Hey guys, sorry for a long wait on this update. A lot has been going on for me and I didn't want to post this until I was really happy with it. It's the longest chapter I've ever written, but my chapters have been getting longer lately. I need to say a special thanks to Sarah and Mel for their input on this chapter.
Thanks to everyone for their wonderful feedback and to everyone who has stuck with me through this story. I hope that it is worth the wait. Enjoy!
You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory
Chapter 13 – Hopes and Fears
In my years, my little angel, I have come to realise that nothing in this world is certain. Life can offer so much heartbreak and so much pain. I know this, my life started out hard and painful, and sometimes I just wanted to give up and shut away from the rest of the world. Bad things do happen and it can all seem so senseless. It's just one of those things, but life can be so wonderful. It really can, so no matter what happens to me, I want you to know how much I love you and I want you to know how lucky you are. Your daddy is a wonderful man.
When your father came along I was kind of lost and scared. Your daddy soon became everything to me. He made my world snap back into focus and made me want to live again. He was my first and only love, and one day you will learn that you never forget your first love.
I didn't believe in fate or destiny until I met him. I only believed in my own choices determining my path. My blue-eyed boy made me see the world in a different light. He made me think that maybe there is a higher power guiding us and that maybe love can conquer all.
My destiny may be already laid out for me; my path maybe set and predetermined. My love for your daddy sure seemed to turn out that way; like we were meant to be and like he was the part of me that's missing. I might not be able to beat my cancer but I'm going to try. I hear of medical miracles every day, of people defying the odds to be with the ones they love. I hope that their is a miracle left for us.
The night Peyton decided to fight again had filled her with a long lost hope that she hadn't felt in a long time. She had believed she'd forgotten what it was like to grasp onto the weightlessness of a hopeful and fragile wish. A chance to be whole and happy again that had once seemed so unobtainable but now burned inside like the flames of life.
Lucas had stayed with her in the nursery. They'd talked long into the night. All the difficulties and fears were somewhat pushed aside as they reminisced about the past and Peyton began to look into the future she'd never really allowed herself to imagine. A future with the two people still sleeping in the nursery was all she could ever want or wish for.
She awoke the next morning to the sun streaming through the pink blinds and she found herself lying across the couch beside Isabelle's crib. Lucas lay beside her, snoring deeply and she smiled. He was still holding on to her; he held her close to his own body. Being nestled in so close to Lucas she wanted to stay this way until he woke up. It was perhaps not the most advisable thing to do as Peyton woke up early the next morning with a crick in her neck and a feeling of nausea in her belly.
As her stomach churned angrily, she let out a soft sigh. She really didn't feel too well. She shifted carefully from Lucas's unconscious form, she didn't want to wake him.
After peeking over the crib's railings and seeing her daughter was still lost and content in her own dreamland, with her little hands clenched at either side of her golden curls, Peyton crept quietly into the still dark hall and made her way to the bathroom.
She padded inside the room, her feet welcoming the tiled floor as it sent tingles of coolness up her body that burned with the onset of a fever. She peered at herself in the mirror. She bit her lip involuntarily and stared at her reflection. She looked awful; she brought her fingers gingerly to the dark shadows beneath her eyes. She was pale and thinner than even she remembered. The last few days since she had fled L.A to come to visit Isabelle had been physically and emotionally draining for her and it showed.
The heated sensation of pins and needles creeping up the back of her neck had Peyton bolt quickly from the faucet. She collapsed down in front of the white porcelain toilet, breathing heavily as the bile rose up from her throat. She retched, her breathing heavy as she held herself weakly above the seat.
After her stomach had settled itself she sat on the tiles, tears stinging at her eyes. She brought a shaking hand up to her moist brow. She just wanted to cry. She had hoped to begin today with a fresh outlook on her life. She'd wanted to get better but right now she felt worse and she couldn't shake all the doubt and the fear that swarmed at her insides.
"Just breathe," she whispered into the silent room. She rested her head against the cool wall. She couldn't lose hope before she had even begun to try again. "It's going to be ok."
After several long, cleansing breaths, she pulled her weary frame up from the floor and moved back to the sink. She splashed the icy cold water on to her face before gazing back at her reflection again. The girl before her was worn and haggard, yet she was barely twenty-four years old and a young mother. She soundlessly promised herself it wouldn't be like this anymore, as it wasn't supposed to be this way. She was too young, with too much to live for.
With all the strength she could muster she moved to her bedroom. She took her prescription medication with several gulps of water, just as she did religiously every morning. She moved to her open bag and pulled out her bedclothes so she could change out of yesterday's crumpled garments. She slipped into the little satin two-piece that Brooke had bought her during her hospital visits. The girls had joked that Peyton might ensnare a hardworking and handsome doctor wearing it. The skimpy baby blue outfit had always made her feel somewhat carefree, youthful and attractive. Right now that was exactly what she needed to feel.
She brushed through her tangled, stubborn curls before pulling them back into a loose, messy ponytail. She took a shallow breath as she studied the mirror critically. Not a vast improvement but better than the girl that had greeted her first thing that morning.
"Morning Peyt," his voice startled her away from her thoughts.
She turned to face him; he stood bleary eyed with his blonde locks a little ruffled from sleep. He stifled a deep yawn with his hand and Peyton couldn't help but smile as he seemed like boy she remembered.
"Morning," she murmured back in response as Lucas shuffled into her room. "How did you sleep?"
"I would have slept better if it hadn't have been for someone muttering and talking in her sleep."
"Sorry," she replied bashfully rubbing a hand self-consciously across her arm.
He may have jested as he pretended to complain at her tendencies to be a rough sleeper but he'd found it oddly comforting. He smiled gently; he'd missed this girl more than he realised. The sight of her in the camisole and tiny satin bed shorts instantly transformed him back to the days were as an adolescent teenager he couldn't keep his eyes from roaming over her lovely form. Truth be told he hadn't grown out of that stage, and his eyes travelled down the long contours of her limbs.
"Oh Peyton," he muttered as his expression clouded at the sight of the bruises all over her bare arms and legs.
He was moving toward her as she realised what held his attention. He attempted to reach for her but she turned sharply to grab the cardigan lying across her bed. She shrugged it over her shoulders to hide the marks but the damage was already done.
"It's nothing. Really it's nothing." She pulled the item of clothing tightly to her frame and felt the tears and embarrassment seep into the air between them.
