AT LAST!
Here is the first part of the next chapter - or the morning after.
Sorry it's taken so long, just I have exams!
I hope you like it :D
Also, a big thankyou to Crimson1 for just being wonderful and helping me out with this chapter and being lovely in general! x x
Superego (Another super(get it?) title from necro omen13. Thanks again x)
Bright sunshine forced Dean to open his eyes. It was morning and hot as the day before.
He blinked hard, feeling the space where Sam had been, but no longer was. It felt strangely odd without his pressing weight against his chest. Yawning, he stretched out, back cracking; stiff from a night's sleep on hard, dry ground. He ran one hand lazily through his hair and opened his eyes fully, it suddenly dawning on him that he was practically naked, lying there in the sunlight. Grabbing his clothes, he hurried on his pants, frowning at the laughter he could hear from behind him. Oh, so Sammy thought this was funny?
Sam grinned, half listening to what the guy on the phone was saying and half watching Dean moodily get up and pull his t-shirt on over his head as he stalked over, scowling. "...No, sorry, I was... never mind. See you in thirty, thanks again Bill." Sam ended the call, snapping his cell shut. "Well Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." He beamed at his brother, trying in vain not to laugh at the dark look he was giving him.
"Yeah, funny. Hilarious." Dean glared up at his brother, straightening up automatically and scowling at how easily Sam towered over him. He chucked his shirt loosely over himself. Sniffing it, he raised an eyebrow. "Is this fresh?" he asked, smiling suddenly.
Sam smiled brilliantly back, his brown hair waving softly in the light breeze as he stood casually, hands buried deep in the pockets of his hoodie. Dean rolled his eyes to himself. Surely Sam knew his hair was too damn long if it was able to goddamn wave. "Well, you got something on your old one last night..." Sam said, suddenly interested in a stain on his grubby hoodie.
"Oh yeah, right..." Dean smirked. "Thanks."
There was just a moment of silence and Dean felt himself almost unconsciously, drawn over to the spot where he and Sam had spent the night, hell, slept together and in both senses of the word. He glared at the insignificant looking patch of dry grass; it looked so different in broad daylight; like it had just been a crazy, twisted dream. Seriously twisted. It would be weird, leaving this behind. But he wasn't sure how they would leave it though; was Sam going to try and talk it through or was it to be locked up and chained away and the key conveniently lost in the process? Somehow, neither option seemed particularly tempting to him.
He glanced over to Sam, grinning when he saw he'd been doing the same and even a little relieved. He stared down at his shoes. Maybe talking was inevitable but perhaps they could put it off for a while – the idea of just forgetting made Dean feel strangely strangled inside. Goddamn it! He hated all this nervous pushing and pulling between them, where the fuck did he stand? It was driving him out of his mind not to know, but at the same time he was glad that it was still left undecided – the way he felt with Sam the night before was so perfect it scared him half to death that he might have to come down and face his brother as well... just his brother. He clenched his fists in frustration – how did he even get into a situation as messed up as this? What kind of crazy spell had the siren cast on them now?
That caught him. The siren. This was nothing to do with that a-hole. Not on purpose at least. True it had caused all the shit between them to come out but it had been building up for weeks and there's always a breaking point. Because of that, things were better than ever, like it used to be... well almost. That had to count for something?
"I might actually miss this place." Sam said, breaking the thick silence and turning to Dean. The look on his face said he'd had obviously been thinking it too; his eyes expressing a mixture of nostalgia and doubt. He watched his older brother glimpse back at the spot; it felt like forever since then and the unguarded love they shared was nothing more than a memory floating in the inconsequential fantasy world of night-time – the ghost of a dream. It had been wrong and wonderful and now it was time to step back into reality, like it had never really happened.
The thought made Sam's heart ache.
But did that mean they had to go back to the dark, painful silence from before? Sam gave a small, smile – no – that little part of them was fixed; their problems were still there, but they'd sort of talked them through. Nothing had changed about the huge task that lay ahead yet there was a new outlook for them both. They had each other again; Winchester and Winchester – as hazy as that night together was, they were going to remember it: it was pivotal.
He hadn't meant to, but while thinking, he'd let himself get lost in Dean's profile, the sun throwing his face into sharp relief and his lazy, effortless good looks catching Sam off guard. He held back a melancholy sigh; Dean's face was even more beautiful in the daylight. Freckles that the moon had missed were powdered across his fair skin and his lips had a subtle pink shine to them. Man, it was bad to want to kiss them.
