A/N: Heya guys! Sierra here! Also knows as the 'Fierce' to Pippins' Socks. This is our first collab and it's pretty spiffy if I do say so myself and of course Jess' (Pippins) stuff is awesome as ever! For those of you who know us then you know how we work: total crack with some angst that will very likely not appear here. And for those don't know us yet....May god have mercy on your soul XD
We hope you enjoy our insanity!
Disclaimer: If we did Kid would be running around in his undies.
Insanity's Hereditary
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Well they didn't just fall from the sky...
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His screw senses were tingling. Seriously. Something wasn't right.
He was forgetting something. He knew he was. Badass swivel chair: check, loose screw: check, pants: check.
So what was it, he wondered. What was so important about the eighth of May? He scrunched his nose as he glared unseeingly up at the ingrates who called themselves his students. I mean who in their right mind entrusts their education to a mad scientist who may or may not be abusing illegal substances? No one sane that's for sure. He tapped his pen in a steady rhythm against the desk thinking hard.
What the hell was he forgetting?!
"Oi... Stein-sensei," that annoying Soul Eater Evans called out, "Are you actually gonna teach us something today or should I just leave?"
"Sit and stay boy." Stein's glare became fiercer. Surprisingly he shut up. Yay.
"Someone needs to get laid." Black Star muttered under his breath to Tsubaki.
That jogged the good doctor's memory. "Aw crap."
"FRANKEN STEIN!!!" The door didn't just burst open. It exploded. Loudly.
Through the sawdust and plaster emerged the most frightening and menacing figure he had ever faced.
His mother.
The pepper haired woman in the red business suit with nails in her neck walked purposefully up to his swivel chair, Stein tipped backwards, trying to get away from her, landing flat on his back; cowering in fear of his mommy. If Spirit could see him now... Or not as she had started hitting him over the head with the equally red and shiny spaghetti stringed purse.
And What's this I hear about you performing dangerous and illegal surgeries young man?! AND WITHOUT ME?! I taught you everything you know!What woman will date someone who can't even respect his dear old mother?" she made a poor, puppy eyed face that earned whispers of sympathy and pity for her.
What the hell was wrong with his students? He's the one who needs the pity!
"I WANT GRANDCHILDREN DAMNIT!"
"Yes mommy..."
X-x-X
"Mama! How good to see you." Spirit greeted, crushing his mother in a hug which she all too enthusiastically returned, more than likely squishing one or two internal organs. Oh well; it's not like anyone really needs any of those.
"Baby! Mama has missed you so very much lovey." She smiled hugely and piched his cheeks.
Yes, the ones on his face.
"Where is Maka? and Kami? Lord knows I havent seen that Dear in ages. We should catch up on tea a-"
"Mama, Kami and I have been divorced for a while now."
"How come no one told me?!?!!?" She pulled on his face harder now.
"We DID tell you mama!" Spirit yanked against her iron grip and hard as he could. "Mama!!" he whined.
"I knew it! My baby is GAY!" Mama Albarn finally let go of her son's face to lay the back of her hand against her forehead dramatically. "This is because of that Stein! I knew he was trouble from the very start!"
"MAMA, I AM NOT GAY!"
X-x-X
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Kami was a very patient woman, there was nothing in the world she enjoyed more than sitting down for a good day and a half picking apart the latest Sudoku puzzle, crossword or book on genetic makeup.
In fact, she pretty much worshipped a challenge…
However-
"Its still not sitting right! Gimme five seconds"
There were some things…
"You said that 5 hours ago!"
Even she had to draw the line somewhere.
"Yes well, this is your wedding dress – you want it to be perfect"
Especially when it came to undead queens of the afterlife.
"Says the woman who got married on the burning wreckage of a cargo boat!"
Who had an unhealthy obsession with ruining her very normal (once upon a time) life.
"Swings and roundabouts!" chirped the very, very, very pregnant wife of the Shinigami-sama, smiling angelically up at the more than pissed off Kami, golden eyes crinkling with what could have been suppressed sadism.
With a final tug she stepped back to admire their handiwork. (Mostly her work but…details?)
"I think it's the one" you could almost see the italics in the air. The shopkeeper sighed with relief.
"You got married in jeans and a t-shirt; I hardly think you're one to be talking here"
"Oh shut up Kami and lemme just fix your hair…"
She truly pitied the unborn baby…
"Don't you come anywhere near me!"
Kami, defensively throwing her arms up, realized that after a few seconds her head was still intact, blinking in shock she looked round the dress shop only to find the source of her woe impossibly down the other end of the store "...what on earth are you doing?"
"Rearranging this shelf."
You could hearthe sweatdrop. "...why?"
"Because!" she hissed, a crazed - almost feral look in her eyes.
"...your kids so going to have a complex..." she stated dryly, forgetting momentarily that sarcasm to this woman was like an aeroplane...
"Ooo I like that. Kid...."
...straight over the top of your head
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X-x-X
"Don't play with your food Soul Darling."
"Hn."
"And sit up straight, your posture is horrid."
"Hn."
"And for goodness sake, chew with your mouth closed."
"Hn."
"And-"
"Geez Mom, give it a rest will ya?"
Mrs. Evans immediately started to sniffle, then cry. "Why doesnt my baby love meeeeeeeee?" Waterfalls fell down her cheeks as her throat became tight and consequently her crying more high pitched. "I've been a good mommy! Always teaching him right from wrong, manners, sending him to a good school, oh where did I go wrong?"
"There, there, mother." The scythe's older brother comforted, "Look what you did now moron!" he scolded as older brothers often did.
"Shut up Dick."
"My name is Richard."
"Dick is short for Richard."
"No one thinks that's funny. No one with half a brain would laugh at your lame attempt at jokes Soul."
Soul slouched farther down in his seat, hating family reunions more and more by the moment. "Maka laughs at my jokes." he pouted.
"MAKA?!" In the span of 0.5395 seconds Mrs. Evans was around the 20 foot long table and glomping her youngest son. "Is that a girl? Where did you meet her? Is she cute? Smart? Have you kissed yet? Oh please tell Mommy you've been using protection!"
"MOM!"
X-x-X
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"I'm the greatest! Most powerful! Unbeatable! No one can stop me in my undeniable passage to true glory! All will bow to me! The angels in the heavens will sing my name! God himself pales in comparison to my pure unaltered radiance! I. Am. True. Power!"
"That's nice dear," cooed the young, merry woman from the sitting room, "but you're still doing the dishes."
There was the distinct sound of smashing plates as White Star threw another of his famous hissy fits.
Tch.
Someone was on the couch tonight…
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It's all in the genes...
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A/N 2.0 - Sock Style:
The Pipmeister here...! ...Erm yeah that's it really x3.
Oh yes...Review!
(I have such a way with words neh?)