His hand outstretched to rest on her shoulder. "Hey, I know you bruise easy. I know that's a symptom," Lucas tried to assure her. "I researched it. You don't need to hide it from me."
Peyton offered a tiny smile. She knew all too well that this sweet boy would do anything and everything he could to help and protect her. She loosened the grip on the cotton fabric as she attempted to relax.
"Are you ok?" he asked, his voice was now tainted with alarm. She realised her vain attempts to hide her dip in health were unsuccessful in his eyes too.
"Yeah I just don't feel so good today is all," Peyton gave him a weak smile. "I guess I just need to take things a little easier."
"Yeah the last couple of days have been pretty eventful," Lucas admitted. Lindsey's re-admission to the rehabilitation centre and Isabelle's reunion with her mother was a lot for them both. "You're sure you're all right?"
"Yeah. I have good days and bad days," she informed him. She tried to keep her voice calm and steady; like her "bad" days were nothing to worry about, though they still scared her.
"Maybe you should lie down." Somewhat unconvinced by her words, Lucas reached out to place a hand at the small of her back delicately and he steered her in the direction of the bed. He laid her down pulling the sheets and the blankets up to her chin just like he'd do for Isabelle when she was sick.
Lucas lowered himself down beside her. He pressed his palm to her forehead and frowned as he felt how hot it was. "You feel pretty warm. Do you want me to get a doctor?"
"No," Peyton shook her head, "I'm fine really. I just need to rest." She rested her head against the pillows.
"Are you sure?" She looked terrible. Her skin was pale and almost translucent, every breath she took was shallow and seemed to rattle through her. "Maybe I should call a doctor just in case."
"No, please," Peyton gripped his hand to stop him from standing. "I've taken all my pills. I'm just going to lie down and sleep it off. I'll be fine."
Lucas looked to the various white bottles littered across her bed side table, his heart surged with a long buried fear as his eyes scanned over the ominous drug names. He tried his best to shake it off as her eyes captured his attention again.
She reached over for his hand, "I'm gonna be ok Lucas. It's just a fever. It'll pass."
"Can I get you anything?" he asked in an effort to stop feeling so helpless. "Another blanket? Something to eat? Water?"
"No," Peyton muttered as she drew the covers even tighter around her body. "Luke, I'm fine really."
Lucas sucked in a breath; she looked anything other than fine. He was about to protest as a murmur and a gurgle from Isabelle's nursery sent both the parents' eyes in the direction of the nursery.
"You could see to her," she inclined her head to the door.
"Yeah," Lucas lifted himself up from the bed. He was grateful of something to do even if he left Peyton alone a little begrudgingly "Let me know if you need anything."
"I will," she promised. Her eyes trailed after his retreating form. Once his figure was beyond her view she let out a gentle sigh. She listened as he cooed and talked to their little girl in the next room. She stared up at the ceiling as she attempted to keep her fresh, stinging tears at bay. She wanted her family more than anything; they made her want to aspire for that perfect life.
Brooke Davis's knuckles rapped on the door of Lucas's home. She was here for Peyton but she felt so much better being in Tree Hill nonetheless. Being back in her hometown had filled her with such overwhelming warmth. She had long since discovered that there was no place like home and she'd often found herself nostalgic for it and all the happy memories it held. Her heels tapped purposefully against the hard wooden floor and she tilted her head towards the open window to her left. She felt a slight tickle of a smile at her lips as she felt the warmth of home spread through her.
The chilly North Carolina air brushing against her cheeks Brooke remembered to the very purpose of her visit. The door creaked open and Lucas and Isabelle came into the brunette's view.
"Hello Brooke," Lucas uttered as he balanced the little girl on his hip. He moved to greet his ex with a brief kiss to the cheek.
"Hi Luke," she said in a rasping voice.
"Come on in." Lucas moved aside so Brooke could enter and she propped her suitcase against the wall.
She looked from Lucas's crystal blue eyes to the child in his arms. The toddler had changed a lot since the last time Brooke had seen her. "Hi there little girl," she took hold of Isabelle's outstretched and chubby little hand. Her heart could have melted as she focused on the keen green eyes of Peyton's doppelganger. "You're so big now."
"Yeah she's growing up so fast." Lucas uttered as he looked back down to his daughter. "Thank you for coming though."
"No problem at all. I came as soon as I could," she informed him. In truth her journey home had been riddled with problems but that didn't matter. Her flight had been fraught with delays and Victoria had been more than difficult as Brooke informed her mother that she would be away for a while. Thankfully Millicent had offered to take care of everything. So with everything mostly settled on the west coast Brooke had set all her attentions upon Peyton's well-being.
"Well I appreciate it."
"So how's she doing?" She wasn't sure if it was the shadowed look he held in his eyes, or the tiredness in his voice, but something unnerved her. "Is she all right?"
"She's sleeping," Lucas uttered. "She hasn't been feeling well."
"What do you mean? What are her symptoms?" Brooke immediately fell into her maternal mode of action. It was the way she had learned to cope with Peyton's illness; she knew she could never just break down and cry. She was there for Peyton at every step of the way. She'd had to be the strong one as she took care of her oldest friend.
"She has a fever, kinda like she has the flu," Lucas's brow furrowed. "I don't know Brooke. She hasn't been out of her room all day. She says she's fine." The blonde man's eyes darkened over with another surge of fear. He'd spent the whole day on tenterhooks in case Peyton took a turn for the worst and had to be rushed to hospital.
Brooke nodded her head a fraction to indicate her understanding; she'd been through Peyton's turns in health many a time before.
"I'm sure she is fine," she ventured. "But maybe I should go check on her."
"Yeah," Lucas bowed his head in defeat. "That'd probably be for the best."
She placed her hand lightly on his shoulder and offered it a light squeeze. "She'll be ok Luke," she uttered and he nodded wordlessly. Despite her flawless and confident appearance, Brooke's eyes betrayed her; she was both frantic and worried for her best friend.
With a smile as comforting as Brooke could muster she turned on her heel and headed in the direction of Peyton's room. She knocked softly on the door before pushing it open. The small creak at the door captured her friend's green eyes and Brooke saw Peyton's smile.
Peyton lay propped up against the pillows behind her, a blanket draped over her legs. She was wearing an old Ravens basketball sweatshirt; the wording had faded into the fabric long ago and the garment was worn and frayed but Peyton insisted on wearing it.
"Hey P Sawyer," Brooke said gently as she entered the room. She sank down onto the mattress beside Peyton, before she embraced the fragile blonde gently.