An icy, daunting sensation prickled inside of him that spread outwards, filling him with stifling cold as it all dawned on him – the night may have been long gone but it had opened up a Pandora's Box of new feelings for Sam and they were not going to be suppressed easily. He shifted his weight restlessly; so many things had changed, yet somehow not one bit. He laughed darkly to himself – finding his older brother attractive though, was definitely new.
Dean looked back, knowing his reply was long overdue. He clocked Sam's gaze, unexpectedly catching the sad undercurrent of lust that ran behind his searching, hazel eyes; a look of pure thrill and fear shimmering there simultaneously.
"Yeah..." he mumbled almost incoherently, far too caught up in the intense way his brother was looking at him; bold and shameless and something that made him trip unprepared into the night before; back to darkness with Sam wrapped round him, suddenly overwhelmed by the memory of his skin, his smell, his tears–
A gurgling rumble emitted from his stomach loudly and the spell was broken; their perverse staring contest and the oppressive tension between them disappearing in an instant as his brother chuckled, immediately transformed and masked back to the normal Sam in the second it took Dean to blink, glance away and look back.
He shook off his thoughts, completely disorientated by the whole damnsituation and determined to focus on the deep ache that had opened up inside of him instead, but his heart was still beating a little too fast. He gritted his teeth, exasperated; Sam was the freakin' girl, not him.
This was wrong, he told himself finally as clutched his stomach. Wrong, wrong, wrong. There was no place for this thing they had going since every time Sam just looked at him he felt himself unravel a little. He frowned. Maybe they were meant to lock it away for safety's sake; before he was just a pile of funny coloured string on the ground.
Blinking hard, he shoved those strange thoughts away into darkness. He had to be pretty hungry to be this delusional and shaky and just so not with it. He vowed to himself that as soon as they got anywhere near a diner they were stopping for a while, so he could get his head straight.
He looked up to his brother, trying to continue from before, "Man I'm hungry. Please tell me that was someone who can tow my baby and get us out of here," he rubbed his poor empty belly absent-mindedly; amazed that Sam had somehow kept his composure – it was almost as if it had never happened, though how Sam had bounced back so easily was a mystery. He exhaled a breath he hadn't realised he was holding; it was just too damn early in the morning to be dealing with this.
Sam felt his shoulders relax a little and he buried his hands deeper into his sweatshirt pockets, playing with his cell distractedly. This was all far too close for comfort and so damn unnerving. "Well, you're in luck; I found a couple of places online, but the nearest one was fine – it's like a family run thing... a bit like us. Anyway, this guy called Bill picked up and said he'd be happy to help." He jumped on Dean's cue eagerly; anything to keep the pretence up – rambling away information his brother didn't even need to know just to stop them falling. "So, he said he'll be here in a round thirty minutes with his tow truck and he'll drop us off at the nearest gas station."
"You hear that baby? We'll have you up and running in no time, how about that?" Dean interrupted, shouting over Sam's shoulder to the Impala.
Sam carried on, his heart still shuddering slightly, "And, when I told him we'd been here all night he said he'd bring us breakfast, free of charge."
"Oh, I am liking this 'Bill' already!" Dean clapped his hands together in delight, grinning that full-on, perfect smile carelessly right at Sam that made his insides warm involuntarily. He felt himself smile back huge before realising; his face falling and feeling frustrated.
A familiar urge bloomed inside of him, at last one he recognised... It was a deep rooted impulse – piss Dean off just because he could. It was something so old and ingrained that he slipped into it easily and he felt comfortable, finally. "Yeah... I'm sorry Dean – I told him we're on a tight schedule and we've lost enough time already, but thanks anyway. I thought we could just grab something later–"
Sam suppressed a grin as Dean took his bait, squaring up to him, eyes hard and serious as his free meal was jeopardized. "You're bluffing," he said, eyes narrowing.
"Oh, I wish I was; I wish I was." He replied, holding his brother's sharp gaze.
"Sammy..."
"Look Dean, I'm sorry but he will have set off by now, there's no way–" The corner of Sam's mouth twitched upwards, unable to hide the smirk that Dean's sour look conjured from him. The rest of his words were lost as Dean lunged at him, seizing him in a frenzied headlock, "Not funny. Not fucking funny, Sammy. I haven't eaten in a day, you douche bag! It's not even funny to joke."
Sam choked, grabbing Dean's arms to try and loosen the grip he had round his neck, "I haven't either – Jesus, Dean!" He gasped, his words barely a whisper as they stifled in his throat. He hadn't meant his brother to go this crazy but then, he had asked for it, mentioning something as touchy as food with Dean running on an empty stomach. "Look I'm sorry, okay? Just loosen up please!"
