Tosh pulled her gloves off as she got through the door of the smart new coffee shop. It had been open a few weeks now but, Torchwood being Torchwood, they hadn't had a chance to visit it yet. They had all agreed that the first visit should be the full experience, so this afternoon had seemed the perfect opportunity. It was quiet and peaceful, with bookcases full of classic novels and some newer stuff, comfy looking leather armchairs and sofas cluttered around dark wood tables and ragwork rugs covering the floor. It was obviously carefully placed clutter, but you couldn't describe it any other way. Owen and Gwen had given the place a cursory once over and made their way over to the counter already ad were waiting for her, so she made her way over to join them unhurriedly. They ordered their drinks and cakes (which looked too good to pass up on) from a cheerful girl in her mid twenties, softly rounded with pregnancy. Gwen leapt on the traditional conversation-opening gambit of all mothers, "How far along?"

Fiona, as her name badge informed them, smiled warmly and rubbed her slight bulge, "16 weeks. Can still see my toes." She did a mock victory dance and Gwen laughed along with her, "I've got two already, it's starting to feel like I'm playing peek-a-boo with my own feet."

"I know what you mean." Gwen shook her head fondly, "We've got three. Said we were going for two, but the last two came in a pair and messed with the schedule a bit. Still, I'm not complaining. The youngest are three now, I've only just gone back to work."

"Yeah, I'm just doing this part time at the moment, give the Grandmas a chance to look after them a couple of days a week, and me a chance to get out of the house. I'm sure Ianto will be able to manage without me though once I go back." The team had all frozen involuntarily at the name and gaped openly when that Ianto emerged from the back room, "Won't you dear?"

"Whatever you say Fi." He nodded at his old teammates, "Afternoon guys, long time no see, how's it going?"

They couldn't find words, Ianto looked so similar to the last time they'd seen him. Older, certainly, but not that much older. Torchwood hadn't ravaged him the same way it had them and it had only been a few years really, it just felt longer. He was wearing a dark waistcoat and light shirt, pocket watch chain hanging across the front, they almost expected Jack to walk out of the back room behind him and start giving them all order with a sly look at Ianto which wasn't intended to but did tell the team what they'd been up to in the back room.

Owen was the first to regain the power of speech, "Bloody Hell. You're looking good mate."

He inclined his head with that familiar smirk and gestured towards one of the groups of chairs, "Mind if I join you for a drink? They're on me." He added to Fiona with a smile and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

They got settled down and immediately Ianto was deluged with questions. He raised his hands in defence, "One at a time guys, I'm a bit out of practice."

Owen raised his hand like a fish slice, "We didn't trigger your memories, you just… knew?"

He couldn't look at any of them for that one, "I remembered after a week. Saw the SUV going past and 'wham'. Three years of memories dropped into my head in one go, wasn't pretty but…" He shrugged, "If he wanted to get rid of me, he should have got me out of Cardiff."

Gwen looked at him with her head on one side, "He didn't want rid, he just wanted us safe. You know he did it to us too, right?"

"You went along with it, I wanted to stand with him."

"We all did." She frowned, "But once the danger was past, he came and found us all again. He'd explained it all to Rhys, who helped me. I didn't come back at that point, we were trying for a baby and I didn't want to change the plan when I recovered."

Tosh leapt in, "Owen and me, we'd left ourselves messages for him to give us to get us back if we wanted to come. When he couldn't find you, we realised that you'd not wanted to lose your memories. We hated him, we gave him hell for it… I don't understand though, if you remembered, you could have contacted one of us. Even if you didn't want to see him, you could have told one of us you were safe."

"But you would have told him, I don't want him to know." He scrubbed his hands down his face, "When my memories came flooding back, can you imagine that, going from not believing in aliens to remembering Canary Wharf, loving and losing Lisa, loving Jack and then being betrayed by him. Repeatedly I hasten to add. I remembered a life without all that danger, and I also remembered the life with the danger, the fake memories faded with time but in that moment they were both there and… I couldn't do it. I could never go back to Jack, not after that, but I couldn't go back to Torchwood either." He gestured around, "I'm my own boss. I know how to defend myself if I get attacked by Weevils out by the bins, but I'm not facing that threat every day."

Tosh smiled sadly, "So we're not going to be able to persuade you to come back to us?"

"No." He shook his head firmly, "And you can tell Jack that in no uncertain terms. I don't want him in here either."

Gwen touched his arm, "We can't."

