlie's face with a calloused finger and said with a sad little smile, "Not all them are bad. For example, I remember Sara being thrilled because he managed to wait until two days after this picture was taken to lose his first front tooth."

Daniel's forefinger lightly stroked the bare skin of Jack's neck, the only sort of physical contact they would allow themselves on base. It was warm and reassuring and familiar. Daniel started to ask, "Why, ah..." then cut himself off, "never mind."

Jack turned his head towards Daniel and said, "Why what?"

Daniel finished his question gently, "Why didn't you and Sara have more children?"

Jack turned back towards the picture and said sadly, "She couldn't. Having Charlie almost killed her. We talked about adopting more but we were going to wait until I wasn't flying off on the spur of the moment for weeks and months at a time. But before that could happen Charlie... well you know the rest."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

Jack reached up and gave the hand Daniel still had on his shoulder a quick squeeze. "Hey. There's nothing you and I can't ask, remember? That's part of our deal."

"I know. But I don't want to poke at sore subjects and bring up painful memories just because I'm curious either."

Before Jack could reply they heard Daniel being paged to the control room over the intercom. Daniel looked at his watch and groaned. "I almost forgot. I've got to go. It's one of my dig teams checking in. You gonna be alright?"

"I'll be fine, Daniel. Now run along, I know Nyan is probably bursting at the seams to talk to you about dirt and rocks this being his first time as head geek in charge off world and all."

"Ha-ha, very funny. I'll catch up with you when I'm done." Daniel said as he left.

After the door closed behind Daniel, Jack took one more good look at Charlie's picture and then tucked it back in its plastic sleeve in his wallet. He scrubbed his face with his hands and decided to tackle some of the paperwork he was behind on, it would occupy him until his clone woke up.

---------------

Jack and the rest of SG-1 were paged to the infirmary a couple of hours later as the clone was awake. Jack was still without any clarity in his own mind, even though the hours of paperwork had given him plenty of time to think, and he found it unsettling.

He and Daniel hit the infirmary door at the same time to be greeted by the sounds of an inconsolably terrified crying child. Whatever his feelings were about said child being his clone went out the window when he heard that crying. The father in him wouldn't let any child be that terrified and upset, clone or not.

Jack got to the bedside and saw Janet struggling with the little boy. In a calm voice, the same calm voice he used to use on an upset Charlie and the same calm voice his own father used to use on him, he said, "Hey now. What's all this racket?"

Jack's deep voice cut through the terror and his little clone looked at him through blurry, tear-filled eyes for a only a second before flinging himself into Jack's arms and crying, "Papa!"

Jack instinctively closed his arms around the sobbing child, trying in his own head not to be completely freaked out that he was in essence hugging himself. He tried to force himself to think of him as an alien child rather than his clone; he could deal with an alien child. What he couldn't deal with though was the child calling him "Papa". Why did he do that? Where did that come from?

Then Jack had a flash of being the same age as the clone and in hysterics when he had fallen and badly scraped both of his knees. He recalled his own father calmly saying to him, "Hey now. What's all this racket?" And when Jack thought back to that day he realized that at this point in his life and in the clone's memories, he and his own father could have used each other for shaving mirrors they looked so much alike. Plus his father had been gone for long deployments during Jack's early childhood. It was no wonder the little guy thought Jack was his father through teary eyes.

Jack gently rubbed the little boy's back and murmured soothing words as he sobbed against Jack. There were repeated pleas for his mama and wanting to go home and each one of them cut through Jack. There would be no going home for his clone, at least not to the home and family he remembered.

Eventually he cried himself out and was lying limply against Jack, sound asleep again. His little fists were clinging desperately to Jack's shirt even in sleep. In motions he hadn't used in almost a dozen years Jack manged to get the little boy untangled from him and back into bed with the blanket tucked lightly around him. He remembered hating being tucked in tightly as a child and with a little grin thought to himself that he still did. When he stood and let out a little sigh he realized that he had an audience.

The rest of SG-1, Janet, and General Hammond were all standing quietly by, watching with keen interest as Jack had comforted the distraught little version of himself.

Jack tried to lighten the mood, hell, he needed to lighten the mood and he said a little sarcastically, "What? I look like my dad."

The all adjourned to Janet's office around the corner, as not to disturb the little boy. Jack's hands were deep in his pockets and he was tracing a little ripple in the concrete floor with the toe of his boot. Daniel could see the tension in Jack's shoulders. He couldn't imagine what was running through Jack's head.

Hammond felt for Jack. But they needed to make some decisions about the little boy. "Doctor, is there any indication that the cl... child has retained any of Colonel O'Neill's memories beyond his apparent age?"

"I honestly don't believe so, sir. He didn't recognize me in the least or this facility. The only thing, well person, he recognized at all was Colonel O'Neill. And even then he identified him as his father and not himself. I believe we are looking at a very alone, very scared little boy. It would probably be in his best interest to get whatever cover story we intend to use ironed out quickly and start reinforcing it with him. And I would also recommend getting him out of this base and into a normal home as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Doctor. All right people, we'll met in one hour to discuss this further. Dismissed."