"Hey B Davis," Peyton offered a smile by way of greeting as she hooked her dampened curls behind her ear.
"Hey," the brunette whispered back "Lucas said you were sleeping. You're not sleeping," Brooke added taking in Peyton's sketchpad and the iPod lying across her friend's stomach.
"Yeah I can't sleep," Peyton's eyes lowered to the pencilled drawing in front of her. "I just don't want him to see me like this." She needed him so much right now, but seeing his fearful and almost pitying crystal eyes made her all too aware of how ill she was. She didn't want him to see her as someone who was vulnerable and in pain.
"I know buddy." Brooke placed a palm to the blonde's clammy forehead. Her brow knitted with concerns, "you've taken your medication?"
"Yes mom," came the usual sarcastic reply. Though Peyton couldn't help but return a little smirk. She was grateful for Brooke. The brunette may have mothered her sometimes but she'd stuck faithfully at her side through the good times and the bad. Brooke always listened to the doctor's instructions and followed them completely. She'd looked up every treatment there was available for Peyton's cancer. Peyton didn't have to worry so much when the girls were together because Brooke took charge and took care of everything.
"I missed you B," Peyton's strength ebbed away as she rested her head onto Brooke's shoulder.
"Shh, I'm here now," Brooke kissed the top of Peyton's curls.
"I'm glad," Peyton murmured through a listless smile.
"What are you doing here P?" Brooke questioned after a few moments of silence. "I've been so worried. The way you just upped and left and didn't say anything."
"I'm sorry Brooke," Peyton murmured guiltily. "I just had to come."
"And I would have come with you."
Peyton shook her head, her thoughts drifting to her nightmares and all of her fears for Isabelle. Brooke would have thought her maternal instincts were crazy; or she may have understood. Peyton wasn't sure but what was done was done, she was here now and she didn't want to leave.
"I came for her," Peyton said simply.
"Sweetheart," Brooke softened immediately. It was the most natural thing in the world for Peyton to want to be with her daughter.
"She's beautiful," Peyton went on to say. "She's so smart and so…she's just amazing."
Brooke looked down to the grey sketch Peyton still held onto. Her lips curled into a smile at the picture of a beaming Isabelle. "She looks just like her mom."
"Yeah," Peyton felt the tears build up at the back of her throat.
"Talk to me P. Tell me what's going on." Both girls knew that it was useless to try and hide anything from the other. They'd been together too long not to notice even the smallest signs of trouble and secrets.
"I need to ask you something," Peyton began cautiously and Brooke's large chestnut eyes locked with her own.
"Something tells me I'm on going to like this," Brooke commented as the other girl swallowed hard before speaking again.
"I want to see the specialist you talked about. Dr Grayson. I want to go see him."
"Peyton," Brooke began as the concerns swelled within her soul. She'd tried to persuade Peyton to meet with the oncologist three months ago. Both had been exhausted from Peyton's intensive treatment routines and Brooke had watched helplessly as the blonde's hopes were continuously shattered by the failure of each drug to make her better or to have some positive effect.
When Peyton had refused to undergo the latest stem cell procedure under the doctor's clinical trials Brooke had eventually come to terms with maybe it was better not to put her friend through anymore pain and disappointment.
"I want to try again," Peyton reiterated.
"Sweetie we've talked about this," Brooke had pushed for Peyton to give Dr Grayson one final chance, but her friend had chosen to spare herself more discomfort and pain. "I thought you'd decided not to go ahead with any new treatments."
"I did, I mean we did. But being here and talking to Luke. I just," her voice hit an abrupt stop as the brunette's eyes clouded a fraction as she mentioned Lucas's name. It was no secret that there wasn't anything Peyton wouldn't do for the man she loved or the child they had created together.
"I don't know Peyton."
"I want to try Brooke," she reached for the brunette's hand and gave it a little squeeze. "Please."
"Honey," Brooke was truly taken aback by the request. Peyton had been so adamant upon stopping all the unsuccessful treatments and so intent on just enjoying however long she had left.
"I want to be with my daughter, Brooke. I want to fight for her."
"I know you do Peyton." Brooke felt her objections and her concerns rise. She was so naturally inclined to protect her best friend, her own almost maternal instincts screamed at her to make Peyton think this through.
"I owe it to her. I want to be with her." Peyton's tears threatened to spill down her pale cheeks.
"I know sweetie," Brooke's hand stroked through Peyton's tousled curls. "We'll talk about it when you've had some sleep."
Admitting defeat Peyton settled back into bed and laid her head against the pillows. Her fever was finally beginning to break and she felt exhaustion seep through her body. Her eyelids grew heavy as Brooke sat beside her, stroking her hair soothingly. Both girls knew that Brooke Davis had no intention of leaving the room until the blonde was sound asleep.
"I want my life back B," Peyton murmured plaintively. Her fingers curled to their place around her locket just as they did every night.
"I know you do honey. And we can talk about this properly in the morning," Brooke insisted as she took the sketchbook from Peyton's lap. "But right now you should get some rest."
Peyton's head bobbed slightly in agreement as her eyelids pressed shut as her mind gave into sleep.
Brooke soon left Peyton curled behind the covers as she drifted into a deep and exhausted sleep. She still slept like she had done when they'd have sleepovers as children; her long limbs stretched and tangled across the entire mattress and her face buried in her pillow.
The brunette mentally shrugged off her own fatigue as she glanced at her blackberry, which was once again inundated with emails as she walked down the dimly lit hall. She found Lucas in the nursery and tapped her manicured hand against its frame. Lucas's worried face met with her own as she moved to stand beside him as he continued to watch over the sleeping infant.
"Hi," she said. "Peyton's sleeping now. She'll be fine. The fever's beginning to break, which is a good thing."
Lucas's brow creased so Brooke continued with the voice of experience, "all long as the fever breaks she'll be fine. I'll keep checking in on her tonight but I don't think it's necessary to take her to the hospital. She just needs to rest and drink plenty of fluids."
"That's good," he looked just as scared as Brooke felt sometimes when Peyton's health spiralled downwards. "Thanks Brooke. Thanks for coming."
"How are you holding up?" the brunette asked her former ex boyfriend. He looked worried and beyond tired himself. But then she knew him well enough to know he'd probably spent every minute worrying about Peyton.
"I'm managing," Lucas rubbed the back of his neck.
"It's a lot to deal with," the girl stated with the voice of experience.
Lucas merely nodded, his eyes focused only upon his child as if he was trying to keep the darkened reality at bay.
