She was the goddess of the sun and the source of all light, plunging the world into darkness when she sealed herself up in a cave. This is the myth that surrounds Amaterasu, which literally means "illuminating heaven." I was fascinated by the myth, and by the technique it inspired -- as well as the tragic side effects of its usage. I was interested in exploring blindness, understanding vision and the loss of sight as something that doesn't only occur optically.

Vision, sight, having the clarity to see -- these are things that are commonly taken for granted. But in Naruto, Sasuke's sight, his vision of reality, his world, and his life are all so clouded by his need for revenge and his self-imposed role of the Avenger that it blinds him to all else. All the things we consider integral to life such as love, hope, dreams, bonds, friendship, and trust are not a part of the road Sasuke takes. He blindly follows the path Itachi lays out for him instead of choosing to open his eyes when Kakashi gives him that option. Essentially, Sasuke is a character who can't see what's right in front of him, and lives his entire life with his eyes stubbornly closed.

I wanted to examine a life that had been lived without true vision or sight. Sasuke's eyes never truly belong to him -- he lives most of his life, looking out of someone else's eyes and living out their vision. But it isn't until Illuminating Heaven that he finally tries to regain his sight, just as his eyes are truly starting to fail.

It started as just an image. I saw them lying there in that bedroll, Kakashi holding Sasuke close to his chest. I wasn't sure if they were clothed or not, but I only knew one thing: Sasuke couldn't see. And that was how the story began. I didn't know where the plot would go or how it would end. I only knew that I had this image I had to somehow create.

I thought about all the different themes that I could possibly explore. And then I realized just how much potential there could be. I had a basic idea in mind that I couldn't get away from: Kakashi reteaching Sasuke all the things he'd never properly learned, breaking him just so he could put him back together the right way.

The narrative formed itself rather quickly after I determined that Snow Country would be the best setting for this particular story. This is a place of winter, where nothing ever grows -- a place that represents the barrenness of Sasuke's life, and the empty way in which he lives. It is also a place where Kakashi and Sasuke once helped to bring about Spring -- rebirth, new life, new beginnings. Essentially, it is a place of both endings and beginnings.

This story functions on so many different levels, each theme and motif representing, in some way, the characters or their relationship, as well as their struggles. I might have been too ambitious with it, by trying to put in so many things, and attempting to frame it through the modulation of themes and motifs that constantly reform themselves in new or repeated iterations throughout the entirety of the text, like a form of discursive music revolving around the single underlying theme of vision.

I have been incredibly fortunate to have had so much help along the way on this journey, and would like to thank all of my readers and reviewers who have given me encouragement and very valuable critique, especially imlikat, frackin_sweet, idle_ramblingsx, sp_kathrine, and desfinado. And most importantly, I would like to thank my incredible beta editor, ka0richan for all of her insight, hard work, and dedication to this project. She has poured countless hours of love into helping me craft this story, and there have been so many late nights and early mornings where we spent doing nothing but writing and editing and working on making it as good as possible, chasing ridiculous deadlines that I arbitrarily set because I was afraid if I didn't write the story fast enough, I'd eventually forget how I wanted to tell it in the first place.

I could have attempted to write this as a story without any romance, examining the relationship between Kakashi and Sasuke as student and teacher, as opposed to lovers. However, I feel that Sasuke, who has lost everything and just about everyone in his life, as well as his purpose, his direction, his vision, is such a tragic and broken character that it would not have had the same impact. Sasuke's realization that Kakashi "still believed in him, that he had enough hope for the both of them, that he would never give up on him, and wanted and needed him in a way no one else did" is what changes him and compels him in such a profound way.

And while some people can say that Naruto might feel the same way about Sasuke, and wonder why I didn't write a story about Naruto saving Sasuke instead (besides the fact that it is not my favorite pairing, or even a pairing I really love), to me, Naruto's desire for Sasuke is one that is very selfish. He isn't interested in Sasuke because of who Sasuke is, but because Sasuke is the first person who ever truly acknowledges him, and is someone he considers a brother. This kind of love and motivation is too self-centered, whereas Kakashi's love for Sasuke is entirely selfless, and different, due to the pedagogical context in which they first form their relationship.

Naruto never fails Sasuke the way Kakashi does; certainly, it can be argued that Naruto fails to bring him home, but Kakashi fails to educate and teach Sasuke the right things that could have changed the entire course of his life. Of course, everyone will say that Naruto's influence on Sasuke runs so deep that Orochimaru determines that they must be separated, but Naruto is not in the role that Kakashi is in -- that of the educator, someone who is supposed to bestow wisdom, clarity, and guide his students onto the right path. Kakashi fails Sasuke in being able to fill that role in Naruto.

Had this been a story about Naruto and Sasuke, it would have been very different. Naruto would've continuously used force to shove all his beliefs into Sasuke and make him see what he believes in. He would've pried open Sasuke's eyes in a rather aggressive and violent way, whereas Kakashi gives Sasuke the choice to decide. Certainly, Kakashi isn't exactly very gentle about making Sasuke relearn those lessons he never properly learned, but Sasuke is the one who's understanding the lessons as they are taught and consciously choosing whether or not to accept them. There is no force here, only options, and that is the difference between Kakashi and Naruto. Naruto loves Sasuke so much that he refuses to let him go. Kakashi loves Sasuke so much that he's willing to let him choose.

"You can be my unintended choice to live my life extended, you should be the one I'll always love. I'll be there as soon as I can, but I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before." These words, from the song, "Unintended" by Muse, have been the underlying soundtrack throughout the entirety of this story. I have listened to this song on repeat for hours as I wrote, and feel it is very representative of what is going on the entire time in the narrative. Neither Kakashi or Sasuke ever expect their relationship to end up manifesting in such a way.

I still wonder how their story will really end. I don't think I'll ever really know for sure. I don't think they know, either.

April 12, 2009