Dean growled, but didn't let go. Sam sighed internally, resorting to hooking one foot around his brother's leg, tripping him over in an attempt to throw him off, just as Dean had tripped him over the night before when he'd been fooling around with kisses...
The thought was lost as his brother's hard weight landed on top of him and they began to grapple around in the dry grass, dust flying up in the air in great plumes as they rolled together, Sam on the defensive.
"Dean!" Sam shouted, "Stop, I'm sorry!"
"Shut-up, arsehole." Dean replied through gritted teeth; Sam was the one who had made this worse, tripping him up. He was asking for a fist fight really. He grabbed his brother's collar, swinging his arm out and growling again as Sam caught it mid-swing. He yanked his wrist free as they tumbled over again.
Sam was dominating, he realised grudgingly. It was taking more effort than usual, he was light headed from hunger and all this talk of food was just making it worse. So what if he'd heard Sam say he was sorry? This would teach him to joke about something as important as breakfast...
He threw out another fist when he'd steadied himself, only to have it stopped once again by his little brother – his gargantuan, little brother, though it had been half-hearted in itself. Gradually, his pace was slowing and his frantic rage also subsiding – but deep down something else kept him going when he would have stopped, angrily wrestling, limbs flailing, skin on skin... yet it just was revenge for a cruel joke, right? He repressed his doubt and flipped them both over, one hand fisted in Sam's long hair–
Then suddenly he was pinned underneath his brother and he was close, nose to nose with him, Sam's hot breath tickling his face as they panted together, their heaving chests moving in rhythm. His brother's green eyes glittered brightly; the same unashamed, piercing stare as before locking Dean's gaze and stopping him in his tracks.
Dean felt his mouth go dry; his heart hammering in his chest. He knew it was because he'd been fighting but he could tell that if he hadn't, it would still be thundering all the same. Wrong, wrong, wrong, he tried to repeat in his head but nothing in him was listening and rationality was losing. He'd never felt like this before; nervous in this type of situation and it freaked him out, words melting in his mouth as a strange animal instinct took over along with his fear, making him throw his arms out in one last effort to escape. He winced as Sam caught them easily; having anticipated his attack and Dean was hopelessly trapped as his brother leaned in slowly.
Sam couldn't have stopped himself even if he'd wanted to. The way Dean felt; the warmth under him, the warmth in his hands; it all drew him inexorably nearer and he knew there was no point trying to ignore it anymore. Those eyes too, those fucking green eyes that skinned him, unwrapped him and then just stared at him in his metaphysical nakedness with a faint amused kind of interest were at last wide and darting, so alive and alarmed... His lips were open too, just a little, betraying him with their wanton, driving Sam crazy as he tried desperately to cling onto what was right and what felt right.
"Sammy..." Dean managed to murmur out. Wrong... wrong... wrong he struggled to repeat, a cold chill of apprehension shivering down his back as Sam's head blocked the out the sun, the outline of his hair glowing fiery red. His eyes were huge and his pupils dilated; he looked possessed, but beautifully so; possessed by something so human – lust.
A small voice appeared inside his head, blocking out the rest. Or love, it whispered as his brother's lips pressed against his in a chaste kiss, pulling away after just a second, Dean's mouth burning as if his blood had boiled under the skin at his touch; like Sam had branded him, claimed as his. He suppressed a shudder; absolute understanding washing over him as if his vision had just clicked into perfect focus – he had always been Sam's since the moment he was born. The realisation alone overwhelmed him and panic set in, closing his throat up– But Sam's eyes loomed into view again: larger, closer... disabling Dean once again with their damn pleading, puppy-dog stare.
Sam was terrified, frozen over his tense brother; he could see the conflict going on behind Dean's eyes and knew he'd broken some sort of unspoken agreement between them. He desperately tried to rationalise in his favour – Dean had wanted it; they'd both wanted it last night and things like that just didn't disappear, even if it had transformed into civility–
Dean relaxed beneath him and his hands in Sam's slackened – resigned permission. He leant closer but stopped an inch away from Dean's lips; it was like he'd forced him and it felt wrong.
"I'm sorry," he said, about to move away–
Dean rolled his eyes; Sam was definitely the girl out of the two of them. What was wrong with him? Dean had given into his demons at last and now Sam was freaked out about his damn consent? He shook his head in disbelief and reached up, kissing Sam long and hard; entwining their fingers together and feeling the same fire between their lips as before. There was no use trying to deny it anymore, it was breath taking and perfect and felt safe.