Brooke's eyes fluttered down to the tiny person lying on her back in the crib. Peyton's little miniature brought the tears to Brooke's eyes and her lashes fluttered as she attempted to keep them at bay. From the instant she saw her friend's daughter she knew exactly why Peyton would risk everything once again to have the life with her child that she had always wanted.
"Peyton told me she wants to see the specialist in L.A."
She honestly hadn't intended to bring that up with him. Not until she'd spoken to Peyton about it properly as it was after all ultimately Peyton's decision to make. But then when it came to Lucas Scott, Brooke didn't always think that the blonde thought clearly. Peyton was still very much in love with the broody boy.
"Yeah," his voice sounded into the darkness.
"Do you really think that's a good idea?"
"You don't think it's a good idea?" he enquired. He turned to face her and was a little taken aback with the expression that met him. "We talked about it. I didn't pressure her into it if that's what you're thinking." Lucas defended his intentions.
Brooke let out an involuntary sigh and Lucas brought his blue eyes to look at her.
"She's been through a lot Lucas." She couldn't help but be concerned that maybe Peyton's body couldn't take much more.
"I know and I don't want to make her worse Brooke. I just want Izzy to have her mother back in her life. And that's what Peyton wants too."
Brooke couldn't argue with that; Peyton wanted her little girl and that fact struck hard at Brooke's heart.
"I won't do anything to hurt her Brooke," Lucas addressed Brooke's fears without her needing to voice them. "But she's still so young and if there's a chance that she could recover from this isn't it worth a shot?"
It was ultimately Peyton's decision and Brooke knew that. She just couldn't help but want to protect her best friend.
"Look it's been a long day. It's late and I'm kind of tired," Brooke said. He looked exhausted too and she thought all of them could benefit from a good nights sleep before anything was discussed. "Maybe we should get some sleep too."
"Yeah of course," Lucas conceded. "You take my room and I'll take the couch."
Brooke smiled her thanks to him, he knew all to well that she was accustomed to luxury and would rather not bed down on the couch. She followed him to the linen closet as he grabbed her some fresh sheets, which she took from him.
"Get some sleep Luke," she husked. "You look exhausted."
Lucas rubbed the back of his neck as he conceded to that fact. He pulled some blankets and pillows down from the high shelf for himself. "Thanks Brooke," he gave her a little smile before heading off down the hall.
Peyton awoke slowly to the tickling sensation of the warm morning's light upon her skin. She felt warm and safe as she huddled deeply within the bed covers. Her mind was still in a better place as she gradually came to. She could still smell the wild flowers and hear the ringing laughter of her little girl as they ran together through the fields. She could still see Lucas's beaming smile as he caught a giggling Isabelle into her arms. He reached to catch Peyton too. She settled against his hard chest as he brought his lips to her own.
Her lids opened lazily with protest. She loved that dream. She closed her eyes tightly again as if trying to recapture what she knew she could not.
The bedroom door creaked open and those signature heels clapped against the wooden floorboards. Brooke was already fully dressed as she made her way purposely to the other side of the room. Peyton watched the brunette pulled the drapes aside to allow the new day to spill in through the window.
"Brooke," she objected, signalling she was awake. She shielded her eyes with her shaking hand. Her body was still slightly weary after her not feeling well before.
"Morning sleeping grumpy," came the typical reply from the chipper girl and Peyton giggled a little at the nickname.
"Morning. What time is it?" Peyton grumbled. She pulled herself up into a seated position and ran a hand through her messy locks.
"More like what day is it." Brooke perched on the bed and brought her hand to Peyton's head. Peyton would often sleep for hours at a time when she became sick but she looked all the better for it. The colour had returned to her cheeks and her skin was much cooler to the touch. "You slept for almost sixteen hours. You were exhausted honey."
Peyton remained silent before Brooke handed her a bottle of water and her first daily round of drugs. Peyton took a sip of water to relieve the dryness in the back of her throat before she dutifully took the medication.
"How you feeling?" Brooke asked.
"Better," Peyton replied before she swallowed the little white pills with several gulps of water. She set the glass back down on the nightstand. "Where's Luke?"
"He went to see Lindsey," Brooke muttered then. She watched as her friend's face fell.
"Oh," Peyton didn't even try to hide how crushed she felt as Brooke supplied her with that piece of information. "She's allowed visitors now?"
"Yeah I guess so. Though I think Lucas went out today because he's been feeling helpless because he doesn't know what to do to look after you."
Peyton didn't seem convinced but Brooke had just spent that last day and a night with the boy who hadn't been able to relax for more than a moment before fretting over Peyton's welfare.
"So I've been thinking about what you asked me the other night."
The words brought Peyton out of her paranoia and her emerald orbs latched onto Brooke's deep brown ones. She bit her lip, not daring to speak in case her friend's decision ripped the wind from her lungs.
"If its what you really want," Brooke began taking Peyton's hand into her own. "Then I'll set up the appointment."
"It is," Peyton replied immediately and certainty.
"Ok," the brunette nodded. "Then I'll do whatever I can to support you."
"Thank you B," the blonde muttered as she rested her head onto her best friend's shoulder. She let out the tell tale sound of a sniffle as she tried not to cry the tears and the hopes she'd held at bay.
"As long as you're sure."
"I'm sure. I promise."
Brooke gave Peyton's thin arm a little squeeze for comfort. "I love you P Sawyer," she whispered into the blonde's ear.
"I love you too B Davis," Peyton grinned at they still continued to use their pre-teen pet names for each other.
"Ok," the brunette said as she dabbed at her eyes, determined not to spoil her perfectly applied makeup. "Well then, Missy Mom why don't you get up and take a shower. I'll go and make breakfast and we can spend the day with that gorgeous little baby of yours."
Five days later and Peyton felt better and more positive as she sat sketching in Lucas's study with Isabelle playing with her new purple monkey. The hazy late afternoon sun filtered through the window. Lucas was at an afternoon practice at their old high school and Peyton had more than willingly volunteered to watch Isabelle. Every moment with her daughter was priceless and she now relished the quiet time spent just being in her company.
At this time of the day the study got the best of the natural light and Peyton wanted to attain that advantage. She couldn't pin point to where her art had ceased being something she was good at and to something that defined her and all her passion but she knew art had become who she was.
