Irony
A humorous short fic
By Serena
Setting: AU clone Wars
Summary: An accident causes Asajj Ventress to have some memory loss. And consequently, she falls madly in love with the first man she sets eyes on. Needless to say, the results are humorous. AU.
A/N: If you've seen the Clone Wars movie and new TV show, you'll see where I'm coming from with this pairing. ;D
Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.
CHAPTER ONE – "Life's a Sith"
Dark Jedi Asajj Ventress couldn't have been happier than if she'd still been a Jedi. Her trap for the devious Negotiator, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, was set perfectly. In just a few short minutes, he'd be dead by her hand. Then, her rise to the Sith would be final.
Standing on a ledge, looking down into the grand ballroom of an abandoned palace on Metellos, Asajj felt the darkness welling inside her. She grinned evilly. Soon, she would take her place by Dooku's side. Together, they would completely destroy the Republic from the inside out.
It would begin with Kenobi.
The man aggravated her to no end. He was charming, even slightly flirtatious with her when they dueled. Most unbecoming for a Jedi, she thought in disdain. He had perfect manners, but they fell flat on her. He couldn't charm his way out this time. No politeness would work here. She'd had enough.
Grudgingly, she would admit that Kenobi was exceptionally good-looking. Reddish-blond hair with a few flecks of grey here and there only made him look distinguished. It was the kind of hair that women would love to run their hands through.
Not that she'd ever thought about doing that, of course.
It fell down in long bangs that sometimes got into his eyes - dazzling eyes that changed color on occasion. Sometimes they were blue, sometimes green, sometimes hazel, and sometimes combinations of all three.
Not that she'd noticed, of course.
Despite his rugged attractiveness and penchant for witty, charming banter, he was still a Jedi fool. And he needed to be taken out. For her sake, as well as for her master's.
If only she could find another Sith who was just as good looking as Kenobi. So far, the only dark-siders were ugly, old men. She wanted an equal, someone who was younger like her, but mature. Someone who could take her on in a duel and hold his own – maybe even defeat her. Of course, he'd have to be reasonably handsome, too. And he had to have good conversation.
Someone like… Kenobi?!
Asajj scowled and clenched her fists. This was ridiculous. She was a Dark Jedi – soon to be Lady of the Sith. Kenobi was coming here because of her. And when Kenobi sprung the trap, she would be waiting to kill him.
Kenobi would die.
Asajj grinned and bounced lightly on her feet. It didn't bother her that she stood precariously on a six-inch ledge. She had perfect balance. Anyway, if she did fall, it wasn't like she wouldn't land on her feet. She'd use the Force to –
A sudden movement on the pillar standing only a few feet away caused her to turn sharply. Kenobi?
No – something much worse! A huge, hairy spider!
Forgetting the fact that Sith weren't supposed to feel fear, Asajj shrieked and, in an attempt to get away from the pillar, started to move backwards.
Only there was no backwards – only air.
With a startled scream, Asajj toppled back and hit the floor with a thud.
Jedi Master, General, The Great Negotiator, and apparently dubbed by Asajj Ventress "Jedi fool", Obi-Wan Kenobi silently walked through the dark, abandoned hallway towards the great empty ballroom just up ahead.
He then reflected that he had way too many titles.
Obi-Wan shook his head and got back to the moment. He had to focus. Here he was, likely walking right into a trap (since when HADN'T he walked into some trap or another?), and he was thinking about his numerous titles. Not a very Jedi-ish, or General-ish, or Negotiator-ish, or – BLAST! There he went again! - thing to do.
He'd come here on a rumor that Asajj Ventress, Dark Jedi, was here on Metellos, stirring up trouble with the locals. Since when hadn't she stirred up trouble? He shook his head again, smiling slightly. The woman was incorrigible. She thought she was invincible. She thought she was destined to become the next Sith Lady. But despite her excellent skill, she was raw talent and needed some fine-tuning. She'd even given him a hard time though, he had to admit. He even enjoyed sparring with her.
Sort of. Only a bit.
Well, sparring was good exercise, anyway. And he'd sparred one too many times with Anakin, so it was good to fight a different opponent and really let loose.
Plus, fighting with Asajj gave him a chance to use some of his witty, charming banter. He knew it only aggravated her, but that amused him. He was looking forward to chatting with her again. Now, if she'd only show herself.
Stepping into the dark ballroom lit only by the city lights outside coming in through the huge windows to his right, Obi-Wan looked around cautiously. No sign of anyone. The place was quiet. Too quiet.
"My dear," he said, his voice echoing in the huge ballroom, "You might as well show yourself now. It's only a matter of time before I find you."
Nothing. Not even a disgusted snort.
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow and made a three-sixty turn, his eyes sharply scanning the ledge near the domed ceiling. She could be hiding behind one of those pillars, maybe. "Come now, darling," he went on, moving around the great pillars, "You're only prolonging the inevitable. If you're going to fight, then please, do so."
Silence.
Hmm. He was sure she'd been here. He'd felt her presence not long ago. This quiet was just a little out of the ordinary. She could only take so much before leaping out at him with a scream. Yet, she hadn't shown her face – a face that would be pretty if she grew her hair out and didn't curl her lip into a disdainful sneer all the time.
As he rounded the next pillar, he saw something lying across the room. Jogging over to it, he knelt down and, with one hand, gently turned the body over.
"Ventress?" Obi-Wan said, startled. She wasn't dead – just unconscious. But no one was around – what had happened. He glanced up and wondered if the ledge had something to do with it. But no – she couldn't just fall off the ledge. It just didn't happen to people with Force powers.
He instantly became alert when she groaned and started to move her head and limbs. Fingering his lightsaber in one hand, though not igniting it, he tensed as her eyes fluttered open. They blinked once, twice, gleaming an icy blue in the city lights, and then focused on him.
"Finally, you've awoken, my darling," he said with a smirk.
But to his complete and utter astonishment, she didn't yell, scream, snarl, growl, sneer, glare, hit, punch, kick, or throw something at him.
No. She did something no Sith did.
She smiled at him. Not an evil smile, not a smirk, not a devious smile that said: "you're so dead – you just don't know it yet" – a real, open, blinding smile. And then she blushed pink.
"I'm sorry," she said in a quiet, breathy voice, still smiling shyly, "do I know you?"
Flabbergasted, Obi-Wan's jaw dropped.
"Oh, dear."
TBC.
This is going to be short - five to ten chapters at the most. Let me know what you think! It's going to be silly and OOC, but oh well.:)
- Serena