Jack had slipped out of the office first and Daniel quickly followed, finding Jack just where he thought he would be: standing at the end of the sleeping boy's bed. Jack's face was a stony mask but Daniel could see the softness around his eyes. He said quietly for Jack's ears alone, "Penny for your thoughts."

"Would you think I've lost my mind if I said that the idea of him going off and living with strangers bothers me more than a little?"

"No. Honestly it bothers me a whole lot more than a little speaking from personal experience."

Jack winced. "Sorry, I didn't think."

"I know, it's alright. So what do you want to do? You want to adopt him? A little surprise from your past finding you would make for a fairly easy cover story, especially as he grows up and starts looking more like you."

"I don't know. I just..." Jack sighed heavily, "I don't know if I can get past him being me."

Daniel grinned a little, "Oh I think you're pretty much past that already or we wouldn't be having this conversation. He's a perfectly normal little boy at this point. And his own person."

"What about the Grand Scheme?" Jack asked thoughtfully. The Grand Scheme as they jokingly called it was their ideal for the future, their future together. Children had never been included in it before. At least from Jack's perspective. For him, children were just a dream from his past that ended with a gunshot. For Daniel however, the idea of children was always around the fringes. He knew how Jack loved children and couldn't imagine a future with Jack that didn't include children somehow. But he had never voiced this to Jack, not wanting to bring up painful memories of Charlie.

"We've always said that it was a work in progress."

When Jack nodded but didn't say anything Daniel added, "I know we said that we would make any big decisions about the future together but unfortunately in this case it's you that needs to decide if you can get past where he came from and be a father to him. He's going to be a very scared and confused little boy for quite a while and if you can't love him unconditionally and give him what he needs to get through it then you need to let him him be placed with someone that can. I'll support you whichever way you decide. You know that right?"

Jack quirked a grin and looked directly at Daniel, "Yeah. I do. I, ah, I need to take a walk, do some thinking before we meet with Hammond. I'll catch up with you before we go in, let you know what I decide. Okay?"

Daniel nodded and Jack allowed himself to give Daniel's bicep a little squeeze before walking away and out of the infirmary. Daniel stepped over to the side of the bed and took a good look at the sleeping child. His hair was a little long and Daniel gently brushed it away from his eyes. The little boy sighed contently in his sleep and nestled in deeper into the pillow with his thumb finding his mouth. Daniel couldn't help but smile and he whispered to the dreaming child, "Everything's going to be okay, I don't want you to worry about anything. You are going to have a family that loves you and takes good care of you. I promise."

---------------

Jack swung by the infirmary before heading to the briefing room. He didn't know why exactly but he wanted one more look at the child. He had spent the better part of the past hour weighing pros and cons and trying to keep the images of a bleeding and dying Charlie out of his head. He worried about the impact his decision would have on his relationship with Daniel. A relationship that had been years in the making but one that they hadn't allowed to come to fruition until after Daniel had been found on that far away planet with no memories. And in the months since then they had made up for lost time and planned for a future together. Children had never been part of the equation though. Jack knew that Daniel liked children and that children adored Daniel but he had never indicated that he wanted any of his own. The more Jack thought about that the more he wondered if Daniel had never said anything because he thought it would bring up painful memories for Jack. Jack knew Daniel was completely selfless like that and he wished that he had more time before the briefing to really talk to Daniel.

As he moved the curtain aside and the view of a sleeping little boy appeared, Jack's decision was made. It wasn't the sight of a tousled haired child with his thumb half hanging out of his mouth as he slept that solidified it for Jack. No, it was the sight of the silly stuffed monkey that was tucked under the boy's arm that did it. Daniel.

Sam had left that monkey on Daniel's desk years ago as a joke after the infamous "Spacemonkey" incident. It had sat in among Daniel's books and artifacts for years. Jack knew that the toy had been a sounding board for Daniel, having caught him talking to the thing on more than one occasion while Daniel was trying to problem solve in the wee hours. When Daniel ascended the monkey had disappeared from his office and Jack had been very angry about it. At least he had been until he found it sitting on a shelf in Sam's office, the sight of which had dissipated his anger instantly. And when Daniel came back and his memories started returning Jack remembered the enormous smile that Daniel had left on Sam's face when SG-1 had been gathered in her office and he announced out of the blue that he had remembered something. When Sam asked what it was, Daniel had smirked and scooped up the monkey and said that he remembered that this was his. And with the smirk still on his face he walked out with the monkey and went back to his own office and tucked the monkey back in his rightful place on the shelf.

Where it had sat until now. And with a little smile Jack realized that this was Daniel telling Jack without words how he felt. His step was a little lighter as he left the infirmary and as he headed for the elevator he found Daniel waiting for him leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and a sheepish grin on his face. Jack asked simply, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"Yeah, I am. C'mon, let's go get this show on the road."

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tbc...