Disclaimer: They aren't mine ... wish they were.

No parent should ever have to bury their child. Not Steve and Liz Burke, whose nine year old daughter was abducted and murdered by a neighbour. Not Stella Ambrosia whose four year old son was hit and killed crossing 32nd Street with his mother. And definitely not Elliot and Kathy Stabler whose infant son died suddenly in his sleep last night.

Olivia sat at her desk staring at her partner's empty chair, his silver framed photo of his five children facing her. For all the money in the world she would never be able to fully describe what she was feeling…after a life of trauma and sadness, where she felt she had seen and experienced all the horrors there were, this tragedy had sent her to depths of distress she never realised existed.

Numb. That was the overpowering emotion at the news…then a sense of disbelief giving way to sorrow. She'd had to ask Don twice to repeat the tragic news, not truly comprehending the words coming from her boss' mouth.

Dead…baby Eli had passed away…sudden infant death syndrome…couldn't be revived…

She shook her head at the memory of his words…it wasn't possible that the five month old baby she had witnessed coming into the world, the same one she had cradled to her chest as the paramedic worked on his mother could be gone…it just wasn't possible.

Unfathomable.

The child, her godson, was gone in an instant and every hope and dream she had about the times they would spend together had been washed away, never to be realised.

Her thoughts turned to Kathy and Elliot and what they must be going through, and the kids…Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Lizzie she couldn't imagine their pain. Her first instinct was to grab her things and head to their home but something kept her in her chair…fear…

Fear of entering the Stabler house and being confronted with Eli's death.

Fear of seeing the devastation on their faces, in his father's eyes.

Fear of not being able to offer anything.

Fear of intruding.

Fear.

Before long she felt a firm hand glide gently over her shoulder and slide down to the middle of her back before it rested.

"How you doing, Liv?" Fin whispered into her ear, slipping his hand around to her side and pulling her to him when he saw her tear-filled eyes.

"I'm okay," she lied, quickly shaking her head to gain some clarity. "I'm okay," she repeated, trying to convince herself more than Fin.

"Boss has a job for us but only if you're up to it," he said, pulling back from her.

"Yeah," she replied standing up, taking a last look at the five smiling faces across the desks, knowing she'd never see one of them smile again, wondering if the other four ever would.

The afternoon was consumed in a whirl of reinterviewing witnesses from a case of Fin and Munch's and although she listened hard and took copious notes, five minutes after they left, Olivia had no idea as to what was said. Her mind once again consumed by the misery she knew her absent partner was enduring. As they pulled up at the precinct Fin parked the car and reached over and took hold of Olivia's tightly clasped hands.

"Whatcha thinkin' Liv?" he asked, squeezing her hands.

"Not a lot," she replied quietly, her eyes glazed and fixed on the windscreen.

"You goin' over there?" he asked, knowing exactly who and what she was thinking about.

"Don't know," she sighed, she took a deep breath to try and keep her tears at bay but it failed and they silently began trickling down her cheek. Fin shifted in his seat and pulled her into an embrace. Tenderly he rubbed her arm as she sobbed into his chest. Twenty years a cop, speaking to countless people experiencing tragic and traumatic circumstances and he couldn't find any suitable words of comfort for the woman wrapped in his arms. Instead he held her a bit tighter and kissed her head.

When the pair finally managed to make it to the squad room, Don called Olivia straight into his office.

"How are you doing, Olivia?" he asked, perching on the front of his desk as she sat down in front of him.

"Fine, thank you sir," she replied automatically, her eyes fixed on his tie.

"Want to look me in the eye and tell me that again?" he asked.

Slowly she dragged her eyes up to meet his. "I'm fine … I will be …" she corrected.

"Are you going over to see Elliot?" he asked. Olivia shook her head before nodding. "Which one is it, Liv?"

"I … I … um … am thinking I want to go over there … I just … well, oh god," she sighed, dropping her head again.

"I'll go with you, if you want," Don replied, patting her arm, Olivia smiled in relief.

An hour later Don pulled up the sedan in front of the Stabler residence and it took Olivia three minutes to take off her seat belt and another two before she could open the door. When they were both on the porch, Don took her hand.

