Bionic Woman

"Life's Little Absolute"

un·con·di·tion·al adj

complete or guaranteed, with no conditions, limitations, or provisos attached; absolute, unrestricted, unreserved

Callahan watched him pacing back and forth behind his desk like a caged animal. She had been trying to dictate a letter for the better part of the last half hour, but Oscar was so unfocused she had nothing but a jumble of words on her notepad. Peggy couldn't put her finger on it: there had been no panicked call from the Secretary of State's office; no new national crisis; no disasters abroad with any of their agents; and as far as she knew, nothing had transpired at all in the past week that could account for his profound preoccupation.

Peggy cleared her throat slightly before speaking, "You know Mr. Goldman this letter can wait until tomorrow."

He turned to look at her. "Hmm?"

"I was just saying that this letter to the Secretary of Commerce could wait until tomorrow morning, sir." Peggy licked her lips slightly before continuing, choosing her words carefully. "You seem, I don't know, a little unfocused right now."

He glared at her. "Do I now?"

"Well, yes, a little."

His eyes shifted down to the document in the certified mail envelope on his desk which had arrived when Callahan had been at lunch: distracted didn't begin to describe his mood for the past five hours and he knew it. His dark brown eyes softened slightly.

"I'm sorry, Callahan, you're right. We should call it a day."

She frowned slightly at him as she rose to leave: there was something behind the cloudy dark eyes, she knew, but he was once again staring right through her. She shook her head and walked to the door, but before leaving she turned to him once more.

"Mr. Goldman? Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?"

He looked up, his mind clearly somewhere else, and he stuttered, "Uh… no, no thanks, Callahan. Good night."

"Yes sir."

Callahan left his office, closed the door, put away the documents on her desk and gathered her purse and coat. She looked at the heavy wooden doors before heading toward the glass ones leading to the hallway. Her lips twitched slightly with indecision, then purposefully she pushed on the doors and walked toward the elevator, but instead of stopping, she walked past the silver doors and into the stairwell, heading down one flight.

**************

Rudy looked up when he heard the door to his lab open. "Well Callahan, what a nice surprise," he said smiling.

She returned the smile though he noticed it didn't reach her eyes.

The wrinkle of his brow furrowed slightly in guarded concern. "What brings you down here so late?"

Callahan set her purse and coat down on a chair and walked closer to him, her arms crossing over her chest. "I was wondering if you'd spoken with Mr. Goldman at all today."

"No, no Callahan, I can't say as I have…… why?"

She began pacing. "Well, I….. I don't know exactly….."

Rudy recognized hedging when he saw it. "Callahan…."

She stopped pacing right in front of him. "He seemed fine this morning, before I went to lunch……"

Wells sighed, his voice turning slightly edgy. "Callahan….."

"Oh I shouldn't have bothered you, it's probably nothing….."

"Callahan," Rudy growled, "just spit it out."

"Mr. Goldman is one of the most focused and disciplined people I know when it comes to work, but he has been distracted and preoccupied most of the day, I couldn't get one thing finished that required his input." She looked into the chocolate brown eyes meeting her gaze. "It just isn't like him."

Rudy smiled slightly. "I appreciate that you're worried, but anybody can have an off day, Callahan. Despite how he sometimes appears, Oscar really is human, and is subject to the same foibles as the rest of us mere mortals."

"I've worked for Mr. Goldman for four years now, Rudy, and I've never seen him unable to concentrate, not like this."

Wells was thoughtful. "Did something unusual happen earlier today?"

She shook her head. "Not that I know of….."

Rudy nodded, thinking. "Yes, but then you're not privy to everything that comes to his attention…"

Her tone became slightly defensive, "Well no, but then, no one is."

He realized the faux pas. "Callahan, I didn't mean it like that; I just meant that perhaps something did happen that didn't come through you. Like a phone call on his private line for example."

She shook her head and shrugged, her worry evident in her eyes,

Rudy stood and put his hands gently on Callahan's shoulders. "Tell you what, I'll check in on him before I leave tonight, okay?"

She looked into his eyes and nodded. "Okay. It's probably nothing, but…"

"But now neither of us will sleep if we don't find out, will we?" He smiled at her surprised look. "I know how fond you are of him, Callahan – and even though Oscar doesn't say it often, he feels the same way about you." He put her coat on for her and walked her to the door. "Look, don't worry; if there is something going on, I'll get to the bottom of it and make sure he's okay."

