Chapter 4: Homecoming

Athrun Zala carelessly wiped the moisture from hair and threw the towel onto the chair, joining his new uniform and the packed suitcase there. After that, he slumped on the edge of the bed and fumed…

It was pathetic, to be venting his frustrations on a mere towel. But he had no choice at the moment. It was the night before they had to leave Orb with the fleet that will go to space confront Zaft…

It was also his last chance...

He gave a long sigh at this moment, and all it did was to echo faintly around the room, then died away in less than a heartbeat; as if it did not belong there in the first place. Maybe it was just as well, maybe…he did not belong there.

Maybe he had no right to be by her side…

Many things had happened since he woke up and found Kira seated by his bedside, his friend's smile tight and wet; though thankfully very much well and alive. But he had no such luck with Cagalli ever since they had alighted from the Archangel. She had been busy, busy, busy, though Athrun understood that anyone would be busy if they had a country to run; and the country in question had almost been ruined by an idiot named Yuna Roma Serian. Knowing did not make him feel any better, if anything, he felt worst.

It came as a shock as to how much he had lost...

Then, when he was in Orb and by Cagalli's side, he thought he had nothing. Sure, he had a fulfilling job, a good girlfriend and great friends; but he knew he was lost, he did not know what tomorrow will bring, and to a certain extent, he did not care. It was after his adventure into wonderland that he returned to Orb, realizing for the first time how much he had taken for granted. Now, he had a job to be done, great friends to do it with and a direction that was precious beyond measure. But it came as a shock to realize that she will not be taking the journey with him when he sets off once more…

He lay down on the bed, curled up beneath the blankets and cursed himself inwardly at this point.

How many times had he simply stood outside her door and could not muster the courage to knock...

She was simply, stubbornly and intentionally ignoring him, she had to as the head of state. And he could not protest, he had no right to do so.

Yet, he kept on hoping. The pendant that hung around his neck caused him to hope still. He wanted to believe that he still held a place in her heart that caused her to give him the pendant a second time…

He wanted to believe he still mattered to her…

Athrun bit his lip, his heart was heavy.

How he longed for her. For the goddess who was once his but now became an untouchable, ethereal being...

He knew, he loved her still. He tried giving up, he tried to make himself not think of her, he tried to forget her.

But to stop loving her, it was the one thing he could not do.

Athrun sighed, and closed his eyes, burrowing himself beneath the covers. He allowed sleep to take him…

Ooo

She placed one hand on the door latch, knowing it was open. The management of the dormitories had unlocked it for her.

She hesitated in the dark corridors, half hoping that he will be awake and waiting for her, half wishing that she did not need to confront him. It was late, and she was tired from the grueling week.

To some extent, she wanted to see him. She wanted to make sure that every moment she could, she will be with him. She want to make him swear he will return safely, but that was the one thing Athrun never promised her, and maybe it was because of that, he had never lied…

She sighed shakily, then opened the door.

Nothing was stirring in the room, and a sliver of moonlight poured over a form on the bed. The figure beneath the blankets was a young male judging from his height and build. She closed the door quietly behind her, afraid to wake him.

She approached cautiously, it felt as if she was sneaking up on him, but at the same time she was drawn to the fact that she catching him when he was least wary. Resultantly, it felt so wrong and so right at the same time…

"Athrun?" She whispered softly when she was beside his still form. He did not stir, his breathing was deep and regular.

She sat down near him, and her eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, and she was able to observe him in his unencumbered sleep. Athrun laid curled up, warm beneath woolen blankets, and all that was exposed of his profile was his eyes and a few fingers.

Gently, she peeled back to covers a little so that she could see his face. For some reason, he took her breath away; even in his sleep. And curiously, her heart started beating a little faster.

His eyes were closed, and his dark lashes were long and shiny, his lips were smooth and pink. His breaths were slow and even and child-like. But the expression on his face revealed a trace of anguish, as if dark thoughts were plaguing him right before he fell asleep, that or he was having a nightmare.