Sam's whole body loosened, seeming to sink into his brother's: It was all coming back for Dean then, like one big head rush – an acid trip; the amazing feeling of his brother over him, surrounding him, hiding him under his great warm weight, a thousand times better than he'd remembered.
Sam pressed deeper into Dean's mouth, craving his lips and the softness behind them. He released his brother's hands, instead running his own through Dean's hair and cupping his face. Surprisingly gentle fingers ran over his cheeks and he shivered as a hand slipped under his shirt, teeth nibbling playfully at his lower lip. The feel of Dean's skin was like a catalyst, sparking the memoires of him against him and them together as one and he let his eyes close for a moment in bliss before pulling away. Sliding a hand through Dean's hair he wished he could stay like this forever. He would never reach heaven, but this was as close as he could get.
"You sure about this?" he asked, grinning smugly at Dean's almost frustrated look but not so self-assured inside – his brother's eyes were running him through with a poker-hot stare that made him want to gnash his teeth and run away and hide and bounce up and down. Of course a second, deeper, more overriding instinct just made him want to kiss Dean until that look melted. So he thrummed heavily in the back of his throat and hovered over his brother's inflamed lips, begging for a quick, affirming answer.
"You're a fucking tease, Sammy," Dean replied, his eyes narrowing but still trained on every angle of his brother's face. His heart was thumping stupidly and he recognised with a shiver of unease that his second skin of nonchalance was peeling off uncontrollably. He wondered if Sam could feel his erratic pulse through his chest and if he knew that it was his surprising lack of restraint that was undoing Dean hopelessly right there in front of him. He reached up and knotted a hand in Sam's hair, leering. "Was that not sure enough for you? 'Cause if not, I'll be doing something highly indecent to you right here, in broad daylight to convince you."
Sam smirked back, lips poised agonisingly close before they both froze, glancing around. Dean felt his stomach bottom out. They were already doing something pretty indecent by most people's standards right next to a road.
Dean knew it was right, but nevertheless, every pore in his body screamed in protest and he stifled a groan as Sam lifted up off him. He tried to placate himself with the fact that Sam looked as torn up as he felt yet their distance was fucking unbearable!
"Wait," he half growled as his brother kneeled; grabbing him by the collar and pulling him roughly down on top of him once more and crushing their mouths together. He kissed him fiercely, deep and almost painfully before pushing him up again. "Okay, now you can go." He said trying to act dismissive, though unable to hide the breathy edge to his voice.
Sam loomed over his brother, wondering dazedly if it was dangerous to be smiling as hard as he was, unsure if he risked cracking his face in two. He drew himself away and stood up reluctantly, his face falling as he realised that that really was the beginning of the end of their night. Situations and circumstances would slowly be pulled up between them like barriers until what they had was lost and this nondescript piece of roadside, their parallel universe was to be left behind and forgotten.
He swallowed thickly, the lump in his throat painful. He caught his brother's questioning gaze and let a half-hearted smile soften his features – these fifteen or so minutes were going to count and demon blood could take a back seat for once.
Dean stared up at Sam and didn't like the look he was giving him; it was too poignant and his gut squirmed apprehensively – their facade was fading. "Sammy..." he asked in a low voice, hating the tone of desperation he heard in it and feeling strangely cowed under his brother's towering frame and intense gaze.
Then he was being dragged along; unusually passive and calm and eyes closed from the sun's glare until his back touched familiar metal.
"What are you– oh," Dean blinked back his sight and understood. He smiled bemused at his brother, "Well I guess that's one way of doing it."
His back was against the side of his baby and Sam was next to him, one arm stretched out; his thumb absently tracing Dean's jaw and leaving a tingling path behind. The road was behind them and they were concealed by the large frame of Impala – hidden from reality for a bit longer.
Chuckling, Dean exhaled, shoulder's slumping in relief. "Jesus Sammy, don't look so damn sad. You almost gave me a heart attack with that miserable face you're pulling. I almost thought..." he petered out into nothing and turned away; cursing himself silently as Sam's smirk widened in his periphery. He would never hear the end of this.
Sam blinked and gawped at his brother in poorly disguised awe. Dean was never accidently or casually vulnerable and anything he did mean with sincerity was grunted and then followed up by a sarcastic joke. "No chick flick moments." was one of his brother's rules and apart from last night, which hardly counted regarding the situation, he did not break it lightly. He smiled in disbelief; Dean was afraid that Sam didn't want him.