She smiled finally. "I know you will." She grasped his hand for a moment. "Thanks, Rudy, I appreciate it."

He squeezed her hand gently before letting go. "Good night, Peggy, and don't worry."

"Okay."

He watched her go and then glanced at the clock on the wall: it was just past eight. Sighing, Rudy began tidying up his lab for the day. If he hurried along, he'd easily be able to catch Oscar and take him for a drink before either of them was too tired to make it home…..

***************

Oscar sat at his desk, staring at the certified envelope: but all the gazing in the world wouldn't change its contents.

Elizabeth Wilson.

He hadn't thought of her in years. And now she was dead. And buried. And she had never told him-- Oscar slammed his eyes shut trying to keep the tears from pouring out. Why had she done it? In anger, Goldman snatched the envelope in his right hand, crumpling it slightly. He stood as a tear escaped down his cheek, and stalked over to the bar. Grabbing a glass he filled it almost to the top with scotch. As tears began to flow freely down his face, he tossed the contents of the glass back, hoping to quell the unnamed emotion hovering just beneath the surface of his control. Pouring more scotch into the glass Oscar went to the couch and plopped down on the end, staring at nothing as he numbingly drank from the glass, the envelope still clutched tightly in his right hand.

His heart felt as if it had been shredded down to nothing. He hadn't seen Elizabeth in twenty-six years. Twenty-six years and she never told him. There was some kind of cruelty in her leaving him a handwritten letter so that he would know everything that he had missed in those twenty-six years only after she was gone and he couldn't do a damned thing about it. It was cruel. Why not just let him continue on in blissful ignorance? What difference would it possibly make now, twenty-six years after the fact?

He had missed everything.

Oscar leaned his head forward into his still full hands, sobs rolling out from somewhere so deep inside of him he didn't even know the place existed until just then: a place filled with sorrow and regret for things he hadn't known and couldn't change. Another sob pulled at him and he thought he would never again be able to breathe. He didn't hear the soft knock at his door or the quiet entry of Rudy Wells a moment later.

Rudy walked into the office and looked first toward the empty desk thinking that Goldman had already left for the night. But then he heard a heart-wrenching cry from the other side of the room. Rudy turned and saw Oscar on the couch, weeping. The doctor's heart dropped to his knees as he thought of the possible scenarios that would bring Oscar Goldman to such an emotional onslaught. Swallowing hard, Rudy slowly walked over to his friend, and quietly sat on the coffee table in front of him.

"Oscar?" Rudy whispered gently. Wells carefully removed the glass of scotch from Goldman's large right hand. "Oscar, what happened?"

Goldman only became aware of Wells when he felt the soft touch on his arm. He looked up into his best friend's concerned eyes. "Rudy….."

Wells put a comforting hand on Goldman's shoulder. "Oscar? Tell me….." Goldman couldn't find his voice so Wells continued. "Is it Jamie?" Goldman shook his head and Wells tried again. "Steve?"

"No….nothing like that, Rudy."

"Oscar….."

"I…..it's too personal, Rudy."

Shoving down the hurt that was trying to insinuate itself into his chest, Wells swallowed. "Okay, I can respect that," he said carefully, "but Oscar, I can't remember when you've been this distraught….." Rudy swallowed hard, his voice turning to a whisper, "It's scaring the hell out of me right now."

Goldman looked into the caring eyes of Rudy Wells again and couldn't tolerate the pain that he was inflicting on his best friend with his silence. He looked down and closed his eyes as he silently handed Rudy the letter that had been clutched so long and hard in his left hand. Gently Rudy took it, and not moving from his close proximity to Oscar, he pulled the note and a document from the envelope, catching the enclosed picture of the young woman as it fell out. He quickly read the note, and shocked, had to read it again: then he examined the document, followed by the picture. He looked down at Goldman, who was still leaning his elbows on his knees, his head hanging down with his eyes closed. Rudy carefully replaced all the items back into the envelope and pressed it back into one of Goldman's hands. He put a reassuring hand on the shoulder closest to him and spoke very softly.

"Is it true?"

"I……don't know." Goldman could only shrug.

"Oscar, is it possible? Is it possible that this young woman, Susan Wilson, is your daughter?"

A shiver ran through Goldman to hear it spoken aloud, and Rudy rubbed his hand over his best friend's back. "I'm sorry, Oscar, but I have to know, is it at least possible?"