She blended her bold charcoal lines with her index finger to smooth and blend the lines together. Her fingers cradled the little black stick as she let it glide cleanly and expertly against the white sketchbook. She curled her messy locks behind her ear in slight irritation as they fell in front of her eyes and obscured her view somewhat. She thought idly about leaving the room in search of a hair band but wanted to get her inspiration captured upon the page before she broke away.
A small giggle from Isabelle as she laughed and played with Brooke's gift broke the blonde's attentions from her work and to the infant. Isabelle's beaming smile and intelligent green eyes still captivated her. Peyton pulled herself up from Lucas's chair and crossed over to the little girl. Despite her aching lower back Peyton picked up her daughter from the carpeted floor.
"Hey there sweetie," Peyton cooed as Isabelle's gorgeous smile deepened and her tiny fingers reached up for her curls. She moved over to the desk with Isabelle cradled to her chest.
"You see that," Peyton motioned to her drawing; she knew Isabelle was far too young to understand her but she couldn't help but want her daughter to know of her and her father's childhood love story. "This is the first time I really saw your daddy all those years ago. Right here in Tree Hill. And he was so sweet to me even though I was mean to him," a saddened laugh tickled at her throat.
"I think I fell in love with him from the moment we spoke." She stared down at the picture lost to the memory.
Isabelle's gurgle drew her back to the present and Peyton's glimmering hope surged. "And you, well I fell in love with you even before I held you for the first time. I've loved you since you were inside my tummy. Your momma loves you Isabelle Scott."
She still wanted to reach out and hold her daughter at every given opportunity.
"Momma," Isabelle's small voice chimed out into the space between them.
For a split second Peyton thought she'd imagined the recognition by her daughter. She swallowed down the realisation of all that was at stake.
"Yeah that's right little girl, I'm your momma," she spoke softly as she blinked back the tingling sensation of her tears. It felt so wonderful and yet so bittersweet to her the words from the child. She placed a kiss to her daughter's softly curled fist. "I'm going to do everything I can to be your momma for now and forever."
She had to fight against the onslaught of her breaking emotions. Tomorrow was the beginning of her last shot at hope, as she and Brooke would be visiting the oncologist. She'd been both reluctant and nervous to meet with this doctor but she had placed a wishful belief in someone she hadn't even met yet. Now with Isabelle's trust and true recognition of who she was Peyton really knew the stakes were high.
"Hey," Lucas's voice drew Peyton's attention towards the door. His heart ached just a little from seeing the seamless fit of his own precious daughter curled so tightly in her mother's arms.
"Hey," Peyton grinned as Isabelle's curly-haired head nestled against her chest. "I guess I should put her down."
"I can do it if you're tired."
"No its fine," Peyton hoisted Isabelle to her hip and she moved towards the nursery. They'd settled into a somewhat familiar and family like routine quickly. When Lucas returned home from work Peyton would put Isabelle down and they would each take it in turns to either cook the dinner or prepare the baby bottles for the next day.
Schedule and the known did wonders to comfort her and as she laid down the little girl and watched those gold flecked eyelids press shut like delicate butterfly wings.
"So how was practice?" Peyton asked idly as she returned to the study, pulling her loose knit sweater around her shoulders suddenly feeling colder as the skies clouded over.
"Good, practice was good. I spoke to Lindsey today."
The mention of Lucas's wife sent Peyton's stomach in knots. "How is she?" She tried to keep both calm and neutral.
"She's doing alright. She might be able to come home soon."
"That's good," she chimed. It was good news; she was glad that Lindsey was getting better. She couldn't help but feel afraid of what Lucas spending so much time with his wife would mean for her. She knew it was silly and selfish; Lucas was still a married man.
"Yeah," Lucas's hand brushed absentmindedly against the back of his neck. Lindsey may be being released from the rehabilitation centre but she wasn't coming back to him. She'd made that clear before she'd been admitted and when he'd visited her. She wanted a divorce, she'd told him. He wanted to feel sad that his marriage was over, he felt guilty that it didn't bother him as much as it seemed to bother Lindsey herself.
"You ok?" Peyton asked interrupting his thoughts.
Lucas smiled sadly, "yeah things are just kind of messed up right now."
Peyton nodded, "Ever just want to go back to being a kid again?"
"All the time. So how was your day?" He still worried if taking care of the toddler was too much for her but Peyton refused not to be with Isabelle every day.
"Our day was really good. We had breakfast in the garden with Aunt Brooke and Izzy had her bath." Peyton beamed. "She's always an angel for me."
Lucas smiled, "I'm glad." He looked down at her charcoal covered fingers. "So what are you working on?"
The greying black smudges in her fingertips had his mind spiralling idly back to the days of their high school romance. He remembered how when she was staying with him after Ian Banks had tried to hurt her the first time. Peyton had refused to sleep; she'd refused to interact with the outside world and she'd just draw for hours in his room. He remembered how he'd come back from school and he would find the tiny dark markings of her medium of choice against his comforter. He'd never minded; it was Peyton and he loved her passion for her art.
"Nothing really," she said and stirred him back into the present.
His brow furrowed. He knew she was always private and secretive when it came to her drawings but her face shadowed with something a little bit different.
"It's just something for Isabelle," she tried to shrug off her agitation at being questioned.
"Ok," he smiled gently. He knew from so many past experiences how secretive and temperamental Peyton could be about her art so he didn't push any further. "Are you feeling all right?"
"Yeah," she feebly attempted to return his smile as best she could. Isabelle calling her momma was still very much at the forefront of her mind. "I'm good."
"Good," he touched at her shoulder and she met his eyes and offered him a little smile, which told him she was doing well.
"Brooke's set up an appointment with the specialist she found. His name's Dr Grayson. He's the best in his field. He's in Charlotte for a few days so I'm going to see him."
"That's good," Lucas replied guessing this was the reason that Peyton didn't seem completely herself. She looked almost afraid but then he didn't really blame her.
"The appointment's tomorrow," she mentioned then.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Lucas had already started to make child care arrangements in his head for the following day. He had promised to be there for her this time and fully intended to live up to the promise.
"No it's fine. Brooke's taking me," the words past her lips as an unconscious reaction. She wanted him there with her and seeing the disappointment spread across his beautiful features she wished she could let him in completely.
"Oh," the words stuck in his throat. He put his hands into his pockets just for something to do so he didn't betray any more of his hurt and helplessness. It was hard enough knowing what Peyton had to endure to get better but not being there for her was worse.
"I just thought it would be easier that way with Isabelle and everything."
"I guess so," the look on his face told her that he wasn't convinced.