"We don't have to stay too long, if you don't want to," he said as he reached forward and pressed the doorbell. Olivia just nodded and drew a deep breath, urging herself to be strong and not breakdown while in the house. Her resolve lasted forty five seconds.

"Liv!" Maureen cried as she opened the door and threw her arms around Olivia.

"Hey honey," she soothed as she rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry … so sorry." Maureen sniffled and pulled back, "I just can't believe it … it doesn't seem real."

"I know, honey," she replied, sliding her arm around the young woman's waist.

"My sympathies too," Don said. Maureen turned around and looked at him, she'd had no idea he was there.

"Thank you, Captain," she said, wiping her face. "Please come in." The trio moved into the house and Maureen shut the door behind them. "Mom's in the kitchen, dad's in there." She pointed into the study.

"How are they coping?" Don asked quietly.

"Mom's done nothing but cry and dad hasn't cried at all … and he's the one that found …" Maureen's sob cut off her sentence, the pain of what her father must have gone through finding his youngest son dead in his crib stabbing through her.

Don reached out and patted her arm. "Okay if I go in?" he asked and Maureen nodded.

"Why don't we go see your mom?" Olivia said, not able to face Elliot just yet … not until she got herself under control.

They walked arm in arm into the kitchen.

"Mom, Liv and Captain Cragen are here?" Maureen announced, trying to stop her tears. Kathy just nodded.

"Why don't you give us a few minutes?" Olivia said to Maureen, knowing she didn't need to hear it all over again. Maureen smiled briefly, grateful for the reprieve.

"I might just go check on the kids, make sure they're okay …"

Maureen departed and Olivia walked over to where Kathy was standing at the sink, staring out into the yard; her hands emerged in the soapy water but not doing anything.

"Kathy?" Olivia called quietly.

Slowly, Kathy turned to face her. "Don't know why I'm washing these…" she said, as she lifted a baby bottle from the sink.

"I am so sorry, Kathy," Olivia said.

"So am I," Kathy breathed. "So am I."

"Is there anything I can do?" she offered.

"Can you bring him back?" Kathy whispered and Olivia sadly shook her head. "Then no … there's nothing."

"I'm so sorry," Olivia repeated.

"So you said," Kathy said and turned her attention back to scrubbing the bottle which would never be used again.

An uncomfortable silence settled over them … Kathy not capable of talking and Olivia not knowing what to say. She was half relieved to hear movement behind her.

"Hey, Olivia," Elliot said, moving to her. She embraced him briefly, flashbacks of their last embrace springing to mind for both of them – the day Eli was born.

"Hi, El, how are you doing?" she asked softly.

"Okay …" was all he could say.

"Anything you need?" she asked, needing to offer, knowing there was little she could actually do.

He shook his head. "Don't think so … at the moment … but maybe …something with the … the service … you know …a prayer or something…" he said, looking over to his wife. There was no response from her.

"Sure, I could do that," Olivia answered. "How are Kathleen and the twins doing?"

"Okay, I guess … no one's doing too well … obviously … but as well as can be expected," Elliot said, using the well worn old cliché.

"Can we organise dinner for you?" Don offered knowing it was dinner time and there was no evidence of food.

"I don't think anyone would eat it, thanks anyway, Don," said Elliot.

Silence settled again. Olivia and Don departed soon after.

Three days later

Olivia was thankful it was Friday and she was rostered off for the weekend. It wasn't that she had any plans or was in any hurry for Monday, and the day of Eli's funeral to arrive, she just wanted some breathing space … and she couldn't get it staring at Elliot's desk and the photo of his children all day. As soon as it was possible she went to the lockers to grab her things, not wanting to spend a minute longer than necessary in the place.

When she returned to the bullpen she was surprised to see Fin and Munch standing by Elliot's desk, their attention focused on Don's closed office door.

"What's up?" she asked, moving back to her desk.

'Something big… I think," said Munch.

"Who's in there?" she asked.

"Doc Warner," said Fin. "And something was definitely up."

"What case?" she asked, hoping it wasn't one of hers.

"Don't think it's a case," Munch answered.

They waited in silence until the office door opened once more and Melinda walked out. Before anyone could question her, Don called Olivia in and she cringed… she didn't want any last minute obstacles to her escape.