"Yes," Goldman whispered, "given the girl's age on the enclosed birth certificate it's possible."

"And you didn't know anything about this until this letter arrived?"

Oscar jerked away from Wells, standing in anger. "Of course I didn't know. Do you think I would have just abandoned my own child had I known of her? What the hell, Rudy…."

Wells stood and moved to Goldman, taking him gently by the arms. "Hey, settle down, I didn't mean it like that; I was just asking that the mother, this Elizabeth Wilson, never indicated anything at all to you?"

"No. Nothing. We…….only knew each other for a short time in Europe when I was on assignment there. She was working for the CIA at the time and our paths crossed on several missions." Oscar swallowed hard and Rudy could see how difficult it was for him as he said, "It was a short-lived affair, Rudy, nothing of a permanent sort of arrangement. We said good-bye twenty-six years ago in Paris and I neither saw nor heard from her again…."

"Until today," Rudy said quietly.

"Until today," Goldman echoed.

Rudy guided Oscar back toward the chair next to the couch and sat him in it. "I'm going to refresh your drink, just relax for a minute." Goldman nodded mutely and Wells continued thinking aloud. "It seems odd that she would keep something like this a secret all these years. I mean, even if she didn't want to make a more permanent family arrangement with you, why wouldn't she have at least told you so that you could have had some kind of role with the girl while she was growing up? And to only tell you upon her death and in such a way as this – what kind of woman was she anyway to do this to you; or any man for that matter?"

"A surprisingly cruel one apparently," Oscar whispered. Rudy handed him a fresh glass of scotch. "Thanks, Rudy."

Oscar gulped half of the glass in one belt and Rudy put a gentle but restraining hand on his shoulder. "Hey, take it easy with that stuff. Getting drunk isn't going to change this."

"No, but I can forget about it for awhile."

"Oscar….." Wells gently massaged Goldman's shoulders for a moment. "Come on, try and relax a little for me…."

After another moment, Rudy sat again on the coffee table in front of Goldman and the two men's eyes met. Oscar sighed deeply.

"I missed everything, Rudy. Her first steps, her first words, her first day of school….. Graduations, school plays, God help me, boyfriends, dates, college….. Does she play an instrument? Does she like to read? What does she do for a living? Is she married? Does she have children?" Their eyes locked as they both arrived at the most obvious and frightening question at the same time. And Oscar whispered, "Does she know about me?"

"Maybe Elizabeth Wilson didn't tell Susan either."

Oscar shrugged. "I guess it doesn't matter now."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't contact her, Rudy." The chocolate brown eyes flicked quickly up to the sad, dark ones until Goldman continued. "If she doesn't know, I don't want to ruin her life by dropping a bomb like that on her head. What if she thinks some other man is her father? What if Elizabeth married someone and that man raised her as his own? Who am I to show up now and claim anything?"

Wells pat Goldman's knee. "Quite possibly her father, that's who." Goldman shook his head slightly and Rudy continued. "You're not going to just let it drop, are you? I mean, you're going to at least check out the veracity of it, aren't you?"

"Yes of course, quietly. But birth certificates, photos and letters from dead lovers can be faked, Rudy, just like anything else."

"Yes, but if you didn't think there was a very real possibility that this girl is yours, I know you Oscar, you wouldn't be this upset. What if you find out that she really is your daughter?"

"I don't know, Rudy," Oscar's voice sounded truly lost, "I just don't know."

Rudy put a gentle hand behind Oscar's head. "If Elizabeth never married, Oscar, and the girl doesn't think she has a father, then you owe it not only to yourself but to her as well to tell her."

Goldman pulled away from Rudy's grip and leaned back into the soft leather of the chair. "She may not want to know me, Rudy, did you think of that? What if she knows about me and thinks that I abandoned her?"

Rudy took Goldman's slightly shaky hand in between both of his. "Oscar, you're never going to know if you don't at least take the chance."

"First I'm going to find out if it's even true, and then I'll think about what I should do with the information." Oscar's dark eyes held Rudy's intently. "Rudy, I need you to keep this to yourself for the time being; I mean tell no one, not even Steve or Jamie."

"Okay, if that's what you need me to do, you've got it." He squeezed the hand between the two of his. "Just know I'm here for you no matter what you have to do, Oscar. I'll be here."

Oscar squeezed Rudy's hand before letting go. "I know, pal, I know."