"Well I should go rest up," Peyton murmured her excuse to avoid those penetrating eyes. "I have an early start in the morning."
"Yeah of course." Lucas sank down onto the office chair and she retreated quickly from the room. He took a deep breath as he shook his head. She'd run away from him at every opportunity and that had to stop.
He pulled himself up from the seat sharply. He had every intention of going after her and talking to her until she saw reason and sense. With the very first purposeful stride he took, his foot kicked at the oval shaped box under the desk.
With a frown Lucas picked it up from the carpet. He wouldn't have opened it; he knew better than to invade Peyton's privacy. But its labelled sent his stomach plummeting and his fears sent waves of nausea coursing through his body. He lifted off the lid and his eyes scanned over the old photographs, her drawings, the keepsakes and the symbols that marked her life. Of their past life together.
"P Sawyer would you relax," Brooke instructed and patted the leather couch at her side for the blonde to sit down. In the past as they waited for what seemed like hours to be seen by a doctor it had been Brooke who was agitated and unable to wait patiently.
"Sorry," Peyton tossed her friend as sheepish smile as she stopped in her tracks. "I'm a little nervous is all."
"I know honey but it'll be fine," the other girl rasped her encouragement. "But you should sit down before you wear a hole into the carpet."
The blonde smiled sheepishly and sank down beside her friend. She took a deep breath as she attempted to cleanse her thoughts. "Thanks for doing this for me B."
"You're welcome," Brooke smiled. She reached for Peyton's hand and gave it a little squeeze of reassurance. She'd promised herself she'd do everything she could to help Peyton through this illness. She couldn't bear to lose the one person she considered her family more than those she was linked to by blood.
"Are you sure you want to go through all this again?" The long hospital stays; the days off Peyton being nauseous and in pain had taken its toll on both of the girls. Brooke had been there every step of the way and she wouldn't have it any other way. And she'd be there this time again but she remembered all too vividly sitting on the hospital's white floors in the bathroom, finding Peyton lying in a pool of vomit and feeling so helpless she couldn't do more for her best friend. She'd seen Peyton suffer through so much only to be dejected as the treatments failed to make any different to her worsening condition.
"Honey," Peyton reminded lightly. "You were the one who found Dr Grayson."
Brooke brushed back Peyton tangled hair. "I know and you know I don't want to lose you. Not now and not ever. But..."
"It's gonna be fine," Peyton assured. "I have to believe that it's going to work this time. I know you don't really approve," Peyton hushed over to her friend. She knew without Brooke uttering her objections that she didn't wholly understand of Peyton's sudden change of heart. "But thank you."
"I get it honey. I do. We'll do almost anything for the people we love," Brooke murmured. "I only wish my mom had been as selfless and brave like you. You're a good mom P."
"Thank you," Peyton turned her face towards Brooke and she couldn't help the proud smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. "Izzy called me mom yesterday."
"Oh honey." Brooke returned her best friend's proud grin. She'd seen Peyton with her daughter and it didn't surprise her that the little girl had come to accept and recognise her real mother so quickly.
"I want to hear her call me that for years to come," Peyton fought off the tears that memory caused behind her eyes. "I love her more than anything. And I want her to know me. But I'm really scared this time."
"Hey," Brooke encircled her arm around the other girl's shoulder and brought her in for a hug. That's when she truly realised that Peyton had given up trying to get better before because she thought she'd lost the one thing that meant everything to her. "I know you're scared honey but Alan's a really good doctor."
"Alan?" Peyton lifted her head from the crook of Brooke's shoulder. Leave it to Brooke Davis to bring her out of her negative frame of mind. She raised a suspicious eyebrow as she realised Brooke was on a first name basis with the oncologist. The brunette gave a less than casual shrug as Peyton kept her keen eyes upon her. "So is Alan cute?"
Brooke's dimpled and mischievous smile spread quickly upon her features. "He's a good looking man," she began, as the blonde's own grin widened. "He's also the world renowned doctor who's going to make you better."
"Uh huh," Peyton nodded. Brooke Penelope Davis couldn't fool her, not after so many years of friendship.
"Miss Sawyer," the nurse's voice stirred the girls from their conversation. "Doctor Grayson will see you now." Peyton stood up to follow the red haired woman dressed in the white uniform along the corridor. She gripped onto Brooke's hand as they entered to doctor's office.
Lucas pottered in from the garage after he arrived home from a day's coaching his high school basketball team with Nathan. He'd spent his time occupying himself at the River Court whilst Peyton had visited with the doctor.
He had needed to keep busy. He still hadn't processed the "time capsule" that Peyton had put together. He'd hoped a day playing basketball with his brother and their friends would have done something to ease his troubled mind. It had worked when he was out in the fresh air but as soon as he stepped back into the home environment he felt all the doubt and confusion swarm around him once again.
He found Brooke sitting at the kitchen table with Isabelle balanced on one knee whilst she answered her numerous emails of that day on her laptop with a glass of iced tea at her side. "Hey, she chirped by way of greeting.
"Hey. Where's Peyton?" Lucas enquired.
"She's upstairs taking a nap," Brooke answered as she pressed a kiss to Isabelle's forehead. "I told her I'd watch Izzy until you got home."
Lucas nodded in response and pulled open the refrigerator door and retrieved an ice cold beer. He popped it open and took a swig as he watched Brooke fuss over the little girl. "So how did the appointment go?"
"It went well," Brooke met his eyes then over the crown of Isabelle's blonde curls. "The doctors have signed her up for clinical trials. She can begin treatment next week."
"That soon?" Lucas took another gulp of his icy drink to try to alleviate the churning uncertainty in his stomach.
"Dr Grayson doesn't want to waste any time Luke." Brooke didn't voice that Peyton's illness had progressed, as she hadn't received treatment for the past couple of months. "The doctors want to start right away to improve her chances."
Lucas nodded as the woman spoke. He tried to focus on making plans for childcare and hospital stays rather than the nagging and consuming fear that surged within him. What Brooke was telling him wasn't exactly inspiring him with confidence. He had to believe that the doctors wouldn't even sign her up to his trials if they didn't think there was a chance to help her get well again.
"Right," he uttered uselessly. "So what happens next?"
"Well she'll undergo surgery for a stem cell cord blood transplant," Brooke uttered what she had gleaned from Dr Grayson's explanation earlier that day. "Normally Peyton would undergo a bone marrow transplant but since no one we know is a match…"
Lucas nodded, he knew from what he'd looked up that normally the doctors would you family members as donors but with Ellie deceased and Peyton's biological father unknown to her he guessed that would be the only viable option.
