Author's Note:

I'm a bad person! I know! I should be working on either of the other two fics! But this just popped into my head one evening while I was in the shower, and I've been writing it during school ever since. There's no escape for you.

Cid Highwind on The Art of Seduction

Introduction

Hey, y'all. Glad yer all here teh listen. C'ept yeh. In th' back. Yeah, I'm watchin' yeh. Bastard.

Anyway, this is one fuckin' good, true, story. About fuckin'. An' th' stuff that comes first. 'Cause yeh know, it ain't enough teh go up teh yer chosen one an' ask 'em teh drop their pants an' fuck yeh.

Actually, sometimes this can be pretty damn effective, but more on that later.

Fuck. Got off track.

Anyway, I'm gonna tell all yeh damn loosers the sure-fire ways teh win over yer beloved. Or whatever. I'm not teh damn sure what th' fuck yeh creeps are really up teh.

Right. Before I start, hang on.

What? Yeh've fuckin' never seen anyone smoke before?

Fine. Now. What yeh've gotta remember, most of fuckin' all is this:

Seduction is an art. A fuckin' masterpiece if yeh do it right. Hah.

Okay, enough damn stallin'. My story will teach yeh all th' right way teh win the affections of yer chosen one.

So this is how I won Vincent Valentine.

Hurr hurr. This is so much fun to write. Seriously. You have no idea. Go right something in Cid's voice. All those red lines all over my computer screen. Oh my. This is possibly the most fun I've ever had writing anything. And stay tuned, for I know there WILL be a sequel.

Cid: The hell yeh need a sequel for? I know fuckin' EVERYTHIN' 'bout this.