Sitting in the chair Don gestured to, Olivia clasped her hands, whatever was going to happen, she knew it wouldn't be good. "What is it?"

"I can't say exactly," he began, sitting on the front of his desk.

"What did Mel have to say?" she asked.

"Melinda has discovered some evidence which she needed to discuss," Don answered.

"Evidence related to which case?" Olivia asked.

"None of our cases," he replied. "Just a favour she was doing."

"What did you need me for?" she asked wearily.

"I just wanted to check your movements for the weekend. I know you're off til Wednesday but I wanted to see if you'd be getting away over the weekend or remaining close to home," he said, reluctant to look at her.

"Can I ask why?" she questioned. It was none of Don's business where she went or what she did in her off time, and he had no right to ask.

"I can't say … just that I'd appreciate it if you were around this weekend," he said.

"What for?" she asked, tired of the whole conversation.

"Can't.." he began.

"Say," she interrupted. "I wasn't planning on going anywhere other than to do some errands. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Finally settled in front of her TV with Greek take out in front of her, Olivia turned the set on and tried to ignore the whole conversation with Don. She knew there was a reason he wanted her home, she knew there was a reason he couldn't tell her, but right now she was tired, emotional and incredibly pissed off at him. Two mouthfuls into her salad and the phone rang, it was Kathleen.

"Hi Olivia," she said, hesitantly. "Are you busy?"

"No, honey, I'm not. Everything okay?" she asked.

"Can I come up?" Kathleen asked.

"Are you outside now?" Olivia asked, moving towards the intercom.

"Aha," she muttered.

"Come on up, honey."

Five minutes later there was a soft rap on the door.

"Hey Kathleen," Olivia said as she opened the door.

"Hey Liv," she replied, using her sleeve to wipe over her face.

"Come on in, honey, and talk to me." Olivia ushered her inside and took her jacket before handing her a box of tissues. She walked Kathleen over to the sofa and sat beside her. "What is it?"

"Things are a bit rough at home today and I was just hoping I could hang out here for a bit," she whispered, almost too scared to speak aloud.

"Of course you can, Kat," Olivia said, patting her hand. "What's happening at home?"

"It's … um … been pretty hard … as you can imagine … mom's a mess and up to this morning dad's just been this detached sort of robot … Lizzie has done nothing but cry and Dickie just keeps on about how unfair it is to lose his only brother, which isn't helping anyone." She paused to blow her nose.

"What changed with your dad today?" Olivia asked.

"Don't really know … he got a call and then he and mom had a huge fight … and even though I don't think he's cried yet … he's really emotional," Kathleen admitted, knowing she shouldn't be talking about her parents.

Before the conversation could continue, the intercom buzzer sounded. A few minutes later there was another knock on the door, it was the twins.

"Sorry just to come over, Liv," Lizzie said, before she spied Kathleen.

"It's okay, guys, come on in." She hugged them both as they moved into the apartment. "Does anyone know you're here?"

"No," said Dickie.

"Hungry?" Olivia asked, looking at her abandoned dinner.

"Sort of," he said.

"Want me to order pizza?" she offered and he nodded.

"Now," she said, after concluding the order, "Want to talk to me?"

"Couldn't really handle being at the house anymore," Lizzie said. "It's bad."

"Real bad," added Dickie.

"Told you, Liv," Kathleen chimed in.

"How about I call home, let them know you are here and safe and see if you can stay the night?" Olivia offered and Kathleen nodded.

Moving to her bedroom to make the call in private, Olivia's heart began to pound at the mere thought of talking to Elliot. Thankfully it was Maureen who answered the phone.

"Hey Maureen, it's Olivia," she said.

"Hi Liv," she replied.

"Things sound a bit rough there," Olivia commented as she heard Elliot's voice boom in the background.

"Yeah, that's one word for it," Maureen said, sighing.

"Well, I don't know if this will make it better or worse, but Kathleen turned up here about thirty minutes ago quite distressed, and about ten minutes ago the twins turned up … none of them are too thrilled at the prospect of going home tonight. I said I'd call and check to see if they could stay here tonight, and I'll bring them back tomorrow," Olivia said.

"I was starting to worry about them," Maureen said.

"I thought someone would be," she said.

