Eragon – What Really Happened

Prologue: Shade of Bling

Three elves ride through the forest, one insane and the others about to become insane. Some nitwit had given the insane one a cell phone for Christmas.

"Hey guess what?" said the insane one.

"What?" said another elf, annoyed.

"I'm right next to you! Ahhahahahahaha! Wheeeee! DucksDucksDucksDucksDucksDucksDucksDucks-"

"Will you shut up already!" yelled the other elf. Her name was Arya.

"Nevah! I love Arkansas! I mean, It's like, Ar, and then Kansas! Arkansas (Pronounced Are-Kansas, like the state.) RULEZ! Oh, hangon I got a text." The insane one pulled out his phone. It read

Yo watup dis is Durza im guna kill u

"Hey! It's Durz! He says he's gonna- What's that smell? So flowery and pubescent!" the insane one smelled the air. Arya sniffed as well.

"Oh, no! It's-its- Chanel #5! We're doomed!" she screamed.

Just then, arrows flew from the trees towards the elves. Arya was the only one that did not… erm, go bye byes.

Durza, a Shade, stepped out of the shadows. Behind him were a bunch of sweet-smelling Urgals.

"Yo dawg, er lady dawg, watup! I killed your friends, yo! Give me da riock, yo! Or I'll kill you, yo!" Durza said. He wore baggy clothes and an unusual amount of bling.

"AH! GANGSTER SHADE! AIEEEEE!" screamed Arya. She teleported the rock someplace far, far away.

"Oh, no you di-ant!" said Durza, snapping his fingers in a Z formation. Ten minutes later, Arya was in the trunk of Durza's car, tied up and gagged. Durza drove through border control and was trying to explain to the police why he had an elf in his trunk. Frustrated, Durza drove over a couple policemen and a squirrel or two in his escape. Arya was crying.

"NO, LITTLE SQUIRRELY, WHY?!?!?"