A fair amount of crack in this one, but it's still a fairly canon setting… man, I love the aftermath of chapter 40…. :3

No real spoilers, but readers of the manga should get the context and its… issues… D:

I don't own Soul Eater, no infringement intended, yaddah yaddah, now enjoy. :D

Oh, almost forgot – any of my fellow Honors English nerds who spot the symbolism in this story get a COOKIE!

To Stein's surprise, Marie ordered a salad at dinner that night.

It wasn't the mere idea of eating a salad that shocked him. But at a well-known restaurant with a menu full of delicious-sounding meals, why would anyone go with a simple salad? There were stews and pastas, fishes and steaks, pizzas and casseroles – Stein liked these in particular, for they provided a dissection-like dining experience – and so many other dishes he was sure Marie would like.

Besides, he just plain didn't take her for the salad type. Weren't salads generally consumed by people on diets, health freaks, and cheerleaders? Stein wasn't sure he could be fully understanding all the potential implications of salad consumption, so he remained perplexed.

After the ditzy waitress had left, Stein and Marie sipped their (non-alcoholic) beverages in silence, with the only real conversation being Marie's lame joke about candelabras. Stein gazed out the window nearest them as the waitress brought breadsticks. The streets outside were oddly devoid of people; as he peered past his own reflection, a purple cat darted down the street.

… Uh-oh. That cat looked familiar. Before he could figure out how he knew it, Marie spoke.

"So, what did you order, again?"

He turned back toward her. "Something nourishing, as you commanded."

"Specifically?" she inquired further, making a face.

"I don't remember." Stein dodged a well-thrown breadstick as the waitress returned to top off their drinks. When she had left, he retrieved the breadstick from the floor and handed it back to Marie. "Were you not paying attention when I ordered?"

"Not really…" Marie glanced out the window aimlessly. "Were you paying attention when I…?"

Stein nodded. "You ordered a salad. Why?"

"… Why what?"

"Why did you order a salad?"

Marie's face quickly twisted into an almost childlike expression of confusion. Stein suppressed a grin as her lips pushed outward slightly, and her single visible eye squinted at him. "Why do you think I ordered a salad?" she asked slowly, her voice tinged with suspicion.

His desire to smile vanished. She suspected he had... well, douchebaggy reasons for asking, didn't she? Stein knew he had to respond with tact, otherwise they'd be paying for repairs to the restaurant for months, if not years. And they certainly didn't have that money now, of all times.

He cleared his throat and smiled. "Well, you... er, don't normally order one." he said with as much polite confidence as he could muster.

Marie ripped off the end of a breadstick with her sharp, pointy teeth, as Stein observed them when she opened her mouth. He opened his mouth to stammer out a few reassuring words, but she beat him to it, even with a mouthful of breadstick:

"Do you think that I think I need to lose weight?"

Oh man, she was PMSing, wasn't she? Stein hated the irrationality of women who were at the special point on their cycle. Especially when they already had violent tendencies to begin with.

"No..." He didn't know what to say besides that.

She scowled in response, and they lapsed into silence again. Stein glanced back out the window, wondering if that particular cat was still there, but there was no sign of it. Then Marie spoke again as she polished off her breadstick.

"Well do you think I need to lose weight?" she asked abruptly, again with a mouthful of breadstick.

Stein blinked. "No..."

"Be honest."

"I am."

"Don't you think I could slim down a bit?"

Stein was taken aback. Marie had never been concerned about her figure before, to his knowledge, though if she did ever complain about it then she'd likely direct her ranting at Azusa. But to him, her concern over such a shallow issue wasn't like her, the short-tempered hammer-swinging fun-loving Weapon, at all.

Besides, why did she care what he thought...?

Oh. It finally clicked. She was fishing for compliments, wasn't she? Stein couldn't suppress a scowl before opening his mouth:

"No. Biologically speaking, your weight is fine."

It should have been obvious to him that a statement like that would only provoke a full barrage of flying food, some seized from nearby tables.