"I'll go check with mom and dad," she said and put down the receiver.

From the sounds coming down the line, Olivia knew it was very tense and difficult in the Stabler house, after a few minutes Maureen came back on the line.

"Yeah, it's okay, Liv," she said. "It's probably better for them to be away from this."

"What's actually going on?" she asked.

"Don't know … I think dad's going off the rails … he's been controlled and unemotional with everyone else and then going ballistic as soon as mom speaks to him … maybe I should come over too," she added.

"You're more than welcome, honey," Olivia offered.

"Thanks, Liv, but I think I'm needed here. Someone has to referee this …" Kathy's voice echoed down the line and Maureen sighed. "Gotta go, Liv … I think round ten is about to start."

Olivia ended the call more than concerned. She had seen Elliot is ballistic mode and knew Kathy wasn't in a position to cope with it. She also knew with three Stablers in her living room she wasn't going anywhere, she needed to concentrate on what she could do and that was to be with these three.

It was midnight before Olivia's three house guests were finally asleep. Dickie was in the guest room, Lizzie and Kathleen were in Olivia's bed and she was on the sofa. She had the stereo on low, hoping the ambient music would lull her into a restful slumber but it wasn't to be. She tossed and turned for a good part of the next hour before finally getting up and making herself a cup of tea. As she brought the cup back to the sofa her cell rang. Elliot's name flashed on the screen.

"Hey, El," she said quietly, not wanting to disturb the kids.

"Sorry to call so late," he said, his voice distant.

"It's okay, I wasn't sleeping. You okay?" she asked, sitting back down and tucking her feet under the blankets.

"Nope," he answered but said nothing else.

"Where are you?" she questioned.

"In your hallway," he whispered. Olivia jumped up and opened the door, there she found Elliot sitting on the floor next to her door, his knees drawn up and his elbows on his knees.

Crouching beside him Olivia and gently rested her hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked trying to get him to look up but his forehead stayed on his arms. "El?" He shook his head but said nothing. "Come inside." Again he shook his head so Olivia sat on the floor beside him and ran her fingers up into his hair, gently caressing his scalp.

"Kids okay?" he asked, his voice flat and unemotional.

"They're asleep now … they were a bit upset earlier," she said quietly.

"Thanks for looking after them," he sighed, finally lifting his head up and resting it on the wall behind him. Olivia was surprised to see he hadn't been crying, his whole body language had told a different story. Her hand dropped from his head before taking his hand in hers and leaning back against the wall with him.

"The kids are very concerned about you. What's going on?" she asked quietly.

"Bad day," he sighed, which was the understatement of the year.

"So I gather. Wanna tell me about it?" she asked gently. He shook his head again and the weight of it seemed overwhelming, so he rested it on Olivia's shoulder and closed his eyes.

For a while they sat in silence, Elliot just needing to be with her more than anything else. "You sure you don't want to come in?" she asked again.

"Nah," he groaned, getting to his feet. "Don't tell them I was here."

"Why not?" she asked, holding onto his hand as he helped her up. He dropped her hand and headed towards the stairwell. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Fucked if I know," he mumbled and walked away, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed.

"Elliot," she called, running up to him. "El, wait!" He stopped in his tracks but he didn't turn back, the effort too exhausting to contemplate. Olivia moved in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Don't go … stay here … with the kids … with me."

He shook his head, he couldn't stay, couldn't be with her. He needed her desperately, her understanding, her affection, her touch but regardless of whatever else had happened he was a married man and he couldn't forget that.

"Can't," he muttered as he brushed his lips across her cheek. "Can't."

Olivia watched him descend the stairs and stood there a long while, hoping he'd change his mind and come back up.

"Liv," Kathleen called, bringing her out of her daze. "What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, Kat," she replied. "I was just seeing a friend out."

"Dad?" she asked, as Olivia went back into the apartment and locked the door.

"Yeah," Olivia conceded, not wanting to lie to her. "Just checking up on you guys."

"Is he okay?" she asked.

"He will be, honey. Can I get you something?" Olivia asked as she headed into the kitchen.

"No thanks, I'll just go back to bed." Kathleen quickly kissed Olivia's cheek and headed back to the bedroom.

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review!