"Wait, did you think that–"
"Shut up."
Sam persisted. "That I was going to say–"
"Shut up!"
"That this was over?" Sam grinned huge as Dean lost it, confirming his suspicions.
"I said, SHUT UP!" He yelled through gritted teeth, grabbing Sam by the shirtfront, his nose pressed angrily against his brother's. There was a moment of thick, seething silence before Sam leaned into Dean automatically; studying his chagrined expression – eyes set hard and jaw working furiously –trying his best to commit such a look to memory. He gently reached in and cupped Dean's reddened cheek, their lips almost touching and he nodded mock-pensively at him. "Hey, it's okay to feel scared; I know there's a sensitive side to you hidden under that tough-guy act–"
"Actually fuck you." Dean hissed, shoving Sam off him roughly. He sulked into the floor; shaking his head and muttering curses under his breath.
Sam bit back a grin and shifted closer to his brother. "I'm sorry Dean, I was joking. Hey, I'm sorry." Dean ignored him. "That's it; I'm resorting to quoting you – Happy now?" He bent in closer to his older brother's brooding profile, "You're so easy to bug, Dean. You know I don't mean it,'" he cited in an incredulous voice and a muscle in his brother's cheek clenched but he continued to ignore him. Sam rolled his eyes and reach out like before, lazily running his fingers along his bristled jaw–
Dean's eyes narrowed and he snatched Sam's hand away. "No fuck you, Sammy," he scowled sourly but didn't let go of his brother's arm. Sam sighed and pouted, turning on the full force of his puppy-dog stare that Dean was so useless at trying to overlook.
"And that's not fair," Dean frowned, his green eyes flickering in annoyance. Sam leant in slowly, attempting to bite his lip anxiously.
"Bitch." Dean said, closing his eyes and huffing in resignation. Grudgingly, he gave in and kissed Sam; he honestly had no idea how his little brother did it.
"Jerk." He replied; his mouth half-on Dean's and the vibrations tingling his lips. Dean smiled, letting his hands twist soft brown hair haphazardly around his fingers as Sam pressed deeper and slid an arm around his neck.
He worked it out then, as his brother's lips brushed his own and he disappeared in a haze of heat and skin and wetness – kissing Sam was just like kissing a girl when she had flavoured lip stuff on, and he'd aim to lick her lips clean. The only thing different with his brother was that he tasted a thousand times better than any strawberry chap stick and as much as he tried; licking, sucking, wiping with his tongue, it just didn't come off.
Reality drifted back as he felt Sam's lips leave his, instead trailing along his jaw and nipping his way along. Sam's teeth sunk into his neck and Dean grinned light-headedly, trying in vain to steady his breathing and gain control.
"Sam...?" He choked out hoarsely, biting his tongue in vexation when his brother's mouth pulled away from his fevered skin. Sam lifted his head up and pressed the side of his nose flat against Dean's; dilated eyes and inflamed lips so tantalisingly close that it was not helping at all...
"Mmm-hm?" He hummed so casually that Dean had to blink several times to remain focused.
"it's just..." he hated having to say this. "We're not exactly concentrating and well, Bill will be here soon and–"
"You're saying that maybe we should stop since he might see and freak out at us." Sam nodded in agreement.
Dean rolled his eyes. "Dude, I'm just worried about my baby. He might freak out at her," he patted the side of the Impala tenderly, "and I am not getting her involved in this anymore than you already have. I mean honestly, Sammy, using her as a barrier between our weird stuff and the real world? That's low – even for you."
He expected a scowl or a sarcastic laugh but instead Sam recoiled from him, looking hurt.
"You think this – what we have, is weird?" He asked, his eyebrows knitting together in concern.
Dean suddenly understood and gave an exasperated sigh, "Oh come on, Sammy – give me one word that describes this better."
Sam paused. "Yeah okay, I guess," he pursed his lips.
Dean grabbed Sam's chin and stared him hard in the eye, "Please don't look at me like that. We're not exactly normal are we? We're outsiders – I'm just as much of a freak as you are."
"Yeah, I doubt that." Sam gave a hollow smile.
There is the end of the first half :D Hope you liked it!
Reviews are needed because I'm thinking I did a bit of a rubbish job really, like not up to the other chapters' standards... so please! x
Also - IMPORTANT: I need a chapter title! I had one idea that was "Spellbound" but I'm not that keen. Anyone got a better one?
Stay tuned!
Rose xxx