"Could Izzy be a possible donor?" That was one option no one had considered.
"Peyton would never use Izzy as a donor," Brooke repeated the firm, adamant wishes of her friend. "It'd be a painful procedure for Izzy and Peyton didn't want that."
Lucas just nodded, he didn't want to harm his little girl either, but once again he wished Peyton would discuss this with him.
"After the surgery she'll be placed in a sterile room to prevent post surgical infection."
Lucas shook his head, from what he'd read of stem cell research he knew the procedure was of high risk and only used for patients as a last resort to keep them alive and better their survival chances. Brooke only served to strength his fears and his dread.
"It'll be ok Luke," Brooke tried to remain positive as she watched Lucas's face shadow with doubt. "Peyton's strong and Dr Grayson is a great surgeon and a pioneer in stem cell research. We just need to stay strong for her."
'If only things were that simple' Lucas thought bitterly. He sank down on the unoccupied chair next to the brunette. He finally gave into the frustration and dread that plagued him.
"Yeah? What's the point in us being strong if Peyton's planning to die?"
"What?" Brooke was slightly taken aback by his outburst. Her gaze lowered back to child's fair curly hair. Lucas's blue eyes were too troubled and unsettling for her.
"Did Peyton tell you about the will? She needs to make plans just in case but that doesn't mean…"
"The will?" Lucas cut her off sharply. "She's written a will?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The shook in his voice seemed to rattle in his ears. Peyton had gone as far as planning that she was going to die. "She's made a will?"
It was all too much for him to hear. Lucas could barely even bring himself to imagine a world with his precious Peyton in it. Yet here he was learning that the girl had taken so many steps to plan for life with her gone.
"Luke, Peyton wanted to make sure everything was left for Izzy just in case." Her voice trailed to a halt, she couldn't bring herself to conclude the sentence.
Lucas brought his hand up to his mouth. He didn't understand any of this anymore.
Brooke looked into his deep, sad eyes. She bit her lip as she wished she could take it all back. Peyton's will was clearly news to Lucas but she could tell by his expression that something was wrong. "You're not talking about the will?"
"No, I'm talking about the morbid box of pictures she's been making."
His brittle yet harsh tone startled Brooke. Her mind spiraled as she could only imagine how helpless he felt. She understood from her own experience that Lucas coming across that box would have upset him. It had hurt Brooke too when she'd come home to find Peyton recording all of her treasured memories and nuggets of wisdom onto a tiny microphone.
"I shouldn't have said anything," she muttered.
"No, I'm kind of glad you did," Lucas didn't try to stop the anger tainting his voice. "It's not like Peyton wants to discuss any of this with me."
"Hey," Brooke felt her own objections rise. "That's not fair." She knew all too well and painfully that what Peyton was doing right now was for the perfect little family that she'd only wished for until a few weeks ago.
"None of this is fair," Lucas had to work hard not to raise his voice. Little Isabelle's wide, innocent eyes were fixed upon her father and he was reminded of all the times that he and Lindsey had fought in front of her. He silently cursed himself before reaching for his daughter.
Lucas lifted Isabelle and cradled her close to his chest. "I'm sorry baby girl," he pressed a kiss to her messy head of hair. "Daddy's sorry."
"Luke," Brooke murmured gently.
"It just kills me I can't protect her from this. Both of them," he admitted. "All I want to do is make her better. I'm used to just making things better for her and I can't with this. I can't do anything but hope and wait and it's killing me."
"I know," Brooke hushed.
"They both need me to be strong and I'm a mess Brooke." he swallowed hard after he admitted his true feelings.
"I know," she repeated. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know how hard this is but Peyton's really scared Lucas. She really needs you to be there."
"I'm so used to being the one who saves her." He closed his eyes tightly to stop the onset of tears.
"Do you still love her?" Brooke rasped the burning question.
Lucas's eyes cast down onto Isabelle's ringlets. He attempted to ignore the flickering memory that danced behind his eyes. It took him momentarily away from Brooke's chestnut eyes and back to a time that he'd rather forget.
"You still love her don't you," Lindsey cried out as she staggered drunkenly in their bedroom. She held tightly onto the neck of an almost empty bottle of vodka.
"Linds," he muttered uselessly.
Her words had stung at the back of his mind and he hadn't been able to utter a real reply. Lucas hadn't truly known what to say or what to do. They'd got back together for the sake of Lindsey's health, because it was what she wanted and because Lucas had wanted to salvage the marriage and do what was right.
But his heart had yearned and ached only for the beautiful blonde he'd just learnt was carrying his child and who had cancer.
"I'm sorry," he whispered as Lindsey's arms had wrapped around him. Lindsey had sobbed because her husband had fathered a child with another woman and Lucas had cried because he may lose the love of his life...
Lucas swallowed hard as he focused his attention back on the brunette. "I never stopped Brooke."
Her dimpled saddened smile shone knowingly. "It's always been about you two you know that," Brooke Davis, his first girlfriend from back in high school, declared. She'd always known it in her heart that her two closest friends were simply meant to be together.
A sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips, he couldn't argue with that fact. He just wished things could be similar for him and the fiery girl who'd captured his heart.
"Luke," Brooke said in a throaty voice. "Whatever Peyton might have done, and however misjudged, she just wants to do whatever she can for Isabelle. You two have always been in her heart."
Lucas's cuddled his precious daughter closer to his chest, "I know. Thanks Brooke."
The girl returned her wink, "you're welcome."
Lucas knocked softly on Peyton's bedroom door and waited until her southern twanged voice sounded to invite him in. He smiled as he pushed the door open to find her lying amongst the bed covers with a copy of "The Princess Bride" open and resting in her palms.
"Hey," she smiled as she set the book down on her lap.
"Are you crying?" He enquired and sank down onto the bed beside her. He took in the eyeglasses perching at the tip of her nose. He didn't even know she needed to wear glasses for reading but they suited her.
"No," she ran a finger under her damp lashes to brush away the telltale signs of her tears. Her eyes were slightly red and puffy from crying. She'd never been good at hiding anything from this boy. "Yes."
"You and this book," he chuckled plucked the tattered novel from her. He remembered teasing her years ago as he found her crying over the book during their senior year. He'd called her a dork and cuddled her closely, thinking how utterly love-able she was for tearing up over a book she'd read far too many times.
