WOOHOO. I'm doing this for the awesome people on DFAF. This first one's request was something like this:

The moment they stepped onto the mental plane, Sasha knew bringing the children along to the mind of a sadistic serial killer was not one of his better ideas. He held his hand to his forehead, sighing lightly at the expected squeals of horror and excitement that squeezed out of Lili's and Raz's mouths, respectively, like steam from a kettle. While he, being a professional and far more experienced in the field of oddities, was unswayed by the dark forest laden with moulding instruments of torture and the various whispers and rustles that tickled out of the deadwoods, Raz and Lili were all over it like a haunted house. They scrambled excitedly around the clearing like marbles dropped from a bag, leaving Sasha alone to stand where he had entered and groan. This was all Milla's fault.

"Dahling, it couldn't hurt to bring them along. They would absolutely love it!" Milla laid a hand on Sasha's shoulder.

"Milla," Sasha sighed, "You realize what could happen if we do this. Besides, you remember the last time I agreed to go along with this, do you not?"

Milla bit her lip. Of course she remembered. Last time they went with Raz and Lili, Razputin found himself being dragged into a swimming pool of blood, and Lili was trying to fend off homicidal Griffin-things. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly a success. Of course, navigating with more than two people within a mind is very complicated. Oh, well. Why not give it another shot? They were already at the destination with the children, so it was worth a shot.

"Now, mein kinder, I want you two to remember that going into a person's mind is a job that is to be very delicately handled. I want you two to promise me that you won't get yourselves into any trouble or make the person even more unstable with your 'harmless' tomfoolery. Are we on the same page?" Sasha peered over his glasses at the earliest inaugurated Psychonaut and the daughter of the uber-directior of the IPA, the International Psychonauts Association. Okay, so Lili wasn't exactly a Psychonaut, but she was actually classified as one, her being the daughter of the chief executives of Psychonauts.

"We promise, Sasha." Lili and Razputin said in unison, in rather unamused and bored tones.

"Good. Now, let's see what we can't do with this poor soul." Milla crooned, opening a door behind which a notorious villain, Roger Joli, sat. Raz had read about him countless times in the newspaper, and it seemed that none of the Psychonauts (or anyone else, for that matter) could really say his name without following with 'isn't there any good news in the world?'

"I didn't do nothin'! I swear t' god! I was framed! It was a big misunnerstandin'! C'mon! I'm innocent, I tells ya!"

"A likely story, Mr. Joli. You realize that you have slain almost…" Sasha slid up his sleeve and read off it, like a child cheating on a test. "…300 innocent civilians?"

"I was set up! You's gotta believe me!" The man kept pleading in an obnoxious Philly accent.

"Calm down, sweetie. We will not hurt you. We are just here to help you." Milla's voice is like magic, Sasha thought to himself. Her voice always seemed to soothe even the most restless of beings, including Roger. She would make a great therapist, if not for the fact that she has a most useless taste in lamps. Sasha thought again, lighting a cigarette with his mind.

"H-hey, guy, can I have one o' them smokes?"

"Sir," Sasha groaned, "You may certainly NOT have a 'smoke."

"Sorry 'bout that…but, hey! If you guys are here t' help me, do you think you could break me outta this cell?" Roger pleaded excitedly.

"I don't think you quite get what we're saying." Razputin crossed his arms impatiently.

"Now, I just need you to relax." Sasha took out his Psychoportal and planted it on Joli's forehead.

"H-hey, wazzis thing?"

"Just calm down. No matter how long we take inside, it will only take a few seconds out here." Sasha gave the signal, and the Psychonauts prepared to bombard his psyche, excluding Milla, who had offered to stay outside in case anything bad happened.

The moment they stepped onto the mental plane, Sasha knew bringing the children along to the mind of a sadistic serial killer was not one of his better ideas. He held his hand to his forehead, sighing lightly at the expected squeals of horror and excitement that squeezed out of Lili's and Raz's mouths, respectively, like steam from a kettle. While he, being a professional and far more experienced in the field of oddities, was unswayed by the dark forest laden with moulding instruments of torture and the various whispers and rustles that tickled out of the deadwoods, Raz and Lili were all over it like a haunted house. They scrambled excitedly around the clearing like marbles dropped from a bag, leaving Sasha alone to stand where he had entered and groan. This was all Milla's fault.

Sasha stood where he was for a minute, before realizing that the children had disappeared.

"Perfect. Just perfect." Sasha was about to go looking for them when they burst out of the forest around them, drenched in blood, smiling, them each holding up a large, demon gerbil.

"Mein gott, what the hell did you two this time?

"Well, you see, appearantly, the reason he was a homicidal maniac…" Lili started,

"…is because when he was just a kid, someone killed his pet gerbils, and…" Razputin carried on,

"…he flew into a crazy, retard rage…"

"…takes out his anger on other people…"

"…and we just solved that problem!" Lili finished, the both of them triumphantly high-fiveing.

"Well…that…was…very fast…" Sasha stammered, utterly shocked.

As tradition would have it, ever since Razputin had cleared his first official mission with Milla and Sasha, they all went out for ice cream.

"Sasha, dear," Milla said to her companion, "how did you clear that man's head so quickly?" Sasha stared at Razputin and Lili, playfully arguing over the superiority of chocolate versus vanilla ice cream.

"It wasn't really me…"

"It wasn't?"

"Nein. There were these two gerbils, see…"