"Why not?" Ianto was wary, there was something guarded and pained in her tone

"Jack doesn't work for Torchwood any more. He comes in occasionally, has a cup of tea, brings us cake usually, shares the news, helps us out when something major happens, but he's not part of Torchwood."

"What's he doing then?" Scenarios flashed through his head, "UNIT, training of some sort?"

Tosh shook her head, "We think he's still looking for you. He'd never think to look this close to home, and even if he did, how would he find one Ianto Jones in Cardiff?"

"We think he gave you up for dead years ago mate, but it'll never stop him looking." Owen was watching him closely, telling him more with his eyes than with his words, "I reckon that he'll still be looking for you in a thousand years. You're not the first question he asks, but as soon as it's politely possible he asks if we've heard from you, seen you."

"Please Ianto." Gwen squeezed his knee now, and then backed off again, "Let us at least tell him you're safe. Even if he doesn't know where, just knowing that we've seen you would help him… I don't know, let him live again I suppose."

Ianto felt something cold and hard settle in his stomach and the love he still felt for the bloody man clutched at his heart, "Do I need to ask why he left?"

Owen shook his head sadly, "We made his life absolute hell. None of us, when we realised that he'd done it against your will, we figured same as you, that he wanted rid. And even if he hadn't, what he did was inexcusable. But none of us stopped to look and think. I mean, in my expert medical opinion, he was dotty about you. Absolutely crazy about you, you could see it every time he looked at you. And we were blind enough not to see how much not having you there was hurting him. So we threw everything we could at him to make him suffer for what he did to you. What he really needed was a shoulder to cry on, having lost the man he loved more than anything in the world. What he got was shit from the people who were supposed to be his friends.

"I don't know how much truth there was in what he always told us, that he didn't sleep, but it was six months before he collapsed at work." The bottom dropped out of Ianto's stomach, the rest of the team looked guilt stricken, "Just crossing the Hub one day, someone snapped at him and he just… gave up. Keeled over, fell down the stairs, but he was dead by the time he hit the floor. Close to 'died of a broken heart' as you'll ever hear a doctor admit. It was a while before he woke up, gave Tosh long enough to look at the CCTV logs. He hadn't slept since you left. Not even catnaps at his desk. He spent every spare second scouring CCTV footage from right across the world for you, and when he wasn't doing that he was crying. No, when he was doing that he was crying too, but sometimes he just cried, over that picture of the two of you at Gwen's wedding.

"We tried to send him home when he recovered a bit, we didn't realise he didn't have anywhere to go but your place. Tosh took him and he broke down in the car when he saw that all the lights were off. He left Torchwood five years ago, said it held too many echoes. Yeah, it's not a turn of phrase you forget easily." He said in answer to Ianto's questioning, grief and guilt-stricken look, "We see him maybe once every couple of months."

"Last time would be, what, five weeks ago?" Ianto asked, surprising them with his level tone as well as his accurate knowledge. It completely failed to give away how ripped apart he was inside. How had they done this to each other? For six years he'd lived in the belief that the love of his life no longer wanted him and had betrayed him. Now he knew that, had Jack been mortal, the man would be dead because of it.

Tosh's answer dragged him back to the coffee shop, "Yeah, you heard about that then?"

He managed a dry chuckle, "Oh please Tosh, no offence but you're nowhere near as good at cover-ups as I am. Was. Have been. And the teenagers in masks thing is a bit… if you know what you're looking for you can see patterns."

"No offence Ianto, but you're the best. No one is as good as you. I'm not going to try to persuade you to come back, it wouldn't feel right, but we're struggling. Losing Jack was only as hard a blow as losing you was, without you we only had half a team, the shouty, shooty half." Tosh squeezed his hand, "We…"

Owen butted in, "I'll say what Tosh won't, we need you. And Jack needs you."

Ianto hesitated, then nodded slowly, "I'm with you. Just not this afternoon, I'll need to find somewhere to take this place over, just a manager though. Give me a month to get out of here, and feel free to get me wired for aliens tonight. I'll pop by the Hub tomorrow morning, if that's OK?"

They breathed a sigh of relief, "Ianto, that's more than OK."

Author's Note: This is just one of those things I wanted to try. I love stories where Jack retcons Ianto and has to win him back, but I sort of wanted to do the emotional impact of having to do that on Jack, but without actually doing the emotion. I hope it's all self-explanatory as to what's happened. More to come
Gxxx