"My dad used to read me this book," she admitted with a sniff. "When I was home, sick from school. It's about true love being found and lost and then found again."
"With giants and pirates," he added sceptically.
"Yeah, well I love it. It makes me remember what it's like to be a kid again." She pulled the glasses from where they balanced on her cheekbones and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. "I'm a mess. I'll be right back, I'm just going to get some tissues."
Lucas smiled as she clambered up over the mattress in her little bed shorts. Her hand grazed his shoulder as she passed him and she dropped down to the floor. She gave him a little shy smile as she realised he was looking at her. He grinned in reply before she vanished into the bathroom. She could still be so girly when she wanted to be.
He caught sight of their locket glimmering against the bedside lamp. He picked it up from the bedding and flicked it open. His eyes scanned the two pictures inside; a day old Isabelle in her mother's arms and on the other side was an eighteen-year-old version of him. He remembered when she'd taken the photograph; they'd been road tripping up to see the Cure. It was the concert they never made it to but it was locked away in his memory as one of the very best days of his life.
Brooke was right. Peyton was the one that had carried their love on even when he was lost and confused. He didn't want anything to happen to her, he could hardly bring himself to think that she might not be all right.
"You should put this in your box," Lucas stated as she returned. He held up the book between his fingers to indicate what he was talking about.
Peyton stopped in her tracks, "how did you?" Her gaze fell straight down to her bare feet. "Don't be mad, ok. I can explain."
"I'm not mad," he moved towards her. Her body stiffened and her eyes trailed back to his warily. "I mean I was mad when I found it in my office."
"Luke, I never meant you to find it like that," she uttered.
"Shh, it's ok," Lucas stood up and brought his hands to her shoulders to stop her from speaking in her guilty tone. "Come on, sit down with me and talk to me." He wanted to know why she'd made the memory box but he knew that yelling at her and getting her upset wasn't advisable. Talking it out was better for her, even if what she might say might just fill him with more uncertainty and fear.
Peyton slid back to sit on the bed, she drew her legs up and tucked them under the blankets.
"Talk to me," Lucas repeated, sitting beside her and taking her hand.
"When I was little I had so many questions about my mom. I'd ask my dad but I think it hurt him to remember her. But I wanted to know so many things. Silly things like her favourite colour, what book always made her cry, what song gave her hope no matter how many times she hear it." His face broke into a smirk as he thought of Peyton's passion to her music.
"And bigger things too," she went on to say. "Like what she wanted to be when she grew up, what her dreams were. Who the first boy she'd ever kissed was and when she'd first realised she'd fallen in love with my dad.
"I want Izzy to know those things. I want to be able to tell her those things even if I'm not here to tell her."
"Peyt," Lucas murmured as her eyes glittered. She would be here to tell, he hoped with all his heart that she would always be there for their baby girl.
"And I-I never got a chance to say goodbye to my mom or to Ellie, Luke. And I loved them so much and," Lucas tightened his grip on her tiny hand as she struggled to speak, his thumb lightly stroking at her knuckles. She'd lost two people she loved so suddenly and senselessly.
"It really hurt that I didn't get to say goodbye. It hurt more than anything else."
He swallowed hard, she'd needed to get this out but it almost broke him to hear it.
"I guess I needed to say goodbye to her," Peyton voiced the truth so quietly. "I don't want her to feel like I did."
"Shh," he pulled her in close. "It's ok." Lucas didn't want to hear it; he didn't want to imagine that terrifying possibility but he let her talk. He was happy she was opening up to him, the way she had always done before.
"I'm sorry."
"Me too.
"Friends?" Peyton asked, wanting nothing more than to be fighting on the same side as him.
Lucas smiled, cuddling her close to his chest. He knew he couldn't be mad at her when she gave him that little sheepish grin of hers; the one that told him she knew she had acted misguidedly, and maybe wrongly, but it was only because she'd been afraid. And it was because she was doing everything she could to do things right.
"Of course we're friends you knuckle head," he pressed a kiss to her tousled blonde locks.
"Good," she breathed in his scent and she buried her face into his shirt.
"Are you cold?" he asked as his eyes fell to her bare and goose pimpled little arms. The skinny arms that belonged to the girl he simply adored.
"No not really." She snuggled in closer to him, stealing his warmth. She felt safer and more secure right now than she had done all day. Lucas made her feel safe and sound as he stroked his fingers lightly through her hair.
"Come with me?" Her invitation brought his eyes up to lock with hers. "Come with me to the hospital next week."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I do want you there. I need you there," she struggled with her admission and his fingers curled tighter around her hand. "I do, I just get scared and stubborn and proud."
"I know," he rested his chin at the crown of her wild locks. "You think I'd have you any other way other than proud and stubborn?"
Peyton let out a little chuckle, "just as well really. Seeing as how I think the stubborn part is permanent."
"Oh I know that," he only half joked. He knew he wouldn't have her any other way.
"I'm really, really scared Luke," she murmured into his shirt. She needed and wanted to be all right this time so she could be in Isabelle's life. And in the life of the man she loved too. Her fingers scrunched up the fabric covering his chest as she finally voiced the fears she'd carried around that day.
"Shh, it's going to be ok." He was scared too. He was so scared for her and so afraid of losing her. "I'll be there every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere. It's going to be ok."
Peyton lay on the hospital bed as she watched the nurse take her vitals. She stared groggily about the clinic white room. The sterile isolation ward she had been put in still scared her as she was left with only the bleeping machines for company as she waited for another nurse or doctor to tend to her.
Lucas entered the room carefully; he wore the gown and the mask he'd been instructed to wear to keep from passing even the slightest of infection to her. His eyes trailed to the wires and the tubes that connected her to the various machines. He knew they served to monitor her progress and they helped her. And yet he was afraid of them; he hated them.
She would be all right. He had to believe that. He stared into her deep emerald eyes. Despite her pale and weak appearance he saw she still burned with the life he treasured.
His white-gloved hand moved to capture the limb hand lying at her side. At his touch her fingers tingled into action as she curled them to grip tightly onto him. He smiled through the surgical mask and knowing that she couldn't see his fears or his desperate need to have her finally know the truth he uttered, "I love you."
Life is a journey. Sometimes there seems there is no propose to it other than to get from one place to the next. Sometimes as I lie here just hoping and praying to get to a better place all I can picture is you. You give me hope and a purpose; I guess I wouldn't be here without you. You're my dream and all I can do is pray that life may be good to me and give me a second chance to have the life I've hoped for...