She smiled sadly for no rhyme or reason, it was as if just seeing him safe and soundly asleep felt like enough...

He had almost left her, in more ways than one.

When he boarded the shuttle for space, it never occurred to her that he was going to leave her for good; till they faced each other on the battlefield once more…When he laid wounded and unconscious on the Archangel, she could hardly sleep, it felt as if the moment she closed her eyes, he would leave her…

She bit her lip, grief settled heavily in her chest, though the small, sad smile did not leave her face. She thought he looked different…He was still the handsome young man whom others have commented -looks more like a consort than a bodyguard, but now, he looked a little older. There was less baby fat on his cheeks and his jawline was a tad more defined, he looked a little more careworn as well. But there was more to it as well, she gasped as the thought struck her…

Somehow, before she realized it, Athrun had become a man…

There is a difference between plainly being male and being a man. And the one lying before her emanate a different sort of charm. It was now something more matured, like the seduction of red wine which has fermented over many years. She did not mind just gazing at him all day if he would let her…

She had chosen to come, she had to force herself to; because it may be her last chance. Tomorrow, she will be sending the man she loves into possibly one of the fiercest battles that mankind will ever witness, not as Cagalli, but as Lady Athha. So, basically, she will not be there.

She knew he would have wanted to confront the Zaft forces too, but his decision did not make her less guilty, nor stop her from worrying. She was still afraid that this time might be the last time she will ever see him…

It all felt so surreal, there was a war going on. But all she saw, all she had at this moment, all that occupied her thoughts; was him in this seemingly peaceful night, where he laid in his peaceful sleep. She lifted a hand, and hesitantly, approached his face.

She wanted to touch him, just to make sure he was real, and alive and warm.

Her fingers barely brushed his face when there was a sudden blur of movement. The next thing she knew a hand had grabbed her collar roughly and she was being forced down against the covers, then something cold and sharp pressed painfully against the side of her throat.

"Who are you?" He demanded as his hold tightened for a fraction of a second, then gasp softly as he realized who she was. In the darkness, she could see his green eyes widen.

She was so shocked she could not muster a reply, she just stared at him dumbly.

"C…Cagalli?" He exclaimed shakily, lifting the weapon off her throat, in the dim light, Cagalli could see a metallic gleam reflecting off the blade of the letter opener. "I'm…Sorry…I didn't…" He stuttered.

She shook her head with a reassuring smile, and flinched slightly as she felt pain from moving her neck. He frowned as he observed her reaction, and flicked on the bedside lamp. For a moment she could see nothing but bright spots in her vision.

"Don't move." He commanded as his glowing silhouette leaned over her to study that one spot on her neck. Her heartbeat quickened when he leaned towards her, it looked as if he was going to kiss her…His fingers rested gently near the spot where the letter opener had been, and probed tentatively, afraid to hurt her. His touched was gentle, yet urgent. Her heart fluttered blissfully in her chest, but she hoped that he will not notice her pulse, which had by the same token, quickened.

"Athrun…?"

He sighed, "…Abrasion, but no cut." He concluded gravely, he sounded as if someone had died, he was frowning as he gazed at her, and when she gazed back, he looked away quickly.

"Wait here…" He said shortly as he left to rummage through the bathroom cupboard a short distance away. Cagalli did not get up, but remained where she was and studied him intently. She wondered if she knew what he was doing, very few could transit from sleep to wakefulness in the blink of the eye. He was in his blue t-shirt and shorts, and casually showed off the musculature on his long and toned legs. Higher up, the view got even better. He turned, and she quickly looked away when he returned with a bottle of purple solution, cotton wool and a plaster.

Wordlessly, he dabbed the antiseptic solution onto the wound and placed the plaster over it. When he was done, Cagalli just gazed at him. Both were silent for a moment, though it was comfortable; and he finally asked, "…What are you thinking about?"

She coloured, and gave a sheepish smile, she was being caught in the act of ogling.

"You were just…staring at me the whole time…why?"

