Disclaimer: I do not own Rosario+Vampire, though I would love to. I also do not own any of the characters or places they go. How I wish I did. Butttt, I do claim this story, SO BACK OFF.

Ok, this is my first story, so don't get mad at me. This is mostly a practice story used to tell if I can write more. I thought of this one day randomly, and thought it would be hilariously funny, so here it is, Tsukune meets the Tampon.

This story is based after their 4th year of school, and Moka and Tsukune now live together, and are married. Got a problem with it? THEN DON'T READ IT!

Chapter 1

What the hell is this Moka?

Tsukune Aono. Your average adult. 26 years old, tall, with brown hair and eyes. Powers include vampire and ghoul. In that case, red, slitted eyes and silver hair. In the case of a ghoul, black eyes and hair. Ok, maybe he isn't so average.

Moka Aono. Maiden name: Akashiya. Vampire. 26 years old, tall and slender with emerald eyes and pink hair. Powers are locked by a rosario around her neck. When it's removed, her inner self awakens, with silver hair and red, slitted eyes. Her body also matures.

Tsukune yawned as he woke up in his bed, the sunlight streaming on his face. He attempted to shove off his covers, but all he shoved was air. He sat up.

"What the fuck?" He whispered, turning to the side. "Oh, of course. I should've known that Moka had them..."He chuckled and lay back down next to her, stroking a hand through her messed-up hair.

"Mmmm." She murmured, turning to him. "Morning..."

"You're awake Moka?" He asked, confused. She nodded and snuggled up next to him. Upon moving her legs, she jerked up and ran for the bathroom. Tsukune just sat there, puzzled.

Moka's POV

Moka sighed as she flushed the toilet. Great. That time of the month again. Just fun. She sighed again and splashed water over her face. Today was just not her day. She yawned, putting toothpaste on her toothbrush before brushing her teeth. She spat and rinsed out her mouth before sitting back on the toilet.

"Tsukune!" She called.

Tsukune's POV

Tsukune jerked his head up at his wife's call.

"Yes Moka?" He called, picking up a cup of water and sipping at it.

"I need you to bring me a tampon please!" She answered. Tsukune coughed, spitting out the water all over the floor.

"A what?" He muttered, beginning to dig through the drawers next to the bed. "Really now, what the hell is a tampon?" He sighed. Finally, he uncovered a tiny box with the words Tampons on it. He shrugged his shoulders and opened it, taking one out. He examined it carefully, taking off the little wrapper. With a finger, he poked at it.

"Tsukune! Are you coming?" Moka called again. He pretty much dropped the box in surprise. He quickly picked them up.

"Yes, just a minute!" He called, slipping a few into his jean pockets that was on the floor. He walked down the hall to the bathroom. He creaked open the door, handing her the box.

"What the fuck are these anyways Moka?" He asked. Moka took the box, and glared at Tsukune when he asked.

"Drugs, now go away!" She yelled, slamming the down on his face.

'Ok then…' he thought, walking back to their room to dress. After dressing, he pulled out one of the thingamajigs from his back pocket and walked to the kitchen. "I really wonder what these are for?" He muttered, absentmindedly turning on the sink water and ducking one under. It immediately sucked up water. He dropped it into the sink with a thud. He suddenly had a thought as he looked at another one's shape.

"Could these really be drugs? Or maybe……it's a sex toy?!" He whispered, his eyes widening. "Am I not doing a good enough job for her?" He questioned, and immediately felt bad. When Moka got out of the bathroom, he would snap the rosario off and ask Inner Moka. She would tell him directly. He snatched the wet one out of the sink and walked outside to his backyard, where he threw the wet thing over his fence into the neighboring yard. He walked back into the house.

Moka's POV

Moka came out of the bathroom, a red blush tinting her face.

"Does he really not know what a tampon is? Oh no, I hope he really doesn't think it's a drug." She blushed again.

"You idiot, why don't you just tell him?" Inner Moka asked her through the rosario. Moka blushed once again.

"Because that would be weird!" She protested.

"…..Your married…..and…..you think that would be….weird…" She commented. "Sorry I asked…" Moka chose to ignore that comment and went to her room to get dressed.

Tsukune's POV

Tsukune trudged up the steps, and noticed that the bedroom door was closed.

'This is good..' He muttered, before slamming the door open to a Moka who just finished getting dressed.

"Eh, Tsukune?" She asked, confused. Tsukune ignored her and ripped off the rosario with great determination. Youkai aura filled the room, blinding him for a moment. Inner Moka glared at him once the transformation was complete.

"What is it? What kind of monster is it now?" She spoke, glancing around the room quickly. Her red eyes flashed around the room. When she heard and smelled nothing, she turned her glare back to Tsukune. "Well, what is it?"

"Um, nothing. There are no monsters Moka." He chuckled nervously. She relaxed slightly and walked over to him, pulling them both over to the bed. They sat.

"Then what is it? You usually only unhook me for personal matters and when something attacks." She asked, cocking an eyebrow. He chuckled again, and slipped out one of the thingamajigs from his back pocket. He placed it in her hand.

"What the hell is this, may I ask?" He asked, beginning to crack his fingers nervously. Moka sighed.

"Really now, Tsukune. Your 26 years old, and don't know what a tampon is?" She asked, fingering the tiny object. He shook his head. She sighed again. "As you know, this is a Tampon. It is used for girls. You know that time of the month, right?"

"Yes Moka, girls have periods, right?" She nodded.

"Well, girls have two choices, a pad or a tampon. A pad lies on a girls' underwear. They are much more comfortable and can be used anytime. While a tampon..." She glanced up at him. He had a look of pure horror on his face. She smirked and continued.

"And a tampon is stuck up a girls' vagina to stop the bleeding. It is mostly used for sports and other activities." She glanced up at him again. His face was pure white as he rushed to the bathroom to vomit. She laughed uncontrollably as she heard him across the hall.

Tsukune's POV

Tsukune vomited multiple times before calming down. He flushed the toilet and made his way to the sink, where he splashed water on his clammy face. He glanced in the mirror.

'Wouldn't that hurt like hell though?' He thought, before drying his face off with a towel. 'Might as well go finish this…'

Moka's POV

Moka had to struggle to stop laughing when Tsukune came back, still white as a sheet. He sat next to her on the bed again. She placed her hand over his.

"So. A couple more questions please." He asked. Moka nodded. "Ok. First, does it….hurt?" She laughed again.

"Tsukune, if it hurt, do you think girls would wear them?" He blushed, and sighed.

"Guess your right. Ok, let me get this straight." He looked up at her with a serious face. "It's not a sex toy?" That did it. Moka fell to the floor, laughing. She couldn't even breathe. After about 5 minutes later, she pulled herself together. Still stifling giggles, she shook her head.

"No Tsukune, it's not." She mused. He let out a sigh of relief. He looked back at her.

"And…I'm satisfying you, right?" He glanced at her nervously, scared of her answer. Moka noticed his fear and pulled him close. She kissed him passionately, and it surprised him. He kissed her back, and then she pulled away. And then, she slapped him across the face.

"RETARD! I WOULDN'T BE HERE IF YOU WEREN'T, YOU DUMBASS!" She growled, pushing him down on the bed and ripping his shirt off.

"Moka!" He cried out and she ripped her own shirt off and kissed him fiercely. "Mmhmph!" She ignored him and unbuckled his pants and slid them off, removing her own. They moaned, sliding each other's personals off, and together they had great sex that lasted an hour.

THE END

Well, that was my first fanfic. Read and Review please and tell me how it was, so I can continue making them. So long!

-Myrosario