"I was thinking…" She hesitated, wondering whether to tell the truth. That she missed him and marveled at him being so near by.

He nodded, egging her on, "Thinking…?"

"…That you have a nice butt…" She muttered the rest very quickly, hoping he wouldn't hear her embarrassing confession.

His eyes widened, and the rest of his handsome features did not seem to know how to arrange themselves.

"Do you…usually spend time staring at people's rear end?" He questioned, apparently amused.

"No…!" She protested hurriedly, then stuttered truthfully after a moment of consideration. "…Maybe just yours…"

He snorted, and laughed a little, the sound caused her heart to flutter again, it was delighting to hear him laugh- whether it was with her or at her. "And…when are you gonna get up?"

"Hmm, honestly I don't want to. Your bed's so soft and warm, and I'm tired…" She pouted as she answered sincerely, indeed, her eyelids were sliding shut over her eyes. "What time is it?" She questioned him lazily as she rubbed her eyes.

Athrun eyeballed the bedside clock, "Five minutes to eleven."

"Oh…Wake me up at twelve…" She muttered, her decision made on the spot.

"…Hmm." Athrun replied tentatively, "Actually, that's a little strange, your room is just few rooms down the hall…"

She turned to gaze at him, smiling lightly.

"Silly Athrun." She rebuked, he blinked in surprise, and she explained. In a way that expressed something she not longer wanted to hide...

"…Let me stay with you for a while."

He pursed his lip. Then conceded. "Mm."

"Night…" she muttered.

"Goodnight…"

Ooo

After about ten seconds, Athrun finally thought it was safe enough to wipe the tears that had pooled in his eyes.

The relief was so immense, that nearly nothing was lost, the affection and comfort was still there though circumstances have totally changed.

He turned to gaze longingly at her prone form, lying less then half a meter beside him.

She was still there…

The fact that she decided to sleep right in front of him proved that she trusted him enough to do so. This part always made him glad and a little annoyed at the same time, because sometimes he did not trust himself enough.

She probably will never understand how much her beauty affected him.

As he gazed at her sleeping form, he began to wonder if he would have to heart to wake her up come 12 midnight. After a few more moments, he realized he could not do it. She was much too fragile, and too tired.

So, he whispered 'sorry' in her ear as he placed his hands behind her shoulders and legs, and slung her arm around his neck, lifting her wholesale off the bed. She stirred, and grimaced a little in his arms, but did not wake. He got out of the room in a slow and steady gait, every bit determined not to disrupt her rest.

As he carried her-princess style- through the corridor, he bit his lip, wishing that the walk to her room will never end. If he could, he would have wanted to carry her like that with her in a wedding dress; and if she was willing as well, for the rest of their lives...

She laid soft and inert in his arms, so close by. His heartbeat quickened as her fingers tickled his chest unintentionally. Suddenly she mumbled, bringing all his fantasies to an abrupt end as he held his breath, afraid that she had woken up to find that he had conveniently broken his promise.

She didn't open her eyes as she curled up a little and drew closer to him, annealing to his warmth, he coloured.

Athrun…

Athrun stopped, and studied her, but she did not wake. The only sign that she knew what she was doing was to smile slightly in a way that suggested she was having a dream.

A dream about him.

Then her smile turned into a frown as she cried out.

Don't die…

Athrun Zala swallowed, a bitter smile playing by his lips as he laid his princess down in the mattress and tucked her in. He spent the next few moments fingering the fringe on her face and then kissed her on the forehead.

"I…can't promise that, my princess." He whispered sadly, "But…I'll try my best not to die…"

I'll try my best to come home to you…

End~

Hey folks, this is the fourth and final chapter of 'Into the deep', where Athrun had found his way back home with Cagalli!

It's cheesy, and very long since the last chapter. But I would like to thank all who stuck through the story, and all who gave their comments and criticism. May there be more marvelous (and clean) fics about this beautiful couple.

AsuCaga all the way!

Yours

Ming